Its all over. My world has just collapsed.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

Very sorry to hear this. Military life puts extra stress on a family.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Wow. Very sorry to hear. Don't know what else to say.

[slim 1,525]

Give her some time.

When shipped out to a new location in the military, a lot of thinking goes on.... Is this what I want to do with my life? Am I happy where I'm at, where I've been, where I'm going? And on top of all that, there's a big.... and with the person I'm with?

Let her get over all her "I want my life to go in another direction" phase right now, because that's what it is. A phase. After a few weeks, she'll start to miss you and realize all the good things the two of you have, and you'll be able to talk it out more then. Let her do her thinking... if everything is good, it'll come back around to that.

[govols 0]

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. I'm with everyone else on here and say to try to get to her and talk it over face to face. She may need a few days to think it over , but definitely don't give up until you are certain this is what she wants to do. Good luck

Karen

[almaty 19]

wow, i am also sorry, that is sad...my best to you ..dean

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

I am so sorry. I hope you find the strength to carry on! I honestly don't have any words right now.

[Reba 2]

Wow. Sorry this happened. **hugs**

Try to get back to the US if you can and work it out. It just may be salvageable. And if it isn't at least you can say you tried.

At the very least, get back so she can't claim during divorce proceedings that you deserted her just when she got sent away.

Yeah, I'm a born cynic...so sue me.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I agree that you should get on that plane. I bet you she wants you to come see her even if she said she needs some alone time. Go get her! Good luck!

[Uxorious 0]

I am very sorry to hear about this.

I agree with aussie and LisaD. I'd exhaust all options/avenues and fight to restore the relationship.

Get a face-to-face before wither you or her make a final decision.

Best of luck!

[bornot2b 0]

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

I'll keep you both in my prayers.

[Stefanie 1]

I posted something in your other thread about "military separation".

Stefanie

PS: Sorry, if I might sound a little harsh. But I am just trying to give some advice to a military husband from a military wife.

[Garfield fan 0]

Sorry to hear about your problem. Hope you can sort things out. Coming back to US and talking to her in person would be a good idea. Lotsa hugs

[lilsnobunny 0]

Give her some time.

When shipped out to a new location in the military, a lot of thinking goes on.... Is this what I want to do with my life? Am I happy where I'm at, where I've been, where I'm going? And on top of all that, there's a big.... and with the person I'm with?

Let her get over all her "I want my life to go in another direction" phase right now, because that's what it is. A phase. After a few weeks, she'll start to miss you and realize all the good things the two of you have, and you'll be able to talk it out more then. Let her do her thinking... if everything is good, it'll come back around to that.

I agree, all she needs is time.

[dingding 0]

Hi there. Thanks for all your advice. Sorry for not getting an update on sooner. I dont have net access at my parents and I think the site was down yesterday.

Well, obvisously not alot has changed emotionally or in the situation itself. I managed to get through work yesterday. I went in the morning after it happened thinking I could carry on like nothing had happened, i couldn't.

My emotions are still all over the place. I go from balling like a child, to positive, to wondering how on earth I am going to get through this, to being constructive, from talking to my family to clamming up.

Ive broken up with girlfriends in the past, this is very different.

As it stands I think she still wants divorce. We are talking a couple of times a day and we both want that.

She was sick yesterday so I told her just to catch up on her sleep and concentrate on getting better.

Obviously I just want to get a plane and be with her there now. But with her situation, that isn't really possible. I could be in the same state, but I couldn't see her at the moment.

Ive told her that I don't want this to end. That I want her and Im willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. Ive told her that ultimately I will give her what she wants, if it makes her happy, but I would want, and I hope that she would want to consider and exaust every option before ending it. She has said that she wants me in her life. She wishes we could still have a romantic relationship, and still be best friends, but that she isn't ready to be married. But as we all know the whole immigration situation (I have a 2 yr conditional residence card - I think im not allowed out the country for longer than 6 months), this is not going to be possible.

I've told her that if the worst does come to the worst, she has to promise me that if she ever, ever changes her mind that she has to let me know and I will figure some way out to be together. Ive told her that I couldn't end it without seeing each other again, even if its to say our goodbyes.

But I think that the next time I talk to her I will tell her all this again, but say that look, you have told me what the problem is, that is done, you need to concentrate on your school for now, and concentrate on getting yourself together and over the stress you have been feeling before telling me this. I will tell her that in the mean time we should just carry on talking to each other...when she wants to, cos we both want that, but not talking about this. Talk in general how we normally do. Obviously my hope is that eventually she will figure things out and want to fight for us.

I will update again at lunch - I have to start work.

[dingding 0]

I can't give up on this and I can't understand why she wouldn't want to do everything possible first before leaving it like this. The whole fact that this is in our 2 year conditional residency part (and only 7 months into it) is going to make this even more difficult to figure out. Once we are divorced it means thats it right, I have to leave the country, If we decided to try it again Im pretty sure that would could not just do it all again immigration wise, and I wouldn't be suprised if I had difficulty entering under the VWP. I mean it has nothing to do with residency or immigration. I would happily live on a desert island with her, as long as we were together. She says about being romantically together but not actually married. I would be prepared to do that, but its not going to be possible. This is all so screwed up.