Yardies, at home and a farrin (part 8)

[JaHoney 3]

Island dont worry, not taking it out of context... we still love you

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Sunny I'm leaving work. Call me on the cell. I'll be at Auri school dealing with the parade...

[Islandwoman 0]

I know that she wasn't trying to hurt anyone...actually she was trying to reassure you in your situation. However, I am dealing with a situation that is quite the contrary to the belief that they will adapt to being without their children. It has been four years...and it is hard as he!!. I am happy for everyone that is moving forward through the process. He wants me to move there...but we know that is not feasible with four children.

He is trying to get baby mother to agree to at least six months with us and six months with her...but so far...it doesn't look good. I try to be his source of comfort but it is very hard to want something so bad and know that we are no closer to being a family because of something out of our control.

Jawi...I admire your strength, because I know I wouldn't be able to do it.

[Yaads 0]

That's what I meant too. Society in general thinks it is easier for a man to walk away from his kids than a mother because that has been the norm for so long. But, there are some men that cannot imagine leaving their children behind. A was severely depressed being in Canada for just 8 months...he went back home thinking that it was because he missed his girls. But, now he realizes that he missed them AND me...so he was plain miserable.

She will agree to letting them come...I get excited and start working on paperwork. Then, she decides she needs something and the kids are the only way she can get him to do anything for her...so she changes her mind again. I'm crying right now. Be back shortly.

Since neither of us has children I don't have any personal experience to expand upon but I do know that this is such a hard situation to deal with for so many people.

I am so sorry Jawi that baby mama uses the children as pawns in her little game. The emotional roller coaster from everything would be more than I could handle. To chose between your flesh and blood and the woman/man you love should never be a choice someone has to make. You know I love ya and am here if you ever need anything

Edited October 31, 2008 by Yardiewife

[Islandwoman 0]

That's what I meant too. Society in general thinks it is easier for a man to walk away from his kids than a mother because that has been the norm for so long. But, there are some men that cannot imagine leaving their children behind. A was severely depressed being in Canada for just 8 months...he went back home thinking that it was because he missed his girls. But, now he realizes that he missed them AND me...so he was plain miserable.

She will agree to letting them come...I get excited and start working on paperwork. Then, she decides she needs something and the kids are the only way she can get him to do anything for her...so she changes her mind again. I'm crying right now. Be back shortly.

I'm sorry for stirring this up Jawi....As long as he stays, she will always have the upper hand and control over him until the girls are grown. If he decides to come that would force her hand. Seems her tune would change if he was not there on a day to day basis.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Jaws..ur making me cry too i feel for u..and u know what else is sad..the women that use the children as pawns. What is so horrible to let them live here 6mths and there 6mths..come on. I'm not saying its easy for the women to let go either but u think you would have the childrens best interest at heart

Island..no probs here..we still kool

[SupportOAFJF 0]

My step childrens mother has never held a job my husband was the one bringing in the money and taking care of his girls. This girl is the most worthless unambitious woman ever. As long as she has the kids she knows that is the only way she can sit pretty. I wanna see what she's gonna do when they come live here. i know wait until they are of age to file for her...soooo sad i have to say that btu it's true

[JaHoney 3]

okay yall im bout to be depressed

WE NEED TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD AND DO SOMETHING HAPPY, THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY

[jawi876 2]

I'm very sorry if my comment was hurtful Jawi, because it certainly wasn't meant to be. I only know my situation and what I see with the men I know in Jamaica. I don't see it as choosing a spouse over your children, or walking away from your children, especially if you have plans to bring them in the future.

Again, my apologies.

I appreciate the apology Island. I know that it wasn't intentional. My problem is that he can't find peace in planning to bring them in the future because she is a true piece of work (not defaming her because she is mother of my stepdaughters). This is a woman that told her baby daughters that their daddy lef and go farrin and nuh rate dem cuz he nuh put money inna dem bank account as soon as $$ was a little late in arriving from Canada. This is a woman that would not let him talk to his daughters for five months because im go a farrin wid farrin ooman and nuh send money.

He feels like he is going to loose them if he leaves again. Reassuring him that we will fight for them is not enough...because it would involve $$ that neither of us have to fight her. He doesn't want to take them from her either...but she is not even willing to compromise...even though her youngest daughter needs heart surgery urgently, and she can't help her. She uses those girls as a pawn to keep him around.

Again, no hard feelings Island...the subject was just too close to my heart for me to stay silent.

[JaHoney 3]

okay gotta get some work done, back shortly

peace

[jawi876 2]

That's what I meant too. Society in general thinks it is easier for a man to walk away from his kids than a mother because that has been the norm for so long. But, there are some men that cannot imagine leaving their children behind. A was severely depressed being in Canada for just 8 months...he went back home thinking that it was because he missed his girls. But, now he realizes that he missed them AND me...so he was plain miserable.

She will agree to letting them come...I get excited and start working on paperwork. Then, she decides she needs something and the kids are the only way she can get him to do anything for her...so she changes her mind again. I'm crying right now. Be back shortly.

I'm sorry for stirring this up Jawi....As long as he stays, she will always have the upper hand and control over him until the girls are grown. If he decides to come that would force her hand. Seems her tune would change if he was not there on a day to day basis.

I couldn't agree more. But, then I feel like I am forcing his hand. Will he begin to resent me if she calls his bluff and disappears with them?

[sus 70]

Jawi, I feel for you - That situation is so unbelievably difficult - It frustrates me to no end when I see parents use their children to their own advantage. We haven't even dealt with half of the shyt I know we will encounter with DJ's son's mom - But she is another that falls into the manipulative category - Lord help her if I ever run into her and we have a chat = the ####### she pulled about just taking him from school, and not telling anyone where he is - She forgot she had a child for 3 years - suddenly remembered when she found out about me - And playing Mommy lasted all of 2 months, then she dumped her son on her mom, with orders that he isn't to go back to DJ's family. She isn't doing anything for him financially - DJ's doing the best he can, and I bought his school uniforms for him this year - When we try to bring him here I know we will either have a battle or be coughing up some dough to pay her off -

[jawi876 2]

okay yall im bout to be depressed

WE NEED TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD AND DO SOMETHING HAPPY, THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY

LOL...silly.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Jawi, I feel for you - That situation is so unbelievably difficult - It frustrates me to no end when I see parents use their children to their own advantage. We haven't even dealt with half of the shyt I know we will encounter with DJ's son's mom - But she is another that falls into the manipulative category - Lord help her if I ever run into her and we have a chat = the ####### she pulled about just taking him from school, and not telling anyone where he is - She forgot she had a child for 3 years - suddenly remembered when she found out about me - And playing Mommy lasted all of 2 months, then she dumped her son on her mom, with orders that he isn't to go back to DJ's family. She isn't doing anything for him financially - DJ's doing the best he can, and I bought his school uniforms for him this year - When we try to bring him here I know we will either have a battle or be coughing up some dough to pay her off -

ISN'T IT SO FREAKING SAD !!!

okay yall im bout to be depressed

WE NEED TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD AND DO SOMETHING HAPPY, THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY

U BETTER GO GET UR VISA FOR THE DUMB

[jawi876 2]

Jawi, I feel for you - That situation is so unbelievably difficult - It frustrates me to no end when I see parents use their children to their own advantage. We haven't even dealt with half of the shyt I know we will encounter with DJ's son's mom - But she is another that falls into the manipulative category - Lord help her if I ever run into her and we have a chat = the ####### she pulled about just taking him from school, and not telling anyone where he is - She forgot she had a child for 3 years - suddenly remembered when she found out about me - And playing Mommy lasted all of 2 months, then she dumped her son on her mom, with orders that he isn't to go back to DJ's family. She isn't doing anything for him financially - DJ's doing the best he can, and I bought his school uniforms for him this year - When we try to bring him here I know we will either have a battle or be coughing up some dough to pay her off -

yuhseeit? You know first hand how that cut DJ...he was barely functioning day to day until he was back safely.