blah no life blah

[Slightly Bonkers 0]

<start vent>

Ok so I guess this is 99% a vent and 1% a very quiet non-assuming warning

A little background ...

I've spend a lot of my life travelling on my own - 3 months in the states (summer camp J1) 5 years in a row, 8 months in India, and then finally with the guy, a 18 month stint in Japan.

I've left friends so many times and my family barely remember me being around for important holidays. I've missed babies, 40th's, weddings, blah blah blah all the good stuff.

I spent 4 years with my guy, I guess a good 2 and a half were long distance, with a good year at the end, like most of you, waiting for the visa.

Ok. So if any one is still reading ...

It's hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I love being here with my husband. I don't hate america, but to be honest, Green Bay would never have been my first choice. I miss my family and friends, but I could deal with that if I had the possibility of making new friends but it seems impossible. No job. I am volunteering but everyone else who volunteers are in such a different part of their life (retired) that it makes it so hard to find someone to make you excited. His family and friends are amazing, really fun, open, caring but when it gets down to it, they are his friends. I can't wait for the day that I say to him - "I'm going out for dinner with someone you have never met!". I feel trapped, lonely, and so isolated.

I do know that this is a phase. And that when I get my EAD and a job and a life, things will slowly right themselves. But at the moment, I'm alone, with a cuddley dog, rock band and ... well thats it. Counting the days until I can join the rat race.

<end vent>

[Jose Rizal 1]

It's a phase everyone experiences whenever they move. And it will pass. Meantime, try to do something. Find a hobby, join a club, etc.

[Ian + Anne 0]

LOL -- been there, done that -- the waiting games can be hard, but it's worth it at the end.

Start looking for a paid job now, look around to see what you can do, but don't aim too high, your lack of US work history will be the thing that you need to work on. I had a hard time getting a job as I was looking too high. I have an MCP (Microsoft Certified Pro), and found it hard to obtain a job here with it, I am also a highly trained driver (ambulance driver) from the UK. I still found it hard to obtain a job based on that skill. In the end I did manage to secure a job as a driver for a hotel, and not where I wanted to be (hotel of all places !), but after being there now for a few months I am loving the job and get on well with all the staff. When I am not driving people about I get to help out in the hotel in all roles, this includes House Keeping to Laundry to front desk as well as working along side the General Manager and the Maintanace Manager doing repairs within the hotel. There are perks to be had here too, I make more money above the other staff (apart from the managers) too ! The tips are great (when the quests offer them !)

All I can say is, just open your options up and look to see what is out there that you can do.

(P.S. I purchased a new car too --- a 1999 Cadillac STS in mint condition !!!)

Edited October 16, 2008 by Ian + Anne

[Ms. Squirrel 11]

I am sorry you feel that way. I can imagine what it's like - I already go nuts when I go and see my SO in the States for two weeks only. He usually works when I am there, so I am at home by myself all day. And after about two days, I get sick of it (of the being home alone - not him ).

Maybe looking for an unpaid internship in the field you worked in before would be good - you'll be with people your age (well depending on what you used to do) plus it looks good in your CV.

Good luck to you, hang in there, it will pick up.

[Krikit 1,164]

I totally know where you're coming from. My first year here was the worst. Hang in there, Bonkers. You'll be through it soon.

[catrocks 0]

Urgh I understand. I would never have had Dayton, Ohio as my first choice either!

I've been here just over a year and looking back at this time a year ago, it's amazing to see how many things have changed. I have a couple of really good friends, we have a house, I have a job (not the job I want and only part time, but a job nonetheless), and I'm actually starting to LIKE Dayton.

Good on you for volunteering, I volunteer too and having that on my resume actually helped me get my job now.

Find a dog park and take your dog for a little romp - means you get out and meet other dog owners, they're interesting to talk to and pass the time if nothing else! (Lol unless I read your post wrong and your cuddly dog is a cuddly toy dog!)

As Ian + Anne said, have a look around now for paid jobs in your field, just so you can have an idea of how many jobs there are and how long it will take you to be successful in applying. I've applied for internships for the experience but all of them REQUIRE for you to be a current college student here.

Check out meetup.com. A friend of mine met her best friend on a website called Girlfriend's Cafe. I met a Brit who came over on a K-1 a month after me on Visajourney, and being able to talk to someone in the exact same situation helped a lot.

I thought I would go crazy while I was waiting for my EAD, and it took 4 months for me to even get my crappy part time job, but you just have to keep thinking that it won't be this way forever and within a couple of years you'll have a real job, some real friends, and a real life

[Slightly Bonkers 0]

Thanks for the tea and sympathy guys! (although Jose - if one more person suggests I join a "club", I might have to kill them!)

I keep a notebook with lists of things I like (or don't hate, depending on the day) about the States, most of which are food/drink related, but I'm gettting there. The volunteering is getting me outta the house, and by the end of this 6 month imprisonment, I'll be a reknowned Rock Band singer the world over!

Gonna look up some dog parks before the snow comes (I gotta a kick thinking about me dragging a toy dog around a park! but he is the real thing), gonna check out meetup and girlfriend's cafe and keep trucking!

Thanks guys!

[*JG* 2]

My husband had a hard time at first. Boredom being the number one problem. Once he got a job and started to carve out his own niche in the US, he has done just fine. 2.5 years and still moving right along.

So, hang in there. It's hard at first. But, you can do this.

[wifetobe 2]

Join a club?

Just kidding!

I am still waiting for an interview with the embassy and I can't help but think you're lucky to be where you are let alone feel bored!! Then again I don't know what it's like to be out of a job yet

I know things will pick up for you, without a low you can't see a high stick with it and you'll be just fine.x

[tom&tata 2]

You are not the only one. But it will get better once you have your EAD, you start your own job and start build your life. Just try to focus on doing things you never had time before.

I had 1 month of mini vacation before I got a job but I came with CR-1 & you would not believe how much cooking I did (and I loved it). Now, cooking is more like a chore

[Slightly Bonkers 0]

wife-to-be - I know I'm lucky to be here now. I'm never happy! Was moaning to be in Ireland when he was here, and now moaning to be here with him too.

It's hard to be out of work, but I know I just gotta keep my spirits up for a few more months!

tom-and-tata - My husband got me a subscription to Delicious. a magazine I used to buy at home. So I have been doing lots of cooking, but cooking = eating and coupled with sleeping late, 8 hours of rock band, I foresee the newly-wed 10 becoming a reality!

Thanks for all the suggestions guys (even the club ones )

[amaciar 0]

You will get there. I spent three years in New Zealand with my husband and the first year was horrible. I was allowed to work but no one would hire me because I was a foreigner and they have a reputation of bailing once the season changes. Once I finally found a job it was in the same office as my husband with several of his friends so it felt like I was still expected to have the same friends as my partner. All it took was meeting one person I clicked with and I felt like I had my own life again. Just hang in there. Life will get better once you are allowed to work and have an oppurtunity to meet people your age. Good luck and feel better.

[tom&tata 2]

tom-and-tata - My husband got me a subscription to Delicious. a magazine I used to buy at home. So I have been doing lots of cooking, but cooking = eating and coupled with sleeping late, 8 hours of rock band, I foresee the newly-wed 10 becoming a reality!

Thanks for all the suggestions guys (even the club ones )

That's my husband's job (eating)

He always brought home made food to work (never sandwich during that month). Yeah, he gained weight

But yeah, it gets better. Just hang in there.

[StillThePrettiest 3]

wow, what you said really resonates with me too, Bonkers... I've even used some of the phrases you did in your first post, above, when speaking to various people about my experiences here

I don't have much advice... I'm playing the waiting game too... but maybe you could re-think the place you're volunteering? I'm volunteering too, and I know what you mean about the retirees, but lots of the full-time staff where I am are younger, and they're giving me all sorts of varied tasks and getting me involved... maybe you could find a place where you'd feel more at home (and which would be of more benefit to you later - while I'm enjoying volunteering for its own sake, I'm also really glad that I'll have some US experience, and be able to get a US reference, when the time comes )

and the day we met my boss in a local health food shop, and I introduced her to Dave, was a red-letter one - I said to him on the way home that that was the first time I'D introduced HIM to someone, in Houston

[Slightly Bonkers 0]

Thanks StillThePrettiest.

I'm volunteering at the Literacy Council at the moment teaching and working on their website, but have just signed up to volunteer at a local animal shelter too. I don't know how I'm going to fit it all in around my rock banding and cookie eating.

I used to follow you when we were both waiting for our K1, the July thread was much more fun than the October thread. Great to see everyone here and (kinda) settling in!