A year apart

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

We have been apart for a year and thanks to the stupidity of the embassy there is no end in sight for us. It has been very rough at times especially in the last months. I will be traveling soon for a month which will help. The one year since filing will pass while I am there. I really hate all this waiting and find I am having trouble keeping a positive look on things. It has been so draining on the whole family. There are good moments like my grandson being released from the hospital but there are so many things Joseph is missing . My sons graduation is coming soon. He missed the younger ones graduation in June. This whole process is just so inhuman and degrading. How do you all cope.

[raymaga 25]

I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you to be apart for a year. I was very fortunate when my husband and I were waiting for our K-1 Visa to get approved because we only lived 2 1/2 hours from each other (we both lived near the border between Canada and the U.S.) We got to see each other every weekend while we waited and the week days were bad enough, let alone a whole year.

Just try to remember that every day is one day closer to your new lives together.

Take care and enjoy your trip.

[bhajishah 4]

dont worry he will be in your house in no time being a demanding, annoying, aloof, cyber predating on your computer, ungrateful disrespecting stranger in your home in no time!!

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

dont worry he will be in your house in no time being a demanding, annoying, aloof, cyber predating on your computer, ungrateful disrespecting stranger in your home in no time!!

Sorry but I have no intentions of marrying you ..

[kk_mine 0]

I can only imagine what you are dealing with. I have not met my SO and I feel like it is pure Torture everyday!!! I cry now just when friends ask about him. I cry a lot. When I call him and I know we have to get off the phone I feel like a lump is in my throat. The network is so bad it is so hard as we get cut off a lot. I don't like spending anniv alone etc. I keep in contact with his (my family now as well) and my heart just breaks when I speak to them as well.

I don't have any family in the city I live in. So that is Real hard as well!! My mom is my best friend and I call her a lot!!!!! At times even real early in the morning. But she understands. So keep praying and hang in there. We are all in this together. Friends are supportive as well.

[idocare 3]

I can identify with your feelings. I felt the same way when I was waiting for my

ex-husband to be approved. Once he arrived and we married he became similar

to what chidisha mentioned.

Such as life tho, we all the freedom to marry whom-ever, and who knows

your man might really miss you just as much are you miss him.

Hang in there.

[Zee Bee 61]

I know that it is hard being separated from each other during the process. My SO and I were also apart for a year during the process.

Since you know that you are going to be together soon, focus on that. I am sure the both of you cannot wait to spend some quality time together. Think of things you want to do, places you want to go when you are together and cherish every moment.

Do not focus on what he has missed. Look forward to what you will experience together

[Simply_Uno 1]

dont worry he will be in your house in no time being a demanding, annoying, aloof, cyber predating on your computer, ungrateful disrespecting stranger in your home in no time!!

Sorry but I have no intentions of marrying you ..

ROFFFFLLLLLMAO

[Perseverance 1]

I am so sorry Sylvia, I could never make it a year, I went every 6 mos....we talked on the phone everyday, and it was hard. We just supported each other when the other was struggling. I know that things have not been eazy for you and my heart goes out to you.

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

Thanks for the support. There are days when it is just so hard to get by. It would be so much better if he even had internet access. This process is so draining emotionally and after all this time it is affecting the rest of the family, down to my recently hospitalized grand son. My mother died a couple of years ago so I am on my own other than my children.

[Ta Ta 1]

Sylvia, our situations are similar in some ways. I have no other family here besides my kids and grandkids.

We have been apart for 3 years with a couple of visits, missing birthdays, Christmases, anniversaries, graduations, etc. etc.......

My SO had no internet access for many month at a time.

The hardest for me in this entire journey is the uncertainty ...... the unknown ...... the question will he be approved eventually or not.

We do talk on the phone daily two to four times, one longer talk and a few what's up or good night.

We do feel close because we share so much with communication. That helps a lot.

I was alone for 10 months when my ex went to desert storm. I didn't know if I would see him again but just did the best I could.

And so it is now, we feel like a an old married couple , we are just apart but manage to keep it going somehow. We are together in communication

and it makes us feel closer as time goes on. Some couples feel like the separation has damaged their sense of togetherness in a way but I don't

feel that way.

Previously I was paralyzed like a deer in a head light, unable to function to the best of my ability. Then I threw myself into some projects, worked out at the gym etc. and life became worth living to the fullest again. What else was I to do ?

My VJ friends have been so supportive and got me through some rough spots. My other friends don't really understand.

My church family is helping me to keep faith and prayer going, wrapped up in hope for a positive outcome.

If it weren't for God giving me the strength I would have never made it this far.

Remain positive and live your life. Keep believing and never give up !

Draw close to God and he will comfort you

[ose_n_me 0]

I can remember the pain like it was yesterday...We were apart for a year too before he got here. Some days I thought I couldnt go on anymore. I was close to quitting my job and moving there many times. It was my hubby who kept me strong and positive when I would go into a complete meltdown. Thank God he had internet connection at home so we talked for several hours daily with cam. I don't know what I would have done without that communication. Both of us would break into tears sometimes on cam cuz the pain was so intense. I also remember posting here on VJ many times expressing my pain and frustrations...and there was always those who supported and uplifted my spirits, during a time when I thought no one could ever understand or know this pain. If it had not been for our strong belief in God, and his blessings, we would have been lost. But glory be to god...he is finally home...and my life is now complete.

So just hang in there, be strong, and pray alot. This point in time will soon be a speck in time to be followed by a lifetime of love and happiness.

God Bless

Edited October 18, 2008 by ose_n_me

[sara..... 371]

I know how ur feeling it has been almost two years since i have seen perviz.......the way that we survive is prayers lots of prayers good friends to talk to and i have made a few here since this nightmare started........try stay busy yup sounds like a repeat of what everyone says but it does help.......also i stopped going to check our status it never changes so no point in depressing myself.......perviz cant get to a place to talk to me on line very often so i cherish the times that he does....i also spend a lot on calling cards so that i can talk to him on his cell when he is at work........i spend time writing in a journal daily of everything that is happening in my life that he is missing........having people in ur life that are supportive really helps a lot too.........my prayers are with u i hope that what ever the problem is it gets resolved and the two of u can be together

sara

Edited October 18, 2008 by estadia

[Tunji&Toyin 0]

I must say that it was at times rough on me. I know before I left, that when we in bed laying together, she was crying, wondering if she would ever see me again. At the time, I didn't know the whole visa process, but I am thankful that our journey has ended, but I know many others journeys will be concluding and know for a fact that yours too will be ending soon Sylvia, continue to hold firm to the faith. I am thankful to have found this site, because so much great information was learned from this site, especially the type of questions she was asked.

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

Thanks It has been so hard. The snag in our interview centered around him not knowing my job. From what I was told about what went on I even reported the incident to the Department of Defense. My elder son even suggested I move there but my job isn't the kind of thing I can go seek in another country so I would have to start all over. My daughter is raising 4 kids by herself and needs me here.

My eldest grandson is severely emotionally disabled. He was recently in a hospital because he went into school and stated he wanted to kill several people. She relies on me to take care of him sometimes so he isn't a danger to the younger children. This trip will be the longest she will be on her own and all I can do is hope there are no disasters while I am gone. I will be so thankful when this is over and Joseph is here.