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A Week Later

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: United Kingdom
Timeline

Hello All,

First off, I wanted to say that I do appreciate the responses I'm getting on this particular forum. I can see threads like mine are supposed to be over on the 'major changes' forum but I suppose I feel a little 'out there' on that particular forum and less willing to open up because this was the forum where I shared everything that came before. I just wanted everyone to know that I am still excited for all of you who are in the process of getting your VISAs to bring over your loved ones, I do not believe that just because it didn't work out for me that it won't work out for anyone. Hell no, I hope and believe just the opposite, that there are people in this world who come together, have a very special connection, and can make it work through thick and thin, and I certainly hope that will be the case for all of you. I still believe it can happen :)

I can't actually believe it's only been a week since he left, it feels like a lifetime's worth of emotions, ups and downs, and challenges. I would say that I've been positive for the majority of the week but it's growing harder because I think it's sinking in more. Part of me is still in such disbelief that I keep thinking this is just one of the times he's left for England and he'll be back, or it's just one of those insanely asinine mistakes he's made that he'll soon correct. A rational, realistic part of me tells me without a shadow of a doubt that he's not coming back, that it's over, that it was the best thing in the end that we don't continue together. It's confusing, because we did have a friendship that I never had with anyone in my life, there were so many things we came through as partners and so many things we supported each other through that we talked about being so proud of. How much we had in common as far as interests, how much fun we could have together doing the most mundane things, how much we knew how to make each other laugh. It is so confusing to know how to feel, especially since he was still so affectionate and caring toward me even at the beginning of last week. It's hard to get my head around, and that void feels like it's just creeping up on me more and more. I've known him for four years and it's unbelievable how much your mind switches from being "single" to being "in a relationship".

In my more positive moments, I've thought about considering this next year to be my transition year. He ran off with this girl and I guess he's plunging into it and feels ready to start something with someone else (at least, he thinks he is or he hasn't felt anything for me for much longer than he ever let me know). I feel I can't turn it off like that, I wish I could but I can't, I still feel that love for him and all those emotions, I can't imagine how I'd talk to a guy now or even being interested in one. I really hate that I'm the one stuck with this on my plate while he's off doing whatever with that girl, but I know there are just those things in life that, no matter how much it reeks of injustice, just can't be helped. It's hard to accept that, but I'm trying. Trying to do it for my own good.

I've been taking long walks and tending to my health. My doctor gave me hope that what I am experiencing now with my digestion is just an infection and NOT ulcerative colitis. I'm hoping I can turn things around with a better diet and more exercise. I've looked into some face-to-face social groups in my area but I must say I am pretty dang scared. I'm innately anxious in social situations as it is, even though I crave them (now more than ever!). I'm hoping I can get out there, not to meet any suitors but just to meet some friends and construct a new circle (my close friends are spread out around the country now or they're in England). The financial situation is pretty dire right now because he took a lot of financial support with him when he left, and my Mom (whom I live with) and I are trying to figure out how to keep our heads above water because, as you know, the economic situation is terrible for just about everyone right now. There's so much on my plate in such a short time, but I'm trying to find ways to take it step by step and remain positive and optimistic.

Again, I cannot say enough how much I appreciate the feedback I've gotten here, from all of you. Like I said, I'm innately socially anxious and I'm terrible at reaching out to someone I haven't known for a very, very long time, and I just can't express how much the support I've gotten here means to me. This forum in particular, everyone on this forum has always been so kind and helpful, and I am really wishing now that I had been brave enough to keep in contact with more of you before I had to go off and plunge into married life and responsibilities. Maybe I can change that now though!

There's part of me that knows that this has only been one week and things are going to be so much better in a month, then two months, then a year, then two years, and on. I guess everyone who goes through this feels that, don't they? Just wanting to hit the fast-forward button to better times ahead. Oh, if that was only possible!

I am hoping I am handling this alright. Sometimes I don't even want to let myself miss him, or think about how he's feeling, or feel like I still love him because it feels so utterly strange and painful. Still, I'm trying to go through the motions as naturally and honestly as I can so that perhaps I might get through this as healthy as possible. It's even hard to cry because he was just about the only person I let myself really cry in front of, and it's hard remembering how I handled it before he got here. Just wondering if my feelings are similar to the feelings of others who have been through this.

Again, thank you for letting me vent on this particular forum. I do NOT want to bring anyone down who is looking forward to their futures. Like I said, I want all of you to get those VISAa soon and start your new lives together, I believe marriages (however they come together) can work, I've seen too many couples who have been together for decades to believe otherwise. I just hope that when I am ready, I might have another chance to have it too. I'm wishing all of you guys all the luck in the world just like I was before :)

Oh, and I'm worried about my Anglophilia and deep love of British men. I've loved British culture and people from the UK since I was a kid and now it feels like it goes even deeper than ever. Deep down I still wish for a British husband because it's so damn hard to find American men who have the enthusiasm for all the British stuff I do, like if I said "Wahey!!" to some American guy, he'd be like "#######?". Awe man.

Thank you for listening, thank you so freakin' much.

--Laurie

MY TIMELINE:

MAY 2004: Met Online

NOV 2004: Andy's 1st stay with me in Florida, 3 weeks.

FEB/MAR 2005: Andy's 2nd stay with me in Florida, 1 month

APR/MAY 2005: Andy's 3rd stay with me in Florida, 1 month

OCT 2005-FEB 2006: I stay with Andy in England, 4 1/2 months

* I Proposed on Christmas 2005 & YES!*

MAY-AUG 2006: I stay with Andy in England, 3 1/2 months

AUG 2006: Andy's 4th stay with me in Florida, 3 weeks.

NOV 2006-JAN 2007: Andy's 5th stay with me in Florida, 1 3/4 months

09/05/06: I-129F Packet Sent!!

09/21/06: NOA1 Received.

12/07/06: NOA2 RECEIVED!!! W00t!!!

03/02/07: Sent off final Packet 3 checklist

03/20/07: Received Packet 4 Letter!!!!

INTERVIEW DATE: 04/19/07!!!!

04/19/07 - INTERVIEW SUCCESS! APPROVED!!

04/26/07 - Passport w/ visa arrives via courier

Delta Flight arriving with fiance on 05/04/07!!!

05/04/07 - Home at last!!! w0000000t!!

06/01/07 - Our 'first' wedding at the county clerk's office.

09/19/08 - Andy walked out. That total dumb-a$$.

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I just wanted to comment on your siggy timeline - particularly the last entry :) It's the right attitude to have if it counts for anything - seeing it as being his loss might make things a little easier, even though you are suffering a loss yourself. The more you tell yourself that you are a great person and that if he was to just up and leave like that, then no matter how painful it is, you are better off without him.

Taking care of yourself and your health is a great thing though - sometimes these big life changes inspire us to be better people, to really appreciate ourselves and to change our priorities. You and your mom are now the most important people in your life and that is what you must take care of (unless you have kids in which case they are pretty important too ;) ).

It doesn't seem like it now, but you will get through it and you will be stronger.

*hugs*

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.`*.¸.*´ ~Timeline~

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10 Year GC Received 03/16/11 - Apply for Citizenship 01/28/12!

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