Separated / Divorced VJ-ers

[KAT&Allie 0]

Hi everybody,

I haven't been all that long on this site so I can't tell whether it's more than usual but there seems to be a quite a few posts recently about things not working out between couples on the VJ. It is so sad and heartbreaking to read them, especially if you got to know these people while you were waiting it the "queue" together because, after all, we all have a dream to be reunited with our loved ones and live "happily ever after". I'm sure that some cynics amongst the vast VJ membership will view this as soppy and just "chasing a rainbow" but surely there must me more of us out there who do believe in being happy together. It seems obvious that cultural differences, possibly even more accentuated if people come from non-English speaking counties, can play a significant role in marriage breakdown. I'm not trying to minimise all other influences but I'm mostly intrigued to know if there is a trend towards certain countries or areas from where people came from who are or have been in relationships that broke down.

This immigration process is hard on both USC and an "alien" (oh, how I hate that word ) and I am not so sure I'd be able, emotionally, to go through all this again....and to think I am only at the beginning of my journey ... But I know that my h2b is worth it, otherwise I would not put myself or him through this. But I’m sure that most, if not all of the people whose marriage didn’t work out after the US government finally allowed them to be together thought the same at the beginning.

Unfortunately, the poll options didn't allow me to ask another 2 questions I wanted to ask so I'm going to ask them here, hoping that somebody might answer me.

1. Would you go through the immigration process again knowing what you know now and been through everything you've been through?

2. Do you still believe in "happily ever after"?

Thank you everybody for participating. I am so sorry for all your sorrow and heartache. I hope you all find peace of mid and some sort of closure.

[rebeccajo 14]

Your poll doesn't have an option for 'still married'.

[KAT&Allie 0]

Your poll doesn't have an option for 'still married'.

Very good point. Let's see if I can amend it

Thanks for pointing it out.

[KAT&Allie 0]

Let's see if I can amend it

Tried to amend it to include still married, but don't know how. Sorry.

[English Muffin 59]

I'm recently separated from a USC and I'm from the UK. Our problem wasn't a cultural difference, it was discovering that we could be very happy just being 'in a relationship' but we couldn't actually live together. We are still on very good terms, still love one another, and are each other's best friend. We are now inching towards 'maybe' reconciling but it's early days. We are both in our 40's and had both lived alone for a very, very long time before I moved here. I found living with another person 'difficult' but my husband found it completely intolerable and had to move out.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

India and Japan are se asia

[KAT&Allie 0]

India and Japan are se asia

You are absolutely correct, they were both there last time I checked . The reason I made a differentiation is that I actually wanted even more detailed division since culturally India and Japan are quite different. Unfortunately, the thingie (programme, or whatever it is) wouldn't let me select more than 12 options so I had to squeeze some together that I would have preferred apart. Humble apologies if it offended you in any way.

[KAT&Allie 0]

I'm recently separated from a USC and I'm from the UK. Our problem wasn't a cultural difference, it was discovering that we could be very happy just being 'in a relationship' but we couldn't actually live together. We are still on very good terms, still love one another, and are each other's best friend. We are now inching towards 'maybe' reconciling but it's early days. We are both in our 40's and had both lived alone for a very, very long time before I moved here. I found living with another person 'difficult' but my husband found it completely intolerable and had to move out.

I am sorry about the difficulties you had and sincerely hope you can work things out. I am fully aware that cultural differences are not the only part that drives couples away but as I'm no sociologist I have very little knowledge of other potential factors. Maybe we should make another poll to see how many people have to work hard on their marriages . I'm sure it's not all smooth sailing especially for those of us who have to uproot and leave everybody and everything behind. It makes it all the more difficult if one is not a "spring chicken" anymore (speaking from personal experience ...no offence to anybody).

Maybe you could live in a semi (like in Britain) and each of you could occupy adjacent property so you'd live close together but not underneath each other' feet . I don’t mean to make a joke of your situation because I’m sure it’s hard enough to deal with without people passing comments on it. But I heard of number of couples in the UK would have found this to be the only option for them and they are very happy living like that. Whatever makes you happy, I say.

Wishing you all the best.