Things rough for me too!

[RAKASA 0]

My husband already questions my taste in entertainment!!!! I watch scary movies (Alien, Aliens, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, etc, etc) sometimes and he thinks it is "negative for the mind" as he puts it. My husband has so many esoteric attitudes, sometimes I just can not relate.

This is exactly how I feel about scary movies - just don't need to input that chit in my brain - enough scary stuff in real life. My husband, however, loves them - no problem, we just don't partake in that particular activity together.

[MrsAmera 41]

I just wanted to add my two cents. When my husband first came the first 6 months were horrible. He had a return ticket for about 3 months after he came. And he almost used it. It was really hard, and he did a lot of things that I didn't think were OK but I knew that it really wasn't him. He did become a different person but there was so much changing around him I don't think he knew what to do. We got through it and now almost 3 years later there still are issues but its' gotten much better. He's adjusted, we've adjusted.

Nutty - I don't know what the specifics are but he hasn't been here that long. Maybe his behavior is totally unacceptable but maybe you just need to give him time/space to figure this whole thing out. I think now that he's working it will also help change his behavior/attitude.

[chri'stina 190]

Nutty,

Just wanted to say that when I said I didn't take divorce lightly, I wasn't meaning that you do. I just mean that while I think divorce is very sad, there are times that seem nothing will change and it is the only option for genuine reasons. So when I say things like women shouldn't tolerate being treated badly, I don't want anyone to think I go around telling every woman to divorce their husbands, lol. I do however think divorce is justified in certain situations, and being treated very badly is one of those situations so I would never judge that choice. I did like however that you are being realistic about ti all, not looking through rose colored glasses. I still hope the best for your situation, whatever happens.

Adjustment is hard! We have a great marriage but that's not to say we never had tension the first year or so. It never was very bad though, and we didn't have major surprises even though we hardly got to spend much time together in real life before he moved here. (I do wish I could have spent more time, just because I missed him so much.) We got married 3 years after first meeting online, but sometimes time doesn't make a difference. Things we saw in each other after marriage were just exaggerations of what we sensed over those years, so it was nothing that was completely different. Just a little different. But now it's been over 4 years of him being here and us being married and I almost feel like he never wasn't here, and he has adjusted so well. I wish the same for every new SO arriving here.

[Nutty 2]

UPDATE: Last Night....

Yesterday, we both got home from work the same time. He was happy to tell me how well he was doing at work and that his supervisors are impressed with some streamlining measures my hubby has implemented for cargo inspection. But he became less animated when I mentioned (after his story) how my day went.

He then became totally silent for the night. I cooked a hungarian goulash, gnocci and bread. Cleaned the kitchen afterwards. Served the food.

He brought the laptop to the table. Ate and looked at the laptop.

Then went to the bedroom with the laptop. I stayed on the couch and watched some tv.

The whole night I was quiet and calm.

I asked him quietly, "do you love me?" He said, "yes" as he surfed the net. "Then why don't you show you love me?" At first he did not answer. So I repeated my question. He said, "I am too tired to think."

However, he is not too tired to surf the net (I can see its Iranian websites news, etc).

IT's over. I decided this morning to start looking for a ticket for India. I need to get his name on the lease and mine off. I need to go the courthouse and get papers for filing a divorce.

BUT a good marriage takes both people. The consequences of his actions are that he might lose you. Make that clear, and then do what you need to. Counseling can help you, so it would be beneficial, but without his involvement it won't do much for the marriage.

[Jenn! 918]

I'm sorry it's come to this, Tina. Best of luck to you.

[sereia 0]

You are a strong woman. Good luck with your decision!

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

Good luck Nutty. I don't think there was anything wrong with you or your husband. You just weren't a good match for each other. He would probly be happier with Harvard's most boring nerd and you'd probly be happier with an Italian ladies man.

Edited October 17, 2008 by Hoomsfuturewife

[morocco4ever 63]

Sorry to hear this Nutty. But if you have done all that you can then it is time to move on to the next step. I suspect that you will both be happier, and it seems that he needs the kind of woman that can handle the emotional distance. I don't know many that can, so he will need all of the luck he can get.

Have you told him your decision yet?

[Nutty 2]

good point bridenogirl....more than culture it could be his annoying personality quirks and his brothers and cousins know him well help kick some butt and straighten him up.. family does come in handy only uses sparingly though..2 times a yr this would be a good time or you to use this option.. If they not on the understanding bandwagon then let them have thier wayward black sheep backk

Brothers, sisters, cousins, may all see his personality quircks. But in a group living situation, there are lots of distractions and let's be real, being related to someone is not the same as being married to someone. If his family were here they would kick his backside. They did it twice back in Iran when he got all huffy about something I wanted to do.

Here I am alone. My mother does not want to talk to him. I have no brothers or cousins....So there really isn't anyone to "shake him up" a little and say treat your wife better.

Tomorrow, we go to the bank to open a joint account. Then I will talk to him about getting his name on the lease and mine off. Or at least our names jointly on the lease. This way, when I leave, he has legal rights to live there.

When I come back after a 3 or 4 months, I can file for divorce before his AOS.

[LaL 418]

I can file for divorce before his AOS.

Your timeline says CR1?

[*Maureen* 0]

I'd be a little careful with leaving your name on the lease, if he don't pay, they will come after you and it will affect your credit. Be careful.

[Donna A 4]

i must have missed ur story...but whats in india that u r going there?

[Nutty 2]

North India, Kullu Valley, is where I prefer to spend my time. Before, I worked as a temp secretary and so would be able to take long periods of time off. I go to India.

[Nutty 2]

Good point

But isn't his greencard conditional for the first two years upon entry into US?

[LaL 418]

Good point

But isn't his greencard conditional for the first two years upon entry into US?

Yes, if you were married less than 2 years at the time it was adjudicated. If he entered the marriage in good faith (and can prove so) he can still remove the conditions on his own.