Yardies, at home and a farrin (part 8)

[jawi876 2]

alright yall im getting more cross eyed than normal cause im super sleepy, but just to dyam nosey to go to bed.

I guess i will call it a night, as i need to get my beauty sleep,,, chat with yall tomorrow

and hopefully someone, anyone can give me the address for the embassy in Kingston, cause im not sure where to look for it on VJ

Google the US Embassy in Kingston....

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Poor Kimora. Mi woulda laugh tuh!

Wooiee wi call dat progress note! Yuh knoa it was coming. Nah stress...mek she chat an be bilingual

MY POOR BABY

[Yaads 0]

How many of you ladies bawled your eyes out when he got off the plane???

My whole family was with me so I kept my composure plus it was really late at night and we were all just kinda shocked he was really here. I bawled as soon as we were alone of course.

[Yaads 0]

SUNNY FROM MAWNIN YUH LICK MI INNA MI HEAD...MI HEAD A HURT MI...MI ALREADY AVE A FEW LOSE SCREWS

Acceptance is the first step to recovery

[Yaads 0]

Hi Quana and Sus Glad you all are ok!

[sus 70]

WELCOME BACK SUS...I BET UR TIRES..YEA SOMETIMES U JUST HAVE TO SAY NOOO..I REMEMBER NOT LONG AGO I COULDN'T SAY NO

I am getting better at it - She is my usual travel partner, but I haven't been anywhere with her since Jan - all my trips to JA I booked on the sly, and then told her after the fact because I wanted time alone with DJ. So, I think I felt guilty about it - but this was the last straw - It was hard enough to stay awake through all my classes, even tougher to deal with her - she dragged me all over shopping, etc.... and didn't buy a damn thing!

Bukom Cafe was interesting though = of course, we couldn't eat there bc she wouldn't eat that food! And Meat market is an understatement, lol - I couldn't move without someone talking to me - This one guy was really really funny - kept trying to convince me that I should give him a chance bc he was interested in me - didn't get the fact that I was in a relationship - asked me where my man was - I said Portland - he said - Oregon? Ummm,,,,, no - when I said JA he didn't believe me - I turned to my friend and asked her where DJ was - she said JA, why? - too funny

We left there and went across the street to some dancehall - great music. However, that killed me for the rest of the week - all the walking and dancing, I was dead!

I am heading to the gym now - that was a sure sign!

[JaHoney 3]

jawi though i dont believe Island meant her statement in a bad way about Dwayne leaving, i do understand where your coming from. I love Dwayne with all my heart and i believe him to feel the same way, but it pains me daily to think of him leaving his kids, and how it will affect not only him but them. How can we be happy if he is miserable. He is very involved with them and will give his last to ensure that there needs are met, often doing without himself. I could not leave my kids to go to another country, it would destroy me. I feel very selfish in wanting my happiness in us being together if he is sacrificing part of his own happiness. He tells me no worry yuhself, but i know it bothers him as well. There is no good solution to this?

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Hey roxcie , im trying not to worry myself overanalyzing every facet of every document, but im excited about it, and ready to move forward, though i do worry about him and how he will adapt and wondering how he will feel about leaving his kids , but he continually tells me no worry yuhself, so im trying not to let it stress me, i know i dont think i would be able to leave my kids and go to another country...

I think its a different situation - you eat, breath and sleep your kids. Most Jamaican men have a different situation. But I understand what you are saying completely. I believe in mind over matter - if he wants to adjust fine and make the most of it, he will.

I couldn't disagree more. Island...your comment is very hurtful (to me) and disheartening. We make the assumption that it is easy for Jamaian men to leave their children because we don't want to feel bad for separating him from them. We feel that our men should choose us over his kids to show he really loves us. I would never put a man before my kids, and I couldn't love a man that would either.

I would be done with this immigration process/nightmare if it were a different situation. My man is torn between being with his daughters and being with me. He lives for those kids...gives his LAST and goes without for his kids. I don't doubt his love for me either. However, walking away from your kids is not a matter of mind over matter any more than it would be for you or any other mother.

Let me 1st say I'm not jumpin on any bandwagon, I just overlooked this whole statement and would liek to say something.

Jawi I agree with you, and I can see how this statement would totally hurt you or any Jamaican man/woman readin this or have children they have to leave behind. Alot of times in JA men and women who have children together do not live or have any kind of relationship with the mothers and that sometimes brings the notion that it's easier to let go b/c there is no real attachment to the children, which is quite the contrary to the men I know. And some JA men give ppl this to think b/c they have sex with women casually and then deny the child that come.

My husband has told me many many many times "kimmy, u know i never loved her" but yet he had 2 kids by her. He said it's because he would rather stay with her than "run around" with other ppl. And guess what those girls (all his girls) are his life and he cannot wait to get them here not to mention go back to see them. I ask him how the heck can u be with someone u don't love that contributes nothing to the relationship just sit around and breed up.

So all that to say, not b/c the man and the woman never lived together doesn't mean the children are not as important to them.

[jawi876 2]

jawi though i dont believe Island meant her statement in a bad way about Dwayne leaving, i do understand where your coming from. I love Dwayne with all my heart and i believe him to feel the same way, but it pains me daily to think of him leaving his kids, and how it will affect not only him but them. How can we be happy if he is miserable. He is very involved with them and will give his last to ensure that there needs are met, often doing without himself. I could not leave my kids to go to another country, it would destroy me. I feel very selfish in wanting my happiness in us being together if he is sacrificing part of his own happiness. He tells me no worry yuhself, but i know it bothers him as well. There is no good solution to this?

I know that she wasn't trying to hurt anyone...actually she was trying to reassure you in your situation. However, I am dealing with a situation that is quite the contrary to the belief that they will adapt to being without their children. It has been four years...and it is hard as he!!. I am happy for everyone that is moving forward through the process. He wants me to move there...but we know that is not feasible with four children.

He is trying to get baby mother to agree to at least six months with us and six months with her...but so far...it doesn't look good. I try to be his source of comfort but it is very hard to want something so bad and know that we are no closer to being a family because of something out of our control.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

The way my husband thought of the leaving the kids situation is that they will follow shortly..and that's what we are working towards. For me as a woman, I want all the kids to grow up together (i'm the nice step mom) love his kids as my own and I couldn't do anything but..

[jawi876 2]

Hey roxcie , im trying not to worry myself overanalyzing every facet of every document, but im excited about it, and ready to move forward, though i do worry about him and how he will adapt and wondering how he will feel about leaving his kids , but he continually tells me no worry yuhself, so im trying not to let it stress me, i know i dont think i would be able to leave my kids and go to another country...

I think its a different situation - you eat, breath and sleep your kids. Most Jamaican men have a different situation. But I understand what you are saying completely. I believe in mind over matter - if he wants to adjust fine and make the most of it, he will.

I couldn't disagree more. Island...your comment is very hurtful (to me) and disheartening. We make the assumption that it is easy for Jamaian men to leave their children because we don't want to feel bad for separating him from them. We feel that our men should choose us over his kids to show he really loves us. I would never put a man before my kids, and I couldn't love a man that would either.

I would be done with this immigration process/nightmare if it were a different situation. My man is torn between being with his daughters and being with me. He lives for those kids...gives his LAST and goes without for his kids. I don't doubt his love for me either. However, walking away from your kids is not a matter of mind over matter any more than it would be for you or any other mother.

Let me 1st say I'm not jumpin on any bandwagon, I just overlooked this whole statement and would liek to say something.

Jawi I agree with you, and I can see how this statement would totally hurt you or any Jamaican man/woman readin this or have children they have to leave behind. Alot of times in JA men and women who have children together do not live or have any kind of relationship with the mothers and that sometimes brings the notion that it's easier to let go b/c there is no real attachment to the children, which is quite the contrary to the men I know. And some JA men give ppl this to think b/c they have sex with women casually and then deny the child that come.

My husband has told me many many many times "kimmy, u know i never loved her" but yet he had 2 kids by her. He said it's because he would rather stay with her than "run around" with other ppl. And guess what those girls (all his girls) are his life and he cannot wait to get them here not to mention go back to see them. I ask him how the heck can u be with someone u don't love that contributes nothing to the relationship just sit around and breed up.

So all that to say, not b/c the man and the woman never lived together doesn't mean the children are not as important to them.

That's what I meant too. Society in general thinks it is easier for a man to walk away from his kids than a mother because that has been the norm for so long. But, there are some men that cannot imagine leaving their children behind. A was severely depressed being in Canada for just 8 months...he went back home thinking that it was because he missed his girls. But, now he realizes that he missed them AND me...so he was plain miserable.

She will agree to letting them come...I get excited and start working on paperwork. Then, she decides she needs something and the kids are the only way she can get him to do anything for her...so she changes her mind again. I'm crying right now. Be back shortly.

[Islandwoman 0]

I couldn't disagree more. Island...your comment is very hurtful (to me) and disheartening. We make the assumption that it is easy for Jamaian men to leave their children because we don't want to feel bad for separating him from them. We feel that our men should choose us over his kids to show he really loves us. I would never put a man before my kids, and I couldn't love a man that would either.

I would be done with this immigration process/nightmare if it were a different situation. My man is torn between being with his daughters and being with me. He lives for those kids...gives his LAST and goes without for his kids. I don't doubt his love for me either. However, walking away from your kids is not a matter of mind over matter any more than it would be for you or any other mother.

I'm very sorry if my comment was hurtful Jawi, because it certainly wasn't meant to be. I only know my situation and what I see with the men I know in Jamaica. I don't see it as choosing a spouse over your children, or walking away from your children, especially if you have plans to bring them in the future.

Again, my apologies.

[Islandwoman 0]

WELCOME BACK SUS...I BET UR TIRES..YEA SOMETIMES U JUST HAVE TO SAY NOOO..I REMEMBER NOT LONG AGO I COULDN'T SAY NO

I am getting better at it - She is my usual travel partner, but I haven't been anywhere with her since Jan - all my trips to JA I booked on the sly, and then told her after the fact because I wanted time alone with DJ. So, I think I felt guilty about it - but this was the last straw - It was hard enough to stay awake through all my classes, even tougher to deal with her - she dragged me all over shopping, etc.... and didn't buy a damn thing!

Bukom Cafe was interesting though = of course, we couldn't eat there bc she wouldn't eat that food! And Meat market is an understatement, lol - I couldn't move without someone talking to me - This one guy was really really funny - kept trying to convince me that I should give him a chance bc he was interested in me - didn't get the fact that I was in a relationship - asked me where my man was - I said Portland - he said - Oregon? Ummm,,,,, no - when I said JA he didn't believe me - I turned to my friend and asked her where DJ was - she said JA, why? - too funny

We left there and went across the street to some dancehall - great music. However, that killed me for the rest of the week - all the walking and dancing, I was dead!

I am heading to the gym now - that was a sure sign!

Welcome back Sus, missed you --- as you know.

[JaHoney 3]

see now im all sad again....LOL... I will say it again this situation sucks AZZ!!!, my oldest child is about to be 16 and off to college in 2 years, my youngest well he honestly doesnt give a rats azz about most things, so im sure he could adapt to any situation, but i honestly feel that once me and dwayne are settled we will have to make an effort to have the kids with us for 3 or 6 months at a time and im sure baby momma will agree to it, cause she doesnt half take care of them now,,, but it pains my heart that just in order to love someone we gotta go thru such #######!!!!

Jawi, sis i got a heavy heart right now for you, cause i understand that feeling of being in limbo and not having much control over a situation. I will keep you in my prayers that there is a resolution. Do the same for me.

Peace

[Islandwoman 0]

Let me 1st say I'm not jumpin on any bandwagon, I just overlooked this whole statement and would liek to say something.

Jawi I agree with you, and I can see how this statement would totally hurt you or any Jamaican man/woman readin this or have children they have to leave behind. Alot of times in JA men and women who have children together do not live or have any kind of relationship with the mothers and that sometimes brings the notion that it's easier to let go b/c there is no real attachment to the children, which is quite the contrary to the men I know. And some JA men give ppl this to think b/c they have sex with women casually and then deny the child that come.

My husband has told me many many many times "kimmy, u know i never loved her" but yet he had 2 kids by her. He said it's because he would rather stay with her than "run around" with other ppl. And guess what those girls (all his girls) are his life and he cannot wait to get them here not to mention go back to see them. I ask him how the heck can u be with someone u don't love that contributes nothing to the relationship just sit around and breed up.

So all that to say, not b/c the man and the woman never lived together doesn't mean the children are not as important to them.

And this is more along the lines of what I was thinking when I wrote it. If they put their "mind" to being here and getting themselves set up with the goal of their children.

Again, I wasn't trying to dis anyone......