American women vs Arab women raising children

[S and S 12]

My husband lived in Baghdad for the first few years of the war, but he only mentions small things here and there. Honestly, you can tell it bothers him to talk about it. He has mentioned a couple things like you get used to passing by dead bodies on the street right after an explosion or shooting. Eventually and hopefully, the family will collect the body so not much you can do. He talked about how numb you get to it all. For instance he told me about seeing one store owner that calmly cleaned someone's brains off his store sign shortly after an explosion. Cleaning such things off your store front becomes a regular thing you don't think about much after awhile. My husband says you just have to deal with it because it happens over and over. Freaking out or going crazy isn't going to help you as you have to life your life somehow. You try to be cautious and careful and limit your exposure to danger, but sitting in your house all the time for years gets old so sometimes you just risk it to get out.

Sounds like living in south central in the 70's and 80's, talk about running for your life, and not crossing certain lines, and going into different gang lands. Hearing gun shots, police in the air, oh what childhood memories.

Minus the suicide bombers, car bombs, mortors, rockets, military checkpoints, militia checkpoints, etc.

um...yeah. Even though we do have issues in this country, it is nothing like what they face over there. When I was in Palestine during a curfew where there was shooting outside, my sister in law over there asked me if we had problems in America. I was kinda dumbfounded as to what to say. Clearly it was not like what they experience, but for some odd reason I did not want to just blurt out "No your the only one who goes through that". You know, kinda like when you are over here and you are facing a problem you wanna feel like someone else has the same problem as you right? I don't know if I explained that properly. In fact, I do not remember what I said in response to her question. I was in total shock she asked it really. I dont know why.

What makes me mad too is how people who have nevert been in that environment bllindly judge. And yes, I used to be one of them before i met that iraqi guy and discovered that hey, these people have hopes and families and dreams like we do in America. There are great people there and why are they suffering becaues of corrupt government, ignorant people, people who want to kill for greed, money, whatever. Or worese in some areas, why are they dying because a certain few feel that their Islam is superior to that of the rest ? People's ignorance of the region when they only read books or news but have not actually seen what people go through (talking about civilians, not working in the Green Zone with the embassy) makes me mad.

The Palestinians have many of the same water and electric issues right? I know they were happy to report that recently Baghdad residents now get 6 hours of electricity a day instead of two. If you can call that an improvement. Still doesn't do much for refrigeration issues.

[palilover 1]

I cannot say fully on this because I did not experience while I was there. I do know that Gaza has huge issues with electricity due to the fuel shortage. Also there is wter/sewage issues in Palestine (west bank and gaza) due to the Israeli settlements and the Israelis irrigating water out. On my way from Jordan to Palestine, right after allenby bridge if I remember correctly, there is a section of just plain dirt. I looked out the window and saw something and my husband said it was a little water well coming up from the ground. And my husband went onto explain that the Jordan River (he thins..he does not always know the names in English) used to run through there but it is now sucked all sucked up:( It was really eye opening to see the destruction that human greed can cause on the land!

Oh yeah in my husband's house though the electricdity will go off bfrom time to time but then it'll turn itself back on 30 secs to a minute later. It has done that when I'm there too. No idea what's up with that.

I was reading about a little Palestinian village the other day. It is near an Israeli settlement. I forget the name of the village. But there is one well so many miles from the village. The village has no running water and they have to go to the well. The reason there is no running water in that little village is because the Israeli settlers have ruined the sewage and water lines going to and from that village due to their building.

[LemonGrass 0]

This goes deeper than raising children or beliefs. She is going through some kind of other issue. She's using you to vent. I make is sound simple but that's my impression. Basic reasoning tells us that there are good and bad mothers in all countries and all religions. And you can't simply tell her she needs help or counseling, that just makes things worse. I know isn't a solution but I would just say, "You seem to be going through a difficult time, I'm sorry that you feel this way.". You just can't have a reasonable conversation or disagreement with someone who is appears to be mad at the world and everybody, or even a subset of it.

[himher 634]

Maybe because Pentecostals in Pentecostal churches trash and write books condemning catholics, baptists, muslims, mormons, and anyone else who does not necessarily interpret the Bible "their" way and then they flat state that those people are doomed to eternal hell. I guess judging everyone else doesn't necessarily win you many friends. Am I wrong? (laughing) don't make me google some examples......

well if she was talking about americans..she was talking about herself too cuz she is living in america. Unless she means "native" americans . Why do so many people hate on penticostals? Is it like what alot of people do against muslim's and other religons? Sounds like she was blowing off pent up emotions/anger and you were there so became the victim of it. I watched my son and daughter fighting once where, my daughter was PMSing and she went on a tangent about like 5 things in a row while my son just stood there in shock at the attack....when she said all she could she waited for his retaliation and he just said "wow" and no one knew what to say LOL it pretty much said everything...he did not agree and he did not defend, he just said "wow"

[himher 634]

S, you are correct in comparing Iraq and New Orleans.....

The violent death rate in New Orleans was HIGHER than Iraq in 2006..........

http://www.newsbusters.org/node/9932

S and S,

I hope you got something out of this thread, to help you deal with this woman at your work. Per the norm, it somehow turned into a little zoo lol

Good luck in however you decide to handle it.

Lisa

Thanks Lisa, I think I got some good ideas and support here. Also, if nothing else, it felt good to get the frustration out with people who have an idea of what I am talking about and how it feels. I am one of those people that tries to see the good in all people. Its not to say I'm perfect and don't slip, but I honestly try. If I hear an arab bash on America then I defend it. For instance, when I was visiting some of my husband's cousins the conversation turned to politics and the US. Of course they are Iraqi and living as refugees just trying to survive so I really understand they aren't going to be very happy. Yet I took me "okay" arabic and told them all about our health care issues here in the US. By the end of the conversation they were feeling sorry for American's! lol, just telling them how much it costs to have a baby without insurance here blew their minds.

On another note, I get tired of hearing people bash on the Iraqi people and say Americans would never act like them in time of war or disaster. Iraqis are doing the best they can while living in constant violence, limited electricity and contaminated water. Even going to work is taking your life into your hands and thousands have died from doing that alone. Then I point out how things turned in New Orleans after Katrina. Lawlessness can happen anywhere under the right circumstances and it is not on us to judge until we live through it. Just like those kids we see begging on the streets over in the middle east, take a look at our past and during the depression. Parents were doing the same thing with their kids. We just live better right now so you rarely see it (or at least for the moment).

I do believe Americans are the most giving and helpful (on the whole). We are raised with the idea of helping others and giving from the time we can walk and talk. It isn't even just a "Christian" thing. I've had athiest friends help me out in a time of need. In fact, if you look at some mosques around the US, they are helping out with habitat for humanity, health clinics, food drives, etc. I like to think "helping" is an American thing and has little to do with religion. Many churches will certainly help you, but there are some that don't really help so much. Also, I can't tell you how many Iraqis have done their best to help me while trying to get my husband here. They give me the best advice they can, I have been given free food, some of the women (including the Iraqi woman I mentioned before) has been a shoulder to cry on when I got frustrated with waiting for my husband. I believe there is good everywhere if you just look for it. Yet sometimes we do have to face the bad as that was the case in my original post for this thread. It isn't going to turn me against all the other arabs out there. I think we have to judge everyone on an individual basis and only was we are well informed.

[sandinista! 1,816]

Maybe because Pentecostals in Pentecostal churches trash and write books condemning catholics, baptists, muslims, mormons, and anyone else who does not necessarily interpret the Bible "their" way and then they flat state that those people are doomed to eternal hell. I guess judging everyone else doesn't necessarily win you many friends. Am I wrong? (laughing) don't make me google some examples......

i personally know plenty who do no such things, and have nothing but respect for my husband's and my own religious beliefs. so i guess you saying they are all like that won't win you many friends either, but will serve to make you look rather foolish and biased yrself. way to go!

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Since we dug up this old thread.... any updates on the nightmarish woman at work S &S?

Have you guys been getting along ok?

Lisa

[S and S 12]

She has become more civil to me which is an improvement, but I just don't trust her. She knows a lot of people are friends with me at work and it makes me think she does it just so she doesn't look bad. Anyway, I just try to be nice as well (even in times where she doesn't acknowledge me lol), but no plans on her becoming a close friend or anything.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

She has become more civil to me which is an improvement, but I just don't trust her. She knows a lot of people are friends with me at work and it makes me think she does it just so she doesn't look bad. Anyway, I just try to be nice as well (even in times where she doesn't acknowledge me lol), but no plans on her becoming a close friend or anything.

Good! it sounds like it is as good as it will get. Civil is good...

Lisa

[S and S 12]

She has become more civil to me which is an improvement, but I just don't trust her. She knows a lot of people are friends with me at work and it makes me think she does it just so she doesn't look bad. Anyway, I just try to be nice as well (even in times where she doesn't acknowledge me lol), but no plans on her becoming a close friend or anything.

Good! it sounds like it is as good as it will get. Civil is good...

Lisa

Thanks for asking and you are right. Civil works fine

[DanielParul 50]

My mum was horrified at the idea of me putting my baby in another room as soon as Daniel isback from Iraq (the baby will be 3-4 months old) and before that it will be in the same room but in the crib. Thats my way of doing it, nothing American or Indian about it. She sounds like a woman you can avoid dealing with coz she is definately not worthy fo you having to give any excuses. Ignore her and just carry on with your life. If she was a good person let alone a good mother herself, she would understand that religion and raising kids is a personal thing and not make any comments about it. She's probably insecure as a mother and a person herself and taking it out on you

[S and S 12]

She got me upset again the other day. My pay has a mistake and they are taking $1200 from my paycheck this month which is not a good time (not that any time is good). She made a comment that I should have all this money saved and it shouldn't be a problem. Well, I have had a lot of expenses this year. I bought a new bedroom set for when my husband comes. I've been helping my family with money and many other things happened so I lost what money I did have saved. She said even if I only made $800 a month I should be saving money. I couldn't believe it. Of course her husband makes twice the amount of money I do so this is easy for her to say. Not only that but she only started working this year and she can keep all her money for herself as her husband pays all the bills and still has money left over. I explained all this to her and she still said I had no excuse for not saving! I think she has no idea of the costs of really living here. I have not bought clothes for myself since the spring. I did not go to a hair stylist for more than one year. I chose to spend my money on my home and my family. Once my husband comes and can start working it will be different. I wanted to tell her that she should try living on only her paycheck sometime and then see if she can save money. Anyway, I have avoided her since then. God knows what I might say if I see her soon.

[doodlebugg 10]

She got me upset again the other day. My pay has a mistake and they are taking $1200 from my paycheck this month which is not a good time (not that any time is good). She made a comment that I should have all this money saved and it shouldn't be a problem. Well, I have had a lot of expenses this year. I bought a new bedroom set for when my husband comes. I've been helping my family with money and many other things happened so I lost what money I did have saved. She said even if I only made $800 a month I should be saving money. I couldn't believe it. Of course her husband makes twice the amount of money I do so this is easy for her to say. Not only that but she only started working this year and she can keep all her money for herself as her husband pays all the bills and still has money left over. I explained all this to her and she still said I had no excuse for not saving! I think she has no idea of the costs of really living here. I have not bought clothes for myself since the spring. I did not go to a hair stylist for more than one year. I chose to spend my money on my home and my family. Once my husband comes and can start working it will be different. I wanted to tell her that she should try living on only her paycheck sometime and then see if she can save money. Anyway, I have avoided her since then. God knows what I might say if I see her soon.

Good idea to avoid her. Some people are just not worth the time.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

She got me upset again the other day. My pay has a mistake and they are taking $1200 from my paycheck this month which is not a good time (not that any time is good). She made a comment that I should have all this money saved and it shouldn't be a problem. Well, I have had a lot of expenses this year. I bought a new bedroom set for when my husband comes. I've been helping my family with money and many other things happened so I lost what money I did have saved. She said even if I only made $800 a month I should be saving money. I couldn't believe it. Of course her husband makes twice the amount of money I do so this is easy for her to say. Not only that but she only started working this year and she can keep all her money for herself as her husband pays all the bills and still has money left over. I explained all this to her and she still said I had no excuse for not saving! I think she has no idea of the costs of really living here. I have not bought clothes for myself since the spring. I did not go to a hair stylist for more than one year. I chose to spend my money on my home and my family. Once my husband comes and can start working it will be different. I wanted to tell her that she should try living on only her paycheck sometime and then see if she can save money. Anyway, I have avoided her since then. God knows what I might say if I see her soon.

call her and tell her EID MUBAREK

Also tell her if she continues to hurt your feelings you will not have any further contact with her. I dont think you have told her just how mad you are at her. She needs to hear it bluntly. You cannot be passive with know it alls like this.... Simply say. I am not coddled and spoiled like you and what you are doing to me is not fair. She has not been told this like this I am sure of it and if you do, she will wake up and realise she will lose you. I doubt she has any american friends that will give her the time of day and if you stand up for yourself in a kind way, you will see a big change. You cant expect her to understand body language and american culture. She is just spoiled, rude and snotty and hopefully someone will have a come to jesus talk to her.. But I know people in the south are way too polite for that. Its up to you to help fix her brain

[notime4haterz 0]

She got me upset again the other day. My pay has a mistake and they are taking $1200 from my paycheck this month which is not a good time (not that any time is good). She made a comment that I should have all this money saved and it shouldn't be a problem. Well, I have had a lot of expenses this year. I bought a new bedroom set for when my husband comes. I've been helping my family with money and many other things happened so I lost what money I did have saved. She said even if I only made $800 a month I should be saving money. I couldn't believe it. Of course her husband makes twice the amount of money I do so this is easy for her to say. Not only that but she only started working this year and she can keep all her money for herself as her husband pays all the bills and still has money left over. I explained all this to her and she still said I had no excuse for not saving! I think she has no idea of the costs of really living here. I have not bought clothes for myself since the spring. I did not go to a hair stylist for more than one year. I chose to spend my money on my home and my family. Once my husband comes and can start working it will be different. I wanted to tell her that she should try living on only her paycheck sometime and then see if she can save money. Anyway, I have avoided her since then. God knows what I might say if I see her soon.

My father and my husband's brothers are like this. They think if we spend money on something like a pizza, for example, it's blasphemy! I'm like "What are we gonna do with all this money? Bury it in our graves? Money is for spending!" I hate people like that...that are so stingy, they want you to save every single penny and if you don't have alot of money in the bank, they look at you like you're deficient. My father always says the same thing, "I make 10 percent of your salary and I save XX dollars a month"... and good for them if they can do that, but me, I like to spend my money.

As for helping your family...I believe you're probably just a generous person that helps those who have less than you...people like that woman, in general, don't help others. They feel like if they help someone, that person will always want help, and then they will lose their money. So they don't help anyone and they horde every penny. I like giving to charities and helping others out. I feel like I have a purpouse in this life when I do things like that... and I feel better spiritually, because charity is like spiritual cleansing for me.