Engagement Over....

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Support is to be paid for the welfare of the child not for the right to see, in other words dont say you cant see if you dont pay but that is sometimes hard to NOT feel this way. DIfferent circumstances call for different actions, in my case he chose NOT to pay but signed off (if he didnt have to pay) and actually all the money in the world wasnt worth fooling with his (drinking and meanness) but in years to come it did bother my son that he didnt know his dad, every case is different

[LuckyDucky 0]

Support is to be paid for the welfare of the child not for the right to see, in other words dont say you cant see if you dont pay but that is sometimes hard to NOT feel this way. DIfferent circumstances call for different actions, in my case he chose NOT to pay but signed off (if he didnt have to pay) and actually all the money in the world wasnt worth fooling with his (drinking and meanness) but in years to come it did bother my son that he didnt know his dad, every case is different

I definitely agree with you regarding different circumstances.

I was thinking along the lines of non-abusive, non-criminal parents. If two people just couldn't reconcile their differences, but are otherwise good, decent folks, I don't see a reason why custody should be witheld from one parent if they are financially contributing.

I should also affirm that if one parent is financially capable of taking care of the child on their own and does not ask for/want assistance, they should not withhold custody of the child from the other out of spite. (I alluded to this a little in terms of using the child as a battleground between the parents, but was probably not entirely clear.)

Both parents should act responsibly to promote the child's welfare, despite any differences. If either parent is more concerned with using the child as a means to retaliate against the other or is unfit to care for a child, then of course I call into question the right to custody.

Either way, my heart really goes out to Michelle. I'm sure her ex's actions aren't encouraging at all.

Edited October 10, 2008 by LuckyDucky

[akdiver 3]

Who sets the threshold for when someone can afford it? (I'm assuming we don't rely on party B to make their own self-assessment.)

I would rely on self-assessment. I mean, hell, if we can't trust them to make a self-assessment, how we can we trust them with the health and well-being of the child?

Personally, I'd rather people take more responsibility for their actions and not less.

Me too - that's why I promote self-assessment.

[Jamie76 0]

I think whomever has custody should pay. If you don't want custody, you shouldn't pay. If you are forced to pay, then you should get half custody - and yes, even if that means the child moves to the other side of the planet for 6 months at a time.

If party A doesn't want custody and doesn't want to pay, and party B thinks he/she can't afford it on his/her own, then party B should give the child up for adoption to someone who CAN pay.

These people who want custody AND want someone else to pay are just about as unreasonable as it gets.

Give me a break. It takes two. Why the hell should this guy be exempt from paying child support? Oh, you know we made a baby, but I've had second thoughts. You can take care of him/her. Child support? Yeah, I don't think so...I didn't want the baby, so why should I man up and help out?

I don't think she said anything about keeping the baby away from the guy. His choice. It still doesn't exempt him from helping to take care of the child.

I guess there will always be a few out there that don't want to take care of their responsibilities.

[philliptham 0]

So, are you going to hit him up for child support? You know, sort of a "I don't have feelings for you anymore, but I still have feelings for your money" kind of thing?

I think whomever has custody should pay. If you don't want custody, you shouldn't pay. If you are forced to pay, then you should get half custody - and yes, even if that means the child moves to the other side of the planet for 6 months at a time.

If party A doesn't want custody and doesn't want to pay, and party B thinks he/she can't afford it on his/her own, then party B should give the child up for adoption to someone who CAN pay.

These people who want custody AND want someone else to pay are just about as unreasonable as it gets.

I dont like this guy sound. To me, you play you pay. It does not have to be you or me who pay, custody or not. The mean thing is, you must responsible to your own child- even your ex remarriage or not- you still responsible till the child 18 years old. I hate these dead beat fathers - or mothers who run away from child support , act silly and no responsible for past act. These people should put in hell forever and let all the tank run over them nody 1000000 times until their's body crurse to 100000 piece and their soul should live down hell forever. Share 50/50 is fair.

I dont have feeling for you any more, but I still have feelings for your money."How much this guy can provide help when he try to run away from his responsibility to the kid that he should share to his ex? This guy when open his mouth , I already see what inside - VERY UGLY- Give the money is much more easy than have the kid, teach them, carry them, love them,raise them and handle all their 's needs. All you think is that girl just think about money? WRONG .

What's a poor kid, I like this women, she have the right choice of NOT TO come back to him. Its a right decision that you make at this time.

Now you can going, looking for some one else, start your new life, forget about him and love your kid double since he no need to have a father like that.

DO NOT BRING HIM HERE- YOU WILL BE SORRY 10000 TIMES LATER. STOP ALL PAPER WORK and tell him that he still responsible with the child - does not matter whats he said, and tell him STOP TRYING TO BLAME GAME- ITS AN OLD GAME- PEOPLE NO MORE INTERESTING IN PLAYING THAT GAME. YOU PLAY< YOU PAY DUDE.

Edited October 11, 2008 by philliptham

[philliptham 0]

One more thing. And because these dead beat parents, TAXPAYERS like me have to handle their child support thru Goverment AID System- ITS OUR HARD WORKING MONEY.!!!!!

[Dau_Que 0]

If it's YOUR child, then it's YOUR "responsibility" to pay/support that child. Period.

You don't like it? Too bad! Then don't have sex!

There's consequence for every action, whether you like/plan it.

[jundp 191]

Michelle,

Sorry you've had to make this decision. It does suck that he has this attitude. Perhaps he'll change his mind as she grows? If not, she will always have YOU and one day you may find someone new who will love both of you unconditionally.

I wish you luck.

[akdiver 3]

If it's YOUR child, then it's YOUR "responsibility" to pay/support that child. Period.

You don't like it? Too bad! Then don't have sex!

There's consequence for every action, whether you like/plan it.

I frame it this way....

If YOU have custody then it's YOUR "responsibility" to pay/support for that child. period.

You don't like it? Too bad! Then don't take custody.

There's consequence for every action, whether you like/plan it.

[Chris & Mara 0]

It takes two to tango, sadly 90% of the time it is the mother who is left with custody of the child by default because we are the ones that carry it around.

It is unfair in a situation that took two people to create that should be left with the costs of raise the child as well as being mom, dad and the income supplier.

Michelle,

I hope that all the best comes of this and that your daughter gets to have as many opportiunities in live as you do.

I apologise for feeding the Child support troll agrument, however as a teacher i see nasty custody and child support battles all the time. Sadly in the end no matter who wins it is the child/ren who always lose. Please don't let this happen in your case.

Good luck

[Donna A 4]

the problem with child support sometimes is the court gives too much. i work with a guy who pays 1200 a month for one child and i am a mother and know for sure ive never spent that much on my daughter in a month. i do believe in support but not enough to feed and cloth the whole family on for a month. just enough for the child.

[akdiver 3]

It takes two to tango, sadly 90% of the time it is the mother who is left with custody of the child by default because we are the ones that carry it around.

That's great, except one can always put it up for adoption. A mother is hardly required to keep custody.

It is unfair in a situation that took two people to create that should be left with the costs of raise the child as well as being mom, dad and the income supplier.

Yeah, and it's unfair that I have to pay the costs for educating everyone eles's kids too. It's also unfair that the tax payers have to pay the costs incurred by criminals and illegal aliens. Nevertheless. Little about life is fair.

[MichelleN 0]

Thanks everyone for the well wishes and such. I wasn't expecting the thread to turn into a debate on child support honestly. As far as that goes....well I doubt anything will happen.

When we had our first fight last year, he was constantly accusing me of wanting only his money. He said he'd take me to court and fight me to the end to keep me from getting any of his money. After about a month he had a change of heart, I guess and sent me an email. In it he explained he would send money but only under certain conditions. The money would stop if he got married, if I got married (or moved in with a man) or if I did anything to make him unhappy. Obviously that didn't go over well. So I imagine if he ever speaks to me again I might get something along the same lines.

As far as going after him for child support, I'm not going to bother. For one, he's freelance and so has no permanent employer. And secondly...he's in Japan. I did some research and Japan refuses to enforce it's own child support rulings, let alone foreign ones. So I'm going to more than likely do this on my own unless he volunteers any financial assistance, which I highly doubt.

[akdiver 3]

As far as going after him for child support, I'm not going to bother.

Well, good for you! Score one for American women. I'm proud of you.

Good luck!

nd

[Koakland 0]

Thanks everyone for the well wishes and such. I wasn't expecting the thread to turn into a debate on child support honestly. As far as that goes....well I doubt anything will happen.

When we had our first fight last year, he was constantly accusing me of wanting only his money. He said he'd take me to court and fight me to the end to keep me from getting any of his money. After about a month he had a change of heart, I guess and sent me an email. In it he explained he would send money but only under certain conditions. The money would stop if he got married, if I got married (or moved in with a man) or if I did anything to make him unhappy. Obviously that didn't go over well. So I imagine if he ever speaks to me again I might get something along the same lines.

As far as going after him for child support, I'm not going to bother. For one, he's freelance and so has no permanent employer. And secondly...he's in Japan. I did some research and Japan refuses to enforce it's own child support rulings, let alone foreign ones. So I'm going to more than likely do this on my own unless he volunteers any financial assistance, which I highly doubt.

Hey there,

I just saw this thread. I'm really sorry that things didn't work out for you and your fiance. I wish you and your daughter all the best in the future.