4 Months Left

[Kassie 0]

Ok, so without writing a novel, I'll try and give the gist of the situation.

I'm the US citizen. Craig is in the UK. We started our process in April of last year. At least, I look at it that way. It took FOUR months to get his papers. Which included the papers being lost twice, by the post office and months of waiting. I finally resorted to having UPS to pick them up ($$$!). And even that was late.

So, it wasn't sent out until August '05. Craig received his packet 3 December 2nd, I believe. And for some reason, still wondering why myself, he waited until then to send out for his police record and long form birth certificate. Had he sent away for them before hand, I'm pretty sure he would be having his interview this month and easily be here next month. Well, he still has yet to receive his long form birth certificate, and doesn't really have any idea when it will be there. Here is the major problem, I figured starting in August, it would give us plenty of time considering we have major wedding plans June 10th. Thats 10 months. As it stands, we have 4 months until our wedding, and I'm starting to panic. Actually panic set in last month, now I'm just pissed off. I was going to e-mail the consulate in London to ask what they thought about the time frame. But I wasn't sure if that would be the right place to ask.

I feel like I've hit every road block along the way. Just like any major wedding, there is a lot of money on the line. He says that if he doesn't have his visa by then, that he'll still come over and we'll get married. But then everything we've just spent months doing will be useless. We'll have to start a completely different process not to mention additional months apart. And considering how long its taken this process, what is that one going to be like??

This is almost a year of frustration in this letter. I feel like I'm about to lose it I have no idea what to do. So any and all opinions are welcomed. Actually I'm begging...

[pax 0]

Hmmmm, that's a tough one.

About all you can do is, when he does have all his paperwork in hand, press London via e-mail for the earliest interview date possible. What kind of timeframe did they give him for the long-form birth certificate? I can't imagine it would be TOO much longer.

One thing you may need to provide is a signed, dated, notarized letter reaffirming your support of the petition, if his interview comes near or after the expiration of your approved petition. Other than that, once he returns packet 3 with the checklist, all you can do is stay on London via e-mail (allow 2-3 weeks for them to receive and process the paperwork first) about getting you an interview date in time for your wedding.

Hope all goes well.

[Miranda&James 8]

Well, provided he gets his BC very very soon, you may be ok. Look over in the London Interview thread and you can get a general estimate of how long people waited from the time they sent P3 back to their interview. Looks like around 2-3 months for most for the recent cases. He should call whoever he has to to find out how long on that Birth Certificate and then once he sends P3 back in be in contact with London and let them know your situation. They may not do anything but some people in the past have gotten interview dates speedily this way....always worth a try!

We just sent P3 back in last week and have major wedding plans for May 20th, so we're almost in the same boat of trying to make sure lots of money isn't lost!

[meauxna 15]

Can Craig drive to the town of his birth and get the record directly? Cut down the admin time.

I've found that my own UKC does not like to be "pushy". And that sometimes, my US ways help us get things done on time

[Englishsammy 17]

Can Craig drive to the town of his birth and get the record directly? Cut down the admin time.

I've found that my own UKC does not like to be "pushy". And that sometimes, my US ways help us get things done on time

Sorry to hear about your problems. As Meauxna says can he not go to the place where he was born and pick the birth certificate up??? I didn't have a long form B.C and my local register office gave me the number of the register office in my birth town and they mailed it me within a couple of days (paid over phone with credit/debit card). If he goes to the register office where he was born, they'd give it him on the day I would think (ring and check though!).

Have you sent your packet 3 back??? I'd be emailing London all the time if I was you and explain your wedding plans etc, at least every couple of days and hopefully they'll crack and give you a date! I'd get the packet 3 sent off anyway because your looking at least a month (more likely 2) before your interview date.

Good luck

Sam

[Kassie 0]

Like a couple of you said, I'm going to go ahead and email London. Explain everything and see what they can do.

As for getting it in person, I just checked on the Southampton City Council website.

'At Southampton Register Office you can apply by post, in person or by phone.

In person

We will ask you to complete an application form when you arrive or to save time you can download one to complete and bring with you. On receipt of the fee we will let you know how long it will take to search for the entry and prepare the certificate. You will be offered the choice of calling back for it or you can provide postage for it to be forwarded to you. We can accept payment by cash, cheque (with a guarantee card) or credit / debit card.'

It doesn't say whether you can get it the same day. I was told by darling fiance that it took 21 days after receipt of payment for it to be sent to you. And although it doesn't give a time frame on the website, I dont see why it would need to be this long.

meauxna, Craig and I have had that conversation. I ask if he's made phone calls or found out and he tells me, "Yeah, it hasn't been sent out and they cant see by their system when it will be sent out." Um...no, that wouldn't fly with me. He thinks I'm asking him to yell at people. I dont want him to do that. You dont need to yell to get your point across.

Does anyone else have a significant other like this? Craig isn't the go-getter type in the first place, but he's never been this bad. Its like with this whole visa process, he hasn't been doing everything he possible could, always seeming to sit back and wait and BELIEVE me, "Do you really want to do this??" has come out of my mouth more times than I can remember. And his response is always followed with, "I want this more than anything." Then I think maybe its because he doesn't want to leave his family, friends, and everything he's known for 24 years, and when I mention that, he tells me that doesn't bother him in the slightest.

What is the problem here? This is just one problem that is the cause of his laziness. Something else I'm going to have to fix. Can anyone else clue me in. Cause I'm lost.

Edited February 8, 2006 by Kassie

[latitudes 0]

Does anyone else have a significant other like this? Craig isn't the go-getter type in the first place, but he's never been this bad.

Kassie -

Ollie isn't much help in these matters either. He filled out the biographical info for the i-129k (the G-125 or something) WRONG. like, middle name misspelled. He put Warwick as his place of birth instead of leamington! Its in big letters on his passport! But I knew this already. His grandfather was the type to walk away from the bulldoser w/the ignition on and in gear (picture several old brit guys chassing the runaway bobcat down the lane after it destroys Gran's greenhouse - which still has yet to be rebuilt).

I guess I don't have much in words of advise, other than that things probably won't change. If things need to get done, I do them. I filled the i-129f, I've got all the paperwork done (drafted) for packet 3, and I'm working on gathering for the AOS. I know things will always be like this, and that's okay. Ollie is kind and emotionally brilliant, sweet, thoughtful, and he always makes me smile. That's all I want from him. Its hard to keep the perspective from a distance, when all you see is what he isn't/hasn't done, but hang in there.

[Englishsammy 17]

Hmmm, are all guys equally as useless !!!! Roshon is just the same - I filled all the I-129F out, chased it up, chased the NVC up etc etc he hasn't done anything!! I've been pestering him for the I-134 stuff for a month and he still hasn't got it sorted yet (I think he spends a week per item )! Today however he promised me he'd get it sorted LOL and thats only because I was moody. I'm very organized when it comes to these sorts of things so it really stresses me out when its out of my control and I have to rely on other people. Then he has the cheek to get sad because he misses me and that he worries I'll leave hime - MEN!!!!

Like latitudes said, I already know all this about him though but it still doesn't stop him stressing me out - I know he'll get it done eventually and he's brilliant in every other way. ahh i love him so much

It just seems our guys just don't have the sense of urgency that we do. You've spoke to him about him leaving sunny old England and its seems like thats not the problem, if I was you i'd just keep constantly reminding him to the point where he'll get it done just so you'll leave him alone!!!

Good luck!!!

Samantha

[meddykomp 0]

I feel so totally lucky after reading your posts! My husband is a procrastinator by nature, but when it comes to anything with immigration, he is right there to do everything he can to speed up the process of getting us back together. I am sure he has no idea how much I appreciate how much responsibility he has taken for this process because with everything else I have to do, I don't think I could do this if I had to push him to get stuff done for this too. Good luck in getting your situation resolved in time.

~Angel~

[Kassie 0]

His grandfather was the type to walk away from the bulldoser w/the ignition on and in gear (picture several old brit guys chassing the runaway bobcat down the lane after it destroys Gran's greenhouse - which still has yet to be rebuilt)

LOL! Thank you for that.

latitudes and Englishsammy....I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one. This whole process is hard enough, but then add someone who just drags their feet And Englishsammy as for what you said about reminding him until he does it just so I'll leave him alone....lol, that doesn't work with him. I never thought I'd be the nagging type (which he has accused me of), but if he didn't give me so much to nag about, I wouldn't! HA! What a concept! lol

meddykomp...all I can say is yeah, you are lucky, lol. Something I dont get about Craig is all his talk about wanting to be together and how he cant wait...uh, the longer you wait to fill out and send stuff, the longer it is until we're together! Getting Craig to do anything with immigration, and in a timely manner (which has yet to happen) feels like I'm pulling teeth.

I think my main problem is that this is just the same thing over and over. And as many times as I've asked or stressed that I'd really like to start my life already, nothing changes. Not to mention its been 13 months since I've seen him

Seriously guys...I'm going nuts ....lol

Thank you everyone!!

[meddykomp 0]

I think for a lot of us, the hard part is the lack of control. Even with my husband following through on what he needs to, I still feel like my whole life is turned upside down. I am not the type to sit back and let everything happen for me, when I want something I work hard and make it happen, yet in this case its out of my control.

[meauxna 15]

meauxna, Craig and I have had that conversation. I ask if he's made phone calls or found out and he tells me, "Yeah, it hasn't been sent out and they cant see by their system when it will be sent out." Um...no, that wouldn't fly with me. He thinks I'm asking him to yell at people. I dont want him to do that. You dont need to yell to get your point across.

Does anyone else have a significant other like this? Craig isn't the go-getter type in the first place, but he's never been this bad. Its like with this whole visa process, he hasn't been doing everything he possible could, always seeming to sit back and wait and BELIEVE me, "Do you really want to do this??" has come out of my mouth more times than I can remember. And his response is always followed with, "I want this more than anything." Then I think maybe its because he doesn't want to leave his family, friends, and everything he's known for 24 years, and when I mention that, he tells me that doesn't bother him in the slightest.

What is the problem here? This is just one problem that is the cause of his laziness. Something else I'm going to have to fix. Can anyone else clue me in. Cause I'm lost.

Kassie,

I've just decided to call it a cultural difference---no way you could call my DAH "lazy", but he does have different approach to calling 'officialdom' and his personality changes a lot on these calls.. he kind of gets his back up from the get go. Having spent minimal time in the UK & with only a handful of Brit friends, I'd hesitate to say *everyone* is like that, but I think it's fair to say that Americans are different in the 'get it done' department.

The other part of it is personality. I'm a salesman from Day One; I couldn't act any differently! He, on the other hand, had a career in the Navy and the Fire Brigade--2 organizations that rely on a chain of command and following orders. So, I give him suggestions on how I'd handle this person or the other (he's got great people skills, just has to be shown how to transfer that into getting action?). Example, in your case, I'd encourage Craig to go on down and win the clerks over with his sweet little love story and get them on board with why he needs the doc and couldn't they see a way to get it issued to him today?

From the vast perspective of my old age, the only thing I'd say is don't go attaching *major life meanings* to unrelated events, like this. IOW, it's been asked/answered 'do you really want to move', so let it go. This is one small behavior that doesn't necessarily indicate anything larger than what it is. My guy's a S'hampton area fellow too.. maybe they are just more clearly and simply spoken? I'm often reminded "I meant only what I said, there's nothing to 'read' in it!".

I'd also hesitate to feel obligated to 'fix' anything. I remember some days of intense frustration when it came to getting things like driver's license, SS card etc handled--I want him to own his process a bit. So I am content to give him a deadline, explain the consequences and benefits and let him decide his own schedule. He always gets done what needs doing.

I'd get that 'ready to interview' letter in, though. You do want to get in line, and those docs *will* come. Might be a good time to start a backward countdown with Craig so he has a good grasp of what's coming and when.. 4 months to relocate and get married would certainly motivate *me*!

[Englishsammy 17]

"Having spent minimal time in the UK & with only a handful of Brit friends, I'd hesitate to say *everyone* is like that, but I think it's fair to say that Americans are different in the 'get it done' department.

The other part of it is personality."

Hey I'm the Brit - its my adorable US fiance who is useless!!!!!! But bless him, he got all his stuff done yesterday for the I-134 because the penny dropped that it was getting me down! He's got it all ready to send and he's going to his moms this weekend to get her stuff! I did mention this post to him and I think he got a little offended and it pushed him into action!

Hope Craig gets his stuff done soon. Have you tried explaining how it is making you feel? Its hard getting this stuff done when your not there to help and 'encourage' isn't it. Just think in a years time from now you'll be laughing at this whole thing

Sam

[Kassie 0]

I'd also hesitate to feel obligated to 'fix' anything. I remember some days of intense frustration when it came to getting things like driver's license, SS card etc handled--I want him to own his process a bit. So I am content to give him a deadline, explain the consequences and benefits and let him decide his own schedule. He always gets done what needs doing.

I'd get that 'ready to interview' letter in, though. You do want to get in line, and those docs *will* come. Might be a good time to start a backward countdown with Craig so he has a good grasp of what's coming and when.. 4 months to relocate and get married would certainly motivate *me*!

This has all been done before. Thats where my major frustration comes from How many times do you need to tell someone, 'Look, no dress rehearsal. This is it."? And like I said before, he's not the go-getter type, but I've never seen him be anything like he has in the past year. Its just been an on-going battle. Dont get me wrong. He's a wonderful person. Been my best friend for almost 8 years. But I cant help think there is a problem somewhere. And the reason I said I would have to fix it is because if I left it up to him, just like everything else in this process, it would be put off for weeks, and I dont feel we have weeks to just throw away. And I hope that doesn't sound mean, I really do. lol

Englishsammy, yes, I have explained to him how it feels...numerous times. And...nothing lol. I'm really glad this post got your man into action though!

And like most of you said, I e-mailed the consulate to explain the problem. I opened it this morning only to find:

'On receipt of the long form birth certificate your fiancé should return the DS-2001, Document Checklist to the Immigrant Visa Unit. He is not required to mail the original documents on the checklist; he should bring all of these to the interview at the Embassy.

Please return the DS-230-1, DS-156, DS-156K and DS-157 as soon as possible so that processing may begin on your fiancé's application.

We regret that processing cannot be completed and an appointment scheduled until the Immigrant Visa Unit is in receipt of the Document Checklist.

Thank you for your e-mail correspondence.

Consular Information Unit

U.S. Embassy, London

CONS/CIU/SF'

The last part answered part of my question, but the first part.... I explained the problem. I guess I went about it wrong. I guess its ok though cause I got a text this morning from Craig saying his birth certificate had arrived. God, I honestly thought it wouldn't show up. I cant say I'm relieved, cause it hasn't really even sunk in yet

Thank you all SOOOO much! If I could, I'd give you all REALLY big hugs. Hehe

[meauxna 15]

hey Sam, and Kassie.. don't take my comments for more than they are, which is to say, random musings that fell out of my fingers. I don't doubt that in every couple there is one who is more of the 'get it done' mentality, and nationality has nothing to do with it (now gender, OTOH!!!)

Just hate to see you over disect The Big Picture when under pressure. There comes a time when we have to make that leap of faith, and as my ex and I used to say 'it'll either work out, or it won't'. The journey is by far worth it

Best wishes for the upcoming interview.. I'll keep an eye out for your good news!

mo

PS: OK, I have to add a little aside about the 'reading things into their behavior' deal. This ex, a terrific guy, btw, is a terrible gift buyer. Now, different times I've gone thru consumer phases and non-consumer phases, and this particular time was consumer-oriented. Which means *gifts*. GOOD gifts. I wanted 'em. Did I mention he really sucks in the gift department? So one Christmas began a series of terrible gifts, and I became convinced that this was a direct indictment of a) how well he knew me b ) how much he cared about me c) the nature of his character altogether.

Hopefully what I learned in hindsight will be blazingly obvious to you: one has nothing to do with the other & he just sucks at gifts.

The Darling Alien Husband is so-so with the gifts, but I'm in a non-consumer phase and have learned that his ability in this department doesn't mean that I mean less to him. This is proved out when he a) brings me coffee in bed *every* morning b ) does the majority of the housework, cooking and outdoor work and c) that he thinks it's important enough to tell me 'I love you' every morning first thing and every night last thing (and a few in between) lo these many years.

And, when I want a gift, I make sure I'm explicit

Edited February 11, 2006 by meauxna