In Contrast to all the negative posts here.

[NickD 203]

For us, has been over five years in dealing with the USCIS, all applications were done on time, all interviews and biometrics appointments were kept. My gal and I spent as much time together as we could for over two years before getting married. Just the other day, she told me the most wonderful verse that beats the heck out of saying I love you. She said that I was the best thing that ever happened in her life. Since I love to plagiarized, been telling her that as well, try this with your mate, it works wonders.

Did it cross my mind that she came here more so to come to this country than for me? Just crossed my mind for a brief instant, mainly from reading this board. Our kids and work take up a great deal of our time, but we have our weekends together and nights. Redecorating our home, but gave her a 90% vote in how to do it, do draw the line when certain ideas are just too impractical, and explain why like redoing our master bedroom suite to install a two person whirlpool tub. After I cost it out and drew up the plans, just said it would be easier if we were to draw up our own home plans and start from scratch and just sell this place. Ha, also have to watch the market, this is not a good time for that. We are looking forward to a new granddaughter in two weeks.

We like most couples have our share of problems, but able to sit down and talk them over, but no problems between us, was worth the ordeal to go through the USCIS to be together, but shouldn't have to be that bad, expensive, and stressful. She has her US citizenship now, her US passport, and all that post citizenship stuff is now history.

Like the broadcast news always showing negative stuff, would be nice to hear from those where dealing with the USCIS was a worthwhile experience just so you can be with the person that is the best thing that has ever happened to you in your life. Those days when we were apart are still strong in my mind, the infinitely long wait between visits and waiting for those letters. Not to mention being treated like a criminal and having my life being closely examined basically by incompetent people. But they were nice during the oath ceremony, hopefully, I can remember that and forget the rest of it.

[morocco4ever 63]

This is a nice idea. This particular forum is so filled with negative experiences.

My husband and I will be going onto our 4th anniversary next month. We started the immigration process with absolutely no knowledge of what to expect. We had a denial in 2005 and fought the system and won in 2006. We had been married a little over 2 years before he got his visa. This was one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. Would I do it again? Yes, he is worth everything we went through.

There are a select few people that assume that if a man from the Middle East/North Africa marries an older woman then it is for immigration purposes only, and that he will leave her once he gets his green card. Although I know it happens I am proud to show these people that this is a stereo type, and not everyone should be judged on stereo types. My husband does not have his citizenship yet, but he does have his 10 year green card. He could walk away from me any time since he has friends and family he could go to. But he doesn't leave. I guess he values me as much as I value him. I never knew that a marriage could feel this good.

[JenT 0]

I appreciate the message you are trying to convey and am glad things are working out so well for you. If you consider the title, reason, and description for this forum, you will understand why so many of the posts are negative.

A word of caution.... do not take the holier than thou road. You post could be construed to imply that those of us who's relationships failed did not do enough, or say enough lovey-dovey things to make our relationships work. You could have easily have posted this in Off Topics and gotten the similar responses from those couples who have been successful.

Most of us who come here are looking for support and advice for our situations and not to be made to feel guilty that we did not try hard enough.

Sorry, but my feelings are still a little raw, and I'm still a bit bitter....

Jen

[Caladan 19]

*moved to Off-Topic, since it doesn't fit in the Major Changes section.*

[akdiver 3]

Like the broadcast news always showing negative stuff, would be nice to hear from those where dealing with the USCIS was a worthwhile experience just so you can be with the person that is the best thing that has ever happened to you in your life. Those days when we were apart are still strong in my mind, the infinitely long wait between visits and waiting for those letters. Not to mention being treated like a criminal and having my life being closely examined basically by incompetent people. But they were nice during the oath ceremony, hopefully, I can remember that and forget the rest of it.

I'll admit I was tempted to get my special one to come here on a student visa and take up from there. Would have been fairly easy in our case. But I just did not want to take any chance at all on screwing myself, because, the way my life works, that's exactly what would have happened. It's fair to say I didn't care about the law - only the penalty for violating it.

And truthfully speaking, while I do not enjoy the time and expense of dealing with USCIS and company, it has not been horrible.

• After almost 6 months to the day of my filling out the K-1, she was here (really, this was the hardest part, but it was OK)
• She obtained a state ID card and applied for a SSN the following day.
• Within two weeks she had the SSN card. Within four weeks, she had a driver learner's permit
• Within 6 weeks of being in country, she had a full driver's license (before we even got married)
• Within 4 months of arrival she had work authorization (two months after filing for it),
• Within 5 months of arrival she had a good job.
• Almost 1 year to the day of filing the K-1 (6 months after arrival), she got her first PR card.
• Removal of conditions was completed in record time.
• Within 3 years of arrival, she completed a M.S. degree and got an outstanding job
• Citizenship is currently pending approval

She was here about 7 weeks before we got married. Had we gotten married earlier, all this stuff would have been that much faster. We really don't have much to ###### about. Yeah, it would be nice if they would just give work authorization at ALL points of entry, but truthfully, it didn't hurt us much. Those 4 months were well spent, getting used to life here, learning how to drive here, getting some local experience via volunteerism before applying for a job, etc. Yeah, it would be nice if we didn't have to pay a total of $1770 in USCIS fees and probably a total of 4 years from K-1 filing to citizenship (and maybe passport) in hand, sure. But the reality is that it really hasn't been some kind of incredible hardship. I don't thin the USCIS process has really hampered us in any way.

I realize that we have had a better experience than some, but all in all, I am VERY glad that we did things the legal way and don't have to keep wondering about that knock at the door, or looking over our shoulder. I'd definitely put us in the category of "USCIS Success Story" - and all I can say is, thank ###### god for that (:

Cheers!

AKDiver

Edited September 28, 2008 by akdiver

[msu17 0]

I agree with you. The system worked for us. Considering the # of applications submitted for all kinds of visa's, 5 months to get ours isn't bad and we enjoyed having the 4 months of not working to spend time being newly weds, learning the ropes of the US and job hunting. Granted we had an easy consulate, but all in all it wasn't the most stressful, horrible experience. We don't live cursing USCIS every day. Could it have been less expensive? Sure but I'm also in agreement with not having tax dollars going to it. Why should I pay for someone to be adjudicated as an average tax payer? We would have paid a lot more if we'd moved to the UK. Honestly I'd rather have to be apart from my spouse because of immigration that be apart because they are in jail, the military etc. I'm thankful every day that I didn't ever have to worry about his safety, didn't have to worry when some other person would allow me to see him or even talk to him again. I could always get on a plane and go there, the only thing holding me back was $ and time. This definitely isn't the best experience ever, but definitely not the worst. It's more like having to get a colonoscopy....

Like the broadcast news always showing negative stuff, would be nice to hear from those where dealing with the USCIS was a worthwhile experience just so you can be with the person that is the best thing that has ever happened to you in your life. Those days when we were apart are still strong in my mind, the infinitely long wait between visits and waiting for those letters. Not to mention being treated like a criminal and having my life being closely examined basically by incompetent people. But they were nice during the oath ceremony, hopefully, I can remember that and forget the rest of it.

I'll admit I was tempted to get my special one to come here on a student visa and take up from there. Would have been fairly easy in our case. But I just did not want to take any chance at all on screwing myself, because, the way my life works, that's exactly what would have happened. It's fair to say I didn't care about the law - only the penalty for violating it.

And truthfully speaking, while I do not enjoy the time and expense of dealing with USCIS and company, it has not been horrible.

• After almost 6 months to the day of my filling out the K-1, she was here (really, this was the hardest part, but it was OK)
• She obtained a state ID card and applied for a SSN the following day.
• Within two weeks she had the SSN card. Within four weeks, she had a driver learner's permit
• Within 6 weeks of being in country, she had a full driver's license (before we even got married)
• Within 4 months of arrival she had work authorization (two months after filing for it),
• Within 5 months of arrival she had a good job.
• Almost 1 year to the day of filing the K-1 (6 months after arrival), she got her first PR card.
• Removal of conditions was completed in record time.
• Within 3 years of arrival, she completed a M.S. degree and got an outstanding job
• Citizenship is currently pending approval

She was here about 7 weeks before we got married. Had we gotten married earlier, all this stuff would have been that much faster. We really don't have much to ###### about. Yeah, it would be nice if they would just give work authorization at ALL points of entry, but truthfully, it didn't hurt us much. Those 4 months were well spent, getting used to life here, learning how to drive here, getting some local experience via volunteerism before applying for a job, etc. Yeah, it would be nice if we didn't have to pay a total of $1770 in USCIS fees and probably a total of 4 years from K-1 filing to citizenship (and maybe passport) in hand, sure. But the reality is that it really hasn't been some kind of incredible hardship. I don't thin the USCIS process has really hampered us in any way.

I realize that we have had a better experience than some, but all in all, I am VERY glad that we did things the legal way and don't have to keep wondering about that knock at the door, or looking over our shoulder. I'd definitely put us in the category of "USCIS Success Story" - and all I can say is, thank ###### god for that (:

Cheers!

AKDiver

Edited September 29, 2008 by msu17

[akdiver 3]

Sure but I'm also in agreement with not having tax dollars going to it. Why should I pay for someone to be adjudicated as an average tax payer?

I would agree, if it were true for everything else, sure. But when I am paying for peoples' food stamps, for their kids to go to school, the cost of their tax credits for whatever, then I don't think I should be paying these fees on TOP of all that other stuff. If everything else was "pay per use" then I would agree with this.

Besides - my wife is now making a pretty decent wage. The government gets "its money" and then some with just one year of federal taxes on her income.

[Cassie 8]

I can't complain too much about USCIS (other than the ROC debacle!), because we had a relatively easy time of it. But then again, we're not the type to stress over the wait during various parts of the process. Our fourth anniversary is coming up in November.

Now living here in the US has been a huge challenge, much more so than dealing with USCIS. That's been the biggest struggle of the process for me.

[akdiver 3]

Now living here in the US has been a huge challenge, much more so than dealing with USCIS. That's been the biggest struggle of the process for me.

Hi Cassie. I'm surprised to hear this, being as you're Canadian and all. My Russian sweetie seems to have a relatively easy time of it (so have the other Russians I know in my local area) - I would have thought it would be a cakewalk for a Canadian. If you'd care to expand on your view, I'd love to hear about it (:

THanks!

akd

Edited September 29, 2008 by akdiver

[maliciant 7]

I'd like to know what it is about america that is hard to deal with, I've been through canada, and well, you folks seemed to drive on the correct side of the street... so I'd think overall it'd be easy. I know the government is much more socialized with health care and the legal system is significantly different... anyway, I'd like to know more about adjusting to the US.

Also, this thread wasn't negative enough for the original forum it was posted in... almost defeats the purpose of posting it. Seriously, marriage is a major family change that has an effect on immigration benefits, and the people here are talking about that! I think this thread should go back, or the forum should be renamed "Disgruntled ex's trying to get USCIS to deport my fiance(e), plus the occasional post about children needing a visa or some such banter, but mostly b******n about marriage fraud!". This paragraph is only slightly tongue in cheek....

[akdiver 3]

...or the forum should be renamed "Disgruntled ex's trying to get USCIS to deport my fiance(e), plus the occasional post about children needing a visa or some such banter, but mostly b******n about marriage fraud!".

That's a damned accurate description of most of the posts I've read in that forum.

[rebeccajo 14]

Now living here in the US has been a huge challenge, much more so than dealing with USCIS. That's been the biggest struggle of the process for me.

Hi Cassie. I'm surprised to hear this, being as you're Canadian and all. My Russian sweetie seems to have a relatively easy time of it (so have the other Russians I know in my local area) - I would have thought it would be a cakewalk for a Canadian. If you'd care to expand on your view, I'd love to hear about it (:

THanks!

akd

It's a common misconception, AK. It's a real shame that VJ members spend so much time speaking only to members of their (or their SO's) home country. They miss out on a lot of support, just as members who only speak to those who filed the same month they did miss out on support.

Sure, there's more of an adjustment for those immigrants who must learn English. But anytime you bet everything you've ever known, seen and experienced; and trade in the support network of an entire lifetime of family and friends for just one person in the US - the risk is very very high.

Count us as one of the couples who look like we are going to make it. Our third anniversary is October 15. We didn't spend a lot of time on the visa, but spent ages waiting on a greencard. We lift conditions this winter. We've struggled financially but that's because neither of us were wealthy to begin with. Together we are building more than what either of us could have had alone. We're seeing my son get himself through university and that makes us both very proud. And we still cuddle up at night.

Not too bad for a perpetual shy bachelor and a brash flashy divorcee. Not too bad at all.

Edited September 29, 2008 by rebeccajo

[rebeccajo 14]

I appreciate the message you are trying to convey and am glad things are working out so well for you. If you consider the title, reason, and description for this forum, you will understand why so many of the posts are negative.

A word of caution.... do not take the holier than thou road. You post could be construed to imply that those of us who's relationships failed did not do enough, or say enough lovey-dovey things to make our relationships work. You could have easily have posted this in Off Topics and gotten the similar responses from those couples who have been successful.

Most of us who come here are looking for support and advice for our situations and not to be made to feel guilty that we did not try hard enough.

Sorry, but my feelings are still a little raw, and I'm still a bit bitter....

Jen

I kind of agree that this thread should go back to where it started.

The 'changes' forum is a good read for anybody considering this journey. It can serve to open eyes.

But just as there are two sides to every failed relationship, there are two sides to every situation. If people ARE reading ahead in the Changes forum (to see what can happen down the road) it's worthy reading for them to see what it takes for a relationship to go 'right'.

Those considering a lifetime in an international marriage need to be aware that doing MORE than what it takes to make a vanilla, domestic relationship work WILL be required. And lovey-dovey words? No relationship can be hurt by that. Beats the hell out of speaking in haste.

I could move this thread back, but I won't. Perhaps we can get a good result in Off Topic.

[Imua 0]

This is a nice idea. This particular forum is so filled with negative experiences.

My husband and I will be going onto our 4th anniversary next month. We started the immigration process with absolutely no knowledge of what to expect. We had a denial in 2005 and fought the system and won in 2006. We had been married a little over 2 years before he got his visa. This was one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. Would I do it again? Yes, he is worth everything we went through.

There are a select few people that assume that if a man from the Middle East/North Africa marries an older woman then it is for immigration purposes only, and that he will leave her once he gets his green card. Although I know it happens I am proud to show these people that this is a stereo type, and not everyone should be judged on stereo types. My husband does not have his citizenship yet, but he does have his 10 year green card. He could walk away from me any time since he has friends and family he could go to. But he doesn't leave. I guess he values me as much as I value him. I never knew that a marriage could feel this good.

Not just MENA - I think this is the case for every older American woman who marries someone from a developing, traditional, pronatalist society - my theory is people think why would a man from a country like that marry a woman who is likely too old to have kids??? I believe this is why older woman/younger man couples are given a harder time by the CO than the 60 year old guys with 25 year old wives - she could still have a baby so it's OK, they can be a 'real family'. I think looks prejudice comes into it too - I think you remember the poster in MENA whose husband was asked at his interview 'How can you love her - she isn't even beautiful?' Um, the correct answer is 'she is beautiful to me...' I know this is how my husband feels about me but I am really really sweating his upcoming interview and feel so pessimistic sometimes - KTM is an easy embassy from other VJers' experience but I think ours will be the case that disproves the rule, too many red flags despite the way we feel about each other. I really wish it would be possible for me to be there(too little lead time before the interview for me to buy a ticket under $3K) because I would think if the CO could just see us together it would disprove any preconceived notions of 'the poor 3rd world guy taking advantage of the naive, desperate older woman'. I really pray that in 2-3 years we will be sharing your same story and being one of thoise couples that shatter people's stereotypes.

[Completely 3]

For us, has been over five years in dealing with the USCIS, all applications were done on time, all interviews and biometrics appointments were kept. My gal and I spent as much time together as we could for over two years before getting married. Just the other day, she told me the most wonderful verse that beats the heck out of saying I love you. She said that I was the best thing that ever happened in her life. Since I love to plagiarized, been telling her that as well, try this with your mate, it works wonders.

Did it cross my mind that she came here more so to come to this country than for me? Just crossed my mind for a brief instant, mainly from reading this board. Our kids and work take up a great deal of our time, but we have our weekends together and nights. Redecorating our home, but gave her a 90% vote in how to do it, do draw the line when certain ideas are just too impractical, and explain why like redoing our master bedroom suite to install a two person whirlpool tub. After I cost it out and drew up the plans, just said it would be easier if we were to draw up our own home plans and start from scratch and just sell this place. Ha, also have to watch the market, this is not a good time for that. We are looking forward to a new granddaughter in two weeks.

We like most couples have our share of problems, but able to sit down and talk them over, but no problems between us, was worth the ordeal to go through the USCIS to be together, but shouldn't have to be that bad, expensive, and stressful. She has her US citizenship now, her US passport, and all that post citizenship stuff is now history.

Like the broadcast news always showing negative stuff, would be nice to hear from those where dealing with the USCIS was a worthwhile experience just so you can be with the person that is the best thing that has ever happened to you in your life. Those days when we were apart are still strong in my mind, the infinitely long wait between visits and waiting for those letters. Not to mention being treated like a criminal and having my life being closely examined basically by incompetent people. But they were nice during the oath ceremony, hopefully, I can remember that and forget the rest of it.

I never had a problem with my immigration immigration process. All went great, from CR1 processing to Application for Naturalization.. It was a very fast process for me and I was even shocked at first, but realized it was a Gods blessing..

I had my CR1 process only for 2 months, went to the US and received greencard- all in all was 3 months.. Then N400 processing, from received to interview, oath took 3 months all in all, as well.

But it was fun, I am always worried before, all I did is prayer, positive attitude, and followed the steps carefully.