In Contrast to all the negative posts here.

[Cassie 8]

Now living here in the US has been a huge challenge, much more so than dealing with USCIS. That's been the biggest struggle of the process for me.

Hi Cassie. I'm surprised to hear this, being as you're Canadian and all. My Russian sweetie seems to have a relatively easy time of it (so have the other Russians I know in my local area) - I would have thought it would be a cakewalk for a Canadian. If you'd care to expand on your view, I'd love to hear about it (:

THanks!

akd

To me, the immigration process was what I expected -- paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, and waiting. So no surprises there, other than a lot of it went quicker than I thought it would.

Now living here in the US has been a different kettle of fish. I gave up everything -- my life, proximity to my family and friends, my career, my beloved ocean -- to move to Oklahoma to be with my husband. Now, I realize that I am not the only on this board who has done this, I am not unique in that aspect. However, I have a brain injury and one of the lingering side effects has been anxiety. The move and transition here was so much change all at once that my brain couldn't handle it and I suffered from panic attacks of various degrees for a long time -- still have some to this day. It's taken me a while to accept all the changes. Marriage is a huge deal in itself, let alone factoring the added layer of adjusting to a huge move.

Then my mother was diagnosed with leukemia 5 months after I moved here, and my father with intestinal cancer a year after that, which was one of my biggest fears -- that something would happen to my family and I would be too far away to help, and one of my biggest sources of guilt -- that I was missing out on spending as much time as I could with my grandparents, with our niece and nephew, etc. I had to learn to deal with that.

Oh, and I miss the ocean. A lot. Oklahoma has wind, and it is beautiful in its own way, but no salt water.

But make no mistake, my personal issues aside, Canada and US, despite their proximity and various levels of relationship over the years, are different, with a capital DIFFERENT. On the surface, they look similar, but I can tell you there are many differences. Little ones, like flour, and TV shows, and music. And big ones, like healthcare, and our "socialist hippy" way of looking at things, and our multi-party political system, and politicians who are willing to go on comedy shows and make fun of themselves. I'm not saying that the USA is bad, it's just different, so different for me that I don't think I will ever be 100% comfortable here. My views and opinions would not go over well here, so I keep them to myself when asked, it's easier.

I don't know if that adequately answers your question, but I hope it gives you an idea. Thanks for asking.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

We have been married 4 years now.

I don't have much to complain about from USCIS. My husband came here doing DCF through Frankfurt for the golden ticket, aka IR-1 visa, right before fees were hiked. It took a little over three months from I-130 to visa received. Another two months before he was ready to come over. It is nine years before we have to be bothered with USCIS again, if my husband chooses. If he chooses to naturalize, well, that is a whole other thing actually starting with approval to even apply for US citizenship from Germany sometime in early 2010. Still, otherwise easy.

The hardest part was getting him a driver's license in this awful state. It took from November to early June because they kept having to send all of his immigration documentation to Annapolis for verification and procedure was new and screwed up. It was also a bit of a pain in the azz to have to drive to Chicago to renew his passport.

Like I adapted fairly quickly to Germany, he has done the same for here. Occasional blah and whys every now and again, but never expressed any real homesickness and generally does like being here oddly enough. Maybe not in Indiana, but I don't even like Indiana.

[*JG* 2]

My husband is a wonderful husband. He's adjusted well. He's moving up the corporate ladder at work. He's a wonderful step-father and husband. We are saving for a car for him and a house.

We have had our share of adjustment problems; but none that couldn't be overcome.

[akdiver 3]

It's a common misconception, AK. It's a real shame that VJ members spend so much time speaking only to members of their (or their SO's) home country. They miss out on a lot of support, just as members who only speak to those who filed the same month they did miss out on support.

Well, FWIW, not everyone comes here for “support”. AFAICT, the forms and such are pretty easy and straight forward. Not much support needed – for me. I come here really more to chit chat and see what people have to say (:

But anytime you bet everything you've ever known, seen and experienced; and trade in the support network of an entire lifetime of family and friends for just one person in the US - the risk is very very high.

Well, sure. But even with this fact in hand, it does seem reasonable that, for the most part, people from some countries (Canada, U.K., Australia – hell, even France) are much more likely to have an “easier time for it” than people from other countries (Russia, China, Morocco, Nigeria, etc.). So, if this is true, and I believe it is, it is interesting to hear about the exceptions.

Now living here in the US has been a different kettle of fish. I gave up everything -- my life, proximity to my family and friends, my career, my beloved ocean -- to move to Oklahoma to be with my husband.

Yeah, even I wouldn’t want to move to Oklahoma. I did Texas for a little while – ugh – my next stop was Alaska (:

Now, I realize that I am not the only on this board who has done this, I am not unique in that aspect. However, I have a brain injury and one of the lingering side effects has been anxiety. The move and transition here was so much change all at once that my brain couldn't handle it and I suffered from panic attacks of various degrees for a long time -- still have some to this day. It's taken me a while to accept all the changes. Marriage is a huge deal in itself, let alone factoring the added layer of adjusting to a huge move. Then my mother was diagnosed with leukemia 5 months after I moved here, and my father with intestinal cancer a year after that, which was one of my biggest fears -- that something would happen to my family and I would be too far away to help, and one of my biggest sources of guilt -- that I was missing out on spending as much time as I could with my grandparents, with our niece and nephew, etc. I had to learn to deal with that.

OK, so a fair portion of the “Cassie Exception” was fairly personal. I think the same experience would have been had, if you had married some guy in Edmonton and moved out there - so it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with going to the U.S.

Oh, and I miss the ocean. A lot. Oklahoma has wind, and it is beautiful in its own way, but no salt water.

Plus, well….it’s Oklahoma.

Little ones, like flour, and TV shows, and music.

But really, do you think these little things are what really have created a hard time of it for you? Really?

And big ones, like healthcare, and our "socialist hippy" way of looking at things, and our multi-party political system

You guys should try relocating to Berkeley (: But seriously – do you think something like the political system has really created a hard time of it for you? Do you really think that is a root cause of Cassie’s difficulties in migrating to the U.S.? If so, I’d be surprised. I mean, the politics here suck and all, but it’s not (at least to me) a factor in daily life by any stretch. For the most part, it just affects how much in taxes I have to pay. Doesn’t really matter WHO is in office, or what party they are.

politicians who are willing to go on comedy shows and make fun of themselves.

To be fair, SNL has hosted a number of such politicians (:

I wonder if my wife's relatively easy time of it, and the easy time of other immigrants here I know, has something to do with being in Alaska. Forget about all the Sarah Palin ####### for a minute (please), and just believe me when I say that it really isn't like the rest of the U.S. It's the nation's biggest state, but it's run, and generally feels like, a small town. I describe it as "you get most of the benefits of living in the U.S. without most of the bullshit of living in the U.S." I'll leave it to the reader to figure out what that means. We've also got a fair degree of international flavour - with two foreign nations as our neighbors, no bordering states, having to fly out to get anywhere, etc. I wonder if, I lived in say, Oklahoma (god forbid) if my sweetie's experience would have been as positive?

Thanks for sharing – and keep fighting the good fight (:

Edited September 29, 2008 by akdiver

[*JG* 2]

I appreciate the message you are trying to convey and am glad things are working out so well for you. If you consider the title, reason, and description for this forum, you will understand why so many of the posts are negative.

A word of caution.... do not take the holier than thou road. You post could be construed to imply that those of us who's relationships failed did not do enough, or say enough lovey-dovey things to make our relationships work. You could have easily have posted this in Off Topics and gotten the similar responses from those couples who have been successful.

Most of us who come here are looking for support and advice for our situations and not to be made to feel guilty that we did not try hard enough.

Sorry, but my feelings are still a little raw, and I'm still a bit bitter....

Jen

Oh, Jen. I'm sorry if it sounded like that.

There are no guarentees no matter how you go about any of it. My own husband and I hit some rough patches early on that I was not sure we could overcome. It's really all just a ####### shoot.

This is a nice idea. This particular forum is so filled with negative experiences.

My husband and I will be going onto our 4th anniversary next month. We started the immigration process with absolutely no knowledge of what to expect. We had a denial in 2005 and fought the system and won in 2006. We had been married a little over 2 years before he got his visa. This was one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. Would I do it again? Yes, he is worth everything we went through.

There are a select few people that assume that if a man from the Middle East/North Africa marries an older woman then it is for immigration purposes only, and that he will leave her once he gets his green card. Although I know it happens I am proud to show these people that this is a stereo type, and not everyone should be judged on stereo types. My husband does not have his citizenship yet, but he does have his 10 year green card. He could walk away from me any time since he has friends and family he could go to. But he doesn't leave. I guess he values me as much as I value him. I never knew that a marriage could feel this good.

Not only MENA.....that is the talk when you say you married a guy from Jamaica too.

[*JG* 2]

This is a nice idea. This particular forum is so filled with negative experiences.

My husband and I will be going onto our 4th anniversary next month. We started the immigration process with absolutely no knowledge of what to expect. We had a denial in 2005 and fought the system and won in 2006. We had been married a little over 2 years before he got his visa. This was one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. Would I do it again? Yes, he is worth everything we went through.

There are a select few people that assume that if a man from the Middle East/North Africa marries an older woman then it is for immigration purposes only, and that he will leave her once he gets his green card. Although I know it happens I am proud to show these people that this is a stereo type, and not everyone should be judged on stereo types. My husband does not have his citizenship yet, but he does have his 10 year green card. He could walk away from me any time since he has friends and family he could go to. But he doesn't leave. I guess he values me as much as I value him. I never knew that a marriage could feel this good.

Not just MENA - I think this is the case for every older American woman who marries someone from a developing, traditional, pronatalist society - my theory is people think why would a man from a country like that marry a woman who is likely too old to have kids??? I believe this is why older woman/younger man couples are given a harder time by the CO than the 60 year old guys with 25 year old wives - she could still have a baby so it's OK, they can be a 'real family'. I think looks prejudice comes into it too - I think you remember the poster in MENA whose husband was asked at his interview 'How can you love her - she isn't even beautiful?' Um, the correct answer is 'she is beautiful to me...' I know this is how my husband feels about me but I am really really sweating his upcoming interview and feel so pessimistic sometimes - KTM is an easy embassy from other VJers' experience but I think ours will be the case that disproves the rule, too many red flags despite the way we feel about each other. I really wish it would be possible for me to be there(too little lead time before the interview for me to buy a ticket under $3K) because I would think if the CO could just see us together it would disprove any preconceived notions of 'the poor 3rd world guy taking advantage of the naive, desperate older woman'. I really pray that in 2-3 years we will be sharing your same story and being one of thoise couples that shatter people's stereotypes.

I read your posts often and always wish the best for you.

[Imua 0]

This is a nice idea. This particular forum is so filled with negative experiences.

My husband and I will be going onto our 4th anniversary next month. We started the immigration process with absolutely no knowledge of what to expect. We had a denial in 2005 and fought the system and won in 2006. We had been married a little over 2 years before he got his visa. This was one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. Would I do it again? Yes, he is worth everything we went through.

There are a select few people that assume that if a man from the Middle East/North Africa marries an older woman then it is for immigration purposes only, and that he will leave her once he gets his green card. Although I know it happens I am proud to show these people that this is a stereo type, and not everyone should be judged on stereo types. My husband does not have his citizenship yet, but he does have his 10 year green card. He could walk away from me any time since he has friends and family he could go to. But he doesn't leave. I guess he values me as much as I value him. I never knew that a marriage could feel this good.

Not just MENA - I think this is the case for every older American woman who marries someone from a developing, traditional, pronatalist society - my theory is people think why would a man from a country like that marry a woman who is likely too old to have kids??? I believe this is why older woman/younger man couples are given a harder time by the CO than the 60 year old guys with 25 year old wives - she could still have a baby so it's OK, they can be a 'real family'. I think looks prejudice comes into it too - I think you remember the poster in MENA whose husband was asked at his interview 'How can you love her - she isn't even beautiful?' Um, the correct answer is 'she is beautiful to me...' I know this is how my husband feels about me but I am really really sweating his upcoming interview and feel so pessimistic sometimes - KTM is an easy embassy from other VJers' experience but I think ours will be the case that disproves the rule, too many red flags despite the way we feel about each other. I really wish it would be possible for me to be there(too little lead time before the interview for me to buy a ticket under $3K) because I would think if the CO could just see us together it would disprove any preconceived notions of 'the poor 3rd world guy taking advantage of the naive, desperate older woman'. I really pray that in 2-3 years we will be sharing your same story and being one of thoise couples that shatter people's stereotypes.

I read your posts often and always wish the best for you.

Thanks, JG

[Cassie 8]

Little ones, like flour, and TV shows, and music.

But really, do you think these little things are what really have created a hard time of it for you? Really?

And big ones, like healthcare, and our "socialist hippy" way of looking at things, and our multi-party political system

You guys should try relocating to Berkeley (: But seriously – do you think something like the political system has really created a hard time of it for you? Do you really think that is a root cause of Cassie’s difficulties in migrating to the U.S.? If so, I’d be surprised. I mean, the politics here suck and all, but it’s not (at least to me) a factor in daily life by any stretch. For the most part, it just affects how much in taxes I have to pay. Doesn’t really matter WHO is in office, or what party they are.

In answer to your questions....

For one, I didn't say that they (being the examples of differences I cited) created a hard time for me, I said that adjusting to living in the US was a bigger challenge to me than dealing with USCIS. Big difference. Other than the whole ROC process, dealing with USCIS wasn't all that bad. I have a high tolerance level (to a point!) for waiting and dealing with government beauracracy.

Two, you gotta stop being so literal

The examples I listed are just a few samples, there are lots more. If it was just one or two things that were different between here and Canada, that's one thing. But when it's a wide variety of different things layered upon each other, it's difficult to find something "normal" or familiar. I missed stuff and places and food, things I never imagined I'd care about. But in my search to reassure myself with something familiar, I cared. A lot. Especially when things with my parents' health got dicey. Stuff I turned to for comfort in the past was not available. And it was hard. Why do you think that there are so many threads about "things/TV shows/food you miss" on VJ?

Don't get me wrong, I managed to have many happy moments here since I moved here 4 years ago -- Oklahoma isn't all THAT bad. And I finally feel settled in here, for now. It just took me a while, that's all.

[akdiver 3]

Cassie - thanks for sharing. I'm just trying to learn (:

FWIW - and I know that Alaska is not its own country (yet!!) - I moved from Virginia to Alaska in 1993. I didn't know a soul in Alaska. Had never been to Alaska. Make a 6-year commitment to living in Alaska, never even having been on an airplane before. So, I DO have some experience with leaving behind family, friends, and everything I knew - and much further away than the distance from OK to NS (: Although Alaska is not its own country, it is true that it's a fair bit different from the rest of the U.S. If you don't believe me, come on up here and I'll show you the cabin I was living in, with no water or electricity (: Anyway - it just didn't have much negative affect on me, so it's interesting to hear about someone else's experience when it did (:

Why do you think that there are so many threads about "things/TV shows/food you miss" on VJ?

I just figure that people like to ###### (complain) a lot about trivial stuff. I'm not a tv/movie/music/pro sports kinda guy, so it's hard for me to relate to anyone missing that sort of thing. Although I was stuck in Baie Comeau for a week, watching World Cup Soccer in French while stuck in a hotel room. Had I been able to buy a handgun, I might have bought one and shot myself in the head to end my misery (:

FWIW, having spent time in Nova Scotia and Oklahoma - I have to say, I prefer Nova Scotia. I wouldn't mind living there, but damn, the taxes are so high!!

Cheers!

akd

Edited September 29, 2008 by akdiver

[msu17 0]

For my husband, the transition has been pretty easy. Though he does still miss a lot about home. He's not close to his family, so that wasn't a big deal. He did have lots of friends there though and so far has not found one guy he can go out for a beer with. He really misses the pub culture in the UK. He also misses having someone who talks about football (the real kind, not throw catch ball as we call it ). I know for lots of people that's not a huge deal, but for my husband, that's what he spent his ENTIRE childhood doing, thinking about practicing etc. He doesn't care about most topics everyone here talks about. Plus he really misses the food. A lot of it I've been able to replicate, but a lot is still missing. Its nothing enough to make him want to go home, but just things he wishes we had here. We are going to move as soon as I finish school, so hopefully we can go somewhere with a more international attitude, or at least a bit more understanding attitude.

[Cassie 8]

Cassie - thanks for sharing. I'm just trying to learn (:

FWIW - and I know that Alaska is not its own country (yet!!) - I moved from Virginia to Alaska in 1993. I didn't know a soul in Alaska. Had never been to Alaska. Make a 6-year commitment to living in Alaska, never even having been on an airplane before. So, I DO have some experience with leaving behind family, friends, and everything I knew - and much further away than the distance from OK to NS (: Although Alaska is not its own country, it is true that it's a fair bit different from the rest of the U.S. If you don't believe me, come on up here and I'll show you the cabin I was living in, with no water or electricity (: Anyway - it just didn't have much negative affect on me, so it's interesting to hear about someone else's experience when it did (:

Why do you think that there are so many threads about "things/TV shows/food you miss" on VJ?

I just figure that people like to ###### (complain) a lot about trivial stuff. I'm not a tv/movie/music/pro sports kinda guy, so it's hard for me to relate to anyone missing that sort of thing. Although I was stuck in Baie Comeau for a week, watching World Cup Soccer in French while stuck in a hotel room. Had I been able to buy a handgun, I might have bought one and shot myself in the head to end my misery (:

FWIW, having spent time in Nova Scotia and Oklahoma - I have to say, I prefer Nova Scotia. I wouldn't mind living there, but damn, the taxes are so high!!

Cheers!

akd

Aye, I appreciate you asking, and I appreciate your patience in reading my rambles.

And yeah, the taxes are high in NS, I'll grant you that, but I am paying pretty close to the same here in tax+health insurance costs. So it all works out in the end, IMHO. Oh, and I would love to spend time in Alaska, electricity optional!

[akdiver 3]

A few trips into Canada ago, I actually thought about applying for Canadian legal residency, to have it as a backup plan in my pocket in case I needed to escape from the U.S. I was all set to do it, got the forms and everything - until I notice that you actually have to live there to get the approval and such. So, in other words, I couldn't have it as a backup plan, it would have to be a primary plan (:

[NickD 202]

For us, has been over five years in dealing with the USCIS, all applications were done on time, all interviews and biometrics appointments were kept. My gal and I spent as much time together as we could for over two years before getting married. Just the other day, she told me the most wonderful verse that beats the heck out of saying I love you. She said that I was the best thing that ever happened in her life. Since I love to plagiarized, been telling her that as well, try this with your mate, it works wonders.

Did it cross my mind that she came here more so to come to this country than for me? Just crossed my mind for a brief instant, mainly from reading this board. Our kids and work take up a great deal of our time, but we have our weekends together and nights. Redecorating our home, but gave her a 90% vote in how to do it, do draw the line when certain ideas are just too impractical, and explain why like redoing our master bedroom suite to install a two person whirlpool tub. After I cost it out and drew up the plans, just said it would be easier if we were to draw up our own home plans and start from scratch and just sell this place. Ha, also have to watch the market, this is not a good time for that. We are looking forward to a new granddaughter in two weeks.

We like most couples have our share of problems, but able to sit down and talk them over, but no problems between us, was worth the ordeal to go through the USCIS to be together, but shouldn't have to be that bad, expensive, and stressful. She has her US citizenship now, her US passport, and all that post citizenship stuff is now history.

Like the broadcast news always showing negative stuff, would be nice to hear from those where dealing with the USCIS was a worthwhile experience just so you can be with the person that is the best thing that has ever happened to you in your life. Those days when we were apart are still strong in my mind, the infinitely long wait between visits and waiting for those letters. Not to mention being treated like a criminal and having my life being closely examined basically by incompetent people. But they were nice during the oath ceremony, hopefully, I can remember that and forget the rest of it.

I never had a problem with my immigration immigration process. All went great, from CR1 processing to Application for Naturalization.. It was a very fast process for me and I was even shocked at first, but realized it was a Gods blessing..

I had my CR1 process only for 2 months, went to the US and received greencard- all in all was 3 months.. Then N400 processing, from received to interview, oath took 3 months all in all, as well.

But it was fun, I am always worried before, all I did is prayer, positive attitude, and followed the steps carefully.

Well I guess living on a 5 billion year old planet, 5 years isn't very long, hired an immigration attorney for the initial as I didn't know one form from the other. Wasn't exactly like sending him a check, he gave me homework, like filling out a 12 page questionnaire, scanning a ton of documents that I did in *.pfd format and e-mailed those to him, 10 MB at a time. Sent a list of things for my bride to be to bring, like medical records, and a police report stating she didn't have one. Also suggested she get an international driver's license. With the G-28, all USCIS correspondence was sent to him, and he either called or e-mailed me with what to do. Biggest challenge was finding a USCIS approved doctor that wouldn't rob us.

We were busy doing other things like planning our wedding, getting married, a honeymoon, enrolling our daughter in school, and taking many trips to see the better parts of America. Ha, and it took a long time to consummate our marriage. Wasn't exactly checking the mail box every day. Did add my wife to my insurance company and got her a brand new car to drive, she isn't exactly a homebody and kept herself busy with doing charitable work. That paid off as people got to know her so was able to slip into a fairly high paying job practically the instant she received her EAD card. She felt responsible for supporting her daughter. We had just two trips to St. Paul for biometrics and the interview, wife had a blast showing off our wedding photo album, her interviewer was very nice and interested.

When it came to the I-751, my attorney said I can do that myself, really that single form was simple enough, had most of the documentation already on my computer, so just printed that out, but the same stuff again? If they would have sent out the new cards within 90 days like they implied they would do, would have been happy, but dragged it out a bit over 14 months, that was reason for concern. That's when I found this board, and perhaps reading through the many negative experiences with the USCIS, biased my brain. But did learn what to do, how are you suppose to know about that I-551 stamp or the I-94? They sure didn't send us a notice.

N-400 also went smooth for the most part, again, had all that documentation on my computer, even the tax returns, just a question of opening it and putting my printer to work, interview came and went quick, but did get upset with the promise of getting that oath letter within two weeks when let five weeks go by. Already knew what to do and on a first name basis with my senator. He handled that quick, like in two hours the oath letter was e-mailed to me. The oath ceremony was very nice, instead of cheating on me or running off with a different guy, her comment to me after the oath ceremony, was I was the best thing that ever happened to her, ever in her life. Ha, if she did cheat or run off with another guy, they wouldn't have moved this post.

Since then, been telling her instead of I love you, that gets old, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, that really ends up in a big kiss and a big hug.