Marriage collapse before AOS... still here in US and seeking advice from VJer's

[NickyMcMillan 0]

What are peoples thoughts.... if you were me, would you stay and apply for AOS or return home with a 10 year ban?

All opinions and thoughts welcomed.

If I was in your position I would go back to the UK to restart my life away from an ex. You need to ask yourself, what is keeping you in the US?

Everybody's circumstance is different of course. But I would have friends & family that would help me get my feet back on the ground back home in the UK. I doubt the 10 year ban would concern me, as I wouldn't be making any plans to return to the US. That's all just me though, everybody would have different ways of going about it.

Wishing you the very best mate!

Nicky

[kingstonjamaica 3]

Hi everyone, although this is my first post I am not completly new to this forum as my wife and I used this forum regularly when we applied for my K-1 visa (although this was done under a different username).

I have re-registered to hopefully receive advice that will help me in my unfortunate situation.

I will try and explain my situation the best I can. OK here goes (deep breath).

I entered the US on a K1-Visa in May 07.

I married my wife in July 07 (within the 90 day period).

Unfortunately for me our marriage began to collapse when my wife started to fall in love with her best friend. At first it was arguments of jelously and trust as she denied having feelings for him. Eventually I decided enough was enough, it was obvious to me that she was falling in love with him and I had to move out . A month or so after I moved out my wife admitted to me that she had slept with him....about a week after the day I moved !!! It was one of those situations were I hated to be right. Since then and to this day, they have been together as a couple.

This all happened around the time I was supposed to file for my AOS and I never proceeded to file the papers... due to obvious reasons.

Since then I've been trying to figure out what to do and to be honest I didn't want to go home....I needed time to get over all this.

I am aware I have been living here out of status. I am unemployed and do not have the right to work here. I can't live off my savings forever. If possible, I would like the right to live and work in the US, legally with the freedom to leave the country as I please. I didn't marry my wife to have this right, I married her because I loved her and I wanted to be with her.

My first question is...... My wife and I are still married, would it still be possible for me to change my status at this stage? Although I have not talked with my wife about this, I'm sure she would be willing to comply. I'm sure many of you are scowling at me for even asking about this Right now I see this as the only option at a chance to stay here.

My other option (possibly my only option) is for me to move back home to England. If I move back to the England, will I be banned from visiting the US and how long will I be banned for?

If I ever wanted to apply for another visa, will I have difficulties..... as I have been living out of status does this mean I have overstayed?

OK that's about it from me. If you would like further info from me in order to answer my questions accurately please feel free to ask me Thank you for everyone's help or advice in advance. I am very prepared for everyone responses advising me to go back home to England and pick up my life again.

If your wife is willing to help you out i suggest getting the neccessary documents from her and file for your adjustment, who knows you may not even go to an interview. Sounds like she just wants you out of her s3x life. Just make sure your documents are in order before you send them out. The green card will be for two year and in two years there can be a lot of changes between you and her so hope for the best the best way is to think positive. On the other hand your K1 visa is a one entry so if you want to leave i don't think you will have a ten year ban.

[merijan 0]

I guess the question I have is ...Why stay here ? I mean if I could go live in UK I would and I am USA citizen. If I were you I would go back, the only reason u came was to marry her so why stay?

[Chica Yeyé 41]

With all due respect, what you are proposing to do is visa fraud - adjusting status from a marriage which de facto is no more. Not cool. And if you get caught, it might get worse than a ten year ban.

[Boiler 45,769]

You still have to be in a relationship, she would have to go to the interview and lie.

I think you have no choice. If you do not go home, at least go and have a one off consultation with an Immigration Lawyer.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Would she be willing to accept that she has abused you emotionally? If so, perhaps there is relief available. Frankly, conducting her life as she has, without attempting to divorce you,m *could* be construed as standing in your way to achieve PR status.

Hi everyone, although this is my first post I am not completly new to this forum as my wife and I used this forum regularly when we applied for my K-1 visa (although this was done under a different username).

I have re-registered to hopefully receive advice that will help me in my unfortunate situation.

I will try and explain my situation the best I can. OK here goes (deep breath).

I entered the US on a K1-Visa in May 07.

I married my wife in July 07 (within the 90 day period).

Unfortunately for me our marriage began to collapse when my wife started to fall in love with her best friend. At first it was arguments of jelously and trust as she denied having feelings for him. Eventually I decided enough was enough, it was obvious to me that she was falling in love with him and I had to move out . A month or so after I moved out my wife admitted to me that she had slept with him....about a week after the day I moved !!! It was one of those situations were I hated to be right. Since then and to this day, they have been together as a couple.

This all happened around the time I was supposed to file for my AOS and I never proceeded to file the papers... due to obvious reasons.

Since then I've been trying to figure out what to do and to be honest I didn't want to go home....I needed time to get over all this.

I am aware I have been living here out of status. I am unemployed and do not have the right to work here. I can't live off my savings forever. If possible, I would like the right to live and work in the US, legally with the freedom to leave the country as I please. I didn't marry my wife to have this right, I married her because I loved her and I wanted to be with her.

My first question is...... My wife and I are still married, would it still be possible for me to change my status at this stage? Although I have not talked with my wife about this, I'm sure she would be willing to comply. I'm sure many of you are scowling at me for even asking about this Right now I see this as the only option at a chance to stay here.

My other option (possibly my only option) is for me to move back home to England. If I move back to the England, will I be banned from visiting the US and how long will I be banned for?

If I ever wanted to apply for another visa, will I have difficulties..... as I have been living out of status does this mean I have overstayed?

OK that's about it from me. If you would like further info from me in order to answer my questions accurately please feel free to ask me Thank you for everyone's help or advice in advance. I am very prepared for everyone responses advising me to go back home to England and pick up my life again.

[Boiler 45,769]

Going to need a a lawyer going the VAWA route on the basis of what has been said so far.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Going to need a a lawyer going the VAWA route on the basis of what has been said so far.

Agreed, but VAWA is not entirely out of the realm of possibility. Slim, but maybe possible.

[Garu 0]

Ok, here as some thoughts for you.

Again, the question is how badly do you want to stay in the U.S.? You say you are already under the 10 year ban so I guess it doesn't matter how much longer you stay; the penalty will be the same (unless you get cut and deported and then I think it might be more). But if that happens and then you just leave and don't care about ever coming back, then who cares.

You can decide to stay in the U.S. out of status until you get cut and deported (maybe you never will get cut like millions of people that are in this country illegaly). If during that time you should get into another relationship and marry a U.S. citizen, then your ban will be forgiven because you did come into the country legally. If you had come illegaly, then not even a second marriage would get you out of the ban. Also, there could be the remote posibility of some sort of amnesty given at some point in time in the future and you might qualify for that.

So, if you want to stay and do stay what is the worst that can happen? Get deported and not be able to come back for 10 or 20 years or ever. If that is not a big deal for you then stay. At least by being here you are open to additional posibilities that will not be available once you leave.

I wouldn't force the AOS because that will be clear fraud and is not in your control. Either her or her boyfriend can make trouble. On the contrary, if ever asked, you can say that you preferred to stay out of status than to go ahead and pretend you had a relationship when in fact, you didn't.

If you stay, once things settle down; I would get a divorce so time passes in case you do find someone else. There is no up side of staying married.

And needless to say, don't ever leave U.S. soil because you will not be able to come back in your current situation.

If you don't have family or pressing ties to the U.S. and wish to go back, then do that.

For sure, talk to an immigration lawyer so you can understand your legal options.

Good luck.

[melusine 5]

But wait a minute.... they entered marriage honnestly...

Does just that fact anyway would be good enough to later on remove conditions ?

I think it's overall possible but true that you might need some serious guidance.

[Fuzzy 0]

body { background: #FFFFFF; margin: 0px; padding: 4px; font-family: Verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; } "You need to ask yourself, what is keeping you in the US?" This is a very good question and the I guess the ultimate.

At the time of our seperation part of me thought the best thing to do would be to return back to the UK, the country I love, the country I miss dearly and the country where most my friends and family reside. Now you'd probably think that surrounding myself with people that care about me would have been the best thing to do... for me I felt I needed the time alone, I like to sort things out on my own and although family and friends are great to have for support the only person who can fix things is you. On top of this I'd be returning to England with my tail between my legs. I'm rather embarressed to return with a failed marriage especially as many of my friends were concerned that I was being hasty to go down the K-1 route. I like to follow my heart.... this is a good example of how things can go wrong by doing just that.

I try to live my life without regret and I have to say this would have been one life decision I question. I am also an optimist and always try to look on the positive side of life even for the worst situations.

One positive outcome are the new people in my life... namely my friends and family I have over here. I am very close to my wife's family.....her mom and her sister in particular.... I consider them to be amongst my best friends and I'm lucky to have them in my extended family. My room mate I live with has been an amazing friend to me as well, he really helped me get on my feet after my separation, he invited me to everything social he had planned and made a real effort to help me fit in with his friends (which are now my friends).... he even had me round at his families house for Thanksgiving and Christmas! I've recently met a girl I really like but there is no way I can get involved in a relationship until I have a stable status it's not fair on either on us. So yes there will be people here that I will miss dearly if I return home to England with a 10 year ban in place.

Since living here I have done a fair amount of travelling. I view this as was good and bad thing... I got to experience an amazingly beautiful country but at the same time I fell in love with America. This is not a good thing because it's very difficult to let go of somehting that you love... especially when you have a 10 year ban looming. America is a big place and it's hard to cram it all in although I do feel I gave her my best shot. There are still many places I would love to visit and experience.

What other reasons....

The whole experience... America is so different to England, each state feels like a mini county to me... they're unique from one another, each city has something special and each area it's own beauty. Although everywhere is so different there is one common similarity that everyone shares and that is "National pride", it's everywhere, the pride to be an American and to fly the stars and stripes. I feel England is losing it's pride and it's national pride.... St Georges cross is more than the football (soccer) teams flag!

The weather.... yeah it rains a lot in England, particularly in the North West where I'm from and it's depressing. I love warm sunny weather and if I could live anywhere it would be California. Chicago is nice in summer but damn the winters are cold.

Work.... I'm a design engineer by trade and I can make good money here. I feel the ratio for the cost of living and wages are better here...well it appears to be the case for my profession. America is well known as "The land do of opportunity" and this certainly rings true for me. I am constantly inundated with recruiters trying to fit me to a job..... it just sucks that I can't work

Health.... I will say America's health system is a major thumbs down. I miss Britains NHS and it feels very strange to say I miss our national health service as most the time all we do is complain about it.

The cost of living.... The money you earn here buys you more here. Whether were talking housing, the price of gas or a loaf of bread I would say it's cheaper to live here. I'm not a materialistic person so I would have to say this is at the bottom of my list. England is very expensive place to live when compared to America in this economy. I believe Englands ecomony is heavily influenced by how America is doing and the price of the dollar... and we have a delayed market as the money waves ripple accross the Atlantic. I believe the $ is never going to recover... it's price will continue to decrease with every bill printed. This inturn will effect the pound... America is in for a great recession and so is England.... but hey that's another subject and I'm meandering.

Back on track.....10 years doesn't sound too long but when I say it out loud "I'm 26 now and I'll be 36 before I can visit the US again", it sure puts the severity of the ban into perspective . It feels like a harsh prison sentence for a crime I haven't commited. As a British citizen, freedom is very important to me and losing my right to visit America for 10 years is going to be heartbreaking. I understand the system and I understand why these strict rules are in place. It's can be hard to accept especially when I think how close Britain and America are... I don't mean geographically, I talking about international relations, the shared beliefs for which our countries fight for and have fought for for many years now. We have been allies for along time now and freedom is something our countries cheerish. The question I would like to ask you is; Does freedom actually mean anything when it is engulfed in beauracey?

OK I've been typing for way too long... I think my post should help you understand how I feel though... if nothing else, talking about my feelings and the reasons why I'd like to stay has helped me think. I think many British ex-pats will be nodding there heads reading this post haha. The list of why I miss Britain is too long.... I'd just thought I'd share my thoughts of why I'd like to stay.

Sorry for the long rant and happy reading.

[Fuzzy 0]

Going to need a a lawyer going the VAWA route on the basis of what has been said so far.

Going to need a a lawyer going the VAWA route on the basis of what has been said so far.

Agreed, but VAWA is not entirely out of the realm of possibility. Slim, but maybe possible.

Excuse my ignorance but what is VAWA? Is this some sort of loophole for special situations?

[Fuzzy 0]

OK I did a google search and found this site http://www.ilrc.org/vawa.php

Isn't this for victims that were subject to domestic violence? I don't see how from my experience I would qualify.... but then again I'm not an immigration lawyer nor do I no anything about VAWA other than what I have just read.

Can anyone shed some light on how this could help me?

Thanks.

Edited September 24, 2008 by Fuzzy

[Fuzzy 0]

know*

[Emancipation 2]

Is there another option perhaps? Do you not belong the the EU as a citizen of the UK? It would seem logical to me to go to another country in the EU and work/live if you don't want to go home.. start over for sure, but in a new place other than either the US or UK?