Custody

[sus 70]

I know, then I was thinking that we could bring her up within the year and once she gets her GC she can go back and live with her mother, then once she reaches an age where she can think for herself then she can decide where she wants to live, and we would avoid going thru the long immigration process again.

I am all for her living in a better places, but I don't think he should be support the mother too. She is young and still in school, but her mother and aunt would want to live there too, and they all would try to live off him. Can't deal with that!

That's not really possible - There are requirements to how long you can be out of the country as a GC holder before they consider the GC to be abandoned. Unfortunately, the reality of dealing with a man who has kids, is you are tying yourself to the child's mother for life - So you have to figure out what works the best for all of you and how to deal with it -

[*JG* 2]

After everything he told me about their relationship, I told him to get a DNA test once the baby was born. He still has not, everyone that has seen the baby said she looks like him personally I don't think she looks like him. When they do the medical will they do a DNA test? His name is on the birth certificate. In his heart he is convince she is his, I have told him that if I (not to be selfish) have to deal with all this baby-mama stuff I need to 100% convince she is his daughter.

I love kids, and I would not have a problem helping him raised her. But he doesn't understand fully the expense of kids here, neither one of us have family in NYC so there is no free baby sitting. She would need to be on my health insurance and all the other stuff. I think he is starting to understand, if her mother agrees to let him take her, I would lean more towards bringing her the closer to end of the time limit that we do have, just to get ourselves better organized.

AFAIK, unless there is a question as to paternity there is typically no reason to do a DNA test....

He doesn't have a choice if he plans to bring the child to the states. The embassy is going to require that he does one.

Angel,

At my interview there was a man and his son that sat next to us for about 2 hours and we spoke to them both on and off for a while. His son was about 9 years old. When they were called to the window the man was told that his son was not his, so he could not bring him to the states with him. At times, they won't say anything if the child's name was on the birth certificate from birth, but who knows. Hold your ground, that's my best advice.

I know, then I was thinking that we could bring her up within the year and once she gets her GC she can go back and live with her mother, then once she reaches an age where she can think for herself then she can decide where she wants to live, and we would avoid going thru the long immigration process again.

I am all for her living in a better places, but I don't think he should be support the mother too. She is young and still in school, but her mother and aunt would want to live there too, and they all would try to live off him. Can't deal with that!

I hate to tell you this; but the sad reality of baby mama drama is your husband will be supporting her as well, whether you like it or not. And, yes, the possibility is that the mother and aunt would sponge as well. Hard to seperate it all when in one household.

[Marlita 0]

After everything he told me about their relationship, I told him to get a DNA test once the baby was born. He still has not, everyone that has seen the baby said she looks like him personally I don't think she looks like him. When they do the medical will they do a DNA test? His name is on the birth certificate. In his heart he is convince she is his, I have told him that if I (not to be selfish) have to deal with all this baby-mama stuff I need to 100% convince she is his daughter.

I love kids, and I would not have a problem helping him raised her. But he doesn't understand fully the expense of kids here, neither one of us have family in NYC so there is no free baby sitting. She would need to be on my health insurance and all the other stuff. I think he is starting to understand, if her mother agrees to let him take her, I would lean more towards bringing her the closer to end of the time limit that we do have, just to get ourselves better organized.

AFAIK, unless there is a question as to paternity there is typically no reason to do a DNA test....

He doesn't have a choice if he plans to bring the child to the states. The embassy is going to require that he does one.

Angel,

At my interview there was a man and his son that sat next to us for about 2 hours and we spoke to them both on and off for a while. His son was about 9 years old. When they were called to the window the man was told that his son was not his, so he could not bring him to the states with him. At times, they won't say anything if the child's name was on the birth certificate from birth, but who knows. Hold your ground, that's my best advice.

I know, then I was thinking that we could bring her up within the year and once she gets her GC she can go back and live with her mother, then once she reaches an age where she can think for herself then she can decide where she wants to live, and we would avoid going thru the long immigration process again.

I am all for her living in a better places, but I don't think he should be support the mother too. She is young and still in school, but her mother and aunt would want to live there too, and they all would try to live off him. Can't deal with that!

Well I dont think he should support the mother, but he has to suppor this child. Being that the child is a few months old, he needs to suppor the mother too. You are going to be against this cause there are now 3 women in his life, but that will ALWAYS be until somebody passes. So I say if he really wants to help the baby, he can come to the US, and send some child support money down to the mom so she can afford to live in a better neighborhood. Its only fair.

[PortlandAngel 0]

After everything he told me about their relationship, I told him to get a DNA test once the baby was born. He still has not, everyone that has seen the baby said she looks like him personally I don't think she looks like him. When they do the medical will they do a DNA test? His name is on the birth certificate. In his heart he is convince she is his, I have told him that if I (not to be selfish) have to deal with all this baby-mama stuff I need to 100% convince she is his daughter.

I love kids, and I would not have a problem helping him raised her. But he doesn't understand fully the expense of kids here, neither one of us have family in NYC so there is no free baby sitting. She would need to be on my health insurance and all the other stuff. I think he is starting to understand, if her mother agrees to let him take her, I would lean more towards bringing her the closer to end of the time limit that we do have, just to get ourselves better organized.

AFAIK, unless there is a question as to paternity there is typically no reason to do a DNA test....

He doesn't have a choice if he plans to bring the child to the states. The embassy is going to require that he does one.

Angel,

At my interview there was a man and his son that sat next to us for about 2 hours and we spoke to them both on and off for a while. His son was about 9 years old. When they were called to the window the man was told that his son was not his, so he could not bring him to the states with him. At times, they won't say anything if the child's name was on the birth certificate from birth, but who knows. Hold your ground, that's my best advice.

I know, then I was thinking that we could bring her up within the year and once she gets her GC she can go back and live with her mother, then once she reaches an age where she can think for herself then she can decide where she wants to live, and we would avoid going thru the long immigration process again.

I am all for her living in a better places, but I don't think he should be support the mother too. She is young and still in school, but her mother and aunt would want to live there too, and they all would try to live off him. Can't deal with that!

I hate to tell you this; but the sad reality of baby mama drama is your husband will be supporting her as well, whether you like it or not. And, yes, the possibility is that the mother and aunt would sponge as well. Hard to seperate it all when in one household.

I know man~ that freaking sucks! never dated a man with kids much thought I would be marrying one for precisely this reason. We defintely need to get this DNA done.

[Marlita 0]

I hate to tell you this; but the sad reality of baby mama drama is your husband will be supporting her as well, whether you like it or not. And, yes, the possibility is that the mother and aunt would sponge as well. Hard to seperate it all when in one household.

So true. Just comes with the territory of being with a man who has a family outside of yours. But you have to be civil about it or it will destroy your relationship. Truth be told, if he send the mother money, it is for her to live off of because she needs support and funds to feed and shelter the baby. Plus you say she is in school so she is trying to do something for herself. She and him got into the situation of having a baby togehther and its up to them to arrange a good dealing for that child, no matter how far they live from one another.

[PortlandAngel 0]

I hate to tell you this; but the sad reality of baby mama drama is your husband will be supporting her as well, whether you like it or not. And, yes, the possibility is that the mother and aunt would sponge as well. Hard to seperate it all when in one household.

So true. Just comes with the territory of being with a man who has a family outside of yours. But you have to be civil about it or it will destroy your relationship. Truth be told, if he send the mother money, it is for her to live off of because she needs support and funds to feed and shelter the baby. Plus you say she is in school so she is trying to do something for herself. She and him got into the situation of having a baby togehther and its up to them to arrange a good dealing for that child, no matter how far they live from one another.

Thank everyone!!

we have talked about this, but I think its time he talks seriously with her. I did suggest that the next time I go down that all 3 of us sit down and talk like adults, and try to find a solution best for the baby. So far, I try to stay out of whatever dealings he have with her but now that it's going to affect my life I feel I need to be involved in whatever discussion and decision.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

supporting the mother 100% by paying rent and such is not fair but THE RIGHT THING TO DO...it is in the best interest of the child..the mother needs to play a role and not sit and wait for a saving grace...i see this all too often in JA

[clairern 0]

After everything he told me about their relationship, I told him to get a DNA test once the baby was born. He still has not, everyone that has seen the baby said she looks like him personally I don't think she looks like him. When they do the medical will they do a DNA test? His name is on the birth certificate. In his heart he is convince she is his, I have told him that if I (not to be selfish) have to deal with all this baby-mama stuff I need to 100% convince she is his daughter.

I love kids, and I would not have a problem helping him raised her. But he doesn't understand fully the expense of kids here, neither one of us have family in NYC so there is no free baby sitting. She would need to be on my health insurance and all the other stuff. I think he is starting to understand, if her mother agrees to let him take her, I would lean more towards bringing her the closer to end of the time limit that we do have, just to get ourselves better organized.

AFAIK, unless there is a question as to paternity there is typically no reason to do a DNA test....

A DNA test is only required if the father's name was added a few years after the child was born and close to filing the petition and this is done to avoid false immigration benefits.

[sus 70]

Claire - lots of people are seeing that a DNA test is ordered, even if the father's name was immediately added - The only time it seems to not be required is if the couple is married (and some of those should be required)

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Claire - lots of people are seeing that a DNA test is ordered, even if the father's name was immediately added - The only time it seems to not be required is if the couple is married (and some of those should be required)

I agree Sus;

That was what a few friends and some of my family members who had interviews rececently were told, regardless, they have to do a DNA test.

[PortlandAngel 0]

Claire - lots of people are seeing that a DNA test is ordered, even if the father's name was immediately added - The only time it seems to not be required is if the couple is married (and some of those should be required)

I want him to get it down regardless, I don't want to go thru all this stress and find out 10years later she wasn't his. He should have done it before he sign the birth certificate, but that's another story.