If it wasn't for immigration

[SpiritAlight 1]

Women were declared persons under the law in the U.S. in 1920 or so...

Hence her bold and string and real statements.

[SpiritAlight 1]

Women were declared persons under the law in the U.S. in 1920 or so...

Hence her bold and string and real statements.

Oops, strong not string...i cannot type.

[aravis227 1]

Interesting article, but I must respectfully disagree, particularly this paragraph and particularly the bolded:

Marriage is primarily an economic arrangement, an insurance pact. It differs from the ordinary life insurance agreement only in that it is more binding, more exacting. Its returns are insignificantly small compared with the investments. In taking out an insurance policy one pays for it in dollars and cents, always at liberty to discontinue payments. If, however, woman's premium is her husband, she pays for it with her name, her privacy, her self-respect, her very life, "until death doth part." Moreover, the marriage insurance condemns her to life-long dependency, to parasitism, to complete uselessness, individual as well as social. Man, too, pays his toll, but as his sphere is wider, marriage does not limit him as much as woman. He feels his chains more in an economic sense.

I don't see myself condemned to uselessness at all!

Ditto Cassie. I only become condemned if I decide that me as a person somehow ended or became diminished because I got married. And anyone who has spent any amount of time with me will know that is completely impossible. I believe that marriage is what the two people involved make of it. I have certainly seen marriages where one person became the shadow of the other...no longer permitted to have their own opinions, thoughts, ideas, and actions. That is a terrible thing. However, I also have seen marriages where each member remained who they were before the papers were signed. They retained respect for each other and their willingness to compromise without giving up what is important. Those are the marriages where they still hold hands and gaze lovingly into each other's eyes on their 25th anniversary. I really hope that we remain one of those couples...I'm not going to be one of those naive newlyweds that says "We're DIFFERENT! We're not LIKE those other people!"...but I really hope that in 25 years we're as willing to work together and respect each other as we are today.

I think that's what so many people (especially young ones) forget about marriage...it's WORK. It doesn't magically make all of your disagreements go away...it makes you have to work harder to resolve them because you can't go to your own house and ignore each other until tomorrow anymore. Sure...I could condemn myself to being"dependent", "parasitic", and "useless" by just giving in to every one of Dennis' whims because he's the man...but then I would get resentful and in a couple of years I'd suddenly explode in anger and he would have no idea what was wrong because I'd always gone along with everything with a smile. That's not fair to either of us, so we take the slightly more difficult path of dealing with problems as they come up...but in the end we'll both be happier individuals and a happier couple.

Ok...that was kind of rambling, so I hope I got my point across.

[HappyDancer 7]

This is probably the sweetest yet most realistic thing I have ever read in a while. You are lucky to have a man like him and he is lucky he found you too.

Well, when I was a little girl I did have that dream of being married in a princess dress...

Then I met my first BF that his parents had divorced, and he thought marriage was bull$hit... Then my parents divorced...Then I met my second BF that his parents had divorced...then he said marriage was bull$hit...then everybody around me said marriage was bull$hit....then my mom met my step dad which had been previously divorced and he said marriage was bull$hit....

sigh

So overtime I kinda forced myself into believing that I would never get married and that it was all a waste of time and money...

Then I met Josh and he told me that even if he was divorced, he still believed in the meaning of marriage, all he needed was the right person...and he proposed me

I knew I wanted to get married to him, I just needed the right person to be ready for it.

The only thing immigration changed is that we didnt have as much time to really have a nice big wedding with both sides of the family. We got married here and nobody from my side could attend, so we are thinking of getting married again in the future in Quebec with all my family and friends present.

[Lili 3]

This is an interesting topic!

We were dating for two years when we got married. We both knew we were meant for each other since day one but marriage was a big step for me. I wasn't sure I was ready for it, that I was mature enough.

But I would do it all over again. When I look at the sweetest things my hubby does, I can't help but think I should have married the man sooner .

Jen, I am so sorry again. (((((more hugs coming your way)))))

[thetreble 19]

I've noticed over the months that I am learning a lot. Most of what I am learning has to do with expectations. As a young person, often times we expect things FAR better or much more beyond the norm than we get.

As a young married person, I have been quick to learn not to set expectations too high. You can't expect in others what you expect in yourself. I told my hubby last night that I wish he would do more to surprise me and he sat there and looked at me and said..."but I do....I clean the basement when you are not around...I clean your car..."

and I felt like an idiot because he does do those things. I meant like...him bringing me flowers or something. But our ideas of expectations are so different You have to adjust.

[Krikit 1,165]

This was in Sunday's paper:

Marrying into America

[trailmix 77]

This was in Sunday's paper:

Marrying into America

Interesting article krikit! I don't know how I missed it in Sunday's paper - oh maybe it was covered in flyerssssss.

It is interesting to see the postings in this thread and what different people read in to marriage. Marriage is not one thing for all people. I don't mean the actual experience of being married, I mean the expectations and your view point on what it really is.

Marriage in the strictest sense is really just a legal contract.

What you interpret it to be from a romantic or practical point of view after that (or even before that - in terms of the wedding) - is really up to you.

[Krikit 1,165]

This was in Sunday's paper:

Marrying into America

Interesting article krikit! I don't know how I missed it in Sunday's paper - oh maybe it was covered in flyerssssss.

Yup.

It is interesting to see the postings in this thread and what different people read in to marriage. Marriage is not one thing for all people. I don't mean the actual experience of being married, I mean the expectations and your view point on what it really is.

Marriage in the strictest sense is really just a legal contract.

What you interpret it to be from a romantic or practical point of view after that (or even before that - in terms of the wedding) - is really up to you.

Wow. That's interesting, Trailmix. As soon as I've assembled my braincells I'll be able to respond, because it really does give one pause to think.

[SpiritAlight 1]

This was in Sunday's paper:

Marrying into America

Interesting article krikit! I don't know how I missed it in Sunday's paper - oh maybe it was covered in flyerssssss.

Yup.

It is interesting to see the postings in this thread and what different people read in to marriage. Marriage is not one thing for all people. I don't mean the actual experience of being married, I mean the expectations and your view point on what it really is.

Marriage in the strictest sense is really just a legal contract.

What you interpret it to be from a romantic or practical point of view after that (or even before that - in terms of the wedding) - is really up to you.

Wow. That's interesting, Trailmix. As soon as I've assembled my braincells I'll be able to respond, because it really does give one pause to think.

Exactly, Trailmix!

[Laura+Tom 2]

I'd like to contribute to this discussion.

My OH doesn't like the fact that we have to get married in order to be together but realises that's it's the only way I can go to the US. He wants me there as soon as possible and hates being away from me. I think he has reservations as he's been married before and deep down doesn't want our relationship to go the same way.

Basically I just see it as a piece of paper in order for me to live with him and be with him. In my eyes it doesn't change anything being married. I'd love him the same whether we married or not. I just hate the fact that I think I'm forcing him to do something that deep he might not want to do.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

We discussed it awhile back and came to the conclusion that we probably would have legally married eventually.

I don't think I would have been like my sister and BIL about it though. They have been together since 2002, engaged since 2005, and have only recently seriously set a date for the wedding in mid-2009. My husband and I would have probably married after 2-3 years period.

Edited September 30, 2008 by Wacken