How do YOU cope?

[trinket 30]

Shpat is DA MAN

[nimche 8]

I masturbate everyday.

go Shpat !!!

go shpat go ...........but never break it

He told me that he is taking Karate classes but I didn't understand till you said it.

[Ahmed N Tina 2]

My husband and I talk every day, at least twice. Even if its just a minute long phone call or 6 hours on skype (thats just today), it makes the day go better. We take turns being positive and negative, we share every moment like we were together, try to stay busy and buy a lot of phone card minutes! Skype is awesome, yahoo sometimes, SMS and calling. Just stay in touch with each other as much as you can. Nothing actually makes this process easier, but knowing you're in it together sure helps. Be ready for the breakdowns, they will happen, but also know they will end. After 2 years of this, I have a feeling we've been through it all. But we are so much closer now than we ever could have imagined. Good luck and remember there's always support here in VJ!

[Y's_habibitk 2]

My husband and I handle it in different ways. As others have offered, what keeps me stable is everyday, in almost everything I do, I envision us together. When I drive to work, I look at the neighborhoods, and envision us buying our first home together. Literally, I envision us getting the keys, decorating, relaxing. I envision us grocery shopping together, and I feel his arms around me when I watch a movie. When I'm sad, I close my eyes, and think about a perfect moment we'll have in the future. It's funny, but these thoughts are ALWAYS of ordinary, day-to-day things, that are taken for granted. My favorite, is envisioning us waking up on a Saturday, him dragging me out of bed (he's a disturbingly happy person in the morning- kinda irks me!), and drinking coffee together while we read the newspaper. It's almost as if in doing these things to help me smile, I'm inserting him into my daily life, and he feels closer to me. This time apart is #######, but we have so many wonderful, simple things to look forward to.

This is totally how we cope also! Imaging everyday activities as if we are together. I was reading this and it almost made me cry hee

We also email everyday about our days, as if we were talking to eachother after the day has ended... so and so did this at work and bla bla bla. We text like crazy during the day. I've even been known to take pics of yummy meals 've cooked and tell him "heres whats for dinner tonight!" It sounds so silly, but it helps tremendously. Living life as if he is here is what makes it tolerable.

I go through spurts of sadness and feeling sorry fo myself. As he does too. But we seem to take turns lol if im feeling down he's usually ok and he will start talking to me about the future and how cute our kids will be ect. And when he is down, im in a good place and can usually cheer him up.

Its extrmemly rough, no doubt. There is no way to totally take that empty space away. But the little things are what helps us through this time.

I hope you find your way of coping. Good luck to a speedy reunion

Lisa

[bratikicks 0]

I know the hurt I feel is intensified because my wife just went back to Ukraine and the wound is still fresh from losing her by my side until this process is finished. Was feeling kind of ok today, then just going to the local grocery store (where we used to shop) this avalanche of pain and emotions just crushed me.

Then I think of the others here at VJ, who have been waiting for months and months ... and my heart sincerely goes out to you. To go through this kind of pain for so long has to effect you emotionally, physically and mentally.

I know that some of the pain might ease up a little as time goes by and 'regular' life, going to work, etc. goes on ...

But I was just wondering what advice or tips can some VJ members offer who had a long wait or are still going through the process ... How did/do you cope without being with your most precious one?

Hi,

We also experienced what you're experiencing right now,come to think that when my husband left I am already 2 weeks pregnant,well I missed him so bad but i have nothing to do with it, becuase i know to soon we're going to see each other again,and now our case got expedited due to pregnancy....so our visa journey only took 4 months and by next month i am going to see him again.

always stay intouch with her,talk online,talk over the fone,if you're worried about your fone bill you could use packet8 it is just like a vonage, my husband only paying $30 a month and it's unlimited call...

[GlobeHopperMama 95]

I've gone through a whole pregnancy separated from my husband. Not fun, I don't recommend it. Can't even drink away my sorrows. That said, here's what we've got:

1. Skype
2. Email
3. IM
4. Staying busy with work/friends/family
5. My husband got a puppy (he was a birthday gift). Now he entertains himself with obedience-training the dog.
6. My husband is learning German and break-dancing
7. I am trying to master Italian and figure out how you raise a newborn

Yeah. There you have it. Edited October 12, 2008 by guatetaliana

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I've gone through a whole pregnancy separated from my husband. Not fun, I don't recommend it. Can't even drink away my sorrows. That said, here's what we've got:

1. Skype
2. Email
3. IM
4. Staying busy with work/friends/family
5. My husband got a puppy (he was a birthday gift). Now he entertains himself with obedience-training the dog.
6. My husband is learning German and break-dancing
7. I am trying to master Italian and figure out how you raise a newborn

Yeah. There you have it.

Well the newborn alone will keep you busy, thats for sure!

I hope you guys are reunited soon

Lisa

[S and S 12]

I've gone through a whole pregnancy separated from my husband. Not fun, I don't recommend it. Can't even drink away my sorrows. That said, here's what we've got:

1. Skype
2. Email
3. IM
4. Staying busy with work/friends/family
5. My husband got a puppy (he was a birthday gift). Now he entertains himself with obedience-training the dog.
6. My husband is learning German and break-dancing
7. I am trying to master Italian and figure out how you raise a newborn

Yeah. There you have it.

I just looked at your timeline and saw your situation. I'm so sorry the process didn't work for you. Have you been able to go to see your husband or stay with him where he is? That must be so hard with you being pregnant. I really feel for you.

[ruby_jade 0]

with my husbands job i dont know how i find the strength to hang on, oh well our son keeps me sane.. LOL and now we just starter this visa journey thing,

[MsZ 6]

I think it is most important to have your own life during this time apart. Don't sit pining. It makes you boring for one thing. Then what do you have to talk about on the phone except how much you miss the other person?? Stay active. Stay healthy. Plan. Save. Work the process of immigration because it gives you the best chance of being done quickly and it provides the illusion of control. Talk to your friends and family. Dream. And communicate with your spouse.

Something I think we all have the opportunity to do now is to learn to really talk to one another. Being apart means that you can't rely on the physical to get you through. So it is being close through talking and sharing that makes it possible. I hope none of us forget the skills we've learned through this because they are the basis for our relationships. And we have something that people who are together all of the time cannot even fathom because of it. So protect that part of your relationship and don't let it escape just because you are finally together. Always talk. And always remember what you went through to be together and make it worthwhile. And for you guys especially, the talking and sharing is probably the thing that made her fall for you and kept her in love all this time. If it changes when you are together full-time she'll feel like you changed and that you aren't the man she fell in love with. So don't fail to understand how what you do now and what you show her now is what she's going to expect and want from you.

The journey isn't over once you are together.

That's where it truly begins.

[bill13060 0]

alot of phone calls

[ellieandwill 0]

I know the hurt I feel is intensified because my wife just went back to Ukraine and the wound is still fresh from losing her by my side until this process is finished. Was feeling kind of ok today, then just going to the local grocery store (where we used to shop) this avalanche of pain and emotions just crushed me.

Then I think of the others here at VJ, who have been waiting for months and months ... and my heart sincerely goes out to you. To go through this kind of pain for so long has to effect you emotionally, physically and mentally.

I know that some of the pain might ease up a little as time goes by and 'regular' life, going to work, etc. goes on ...

But I was just wondering what advice or tips can some VJ members offer who had a long wait or are still going through the process ... How did/do you cope without being with your most precious one?

me and my man talk to each other everyday our computers are never off, we live our lives still together this way, i know when he goes to work come home , have his meals i even tell him what to have ( haha) we call each other every day text i also send him a card and letter once a week

he do the same even food parcels things i love so much and cannot get here in UK, it is hard sometimes, and there are days i cannot cope at all but each new day is one less on this journey and i think of all the good times we are going to have ahead.

just think this time next year all this be over and you be with together,

good luck, stay busy and look ahead

ellie

[rmncm 0]

Well besides working 16 hour days and talking to my wife 4+ hours a day on yahoo or packet8....lots of drugs help just kidding about the drugs...I find that thinking of the last time I looked into her eyes, helps the most.

[Phillip2 3]

This is difficult for each and everyone of us and it is a difficult road. However. I sure that your spouse is worth every second. On VJ you will make friends and get answer to the question during the paperwork process. You will find that this site gives you support to help you through the process.

We all understand exactly what you are going through.

[Micky - Sabri 0]

I know the hurt I feel is intensified because my wife just went back to Ukraine and the wound is still fresh from losing her by my side until this process is finished. Was feeling kind of ok today, then just going to the local grocery store (where we used to shop) this avalanche of pain and emotions just crushed me.

Then I think of the others here at VJ, who have been waiting for months and months ... and my heart sincerely goes out to you. To go through this kind of pain for so long has to effect you emotionally, physically and mentally.

I know that some of the pain might ease up a little as time goes by and 'regular' life, going to work, etc. goes on ...

But I was just wondering what advice or tips can some VJ members offer who had a long wait or are still going through the process ... How did/do you cope without being with your most precious one?

i can feel that pain, but i waited 2 years for my husband to get here, now we look back and say how did we do it. but we had to, he has been here since april, and i stillcant believe he is with me.good luck to you. i know its hard , but hang in there