Things rough for me too!

[Nutty 2]

Hi everyone:

1) Good news. My husband got a job as a chemical cargo inspector. I found the company and wrote an introduction letter and sent the resume. They called, interviewed and hired him. Not great pay (same as me). But it's a start.

2) The old man I care for offered to lend my husband his 1980 cutlass to drive to and from work for $50.00 per month. This helps both - my husband who needed transport and the old man who needed to move the car every few days to avoid ticket/towing.

SO those are the positive things.

But I have been super busy at work and truthfully, being taken advantage of supervisors in another department. They fired (the third person in that position in one year) their underling. So instead started shoving the work to me. On Thursday, I was being swamped with their projects with caveats of "this needs to be done today." The whole time they are laughing and joking and smirking. Well, 2:42pm (no lunch taken yet) I had a melt down and walked out. I came back and then had a talk with the owner of the company about the situation. The sweet Fedex man brought me roses and gave me a hug (that's how bad I looked).

I came home a mess, in tears, carrying roses. My husband never asked "honey, what happened?" Never offered a hug. Nothing. And this has been indicative of his behavior the whole time he has been here. He is aloof, cold, unaffectionate, non-communicative....I just can't take it anymore.

Yesterday I asked my husband to go shopping with me. We bought $53.00 of groceries. When my card was declined, he was forced to use his. Well, he became sullen the whole way home and would not speak. He just didn't want to speak with me.

I partially moved in with my mom. So I stay with her on the weekends.

[sereia 0]

Don't know what to say other than I hope things get better for you! Its not good to have an unsupportive husband. I hope you can talk to him and let him see that he is affecting you this way!!! *hugs*

[amal 4]

I've sent you a PM. I wish you the best.

amal

[Nothing1234 2]

{{{NUTTY}}}

I'm sorry you are going thru this. Some of the hardest things in life....stress at work, stress at home and new adjustments. I'm not sure what to say other than give it time and be open tell him how you feel.

I know how hard the adjustment can be for our hubbies when they come. Sometimes it changes their personalities...not being the "man" without work, us having the upper hand when it comes to "our" country etc. So many things...so little time.

Sending good vibes your way...and praying all will be okay for you guys. Sometimes a little time away helps and of course talking things out!!

[anitacastillo 0]

I'm sorry to hear about the stress in your life. Focus on the positive!!

My (now) husband came around the same time as yours and is struggling to find regular work.

[Sandrila 1]

Hope you feel better "Nutty"

It just is stressful time all around, I do send positive vibes in your direction

[AlHayatZween 2]

Hi Nutty,

So sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Hang in there...

It has been a really, really tough few months for us, too... and i find myself utterly exhausted and depleted on most days. i'm trying to look for the bright side, and i remind myself of how miserable i was when he was so far away... and i try to remember how everyone says the first year is the hardest...

i hope you feel better! And i hope you can talk to him so he straightens out a little bit. Really hope it's just a rough patch.

[Nutty 2]

{{{NUTTY}}}

I'm sorry you are going thru this. Some of the hardest things in life....stress at work, stress at home and new adjustments. I'm not sure what to say other than give it time and be open tell him how you feel.

I know how hard the adjustment can be for our hubbies when they come. Sometimes it changes their personalities...not being the "man" without work, us having the upper hand when it comes to "our" country etc. So many things...so little time.

Sending good vibes your way...and praying all will be okay for you guys. Sometimes a little time away helps and of course talking things out!!

I am finished "telling him how I feel." He doesn't respond or change his behavior.

However, after my nervous breakdown after almost quitting my job, I went to my mothers. I decided that HE DOESN'T CHANGE HIS ATTITUDE about being more loving and supportive, then I will leave for India in January (for 6 months). He treats me like a stranger, so he can do without me.

What is strange, is that he can not "connect" even with the Iranians here. Only those he grew up with or those in Iran. So something is clearly wrong with his mentality.

What is pathetic is that I got more love and support from the gay Fedex guy who brought the roses. I should've married a gay guy!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hi everyone:

1) Good news. My husband got a job as a chemical cargo inspector. I found the company and wrote an introduction letter and sent the resume. They called, interviewed and hired him. Not great pay (same as me). But it's a start.

2) The old man I care for offered to lend my husband his 1980 cutlass to drive to and from work for $50.00 per month. This helps both - my husband who needed transport and the old man who needed to move the car every few days to avoid ticket/towing.

SO those are the positive things.

But I have been super busy at work and truthfully, being taken advantage of supervisors in another department. They fired (the third person in that position in one year) their underling. So instead started shoving the work to me. On Thursday, I was being swamped with their projects with caveats of "this needs to be done today." The whole time they are laughing and joking and smirking. Well, 2:42pm (no lunch taken yet) I had a melt down and walked out. I came back and then had a talk with the owner of the company about the situation. The sweet Fedex man brought me roses and gave me a hug (that's how bad I looked).

I came home a mess, in tears, carrying roses. My husband never asked "honey, what happened?" Never offered a hug. Nothing. And this has been indicative of his behavior the whole time he has been here. He is aloof, cold, unaffectionate, non-communicative....I just can't take it anymore.

Yesterday I asked my husband to go shopping with me. We bought $53.00 of groceries. When my card was declined, he was forced to use his. Well, he became sullen the whole way home and would not speak. He just didn't want to speak with me.

I partially moved in with my mom. So I stay with her on the weekends.

You need to tell him the truth about money. You need to explain to him exactly what is happening. Do not expect him to understand wihtout explaining everything. Show him bills . Get out a calculator. I think sometimes some of these guys think we are rich or will pull money out of rear ends.ITS NOT YOU.. Trust me

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

{{{NUTTY}}}

I'm sorry you are going thru this. Some of the hardest things in life....stress at work, stress at home and new adjustments. I'm not sure what to say other than give it time and be open tell him how you feel.

I know how hard the adjustment can be for our hubbies when they come. Sometimes it changes their personalities...not being the "man" without work, us having the upper hand when it comes to "our" country etc. So many things...so little time.

Sending good vibes your way...and praying all will be okay for you guys. Sometimes a little time away helps and of course talking things out!!

I am finished "telling him how I feel." He doesn't respond or change his behavior.

However, after my nervous breakdown after almost quitting my job, I went to my mothers. I decided that HE DOESN'T CHANGE HIS ATTITUDE about being more loving and supportive, then I will leave for India in January (for 6 months). He treats me like a stranger, so he can do without me.

What is strange, is that he can not "connect" even with the Iranians here. Only those he grew up with or those in Iran. So something is clearly wrong with his mentality.

What is pathetic is that I got more love and support from the gay Fedex guy who brought the roses. I should've married a gay guy!

I would sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel.. You need to tell him WITHOUT tears. Talk through all the financials... break out the bills... add them up... hang in there... He needs to know EXACTLY what you are paying. You need to show him the exact bills. Some of these guys dont get it..

[MrsAmera 41]

I agree with Kat. When I pull the emotional card my husband shuts down instantly. When I discuss and talk through things with him it works much better.

[Nothing1234 2]

{{{NUTTY}}}

I'm sorry you are going thru this. Some of the hardest things in life....stress at work, stress at home and new adjustments. I'm not sure what to say other than give it time and be open tell him how you feel.

I know how hard the adjustment can be for our hubbies when they come. Sometimes it changes their personalities...not being the "man" without work, us having the upper hand when it comes to "our" country etc. So many things...so little time.

Sending good vibes your way...and praying all will be okay for you guys. Sometimes a little time away helps and of course talking things out!!

I am finished "telling him how I feel." He doesn't respond or change his behavior.

However, after my nervous breakdown after almost quitting my job, I went to my mothers. I decided that HE DOESN'T CHANGE HIS ATTITUDE about being more loving and supportive, then I will leave for India in January (for 6 months). He treats me like a stranger, so he can do without me.

What is strange, is that he can not "connect" even with the Iranians here. Only those he grew up with or those in Iran. So something is clearly wrong with his mentality.

What is pathetic is that I got more love and support from the gay Fedex guy who brought the roses. I should've married a gay guy!

I actually have a gay "husband" at work (for those of u that are sex in the city fans)...LOL. He's my savior many days when I feel stressed out. Also the one I can have my meltdowns on. I talk directly with my hubby as others have suggested...I don't try to get to emotional or he doesn't listen well. BTW just a side note--thats not a MENA trait...thats a MAN trait...sorry to say but my father is the same way. Talk to him calmly no tears and he listens better.

Don't run till you have talked it through that you're going to go for a bit. I do really understand your frustation.

Edited October 15, 2008 by Nawal

[AlHayatZween 2]

You need to tell him the truth about money. You need to explain to him exactly what is happening. Do not expect him to understand wihtout explaining everything. Show him bills . Get out a calculator. I think sometimes some of these guys think we are rich or will pull money out of rear ends.ITS NOT YOU.. Trust me

i agree. a lot of our guys come from places where not only are things not as expensive, but bills are just paid differently. electric bills are paid only every couple of months; rent just changes hands in cash; telephones are pay as you go. i am slowly, but surely coaching my husband on the costs of things here and how to budget. it's not easy to say the least. and the weight of having to be financially responsible for another person can be very stressful.

Glad you are trying to take care of yourself though... if staying with your mom on the weekend takes the pressure off for a couple of hours, more power to you.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

{{{NUTTY}}}

I'm sorry you are going thru this. Some of the hardest things in life....stress at work, stress at home and new adjustments. I'm not sure what to say other than give it time and be open tell him how you feel.

I know how hard the adjustment can be for our hubbies when they come. Sometimes it changes their personalities...not being the "man" without work, us having the upper hand when it comes to "our" country etc. So many things...so little time.

Sending good vibes your way...and praying all will be okay for you guys. Sometimes a little time away helps and of course talking things out!!

I am finished "telling him how I feel." He doesn't respond or change his behavior.

However, after my nervous breakdown after almost quitting my job, I went to my mothers. I decided that HE DOESN'T CHANGE HIS ATTITUDE about being more loving and supportive, then I will leave for India in January (for 6 months). He treats me like a stranger, so he can do without me.

What is strange, is that he can not "connect" even with the Iranians here. Only those he grew up with or those in Iran. So something is clearly wrong with his mentality.

What is pathetic is that I got more love and support from the gay Fedex guy who brought the roses. I should've married a gay guy!

Oh and PS.. Not like I am an expert or anything. I cant even handle my own life. Its just a suggestion. Mine plays stupid when it comes to EVERY BILL but that could be because he has only had one paycheck and complained and whined about that one being spent. Never the mind about the baby's funeral, his plane tickets, his immigration fees , the lights , the mortgage.. um.. food being eaten as he refused to work for 3 months and did nothing but complain

Ok I am sorry. This is about you. Lets just act like we are in AA or overeaters anonymous.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE, LOL LOL and double lol.. although honestly I feel like #### right now , sorry

[Nutty 2]

You need to tell him the truth about money. You need to explain to him exactly what is happening. Do not expect him to understand wihtout explaining everything. Show him bills . Get out a calculator. I think sometimes some of these guys think we are rich or will pull money out of rear ends.ITS NOT YOU.. Trust me

i agree. a lot of our guys come from places where not only are things not as expensive, but bills are just paid differently. electric bills are paid only every couple of months; rent just changes hands in cash; telephones are pay as you go. i am slowly, but surely coaching my husband on the costs of things here and how to budget. it's not easy to say the least. and the weight of having to be financially responsible for another person can be very stressful.

Glad you are trying to take care of yourself though... if staying with your mom on the weekend takes the pressure off for a couple of hours, more power to you.

The main problem is that amidst all the stress and responsibility, my husband is not the "soft shoulder to lean on when times are tough." He is self absorbed, oblivious, aloof...

He said to me, "In Iran, people do and don't ask for help." Or - "be like me, I am happy and calm in any situation."

It's over.