Illuminati raid fails to detonate Soviet nuclear cow

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

Man stuck on stopping exploding blue cow

Attempt to enter museum via vent fails

When police Wednesday peered down the air vent shaft atop the Knoxville Museum of Art building at the man wedged 45-feet below, he had two words for them: "Mission failed."

Richard Anthony Smith, 25, of Knoxville had called E-911 at 4:23 a.m. to report that he was stuck in the air vent of the museum at 1050 World's Fair Drive, according to police. Using his cell phone, Smith explained his predicament to the E-911 call processor.

With the aid of a ladder truck from the Knoxville Fire Department, officers were able to lift Smith from the air vent with a safety harness. Smith is 5 feet, 5 inches tall and weighs 135 pounds.

Police charged Smith with aggravated burglary.

Upon his rescue, Smith told police "he was a special agent with the United States Illuminati" who had rappeled from a military helicopter to the roof of the museum, according to a Knoxville Police Department report. Smith said his mission was to defuse a Russian nuclear device that "was concealed in a blue plastic cow sculpture in the basement of the museum," the report states.

However, Smith said he learned while stuck in the shaft that he had been sent to the wrong museum, the report shows. The Memphis museum was where the device was housed, Smith told police.

According to David Butler, executive director of the museum, Smith chose the wrong way to get inside the building.

"He couldn't gave gotten inside," Butler said. "He was in the exhaust flue leading to the commercial stove in our catering area."

The flue, designed to carry oil and grease fumes safely out of the building, is covered by a metal grate that would have required tools to remove, Butler said.

"I can't imagine how nasty that was," he said of the flue.

If an intruder got past the grate, motion detectors then would have alerted police that someone was in the building, Butler said.

Police said Smith used an ashtray outside the building to boost himself to the roof. Butler said Smith then took rope from a flagpole atop the building and tied knots in it about every 18 inches to make a ladder rope of sorts. That's what he used to lower himself down the shaft.

Butler said the building sustained no damage, and there were no plans to enhance security around the stove vent on top of the roof.

"I hope this is a good message that you can't get into the building that way," he said, adding he was not aware of any previous burglary attempts at the museum.

When Butler was told about the comments Smith made to police upon his arrest, Butler said the entire event "was so irrational."

"And, if you're going to burglarize some place, an art museum would be the last place because most of the things here aren't easily liquidated," he said.

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2008/sep/18/m...ion-impossible/

[Laura+Tom 2]

So who is going to diffuse the bomb at the museum he was supposed to go to?

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

So who is going to diffuse the bomb at the museum he was supposed to go to?

Tom Cruise?

[ginger1981 0]

Jebus Christy...nothing I love more than a good Illuminati conspiracy theorist! Even better...a guy who is so out of whack he thinks the Illuminati dropped him from a helicopter onto the roof of a museum to detonate a bomb. I couldn't have even made up such a hilarious story!

[luckytxn 2,264]

If Knoxville all of a sudden is nuked then we know he was right.