divorce, help please.

[shhhh 0]

Long, looooong painful story but basically,

My husband and I are over. For real this time. Its strange to say it, but this time I know its true. I know it in the deepest part of my being. I cannot forgive the nasty things he said to me on the phone tonight. My husband is currently working in another state and I paid for his flight and other things for him to get there. He promised he would pay me back within days of getting there. Has he paid it? No. Am I here struggling to make ends meet because I was hanging on the faith of a truthful husband? Yes! I bought his mobile phone, I bought him clothes, I bought everything.

He told me tonight on the phone he wanted a divorce and that he will not be paying me back for anything. He will not be sending me back the mobile I bought him and he would rather either sell it or throw it in the trash. Now I will have to pay the hefty cancellation fee to end his contract and be out the money I paid for the intial costs and the phone. Nevermind the plane ticket, and the upcoming divorce I'll have to pay for on my own!

He told me that while I was away recently, he slept with my mother. This I know is so far from the truth it makes me want to vomit. He only said it to get under my skin but thank god I have half a brain and didn't buy into it. I can't believe my husband would say such a thing to me! I can take the times he has called me boring, a bad cook, or I was a ######. It broke my heart, but I could take it. But to lie and say he slept with my elderly mother to cause problems between my family now? That is so disgusting I can't believe it. I just can't believe its come to this.

He told me its over and tomorrow he's going to search the city for women to have sex with and other nasty things I won't post here. We hung up hours ago but he keeps sending me texts of all these nasty things he wants to do, what he's done to my mom, and how awful I am! Has he gone off the deep end?

So here's to the real reason why I am posting here tonight. He said he wants a divorce, and now so do I. He is in another state across the country and I am really afraid that if I file tomorrow, get the paperwork back in five days, and then send it to him, he will not send them back. Then what?

Is it possible I could send the papers to a friend I have in the same area as he is? Then the friend could bring it to him at work and make him sign it there, and she could send it back to me? Or does it have to be signed in front of a notary public? Can she escort him to a notary and then take the papers from him? We have no assets or children together so this will be a straightforward divorce. I really just don't know what to do. He has gone back on all of the promises he has made to me as a husband. I went out on a limb for love and I fell off the tree big time.

Edited to add: we are in California.

Edited October 10, 2008 by shhhh

[Dakine 26]

Long, looooong painful story but basically,

My husband and I are over. For real this time. Its strange to say it, but this time I know its true. I know it in the deepest part of my being. I cannot forgive the nasty things he said to me on the phone tonight. My husband is currently working in another state and I paid for his flight and other things for him to get there. He promised he would pay me back within days of getting there. Has he paid it? No. Am I here struggling to make ends meet because I was hanging on the faith of a truthful husband? Yes! I bought his mobile phone, I bought him clothes, I bought everything.

He told me tonight on the phone he wanted a divorce and that he will not be paying me back for anything. He will not be sending me back the mobile I bought him and he would rather either sell it or throw it in the trash. Now I will have to pay the hefty cancellation fee to end his contract and be out the money I paid for the intial costs and the phone. Nevermind the plane ticket, and the upcoming divorce I'll have to pay for on my own!

He told me that while I was away recently, he slept with my mother. This I know is so far from the truth it makes me want to vomit. He only said it to get under my skin but thank god I have half a brain and didn't buy into it. I can't believe my husband would say such a thing to me! I can take the times he has called me boring, a bad cook, or I was a ######. It broke my heart, but I could take it. But to lie and say he slept with my elderly mother to cause problems between my family now? That is so disgusting I can't believe it. I just can't believe its come to this.

He told me its over and tomorrow he's going to search the city for women to have sex with and other nasty things I won't post here. We hung up hours ago but he keeps sending me texts of all these nasty things he wants to do, what he's done to my mom, and how awful I am! Has he gone off the deep end?

So here's to the real reason why I am posting here tonight. He said he wants a divorce, and now so do I. He is in another state across the country and I am really afraid that if I file tomorrow, get the paperwork back in five days, and then send it to him, he will not send them back. Then what?

Is it possible I could send the papers to a friend I have in the same area as he is? Then the friend could bring it to him at work and make him sign it there, and she could send it back to me? Or does it have to be signed in front of a notary public? Can she escort him to a notary and then take the papers from him? We have no assets or children together so this will be a straightforward divorce. I really just don't know what to do. He has gone back on all of the promises he has made to me as a husband. I went out on a limb for love and I fell off the tree big time.

Edited to add: we are in California.

What's this have to do with immigration?

[KAT&Allie 0]

Another sad ending. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. I'm sorry but I can't offer you any advice as I really don't know. But I hope you find a closure to this mess and some peace.

Wishing you all the best.

[shhhh 0]

What's this have to do with immigration?

My husband is an immigrant and he came here on a K-1 that I filed by learning from Visa Journey. He was approved for his green card but I have received it while he was away and he is not currently in possession of it. (Does anyone know if I am required by law to send it to him even though he demands a divorce now?)

I already asked about other immigration related questions but was hoping others here could answer about divorce as I'm sure many have had experiences with this. I'm sure there are people who were abandoned while their spouse went back to their home country and were left to figure out what to do next on their own. So I think my question just MIGHT be valid on Visa Journey as I have been an active member here for a long time. Thanks anyway.

If you have nothing to add other than an unnecessary comment, I suggest you move onto another topic!

Edited October 10, 2008 by shhhh

[shhhh 0]

Another sad ending. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. I'm sorry but I can't offer you any advice as I really don't know. But I hope you find a closure to this mess and some peace.

Wishing you all the best.

Thank you!

[desert_fox 32]

you file the complaint and you have him served. This can be done by certified mail, or by a process server where he is handed the papers and the process server certifies that he delivered them. No notary is required.

[ladybee 0]

All I know in the state where I live in NY . He does not have to sign the papers , but he may have to answer in court and even if he does nt appear you could win by default his own fault. The other stuff about greencard i dont know about.

[perfect 39]

...but if at any time there ARE papers requiring notarization he has to be present and sign them in front of the notary.

[Tsup2 0]

http://www.hg.org/article.asp?id=5031

A desription of how the California divorce process works, from the filing of a divorce until the entry of judgment.

The following information is designed to give the reader a general idea of how the average divorce proceeds. However, each divorce is a little different because of specific issues between the spouses.

To begin a divorce in the state of California, one spouse must file a Petition . The person who files the Petition is the "Petitioner." The Divorce Petition must then be served.

After the spouse is served, that person has 30 days to file a Response. This document tells the court that the Respondent wishes to participate in the divorce proceedings. The person who must file the Response is called the "Respondent."

If the Respondent fails to file a Response within 30 days after being served with divorce paperwork, the case proceeds without the Respondent’s participation. The Petitioner prepares a judgment and submits it to the court. The Petitioner requests orders concerning custody, visitation, child support, spousal support, attorney fees, and division of property. Six months and one day after the Respondent is served, the divorce becomes final (this is called a "waiting period").

If the Respondent files a Response, the parties exchange documents and other information about their property and incomes. This is called "Discovery." Discovery can be in the form of questions asked in persn (by deposition) or through written questions.

If one or both of the parties need the court to make orders before trial. Either spouse may do so by filing an Order to Show Cause. Normally, the request will be for child custody, child visitation, child support, spousal support, attorney fees, or for a domestic violence restraining order. Each party appears in court and explains his/her position. The court then makes orders based upon the evidence.

After discovery is comlete, one party will set the case for trial. Normally, the court will schedule a Mandatory Settlement Conference before trial. This is a date in the courtroom when both sides are ordered to appear with their attorneys and attempt to settle as many issues before the trial as they can. If they are able to settle the entire case, a Marital Settlement Agreement is drafted, and a judgment is drafted. Again, six months and one day after the Respondent was served, the divorce becomes final.

At trial, each attorney presents evidence and arguments. The judge makes orders on all unresolved issues. The judgment is prepared and approved by the divorce attorneys and then submitted to the court. Once the judge signs the judgment and the six month waiting period has elapsed, the divorce becomes final.

Even after the court signs the judgment, some orders can be modified. These include child support, custody, visitation, and usually spousal support. However, other orders can almost never be changed after the judgment is entered, these include orders dividing property, and orders awarding attorney fees.

[JingJoseph 0]

Another sad ending. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. I'm sorry but I can't offer you any advice as I really don't know. But I hope you find a closure to this mess and some peace.

Wishing you all the best.

Thank you!

Get your phone book out. Look for departments in your county that can help.

You can always call the sheriffs department or your local health department.

No idea what it would be in your state. Im sure there are many .orgs. .gov's

can help you. As far a divorce call the agency that deals with marrages.

Tell them whats going on they will help. You know immagration is another

problem. Wish I know more. Be though ok? Its money I know but you may

need to find a lawfirm to help with this. I wish could be more help.

Edited October 10, 2008 by JingJoseph

[franklie 0]

to the OP, ssshhh,

If you have lived in California for the last 6 months, file the divorce papers today. In the Superior Court of your local county there should be free legal aid to assist you in filling out the paperwork. At the same time, due to the threats from the other party I would recommend filing for a TRO, a temporary restraining order, which will make it illegal for the other party to speak with you (verbal threats), get close to you physically (bodily violence).

Use a process server to serve the papers on the other party. The legal aid from the Superior Court can help you to understand the exact requirements for serving the other party. If the other party fails to respond to the divorce summons then the divorce can be signed off by the judge, depending on his/her caseload, in 1-2 months. After the judge signs the final judgement (form FL-180) there is a line that says "Date marital or domestic partnership status ends". That date is typically 6 months later than the date the judge signed the decree unless the divorce proceedings have gone on for more than a year.

[justashooter 430]

OP,

sorry to hear about your bad experience. creeps abound. drop this one like the worthless bad penny he is. lesson learned.

[ladyinpink 1]

Long, looooong painful story but basically,

My husband and I are over. For real this time. Its strange to say it, but this time I know its true. I know it in the deepest part of my being. I cannot forgive the nasty things he said to me on the phone tonight. My husband is currently working in another state and I paid for his flight and other things for him to get there. He promised he would pay me back within days of getting there. Has he paid it? No. Am I here struggling to make ends meet because I was hanging on the faith of a truthful husband? Yes! I bought his mobile phone, I bought him clothes, I bought everything.

He told me tonight on the phone he wanted a divorce and that he will not be paying me back for anything. He will not be sending me back the mobile I bought him and he would rather either sell it or throw it in the trash. Now I will have to pay the hefty cancellation fee to end his contract and be out the money I paid for the intial costs and the phone. Nevermind the plane ticket, and the upcoming divorce I'll have to pay for on my own!

He told me that while I was away recently, he slept with my mother. This I know is so far from the truth it makes me want to vomit. He only said it to get under my skin but thank god I have half a brain and didn't buy into it. I can't believe my husband would say such a thing to me! I can take the times he has called me boring, a bad cook, or I was a ######. It broke my heart, but I could take it. But to lie and say he slept with my elderly mother to cause problems between my family now? That is so disgusting I can't believe it. I just can't believe its come to this.

He told me its over and tomorrow he's going to search the city for women to have sex with and other nasty things I won't post here. We hung up hours ago but he keeps sending me texts of all these nasty things he wants to do, what he's done to my mom, and how awful I am! Has he gone off the deep end?

So here's to the real reason why I am posting here tonight. He said he wants a divorce, and now so do I. He is in another state across the country and I am really afraid that if I file tomorrow, get the paperwork back in five days, and then send it to him, he will not send them back. Then what?

Is it possible I could send the papers to a friend I have in the same area as he is? Then the friend could bring it to him at work and make him sign it there, and she could send it back to me? Or does it have to be signed in front of a notary public? Can she escort him to a notary and then take the papers from him? We have no assets or children together so this will be a straightforward divorce. I really just don't know what to do. He has gone back on all of the promises he has made to me as a husband. I went out on a limb for love and I fell off the tree big time.

Edited to add: we are in California.

i am sorry to hear that

every dessication has reason i hope you well and god bless!!!