"Happily ever after"

[Lili 3]

I always hear from my coworkers -who have been married for at least a decade-, how they are not really happily married, how they'd rather work than being home all day with their retired husbands.

It made me think...I am extremely happy with my husband and if we could, we would spend more time together. But does married life goes all down hill from there? Do people fall out of love, in a routine or love is not made to last?

I have yet to see one long time married couple says it was the best decision they ever made.

Inputs?

[Marilyn. 340]

my parents have been married for 35 years now.. they have had their hard times but they made it through and seem happier now then they have ever been

Edited October 1, 2008 by *Marilyn*

[Amby 490]

I believe if the person is your "other half" then it will just work

[BUHOK 0]

To the OP, there is no perfect relationship there's always ups and downs.

[Lili 3]

To the OP, there is no perfect relationship there's always ups and downs.

I am aware of that. My hubby and I fought for a good six months when he didn't have a job. It was really ugly! But things got better and now, we disagree but never fight.

35 years! Wow, that is a long time to be married! (congrats on your husband getting the job by the way!) My grandparents in law are going to celebrate their 60 years sometimes soon, I believe. They are just adorably cute together.

I believe that marriage is a lot of work, compromises and communication. It just saddens me when I see so many people not happy with their significant others. Life is too short...

[Otto 83]

A comedian once said "Half of all marriages end in divorce... the other half end in death..."

For all too many - getting in the first que is 'easier' than sticking around for the second one...

[Bulgarican 0]

I believe that marriage is a lot of work, compromises and communication. It just saddens me when I see so many people not happy with their significant others. Life is too short...

I agree with you 100% on your statement.

Some people find it easier to give up than to build a beautiful and enduring relationship.

And I am one who believes in

Happily Ever After

[caybee 21]

There is a difference between love and being "in love." Much of love is action, not emotion. It's sometimes hard work, and it isn't always neat and pretty, yet it's the most beautiful thing in the world. I think one problem comes when people lose that warm-fuzzy "in-love" emotion for a time and mistakenly believe the love itself has died. Another mistake can be believing the "in-love" feeling will never return. I think if both partners resolve to work hard at loving each other, wanting the best for each other and working for that, staying steadfast and trustworthy, even if there are times they frankly don't like each other very much, there's no reason why that "in-love" feeling can't ebb and flow throughout their married life.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

“Marriage is not a love affair. A love affair is a totally different thing. A marriage is a commitment to that which you are. That person is literally your other half. And you and the other are one. A love affair isn’t that. That is a relationship of pleasure, and when it gets to be unpleasurable , it’s off. But a marriage is a life commitment, and a life commitment means the prime concern of your life. If marriage is not the prime concern, you are not married.”

~ Joseph Campbell

[Jenn! 918]

Hmmm, well not *literally* your other half!

ETA: Yeah, I read it again, and I like it even less. If marriage is not your prime concern, then you're not married? Huh?

Edited November 11, 2008 by Jenn!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Hmmm, well not *literally* your other half!

ETA: Yeah, I read it again, and I like it even less. If marriage is not your prime concern, then you're not married? Huh?

Other half means you are half of something larger than yourself - the marriage, which should take priority over the self. The paradox is that both partners, if they put each others needs before their own, then both partners are getting their needs met through the marriage.

[jundp 191]

A couple at our church just celebrated the blessing of their 60th anniversary!

My husband's parents have been married for almost 30 years and are still happy.

My grandparents were married for over 50 years and were incredibly in love.

Many of the people I am friends with have been married for 10+ years very happily. Ups and downs come and times can be tough, but what seems to sustain them through it all is communication and appreciation for each other.

Our priest once said "Love isn't always just a feeling. Sometimes it's a choice." We won't always be "in love" but if we truly believe in the commitment to each other, we'll make the choice to work through the tough times.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Hmmm, well not *literally* your other half!

ETA: Yeah, I read it again, and I like it even less. If marriage is not your prime concern, then you're not married? Huh?

Other half means you are half of something larger than yourself - the marriage, which should take priority over the self. The paradox is that both partners, if they put each others needs before their own, then both partners are getting their needs met through the marriage.

...also, I think he meant that if you truly aren't committed to the marriage, then it's not really a marriage...that makes sense to me.

[Jenn! 918]

Hmmm, well not *literally* your other half!

ETA: Yeah, I read it again, and I like it even less. If marriage is not your prime concern, then you're not married? Huh?

Other half means you are half of something larger than yourself - the marriage, which should take priority over the self. The paradox is that both partners, if they put each others needs before their own, then both partners are getting their needs met through the marriage.

...also, I think he meant that if you truly aren't committed to the marriage, then it's not really a marriage...that makes sense to me.

What you're saying makes sense (to an extent), but I don't think that's what he said. If you ask someone what their "prime concern" is, would they really say, "my marriage"? Maybe they would say, "my spouse". I guess thinking of marriage as an entity itself is not really how I look at it - as though the "marriage" is somehow separate from the two people involved in it.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Hmmm, well not *literally* your other half!

ETA: Yeah, I read it again, and I like it even less. If marriage is not your prime concern, then you're not married? Huh?

Other half means you are half of something larger than yourself - the marriage, which should take priority over the self. The paradox is that both partners, if they put each others needs before their own, then both partners are getting their needs met through the marriage.

...also, I think he meant that if you truly aren't committed to the marriage, then it's not really a marriage...that makes sense to me.

What you're saying makes sense (to an extent), but I don't think that's what he said. If you ask someone what their "prime concern" is, would they really say, "my marriage"? Maybe they would say, "my spouse". I guess thinking of marriage as an entity itself is not really how I look at it - as though the "marriage" is somehow separate from the two people involved in it.

It's metaphorical but makes logical sense when described as something larger than ourselves (the marriage), IMO. Our self preservation and ego can work against that. Also, if the primary concern was your spouse, you could actually be working against the marriage if your focus was primarily on them and not on the welfare and well being of the marriage itself.