Its all over. My world has just collapsed.

[dingding 0]

Ok Guess time for an update. No changes really. We are still set for Divorce. Im doing ok. I am still having throngs of extreme sadness. And I have to figure out some way to handle my pent up energy, anger and aggression. I will step up my work out routine and maybe take karate classes again. See I have so much pent up anger and aggression that Im worried if I end up in a confrontational situation I may unload it all in one big bang.

I was talking about it to my wife the other night. It sounds stupid, but its the best way I can explain it... I feel like Im at some kind of crossroads and I can understand why Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark-side and became super Villain Darth Vader ...stupid way of putting how I feel. Don't worry, Im not going to become a bad person or turn to crime etc, but I now personally understand how the pent up anger against the world and at life could change a person. I have to obviously try and stem this energy toward something positive. I actually feel like I want to devote my time and life and thoughts towards something big, somekind of achievement. I dont know what it is yet though.

I have ordered the parts to build a computer so I can get online at home. I can start writing again then (maybe that can be my ambition - write something publishable). I think I will also start a blog too, never done one before, if I do I will post the address here for anyone who is interested in my current soap opera life

My wife is encouraging me to date. That feels so very strange. Don't think I am ready, I mean literally one month ago I was happily in love with my wife, and my life was all good, I had direction etc. Now Im still in love with her obviously. But I don't think I will be ready for any thing serious for a while, I dont think I will be ready for any commitment for a little longer than that (heck I can't bring myself to sign a contract for Cable internet yet!) and I think I will be done with marriage for a while. For now my experience has ruined the sanctity of marriage for me. It no longer seems worth it. It seems devalued.

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

Ok Guess time for an update. No changes really. We are still set for Divorce. Im doing ok. I am still having throngs of extreme sadness. And I have to figure out some way to handle my pent up energy, anger and aggression. I will step up my work out routine and maybe take karate classes again. See I have so much pent up anger and aggression that Im worried if I end up in a confrontational situation I may unload it all in one big bang.

I was talking about it to my wife the other night. It sounds stupid, but its the best way I can explain it... I feel like Im at some kind of crossroads and I can understand why Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark-side and became super Villain Darth Vader ...stupid way of putting how I feel. Don't worry, Im not going to become a bad person or turn to crime etc, but I now personally understand how the pent up anger against the world and at life could change a person. I have to obviously try and stem this energy toward something positive. I actually feel like I want to devote my time and life and thoughts towards something big, somekind of achievement. I dont know what it is yet though.

I have ordered the parts to build a computer so I can get online at home. I can start writing again then (maybe that can be my ambition - write something publishable). I think I will also start a blog too, never done one before, if I do I will post the address here for anyone who is interested in my current soap opera life

My wife is encouraging me to date. That feels so very strange. Don't think I am ready, I mean literally one month ago I was happily in love with my wife, and my life was all good, I had direction etc. Now Im still in love with her obviously. But I don't think I will be ready for any thing serious for a while, I dont think I will be ready for any commitment for a little longer than that (heck I can't bring myself to sign a contract for Cable internet yet!) and I think I will be done with marriage for a while. For now my experience has ruined the sanctity of marriage for me. It no longer seems worth it. It seems devalued.

Sounds like you're on the right track - find other things to focus on to avoid dwelling on things you can't change - writing is a good way of refocussing the mind and exorcising personal demons.

[jen&darcy 0]

I am so sorry. I just read the whole thread today and I really don't have anything to add except that you always have your VJ family's support.

((hugs))

[JenT 0]

Hi David -

Writing will be a good way to heal from all of this... when I was healing from my divorce, I started journaling at my therapist's request. 87 pages later, I broke the 'record' in her practice for having written the most. A dubious honor, but I found that I had a lot to say.

It's natural for you to feel jaded... everything you're going through is perfectly normal. You have a unique ability of self-expression and that will serve you well... both now, and when/if you decide you are ready to date again. It otok me 3-1/2 years to be ready for more than just having 'coffee' with someone. Don't close your heart... work on healing it.

Jen

[Griffon76 0]

David,

So sorry to hear about your relationship with your wife and how it's ending. I had some tears in my eyes as I read. You know, I have taken relationship courses and realize that with your wife encouraging you to see others, I can't help but feel that she is saying that to justify her own actions (whatever small or large they may be). I wonder if she feels as if she doesn't deserve you, because of the circumstances in her life. She definately has some issues to resolve and maybe some growing up to do on her own.

I hope you take this time to improve yourself (mind, body and soul) and heal your self-confidence. I have seen a couple of friends of mine get back together after a 2 year seperation with NO contact whatsoever. They met before they were teens, became best friends and then lovers later. They fought and grew apart with a lot of anger but after time (and one broken engagement) they started communicating again. Now they are talking marriage as well as healing past hurts. I'm not saying that is what will happen to you but the thing that helped them both was REALLY moving on. They grew up and matured as only time and experience can allow.

My thoughts are with you both in whatever direction life takes you..........

[dingding 0]

Well Im still alive and still functioning! Though yesterday was the first day that my Wife and I have not talked either face to face or via phone since she finished navy boot camp two years ago. It was a hard hard day, and I guess kinda momentous. Im literally having physical withdrawl symptoms, you when your heart literally aches. She has started her classes proper and is extrememly busy with homework, stress etc. We said that we would speak to each other mainly at weekends now.

I admit I am struggling a little today, well not struggling, you know.. im fine, but I am really sad and really really missing her. I can't wait to talk to her tonight but I know that it will only be a quick call and I will come away disappointed.

Im finding the weekends particularly difficult. I guess in the week I am busy with work etc, but weekends, although I try and do stuff, I am doing them on my own. It is so quiet, and life just isn't the same without her. I don't enjoy things as much without her. If I go out to eat I look at a menu and the first thing I do is look to see what I think she would like. I walk past shop windows and see a dress or something and think she would probably love that. I try to go out with my friends, but they only ever want to go to the pub and drink. Most the times I have had a few beers Ive been fine, but when im feeling particularly down it just makes me feel worse. I know I could go to the pub and not drink or just have a couple, but that is easier said than done once im there.

I also got upset when one of my best friends fiance (who I actually like as a person very much, and have never had a harsh word from her) , drunk, in a taxi on the way home told me I was a wierdo, when i asked her why she said "your divorced to start off with". I have a pretty thick skin, but I really was upset by it, firstly its never nice to be called a wierdo. Im not in any way a wierdo. But I do start asking myself "why would she say that..do people actually think Im wierd?", and then I start thinking that some people are thinking less of me because I am going through a divorce, that I must have failed at something, and that being divorced is going to be a big problem if and when Im ready to date again. Im not stupid, Im usually able to rise above things like this, but in these circumstances I felt a little "kicked when im down", it wasn't what I expected to hear from a friend.

I actually broke into tears this morning, I turned on the radio and what are the odds, they were playing "our song". Our song was so apt, in its lyrics it reflected how thankful we were to have each other, and how getting there wasn't easy, and the things that we have suffered before hand such as her rape.She actually believes that if she hadn't have been raped she wouldn't have come visit me the time we fell in love, and then she would not have gotten over the ordeal etc. We also think it was apt because we had known each other for so long, had been looking for love and had been unlucky in love but found out that our (what we thought at the time) our true loves were staring each other in the face all along. It really seems like the song was written for us. Give it a listen if you can, its called "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts. It really fit our story. Here are the lryics for those curious.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are

Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through

I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you

But you just smile and take my hand

You've been there you understand

It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are

Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

Im crying again just reading it. I want my love and my wife so so much. More than anything in the world. Without any hesitation I would eagerly swap the rest of my life without her for one more day with her. If I can't have her I wish I could win the lottery and then just ####### off in a yacht on my own somewhere remote.

[gimygirl 0]

david ... i wish i could make it this simple for you:

[Peggy 1]

Sorry that your going thru this pain.

I hope things will get easier for you in the near future.

[KiKi 0]

There is great little book called "How to Survive the Loss of a Love"

It is simple but SO powerful and helpful......it doesn't tell you how to "get over it" but rather how to survive, minute by minute and eventually heal.

You can find it on Amazon or barnes and noble it's really a great little book.

Good luck!

[Welshcookie 17]

Yeah...The film Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind had some interesting ideas

You will get there....it just will take as long as you allow or need it to....

Best wishes to you

[jamrok 0]

I'm sorry to hear this. I don't know what to say but to hang in there. I hope you two will have a chance to talk more about this.

I have been there and done that. NO one can ever understand that sort of pain until you have

experienced it yourself. I went through that there years ago....my heart was RIPPED out of

my chest after a 25 yr marraige. My world STOPPED...I was i a daze...i tried everything to get

her back....what she said to me was almost word for word what your wife is saying to you.

Advice time: IT"S DONE. Nothing you can do...save your dignity and begin the healing process

NOW. I recall people telling me that it would get better...I did not believe a word. YOU KNOW

WHAT???? It does get better. NEVER make anone your world. My prayers are with you....you

will get through this. PM me for some techniques that worked great for me. Go Bless

[rebeccajo 14]

David, there are many of us here who are following your story. It's hard to see one of our own so broken.

You know what? 'Friends' who kick you when you are down aren't friends. You are going to have to move on from them also - just as you are having to move on from your wife. One of my true friends (God rest her soul) once told me that if when you die, you can count the number of your true friends on one hand, then you have lived a full life. I think she was right.

I think if you want to have a drink, you should. If you don't then don't. If you want to work, work - if you want to play then play. Cry, scream, hit something (immobile), play music (loudly if it helps) and do whatever it takes to wash away the pain of the day.

Sometimes there is just nothing else you can do but go on, in whatever manner that might be.

[daisy16 0]

I know your pain is terrible. Healing will take time, but do it at your own pace, not anyone elses.

[JC75 0]

I'm so sorry David

[Peter Miami 0]

I am very sorry and I hope things start to get better for you soon!

Good luck,

Peter Miami