Third K1 Visa

[AnnexoxShay 1]

I hate to tell you this but it was very common for a woman of 13 to be married to a 30 year old man less than 150 years a go right here in good old USA.

Yup ... I do know ... still dont agree that its right .... beside I was address a comment about 2000 years ago, if they said 150 years ago I would have addressed that ...

100 years a go a 18 year old woman that wasn’t married was considered an old maid.

Yup, I know that to, I was at 22! my mother thought I would never marry ... I come from a european immigrant parents .... My father married my mother when she was barely 15 he was 25/26 ... the customs from his little village said he was allowed to make sure she was able to concieve before he married her so he took advantage of that custom and made sure she could conceive 2 times between the ages of 13-15 ... the third time was about a year after they were married when she fell pregnant with me and he wanted her to get rid of me too but this time she told him to stuff off and that she was married and she was going to have me and I that I was here to stay ... His just lucky my grandparents never found out what he was up to, they were middle class city folk ... they would have done him some serious damage if they knew what was going on ...

Don’t believe me check the US census data from post civil war.

Ohhh I believe you ... its only been about 15-20 years since they raised the age of marriage to 18 in Oz ... before that you only needed parents permission ... Now you need a judges and parents permission ... and its not that easy to come by ... I remember a few years back a young couple on Current Affairs, they were living together in the boys parents house ... they had both sets of parents concent... they had a baby together ... She was 2 months away from being 18 he had just turned 17 and they were denied...

OHH and another thing this "fat and old" guy wants to know... lol

WILL THIS FREAKING THREAD EVER DIE??????????????????

Never, if we keep posting in it!

---

Most people have reasons why they believe what they believe or think how they think ... There are folks out there that have significant age differences and they live happily ever after ... All I can do is go by personal experience and seeing what has happened to people around me ...

* mums first husband (my father) 11 years senior was a tool - didnt work...

* mums second husband 20 years senior - good marriage till he started getting jealous when she even spoke to other men ... even male relatives - didnt work ...

* my ex husband 10 years senior - didnt work

* my ex bf 6 year jnr - didnt work

* sisters husband - 20 years senior - isnt working

... and thats just immediate family ... my neighbours with the 17 years age difference seem to be very happy however ... but he was 24/25 when he met her and shes a hip 40 something ... I really like them both and I wish them all the best ...

I had another friend who was 14 years older then her guy ... she paid all the bills etc and had babies when she wanted (2) ... he was happy cause she paid his bills the babies mildly amused him .... but She didnt seem very happy when she had to cash BHP stocks to pay off his depts or when he had all his ex highschool mates over to play Playstation ...

[AnnexoxShay 1]

Don’t believe me check the US census data from post civil war.

Ohhh I believe you ... its only been about 15-20 years since they raised the age of marriage to 18 in Oz ... before that you only needed parents permission ... Now you need a judges and parents permission ... and its not that easy to come by ... I remember a few years back a young couple on Current Affairs, they were living together in the boys parents house ... they had both sets of parents concent... they had a baby together ... She was 2 months away from being 18 he had just turned 17 and they were denied...

Ooops cant edit post anymore, just wanted to clarify ... the age limit was already 18 but if you were under 18 you didnt need a judges approval only the approval of the parents ... When they made the new law you needed both the parents approval and judges approval before you could marry if you were under 18 ...

[Brad and Vika 129]

Let's get past judging people on their age differences. Biblical historians say that Mary was barely 14 when she became engaged to Joseph, who was in his 40s. I think only in modern times has there been this kind of attitude about people marrying even though they are years apart in age.

That may be true ... but that was over 2000 years ago and thank god the world has changed somewhat in that time ... secondly they have names and nice cushy cells for men in there 40's who play around with 14 year old little girls .... thirdly according to Australian and American Law that is statutory rape however you look at it, regardless of it been consensual or not ...

I dont have a problem at all with people having an age difference ... I was 10 years younger then my ex husband and 6 years older then my ex boyfriend ... I would be a hypocrite if I had a problem with age differences ... but the question is, is it ok to be lusting over little 19 year old girls when your in your 40s especially if the agenda is questionable ...

... and I think it is in this instance... Steve knew posting this topic in VJ would create contraversial discussion ... he knew that posting that his applied for a K1 3 times and is contemplating a 4 app was going to cause mixed reactions ... no different then a Satanist going into a Christian site and starting a thread a called ' I danced with the devil and I liked it'

Ya know ...

I hate to tell you this but it was very common for a woman of 13 to be married to a 30 year old man less than 150 years a go right here in good old USA.

100 years a go a 18 year old woman that wasn’t married was considered an old maid.

Don’t believe me check the US census data from post civil war.

OHH and another thing this "fat and old" guy wants to know... lol

WILL THIS FREAKING THREAD EVER DIE??????????????????

It always makes me laugh when some one perpetuates a thread by writing that they wish it would die

[AnnexoxShay 1]

It always makes me laugh when some one perpetuates a thread by writing that they wish it would die

I know ... Im actually enjoying the thread, I like seeing other peoples opinions ... Have you noticed that Steve's disappeared thou Me thinks he got bored.

[MsZ 6]

I wonder what things like "This stuff about 40-somethings and gals in their late teens is Puritanism left over from the early 20th century." actually mean. Is the label supposed to somehow make it OK then for 40-somethings to be into young girls? I see it as either lazy argument style or substanceless argument style. It is like referencing the crusades when bashing Christianity.

[AnnexoxShay 1]

The thing I dont get is why some people are soo bothered by what others think ... fact is they can marry an 18 year old legally ... so why are we going over and over the same arguement.

And why is it that hard to comprehend that some people would find it distasteful that some like a partner that is much, much younger ...

All the arguing in the world wont change the fact or make me change my opinion that I feel its deplorable that its still common practice in some religions, societies, cultures, states etc for a man in 20's, 30's, 40's etc to marry a 14 yr old girl ...

Its like that case in the states where the school teach got arrested for statutory rape of a minor ... she got out and got pregnant then got arrested again ... the kids mother is raising the baby so she gets out and gets pregnant then gets locked up again .. then gets out and marries the kid who is still technically a minor because theyre state allows marriage for under 18s.... So whats the deal, is she a sex offender or what? if she is why are you giving her a marriage licence for the same person she is going to jail for supposedly raping .. like wth? I know thats a bit of topic but thats how insane the mentality is ..

[Brad and Vika 129]

The thing I dont get is why some people are soo bothered by what others think ... fact is they can marry an 18 year old legally ... so why are we going over and over the same arguement.

And why is it that hard to comprehend that some people would find it distasteful that some like a partner that is much, much younger ...

All the arguing in the world wont change the fact or make me change my opinion that I feel its deplorable that its still common practice in some religions, societies, cultures, states etc for a man in 20's, 30's, 40's etc to marry a 14 yr old girl ...

Its like that case in the states where the school teach got arrested for statutory rape of a minor ... she got out and got pregnant then got arrested again ... the kids mother is raising the baby so she gets out and gets pregnant then gets locked up again .. then gets out and marries the kid who is still technically a minor because theyre state allows marriage for under 18s.... So whats the deal, is she a sex offender or what? if she is why are you giving her a marriage licence for the same person she is going to jail for supposedly raping .. like wth? I know thats a bit of topic but thats how insane the mentality is ..

I think it is about responsibility again. In our society (today) we have passed laws that say a minor is not capable of granting consent to certain things like entering into contracts, or a physical relationships with adults. That is why you can't sell cars to 17 year olds legally, and why statutory rape is "statutory". For many people, it is a small leap to say that a nineteen year old might (I said might) not be much more mature than a seventeen year old. If a forty something guy meets a woman who happens to be nineteen and hits it off - once - I will give the benefit of the doubt and say it is just one of those things. If he looks for nineteen year olds or screens out non-teens from the service he uses, then it is not just life - he is looking for (perhaps less mature) kids to date. That would be a bad thing. Again - it was just his presentation - we really don't know how he dates, screens, or meets the girls he was talking about.

[Old Dominion 26]

I wonder what things like "This stuff about 40-somethings and gals in their late teens is Puritanism left over from the early 20th century." actually mean. Is the label supposed to somehow make it OK then for 40-somethings to be into young girls? I see it as either lazy argument style or substanceless argument style. It is like referencing the crusades when bashing Christianity.

Probably it is lazy argument. Just trying to figure out what cultural bias still exist that suggests a 19-year-old is such a "young girl" that one who is twice her age should not be looking at her romantically? I know many such couples who seem to get along just fine and no one has ostracized them.

[Brad and Vika 129]

I wonder what things like "This stuff about 40-somethings and gals in their late teens is Puritanism left over from the early 20th century." actually mean. Is the label supposed to somehow make it OK then for 40-somethings to be into young girls? I see it as either lazy argument style or substanceless argument style. It is like referencing the crusades when bashing Christianity.

Probably it is lazy argument. Just trying to figure out what cultural bias still exist that suggests a 19-year-old is such a "young girl" that one who is twice her age should not be looking at her romantically? I know many such couples who seem to get along just fine and no one has ostracized them.

I agree, as I said above. How many teens does a guy have to date before it becomes a screening preference? Just saying.

[Old Dominion 26]

Agreed. Each of us has preferences, some of them quite unusual, and that's OK. To infer dubious or otherwise salacious motives is not right.

Edited February 21, 2009 by Old Dominion

[AnnexoxShay 1]

I think it is about responsibility again. In our society (today) we have passed laws that say a minor is not capable of granting consent to certain things like entering into contracts, or a physical relationships with adults. That is why you can't sell cars to 17 year olds legally, and why statutory rape is "statutory". For many people, it is a small leap to say that a nineteen year old might (I said might) not be much more mature than a seventeen year old. If a forty something guy meets a woman who happens to be nineteen and hits it off - once - I will give the benefit of the doubt and say it is just one of those things. If he looks for nineteen year olds or screens out non-teens from the service he uses, then it is not just life - he is looking for (perhaps less mature) kids to date. That would be a bad thing. Again - it was just his presentation - we really don't know how he dates, screens, or meets the girls he was talking about.

Agreed, were on the same page in our thinking ... I would never assume that all men or women has an ulterior motive just because they selected some much older or younger to date ....

We seem to be targetting older men in this discussion but the fact is there are young ladies out there that DO like older men ... What are their motives, what are they looking for? Is it money, stability, daddy replacement? I suppose if were going to have this discussion we need to look at it from all angles ...

You know laws arent perfect but they were set up to protect minors ... Mind you I dont agree with the laws regarding sex offenders thank god we dont have them in Oz ... They need to set up a guidline regarding degree of the crime they commited ... A 19 year old boy shouldnt be charged with having consentual sex with a 17 year old girl and be branded a sex offender for the rest of his life ...

Agreed. Each of us has preferences, some of them quite unusual, and that's OK. To infer dubious or otherwise salacious motives is not right.

True ... for every older dubious guy drooling over 18-19 year old girl there will be 2-3 that are 100% genuine ... my stepfather was a prime example ... Without going into to much details my mum/we had a nightmare of a time with my father he actually kidnapped my sister and I and sent us off to greece for 11 months to live with his mother ... Poor mum near killed herself trying to get us back .... When she finally got us back she obviously started divorce proceedings and tried to get full custody of us ... The courts 30 some years ago were more in the favour of giving kids to the father, so my step father stepped in and offered to marry my mother who was 21 at the time, so she could get us back ... the agreement was they stay married for a period of time etc etc etc and eventually they would divorce ... He was 20 years her senior and had children with his previous wife one being 3 years older then mum and the other the same age .... Over time they grew to care for each other and had my baby sister and were married 20 some years ...

[Caladan 19]

Anyway, age-gaps can be OK. I'm not against them totally. They're situational. But teens with 40-somethings, I'm never going to be for that. As Anne said earlier, I know myself as a woman that while females tend to be more mature than males at that age, they are still nowhere near mature enough for many, many things. And a man who finds a person of limited experience attractive raises red flags anyway. She's doing the daddy thing and who the hell knows what he is doing! But they are no where near being on equal footing.

Absolutely. If May/December relationships never worked there wouldn't be so many movies made about the subject.

If we're going by what's true in the movies, then we'll also have to believe lots of things, like how crimes are solved by the witnesses confessing on the stand and twenty-year-olds have thirty-year-old parents and all bombs being defused in the last seconds.

Historically, age of marriage has varied a lot, and the biggest factor is the economy. I have a friend whose research involves marriage records in 16th century England, and it's not uncommon to see marriages cluster at harvest (when the men got paid) and the age of marriage depends mostly on how well the area was doing. If a young man could make it on his own at 20, he probably got married then. If it took him until he was 30 to be financially stable, he waited. The age that women got married goes up and down, too, though to a lesser extent. There's no idyllic time of people getting married at 14; it's varied through a lot of history. May-December relationships are mostly second marriages after a wife died in childbirth.

None of it matters all that much; one lives in the times in which one lives. It's not going to be much of an argument to say that 500 years ago someone could have married a 13-year-old when you're living in 2009 America.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Anyway, age-gaps can be OK. I'm not against them totally. They're situational. But teens with 40-somethings, I'm never going to be for that. As Anne said earlier, I know myself as a woman that while females tend to be more mature than males at that age, they are still nowhere near mature enough for many, many things. And a man who finds a person of limited experience attractive raises red flags anyway. She's doing the daddy thing and who the hell knows what he is doing! But they are no where near being on equal footing.

Absolutely. If May/December relationships never worked there wouldn't be so many movies made about the subject.

If we're going by what's true in the movies, then we'll also have to believe lots of things, like how crimes are solved by the witnesses confessing on the stand and twenty-year-olds have thirty-year-old parents and all bombs being defused in the last seconds.

Historically, age of marriage has varied a lot, and the biggest factor is the economy. I have a friend whose research involves marriage records in 16th century England, and it's not uncommon to see marriages cluster at harvest (when the men got paid) and the age of marriage depends mostly on how well the area was doing. If a young man could make it on his own at 20, he probably got married then. If it took him until he was 30 to be financially stable, he waited. The age that women got married goes up and down, too, though to a lesser extent. There's no idyllic time of people getting married at 14; it's varied through a lot of history. May-December relationships are mostly second marriages after a wife died in childbirth.

None of it matters all that much; one lives in the times in which one lives. It's not going to be much of an argument to say that 500 years ago someone could have married a 13-year-old when you're living in 2009 America.

I don't get it And Steve has vanished

[esoll 0]

I am sorry but I have to agree with steve55 a little bit, My circumstances are different but being a 41 year old male and wanting children are big differences for me.

First of all I have been married twice. The first time I was 21 and she was 36, she had an etopic pregnancy and then basically flipped out on me. The loss of the child so messed her up I really think she turned schizophrenic on me. 6 months after the surgery she split, no word or anything. It took a year and a detective to find her just to get the divorce. At the same time she split she took everything I owned,,,it was so bad, I mean, one day I came to a completely empty house,,, not even a tooth pick was left,, she took my tooth brush and clothes, she even took my dirty laundry. The detective tracked down the household goods by finding the moving company that moved her. She had moved everything into a friend’s garage 5 hours away. I had to get a court order to just get my clothes and personal effects back. The “friends” would not or did not know where she was so the detective had to do a skip trace on her. I had to find a kind judge in both ohio and Kentucky to order her friends to not release any of the marital property until matters were settled in court for the disposition. At first the wanted to be nasty to me about the household goods and would not give them back lol Boy were they pissed when I asked for the garage to be sealed by the police lol… My Ohio Judge was pissed so he said that they can either hold the goods in a sealed garage until the property settlement was completed or they could turn the goods over to me. The police would not let them take anything out of the garage before it was sealed,,,, … I got to be witness for a locksmith placing tamper seals on their garage door, window, and interior door…lol. It only took them 6 weeks to relent and give me my stuff. I took my time going down and getting it too lol…. Well any way we finally found the ex and I got the divorce for abandonment we were divorced exactly 24 months from the day we got married.

The second one was a Canadian woman that I met while on vacation we dated for 4 years before we got married. I did the K1 with her. It was almost 2 years after we were married that I found out almost everything she told me about her past while we were dating was a lie. I found out that she was previously married (that didn’t turn up in the K1 Process) I found out that she had 2 kids that she did not have custody of, the EX had coustody… Well long story short, I forgave her for the lies and maintained the relationship. 4 years later I found out that the reason she was divorced in the first place was because she was an alcoholic. I found out when she fell off the wagon and got a DUI with a BAC of 0.42 yes I said zero point four two. (that would kill a normal person) STILL I maintained the relationship and tried to dry her out. After 7 more years, dealing with the lies and the on and off the wagon issues, raising her two boys that I helped her get custody back for. I finally gave up and walked out on her when I caught her making arrangements to meet men from Yahoo dating service.

So here I am a 41 year old man, whose biggest regret in life in not having kids of his own…

This puts me in a precarious position.

1 finding a woman that WANTS to have kids

2 Finding a woman that WANTS to have children with a 41 year old man

3 Finding a woman that wants to have kids and does not have any of her own (You may find it distasteful but raising two kids that haven’t talked to me since the divorce will do that to a person)

4 I am 6’ 3” and weigh 215 lbs, finding a woman with the above qualifications that does not weigh more than me (no matter what you say sexual attraction is important in a relationship I just am not attracted to a woman that I cant put my arms around or that I cant breath when she lies on top of me)

5 Finding a woman that wants peace in her life, wants to raise a family with good family values (she can work or not as long as she is happy, my income is well in the top 10 percentile of the US. I only ask that if she works that child care not cost us more than what she earns, if it does then it is a better financial decision for her to be with the kids)

So when you look at it from my perspective I am not being picky or closed minded I just know what I want….. Most woman run for the hills when I discuss what I want and the ones that don’t, have other problems that make them usually come out within a few months of dating.

So here I am, I have found what I find to be the perfect woman. A 24 year old Filipino woman that wants the same thing in life as I do. We met through the wife of a co worker. We talked on line for 5 months, I visited her for 20 days in the summer, and we started talking about marriage and the K1 visa process. She really wanted to get married in the Philippines and be given away by her father, and her parents wanted to witness her wedding. We got married December, 29 2008. I am totally nuts about her and she is probably more nuts about me……… and that my friends is why I find myself on VJ, researching the K3 process

Troy W.

Interesting about reading your story, I can see your point since I have been married 3 times with similar ending as yours. My 3 marriages were in a 25 years span with 3 American woman.

Here is my story with my 3 American wife. I am not generilazing, only my experiences.

I am originaly from a western European country, met my first wife in Vegas while on Vacation, love and attraction were strong and got married a year later. After living in Europe for a few years we decided to move to CA. She moved first while I needed to finish a work contract. When I rejoined her a couple months later, she was deep in cocaine and partying with people not very bright. I guess it is true drogue kill cells. The next two years were a constant fight in my attempts to brake her addiction. If anyone know what an addict can and will do will understand. We finally divorced and a few months later met my second wife. We dated a year and decided to marry. I was in love and I thought she was too. We spent our honeymoon in Hawaii and had a great time. A week later while on a business trip she empied our home and left. Only heavy furniture were left behind. My bank called me the next day to informed me of excessive withdraws. Most of my money was gone ($22K). I never could find her, she ended up asking a judge to annull our marriage. At that point I was glad to get out of this. This must be the shortest marriage, about 2 weeks.

Now you would think I learned my lesson but no, 2 years later I met my third wife, a nice women studying for a master. After a courtship we married and were happy for a few years and then her bi-polar condition took over. Was difficult to deal with her condition but I was commited to help and support her. A few years later while in one of her episode, she asked for a divorce. A Bi-polar mind is in constant shift , they cannot stay focused on one path. I could not stop her, even asked a judge to stay the divorce preceding for 6 months until my she gets better and could make an informed decision, but was denied. Now we are friend and she regrets having left me.

That was five years ago and now I am filling for a K1 to have my best friend of 30 years to come join me in the US. My fiancee is from my original country and life is great.

I have to agree American women are alot more materialistic compared to other cultures. It seems they are never really happy about their quest. Real living is not about money or what is accumulated, it is about what you want to do and how you do it. Life is short enough not to be fully and freely engaged.

Esoll

Divorce was inev to help her turn on me a year dating we got married and a few year moved to CA. We were separated for a couple months and when I arrived in CA she turned

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

American men are a lot more materialistic than other cultures as well - it's why so many American women had to look abroad for a spouse