Girlfiends girlfiend has problems/ need help

[Pet 0]

My gf in Digos City has been advising me that her gf , who came to the US on a K1 on May 29 and married on June 12, has had NO ACTION taken by her husband since that date of marriage. He has not applied for an AOS or EAD and will not let her out of his apartment alone. He is on SSI and does not (or claims not to) have the money to buy her winter clothing, any reasonable amount of personal hygiene products (i,e, hair conditioner or a blow dryer). He has told her that he now cannot afford to bring her 3yr old son over on the k1 which is driving her crazy. Basically my understanding is that she is a simple slave in a studio sized condo with nothing to do but listen to music and or chat to family on Yahoo. He refuses to allow her a phone card as well. So here is this woman, alone, no money, no job, no expectation of an AOS or EAD who is required to cook, clean and provide for the sexual needs of a man with bi-polar disorder.

My question to anyone who knows is: What can she do??

Thanks for reading and please advise.

[HappyDancer 7]

Legal aid is the only way. If she has access to the phone, that should give her a chance to call the authorities. Husband or not, nobody deserves the right to treat anyone that way.

[IAMX 3,055]

Take away his computer and game console.

[Ms. Squirrel 11]

She should dump his a$$ and go home to be with her child and family.

I am sorry she is going through such a bad experience.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Spousal abuse and battery are used for one purpose: to gain and maintain total control over the victim. In addition to physical violence, abusers use the following tactics to exert power over their wives or partners:

• Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession.
• Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
• Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, MN
• Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
• Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.
• Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility onto you: Somehow, his violence and abuse is your fault.

If you feel you are in physical danger immediately call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-3224.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_v...ses_effects.htm

[Dakine 26]

My gf in Digos City has been advising me that her gf , who came to the US on a K1 on May 29 and married on June 12, has had NO ACTION taken by her husband since that date of marriage. He has not applied for an AOS or EAD and will not let her out of his apartment alone. He is on SSI and does not (or claims not to) have the money to buy her winter clothing, any reasonable amount of personal hygiene products (i,e, hair conditioner or a blow dryer). He has told her that he now cannot afford to bring her 3yr old son over on the k1 which is driving her crazy. Basically my understanding is that she is a simple slave in a studio sized condo with nothing to do but listen to music and or chat to family on Yahoo. He refuses to allow her a phone card as well. So here is this woman, alone, no money, no job, no expectation of an AOS or EAD who is required to cook, clean and provide for the sexual needs of a man with bi-polar disorder.

My question to anyone who knows is: What can she do??

Thanks for reading and please advise.

Didn't CFO gave pinay instructions and phone numbers to call in the US for situations like this.

[akdiver 3]

What can she do??

Um, leave?

a]. Make a run for the door when he is asleep and don't look back.

b]. Leave when they are out in public. If he resists, scream bloody murder and attract the biggest crowd possible.

Duh.

Edited September 29, 2008 by akdiver

[Ban Hammer 13,491]

mbc

[*JG* 2]

I kind of have a heard time believing something so drastic. But, if true, she needs to get to a phone and call the police and/or a lawyer and get out. Perhaps a women's shelter.

[alienlovechild 75]

who came to the US on a K1 on May 29 and married on June 12, has had NO ACTION taken by her husband since that date of marriage. He has not applied for an AOS or EAD and will not let her out of his apartment alone. He is on SSI and does not (or claims not to) have the money to buy her winter clothing, any reasonable amount of personal hygiene products (i,e, hair conditioner or a blow dryer). He has told her that he now cannot afford to bring her 3yr old son over on the k1 which is driving her crazy. Basically my understanding is that she is a simple slave in a studio sized condo with nothing to do but listen to music and or chat to family on Yahoo. He refuses to allow her a phone card as well. So here is this woman, alone, no money, no job, no expectation of an AOS or EAD who is required to cook, clean and provide for the sexual needs of a man with bi-polar disorder.

I suppose it would have helped to discuss important issues like life on a limited income, reuniting mother and son or defining expected roles in the marriage but these issues didn't come or the husband lied through his teeth prior to the wedding. Sounds like this guy sits on his butt all day living on his Social Security payments and watching her like a hawk. No action on immigration is a bad sign that he doesn't want her to get a job and be more independent.

Skip cooking, cleaning and sex and see if that gets his attention. Make sure some local people around you are aware you live with Mr. Control Freak. If he doesn't make major changes soon or gets violent get somebody to call the police. The longer he gets used to controlling your whole life the more difficult it will be to change the situation. If change isn't possible, it's time for a divorce and fly back to the Philippines.

[Pet 0]

Thank you to all for your response and concern.

I only hope my gf can convince her to do what she needs to do, She sounds as if she is too afraid to "rock the boat".

Specific thanks to Jabberwocky. I have cut and pasted your reply and sent it to my gf so that she can explain exactly what this guy is doing to her friend.

If anyone else has any thoughts, please keep them coming.

Respectfully,

"Pet"

[payxibka 10,047]

Not to belabor an issue (because there are much bigger issues in play here) but the AOS and EAD application are the ALIEN's application and not one that is done by the USC. I suppose her source of funds is the USC but the application is technically hers.

Edited September 29, 2008 by payxibka

[justashooter 430]

It is amazing to me that anybody would marry someone on SSI. But then, people in other countries may not understand what this is, since it's not available everywhere.

If conditions are as stated, it's time to bail to a shelter, get family to wire money for a plane ticket, and go home. Lesson learned.

The graphic Jabberwock presented is not a crystal ball. This situation could remain static with only one feature. Could be this guy just can't get his head out of his ###. Bi-polar is a mental disorder that can be treated with medication. Getting people to take the medication is problematic, at best.

[justashooter 430]

tried to edit my last post, but wasn't able to, so am adding more of an explanation:

The graphic Jabberwock presented is not a universal crystal ball. It is not applicable to all situations. This graphic is generally only applicable when dealing with sociopaths. They are a special group of people who take pleasure in bringing pain to others.

Bi-polar is not sociopathy. This situation could remain static with only one feature (isolation). It could be that this guy just can't get his head clear for long enough to make his life work, much less the needs of his wife. It could be that he just shuts down on the entire world as a self-protective mechanism. He is isolating himself, and only isolating her by extension. This does not sound like abuse, more a cry of distress on the part of the husband.

He isn't necessarily deliberately, or even subconsciously abusing her. If he is on SSI for bi-polar, he can't even manage his own life, much less develop hers. Bi-polar is a mental disorder that can be treated with medication. Getting people to take the medication is problematic, at best.

The bottom line is that the guy doesn't need to be villified. He needs to be medicated. A new wife with no outside assets cannot force this on a typical bi-polar. She needs to bail in prder to protect her future, but she should try to have sympathy while walking out the door.

[Caladan 19]

Not to belabor an issue (because there are much bigger issues in play here) but the AOS and EAD application are the ALIEN's application and not one that is done by the USC. I suppose her source of funds is the USC but the application is technically hers.

The USC has to sign the affidavit of support, too; the petition doesn't happen without that.