American women vs Arab women raising children

[morocco4ever 63]

They were always running around wild but they learned that they could come and sit with me quietly and we would communicate in our own little ways. The women would always look at me weird; I don't know if it is because they thought I was being bothered by their kids or that they thought I was being inappropriate with their kids.

My husbands niece was so intrigued by me. She was my little shadow. Especially when I did my makeup and hair. I wasn't quite sure what attracted her to me since she couldn't speak English but eventually I figured out that it was my hair. So for fun I used my curling iron on her hair. she enjoyed how it took the kink out of her hair and proudly displayed it for all. Her mother seemed concerned that she followed me everywhere, but I thought it was cute. His nephew on the other hand threatened to steal me away from my husband, and called me baby. My husband and I got a good laugh out of that one since he was only 14.

[nu7015 0]

They were always running around wild but they learned that they could come and sit with me quietly and we would communicate in our own little ways. The women would always look at me weird; I don't know if it is because they thought I was being bothered by their kids or that they thought I was being inappropriate with their kids.

My husbands niece was so intrigued by me. She was my little shadow. Especially when I did my makeup and hair. I wasn't quite sure what attracted her to me since she couldn't speak English but eventually I figured out that it was my hair. So for fun I used my curling iron on her hair. she enjoyed how it took the kink out of her hair and proudly displayed it for all. Her mother seemed concerned that she followed me everywhere, but I thought it was cute. His nephew on the other hand threatened to steal me away from my husband, and called me baby. My husband and I got a good laugh out of that one since he was only 14.

That is so sweet that you curled her hair too. The nieces love to stare at my hair too and seem to have to control themselves from touching it (mine is blonde; I"m guessing yours is too?)!

One of the nephews is disabled and tries to always be around me; acting like a bodyguard I guess. He is very sweet and at a wedding party he asked me to dance and so I did. The women chased him away quickly though. I felt so sorry for him.

[morocco4ever 63]

One of the nephews is disabled and tries to always be around me; acting like a bodyguard I guess. He is very sweet and at a wedding party he asked me to dance and so I did. The women chased him away quickly though. I felt so sorry for him.

Awww that is cute. If I remember right it isn't proper for men and women to dance together in Morocco. Can anyone verify that?

Opps...off topic!

[Ban Hammer 13,345]

Oh Kat, I just read your posts. OMG you crack me up!!

you would find that kind of ####### funny.

It's called a sense of humor. You should try it some time.

[morocco4ever 63]

[Y's_habibitk 2]

First, I CANNOT stand people who make such broad assumptions. But, 9 times out of 10, there is nothing you can say or do to change their mind. I usually, state my opiniuon and disgust and then have to remove myself from the situation or I'll end up screaming in their face like you did lol

Now, I am one of those mothers.. so I guess Im the scum of the earth. My son used to cry for hours and nothing I would do would help. I read about "feberizing"(sp. ?) . I tried it and what do you know, my once suffering baby was fine and sleeping all through the night within a week(more like 5 days). Every mother knows the difference between a cry that needs immediate attention and one that can wait or that will pass. This KILLED my heart to hear him crying, but I didnt know what else to do. It helped me keep my sanity and it helped my son get some rest. It lasted a week.

I guess this approach is what this ignorant woman thinks every woman does all the time (not the usual week or two at most)

Now, back to the chick at your work. I personally would talk to her, just because it is too uncomfortable to work under those conditions. I would tell her that Im sorry I screamed in her face, but I was so angry at her ignorance. That I meant my words, but I should not have spoke to her that way. I would ask her to please express her opinions about americans to someone else, becasue I dont want to hear them.

Good Luck

Lisa

Edited October 7, 2008 by Y_habibitk

[S and S 12]

How long has this Syrian lady lived here and how many mothers has she witnessed leaving their babies crying???

My daughter screamed and cried 24/7 for the first 7 months of her life, waking up 5-7 times a night until I finally let her cry in her crib and then she finally began sleeping most of the night. She was always held, I stayed home with her for the first 6 months and she was given all the attention in the world. I searched online, bought books, took her to Dr.'s, breastfed, gave formula, switched formulas umpteem times. Some babies are fussier than others.

I still had to do everyday things and so I had to bring my screaming baby with me. People in stores and everywhere I went looked at me as though I was torturing her. We flew several places and went entire flights with her screaming and through airports with her screaming bloody murder. So I suppose if the Syrian lady had witnessed me or someone else with a screaming baby like mine (God help them), then I suppose that would make her think badly about mothers here. However, it is rare when I've seen other babies like that when I am out and about.

I don't feel that you need to apologize. I'm sure you won't be the last American that she will encounter with that reaction if she keeps insulting Americans.

Crying 24/7 sounds like Colic. The poor babies that go through this appear to be in pain. And the poor parents. Not easy at all!

Oh Kat, I just read your posts. OMG you crack me up!!

Colic is what the doctors said too. But when it went past the typical 3 month mark, they ruled out colic. Believe me, I was counting on it ending after 3 months!!!!!!!

From my experience, and I've been to Morocco 5 times and there a total of about 4 months, I don't really like how the children are treated there. The women were always busy cleaning or cooking or socializing and the kids seemed to be left to fend for themselves. I always felt the urge to go comfort the kids and give them attention. They were always running around wild but they learned that they could come and sit with me quietly and we would communicate in our own little ways. The women would always look at me weird; I don't know if it is because they thought I was being bothered by their kids or that they thought I was being inappropriate with their kids.

I know that when I fly Royal Air Maroc, waiting in JFK for my flight includes having a slew of Moroccan kids chasing each other around all of us waiting. I feel that I am in "Little Morocco" when at JFK waiting for a RAM flight and preparing myself for the 21 nieces and nephews I will be around in a short while.

The Syrian woman has been living in the United States for about three years though she has been married to her American husband for about 6 years or so. He converted to Islam so they could marry. Not sure what experience she has had that makes her think all American women are such bad mothers. I think part of it is that her mother in law totally ignores her and doesn't stay in good contact and didn't help her to adjusting here. I can understand being upset about that, but doesn't mean you need to resent all American women for it.

I'm so sorry about you dealing with your own daughter. I know my parents said they went crazy just from me screaming and crying for two weeks non-stop after I was born. Lucky for them it was before all the health standards got so tough and my parents asked the doctor to prescribe me sleeping medicine (which worked). I guess they kept giving it to me until I was somewhere between 8 months and a year. My granma complained about that and saying it was wrong. All I know is most of the medicines that are supposed to make you drowsy or sleepy don't work on me, lol. In fact, i have a high tolerance to pain medication other people swear works so well and could not be put under when I had my wisdom teeth pulled. Maybe my parents should have just let me cry.

Anyway, no one can expect a parent to hold a baby non-stop if it never stops crying which is why I even mentioned you gotta step out and take a break. This woman didn't have babies like that so it is easy for her to criticize.

[S and S 12]

WOW - when I first read this I was speechless. Cant believe this happened in work environment. Women have enough to deal with on a good day and way too much to get through on a regular day then to have to listen to the under informed and ignorant.

I am sorry you lost your cool but I think we've all had a moment or two when we have just had enough. I wont get into the cultural differences of raising children but I can say it doesn't matter what race, religion, nationality, color, culture or financial back ground you come from - there is good & bad in ALL when it comes to raising children. Just know your doing (or will do) your best with yours in your situation & keep it moving.

BTW, I give you much credit for trying to reason with someone who sounds sooo unreasonable.

I agree that you have to look at each parent as an individual and not judge any group of people as a whole. Just because a method doesn't seem good to one person doesn't mean it isn't good (so long as it isn't really harmful). Thanks for your input. I'm sorry I lost my cool, but sometimes people need to know that their words can bother people. I tried and tried to give her an out, I said over and over "some women, not all" and the woman wouldn't take that, she just kept repeating "no, it is the American way" and that I wouldn't know because I am not a mother (as if all my life in America I was blind).

[S and S 12]

I haven't had an opportunity to read this entire thread, so please excuse me if I repeat what has been said.

This woman first insulted your family, then she insulted you, as well as all Americans. The bottom line is that she is a bully. No one has spoken to her that way before? Perhaps because people are afraid to stand up to her. Then she boo hoo's to another woman about you? Drama queen.

You did nothing wrong, she did. I don't care what their traditions say, she is in America now and she is the one that owes you the apology. I doubt you will get it however.

Considering you are in the workplace you do need to work on being civil to each other. You don't owe any more than that. My suggestion is that you act civil, but not over friendly. If she starts again just turn your back and walk away. You don't need to defend yourself to this bitter woman.

One other note. Her daughter(?) is only 5? Oh boy, she has a lot of years to go through before she can claim any expertise in the field of parenting. Just wait until this girl turns oh around 12. Let's just see how much of an expert she is as she loses all control over her child.

Thanks for your words, glad that I am not the only one to feel that way when hearing someone say things like that woman did. I agree that I must be civil to her and so far it is working. I don't think we will be able to talk on a normal level again though.

I do look forward to her daughter becoming older. As it is this woman doesn't dress or act like a conservative muslim (low cut shirts, sleeveless shirts, didn't fast for most of Ramadan), but when she goes home to Syria the hijab and conservative clothes magically reappear. What kind of example does that show to her kids?

[sandinista! 1,816]

"You dont see ANY imaginative discovery or inventions coming out of the arab world right now. Its not like the ALL ABOUT ME arabic culture where people become slaves to THEIR INTERPRETAION OF RELIGION. They cant sit around on their flabby asses pointing out the faults in others. their lack of personailty, independence, their pettiness and materialism and lack of ANY KIND OF INTELLECTUAL capacity"

in a thread about how crappy it is for this woman s&s knows to say a bunch of garbage about american women, it's equally ####### for anyone to turn around and say this kind of stuff. i don't see how any reasonable person can "crack up" over it. not that this kind of rubbish isn't par for the course around here.

[morocco4ever 63]

"You dont see ANY imaginative discovery or inventions coming out of the arab world right now. Its not like the ALL ABOUT ME arabic culture where people become slaves to THEIR INTERPRETAION OF RELIGION. They cant sit around on their flabby asses pointing out the faults in others. their lack of personailty, independence, their pettiness and materialism and lack of ANY KIND OF INTELLECTUAL capacity"

in a thread about how crappy it is for this woman s&s knows to say a bunch of garbage about american women, it's equally ####### for anyone to turn around and say this kind of stuff. i don't see how any reasonable person can "crack up" over it. not that this kind of rubbish isn't par for the course around here.

Did someone pee in your cheerios this morning?

[S and S 12]

I think there are different ways of raising a child.. I am not from Arab culture but I hope it is okay for the OP if I answered her post. I personally took care of my baby in the night time.. There were times, my son got fussy but I do not let him cry too much as the gas and bloated stomach will make him more miserable.. The baby on a certain age will not cry in the middle of the night if there is no problem.. I usually put him to swing with lullabies song or rub his stomach with oil to make his stomach feel better. But there are times, he just cry and I let him for 5 mins, if he did not stop, and fall back to sleep I go pick him up and check what is the problem..

But the time is completely different now.. My son is 2 years old now, some days he has a hard time sleeping, and cry for no reason.. We let him cry, he gets tired and fall back to sleep.. Babies are different in their unique way, so we can not judge a mother on how they take care of their babies no matter country she came from.

I meant to respond to you as well and got lost in all my responses. Thankyou for putting in your thoughts. There is absolutely no problem with you commenting here regardless of your nationality. Sometimes it is good to get a diverse perspective.

[SaadBell 0]

I have to put this in, when I was working with adolescent boys from the ages of 12 to 17. These boys all had at least one felony under their belt, so these are bad boys. I would tell them how well they really had it compare to the children in Egypt. The boys over there don’t talk smack to their elders, and if they do, not sure if they live through the beating they would get. At least from the families I lived with while there, the children behaved and if they did something wrong, they got it good, not in an abusive way, but way more than most kids here. They also work and don’t expect Nike shoes, and designer clothes. I also told my boys, you think they get private counseling like you do, I don’t think so; they don’t sit around and even have the luxury of thinking about their feelings. In one of the families I stayed with the children slept in the bed with the adults, which kinda of creep me out, coming from America and just my education on sexual abuse. I am sure it is just cultural, but it did make me step back and think really hard about it. I feel sorry for the children living in a third world country, compare to our children. We also have poverty, but nothing like a third world country. So this lady talking about American mothers, she must feel defensive, and that would make sense, we do a lot for our children in this country. We take our children to the doctors, when they have the hint of fever, how many of us have done that, only to look like a fool, now that is a very vigilant mother. So I see it as we pamper our babies, where they don’t have that luxury or even know how to do that. Just how I see things.

[doodlebugg 10]

"You dont see ANY imaginative discovery or inventions coming out of the arab world right now. Its not like the ALL ABOUT ME arabic culture where people become slaves to THEIR INTERPRETAION OF RELIGION. They cant sit around on their flabby asses pointing out the faults in others. their lack of personailty, independence, their pettiness and materialism and lack of ANY KIND OF INTELLECTUAL capacity"

in a thread about how crappy it is for this woman s&s knows to say a bunch of garbage about american women, it's equally ####### for anyone to turn around and say this kind of stuff. i don't see how any reasonable person can "crack up" over it.

I agree!

[SaadBell 0]

in a thread about how crappy it is for this woman s&s knows to say a bunch of garbage about american women, it's equally ####### for anyone to turn around and say this kind of stuff. i don't see how any reasonable person can "crack up" over it. not that this kind of rubbish isn't par for the course around here.

Please explain, I am sooooooooooooooooo confused I ride the short bus.