Martial Advice?

[Gigglesngrins 0]

Hey!!!!! WAIT A MINUTE HERE!!!!!

Although I am yet to be married, I must say it sounds to me like there is a major control issue here. It is my honest belief that you should never have to change who you are, or who you become in the future for that matter, for anyone. Especially the person that you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. I can say with complete and utter certainty, if Daniel or anyone else ever told me I needed to be a different person than I am, they do not to be in my life; let alone have any say in what I do or who I am. As someone who spent the majority of her life trying to be what everyone else wanted her to be, by continuing in a relationship where the expectations are anything but for you to be yourself, you will eventually lose who you are. It is a long process to find yourself again and you may find in the end that you do not like who you were. Then you have to go through becoming your authentic self all over again and learn to forgive yourself for who you were. Your husband should be the one person in your life who will love and support you unconditionally. As Daniel is always telling me, you have to love "the good, the bad and the indifferent".

As for the polite thing, I just have one comment. YOU ARE CANADIAN, THAT'S WHAT WE DO! I can say that when I have visited Chicago, people are shocked with how polite and nice I am, and really, I chalk it all up to be raised right and being CANADIAN! We just are polite, it's one of the best things about us So my advice is stand your ground, stay true to yourself and never be anyone other than who you authentically are. It's just my thoughts, and you can take them for all they are worth.

Hugs and God bless,

Tiffany

[Collie 122]

as I have hypothesised before I think in-laws should be made illegal I'm sorry that you are going through a hard time right now. Its not fair. Stand up to the bytch and tell her that she is not included on your marriage certificate. Your husband and you have got to work and talk things through together without her butting in if you want to give your marriage the chance it deserves.

i'm having problems with my own in-laws right now too. We had a major show down last night where I lost my temper and had a screaming yelling and insult match at the ###### for accusing me of stuff that was total Bullshit. Thankfully my husband gave back to her what she was throwing and defended me. he hates her as much as i do. his father 9her ex) lives here and is a lazy sod who wont even agree to have his name put on a rota. She thinks that everyone should pick up other peoples ####### left lying. i told her its not the draconian era we live in now and while men have two hands they can do their own picking up.

sorry i went off on one there..still not very calm.

Good luck and I hope your situation improves

kat

[Reba 2]

yanno, I read an article recently that Halle Berry is dating a Canadian guy, and she said that she's always amazed at how polite Canadians are, and that they still say "thank you" and actually mean it, that's refreshing.

So politely tell your husband and your mother in law to stuff their loud and obnoxious in their pie hole. And then recite The Rant

Hey.

I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader, and I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber, or own a dog sled, and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although I'm certain they're really, really nice.

I have a Prime Minister, not a President. I speak English and French, not American, and I pronounce it "about", not "aboot".

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack. I believe in peacekeeping, not policing; diversity, not assimilation; and that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.

A tuque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch, and it is pronounced "zed"; not "zee" – "zed"!

Canada is the second largest land mass! The first nation of hockey! And the best part of North America!

My name is <insert name here>! And I am Canadian!

[Sharon 1]

...but be sure to end it with "And thank you!"

[lilsnobunny 0]

Hahahaha of course i won't forget the thank you.

Thanksall for your advice.

I've gotten to speak with him a very small amount regarding this issue, we still have not addressed all of the issues

Apparently, hes been going through some self issues, of where he feels old.. and therefore he's been quite grumpy. He seems to be alot better now that he got that off his chest- yet thats still not a reason to treat your wife like @@@@.

The only good thing about working Manadtory overtime on one of your days off, is that it limits dealing with your inlaws, they are nice people.. but i can't stand the fact, she obviously hates alot of things about me. Honestly, now that i actually think about it... my husband went over to her place one saturday morning alone, without me. and thats when this whole 'list' thing came about... hmmmm.

Anywaya just want to say thanks again, we still have alot to work out, but atleast it seems as though its starting to go back in the right direction.

we'll just wait and see.

Edited May 29, 2006 by lilsnobunny

[KarenCee 3]

I left my first marriage because of these very issues. My ex a$$hole husband was led by the nose by his mom. Nothing I ever did was good enough for her boy and they both let me know that in no uncertain terms. I came from "the wrong side of the tracks" and I was constantly reminded that her boy was always right no matter what. I was constantly reminded of what would "happen" if anyone tried to hurt her boy. Her "boy" took her side over mine many times. When I tried to take up for myself I was browbeaten and cowed. My ex never ever took up for me and whenever we had arguments, he would call mommy to come "talk some sense into me". She threatened to take my child away from me if I left him. He let her do this for years. I was never skinny, and he made mention of that many times...telling me that sex would be so much better if I would lose weight. His mom would make snide subtle remarks about my size...and I am NOT obese by any means. Eventually his whole family realized what a wuss I was (never standing up for myself I guess) and they all jumped on the bandwagon. To be honest...it was so much easier to "take it" than to take a stand. That way I kept the abuse to a minimum. The catalyst that finally pushed me to leave is altogether another story.

I said all that to say this: Unless he gets MOM out of the picture, the problems will only escalate. She has power in this relationship and it won't stop til HE stops it and HE has to want that. He has to make a decision...you or mom. As for you being Canadian...I am about to be married to a Canadian and I couldn't be happier!!!!!!!!!!! I just wish I'd found him sooner. I hope things work out for you...please don't let her come between you and your husband. Been there, know what that's like...not gonna happen again in my life. Keep us posted, eh

[M+S 0]

MY DEAR

OF COURSE there is nothing wrong with you , the problem is your husband he sounds very selfish for me and very in conrol doesn't he know when you are with some one you must accept them the way they are !!!!

and what 's the h**l your mother in law has to do ??? she has a list ?? I feel very angry because your husband should be supporting to you not to be the one who is against you!!!

YOU HAVE NOTHING WRONG !!! the problem is him..

when i married my hubby e told me that he loves me the way i am and he will always do I love my husband the way he is with everything I don't want him to change..I think myself one of the things that could be the reason of destroying any relationship if one partner expecting the other to change and to be someone else!!!

people should love you THE WAY YOU ARE not change you to the way they want you to be !!

I think you must face him with all these ideas and what you feel ..before I marry my husband we promised each other never to go to sleep and there is a single thing inside any of us against the other ..if you have something to say YOU MUST SAY it ..having these things inside you ..will grow more and more you should have talked to him about it from the begining ..YOU ARE EQUAL ..tell him that

GOD BE WITH YOU

Best wishes (((hugs)))