Third K1 Visa

[AnnexoxShay 1]

I get the same feeling about Steve. (But I do care that he's trying to get young women to come here. I care about other people's daughters just as I hope other people would care about my own.)

Ms7, I didnt mean to make it sound like I didnt care that the girls are barely legal ... Off cause I do, I would be very upset if it was my child especially if they were planning to travel across to another country were I wouldnt know how they were being treated or whether they were safe ...

I find it very disturbing that any man in his 40's would find what is barely more then a child attractive .... but unfortunately our laws say that if they're 18 and over they can legally get married ...

My baby sisters husband is 44 and shes 24 ... now a lot of people may not see that as an issue since she is in her mid 20s now but when they started having relations she was 16! It took me several years to get over it, I found it disgusting and wrong ... I mean sheesh, his son is 2 years older then her!

*and Im sure Im going to get a comment about my comment ... yes the girls may be physically grown woman at 18 but being a woman is more then how you physically look.. its a mental thing, its life experience, its a combination of a lot of things ... most 18-21 year olds can function perfectly in the world and have mature relationships etc .. but having been engaged at 20 and married at 22 I can clearly see how different I am now to how I was at 20... and I was mature for my age, by the age of 20 I had worked, paid rent, bills and supported myself for 4 years without any help from my family ... I thought I was all grown up and knew what I wanted at the time... we managed to keep our marriage together for 8 years mainly because Im pig headed and dont give in easy ... if I hadnt been like that we would barely survived the first year..

[Old Dominion 26]

Let's get past judging people on their age differences. Biblical historians say that Mary was barely 14 when she became engaged to Joseph, who was in his 40s. I think only in modern times has there been this kind of attitude about people marrying even though they are years apart in age.

[AnnexoxShay 1]

Getting back to income, we did a full disclosure before we agreed to marry.

For me money was never the issue ... Oz has some of the best pays/work conditions in the world ... I was earning the equivalent of the Oregon minimum wage 20years ago when I was a teenager ... so I wasnt going to hold income against Shay (although he earns well above min.wage) ...

Age was certainly not a factor because there is only 1 year 1 month age difference. between us..

For us it was more the living situation ... At the time grandma was still alive and he had moved back to Oregon from Arkansas to care for her along with his mum ... So I had a very clear picture of what I was walking into and I had to decide whether it was something I could live with ... As our relationship developed I also spent time getting to know his mother to see if we could get along etc ... and She and I have developed our own relationship and we get on very well .... Since grandma passed away things have changed somewhat so there has been discussions about a slightly different plan (ie. us two getting our own place and mum moving in with her brother) but bottom line was whether the three of us could all live together and I cant see why we cant...

The other thing discussed in minute detail was future goals/plans ... We both want to start a family asap and the fact we are both in our late 30 meant it was something that couldnt be brushed over ... also we both want to have our own business ... Shay works 10-12+hour days .. at the moment his a chef/manager its crazy to work for a wage when your more then capable and have the experience to start something for yourself ...

I believe past experiences make you see life in a very different light that change your priorities ... Ive been in the situation where I was looked after had the nice cars and gorgeous 2 story, 4 bathroom, double garage house in the better end of town and I know it didnt make me happy ... Ive also been in a situation were I was the provider and It annoyed me to no end that the drop kick spent all his time on the sofa drinking and playing playstation ... I dont want someone to look after me or me to look after them, I want someone were we can look after and support each other...

[AnnexoxShay 1]

Let's get past judging people on their age differences. Biblical historians say that Mary was barely 14 when she became engaged to Joseph, who was in his 40s. I think only in modern times has there been this kind of attitude about people marrying even though they are years apart in age.

That may be true ... but that was over 2000 years ago and thank god the world has changed somewhat in that time ... secondly they have names and nice cushy cells for men in there 40's who play around with 14 year old little girls .... thirdly according to Australian and American Law that is statutory rape however you look at it, regardless of it been consensual or not ...

I dont have a problem at all with people having an age difference ... I was 10 years younger then my ex husband and 6 years older then my ex boyfriend ... I would be a hypocrite if I had a problem with age differences ... but the question is, is it ok to be lusting over little 19 year old girls when your in your 40s especially if the agenda is questionable ...

... and I think it is in this instance... Steve knew posting this topic in VJ would create contraversial discussion ... he knew that posting that his applied for a K1 3 times and is contemplating a 4 app was going to cause mixed reactions ... no different then a Satanist going into a Christian site and starting a thread a called ' I danced with the devil and I liked it'

Ya know ...

[Brad and Vika 129]

Let's get past judging people on their age differences. Biblical historians say that Mary was barely 14 when she became engaged to Joseph, who was in his 40s. I think only in modern times has there been this kind of attitude about people marrying even though they are years apart in age.

No judgment here - I was making a comment about responsibility again. I acknowledge that Steve may not have a large group of women in the PI of comparable age to meet. There is a marked difference in maturity of the average 19 year old and the average 45-50 year old. Vika and I get on fine with a 17 year difference, but there is a difference, and I definitely struggled with the age thing (much more than she) and did not target women that young when I dated.

Edited to say that I also did not use a service of any kind to meet her (dinner at a friends house), so there was no screening going on. Just saying

Edited February 18, 2009 by Brad and Vika

[justashooter 430]

when I was in the PI working years ago, most Filipinas past their mid-twenties were already married with kids - so Steve55s options for more mature prospects there are probably pretty limited.

the same is true in china. if a girl isn't married by 26, or at least strongly tied, there is generally something wrong with her that makes her unsuitable for marriage. before you all jump on me for saying that, realise that i lived in the same city in china for 4 years, and actually saw the dynamic in a community that i knew well.

my wife is 18 years younger than me, and was 23 when we met. i saw her as an english speaking person who could be good to have around, and eventually realised she was also an interestingly educated person. then i noticed that she was an attractive woman, and had a decision to make. things happen.

[MsZ 6]

Do you really believe that a 2000 year old yard stick is a valuable measure for today's behavior? Life was considerably different -- simpler -- then. Gender roles were etched in stone. And abuse was par for the course. Thank god we have evolved since then. So that (possible) historical fact is truly irrelevant today and is hardly a basis for witholding judgement in cases where people are being taken advantage of or abused.

The brother-in-law who was clearly violating the law by being with a 16 year old is a case of abuse. The 40 year old only interested in what bearly passes for an adult is another.

My ex-husband is 14 years my senior. But I was in my late 20s when we met and nearly 30 when we got married. That's a far cry from being 19 years old and moved thousands of miles away from my support system (family) by some guy who can't afford a wife or family from the get go. And I'd argue that Steve has other issues to go along with the low income. He's out of line and I really don't care if someone gets upset with me for saying so.

[AnnexoxShay 1]

my wife is 18 years younger than me, and was 23 when we met. i saw her as an english speaking person who could be good to have around, and eventually realised she was also an interestingly educated person. then i noticed that she was an attractive woman, and had a decision to make. things happen.

I dont see your situation as a type of manipulation ... You met as 2 adults ... you got to know each other as adults... your wife understood what she was getting into and you both took the next step in pursuing your relationship ...

My neighbours Linda and Trav that I have become close friends with also have a 17 year age difference ... with Linda be the more mature out of the two .... its soo obvious that Trav worships the ground she walks on and shes proven to be very good influence for him ...

Their age difference is very obvious however and the conversation has come up a couple times ... They both seem to understand that there could be issues in the future and that they need to overcome them on a more emotional level so when she is called his mother etc she wont be hurt and he wont be upset ... but the age different is obvious and honestly when they first moved into the apartment block I thought she was his mother...

Ms Z .. age of consent is 16 in Oz ... So technically my brother-in-law wasnt breaking any laws .. but yes, I thought that it was abuse myself ... IMO just because a law says something is ok doesnt make it ok morally...

[MsZ 6]

I'm sure your folks were rightly concerned.

Something I'd be concerned about would be if I had kids with a guy like him -- girls or girls with female friends. As my daughter approached that age I'd be totally freaked.

Anyway, age-gaps can be OK. I'm not against them totally. They're situational. But teens with 40-somethings, I'm never going to be for that. As Anne said earlier, I know myself as a woman that while females tend to be more mature than males at that age, they are still nowhere near mature enough for many, many things. And a man who finds a person of limited experience attractive raises red flags anyway. She's doing the daddy thing and who the hell knows what he is doing! But they are no where near being on equal footing.

[Old Dominion 26]

By the way, 40-something is not "old" by today's ever-evolving standards. Maybe by Victorian-era attitudes, which seem to prevail in some places in the former British Empire.

[MsZ 6]

By the way, 40-something is not "old" by today's ever-evolving standards. Maybe by Victorian-era attitudes, which seem to prevail in some places in the former British Empire.

What does the word old have to do with it?

[Brad and Vika 129]

Anyway, age-gaps can be OK. I'm not against them totally. They're situational. But teens with 40-somethings, I'm never going to be for that. As Anne said earlier, I know myself as a woman that while females tend to be more mature than males at that age, they are still nowhere near mature enough for many, many things. And a man who finds a person of limited experience attractive raises red flags anyway. She's doing the daddy thing and who the hell knows what he is doing! But they are no where near being on equal footing.

Absolutely. If May/December relationships never worked there wouldn't be so many movies made about the subject.

[Troy W 0]

Let's get past judging people on their age differences. Biblical historians say that Mary was barely 14 when she became engaged to Joseph, who was in his 40s. I think only in modern times has there been this kind of attitude about people marrying even though they are years apart in age.

That may be true ... but that was over 2000 years ago and thank god the world has changed somewhat in that time ... secondly they have names and nice cushy cells for men in there 40's who play around with 14 year old little girls .... thirdly according to Australian and American Law that is statutory rape however you look at it, regardless of it been consensual or not ...

I dont have a problem at all with people having an age difference ... I was 10 years younger then my ex husband and 6 years older then my ex boyfriend ... I would be a hypocrite if I had a problem with age differences ... but the question is, is it ok to be lusting over little 19 year old girls when your in your 40s especially if the agenda is questionable ...

... and I think it is in this instance... Steve knew posting this topic in VJ would create contraversial discussion ... he knew that posting that his applied for a K1 3 times and is contemplating a 4 app was going to cause mixed reactions ... no different then a Satanist going into a Christian site and starting a thread a called ' I danced with the devil and I liked it'

Ya know ...

I hate to tell you this but it was very common for a woman of 13 to be married to a 30 year old man less than 150 years a go right here in good old USA.

100 years a go a 18 year old woman that wasn’t married was considered an old maid.

Don’t believe me check the US census data from post civil war.

OHH and another thing this "fat and old" guy wants to know... lol

WILL THIS FREAKING THREAD EVER DIE??????????????????

Edited February 20, 2009 by Troy W

[Old Dominion 26]

A very valid point, Troy. This stuff about 40-somethings and gals in their late teens is Puritanism left over from the early 20th century. This thread has bogged down, indeed.

[Brad and Vika 129]