Divorce & How It Works

[TheZilla 0]

Hi there,

I haven't been back on this forum for awhile now, but I used to post here a lot and it was the first forum I thought of to pose my questions.

Here's the deal. I got married in June of 2007 after getting through the K-1 process. My husband got his green card and everything.

Now, he has left me for some other girl he met. This happened a few days ago and it came without much warning, so I'm still in shock and trying to get myself together enough to figure out what has to be done next. I haven't thoroughly searched the forums here yet as a result, the information I need might be there but I'm rather distraught, as you may understand.

Before he left, we briefly went over how to obtain a divorce and it looked like we'd file under 'irreconcilable differences' just to make it go faster. From what I could tell, I have to obtain a copy of the divorce papers and send them to the USCIS?

Also, how do I pull my sponsorship of him and what effects does it have? From what I could tell he has until his green card expires to leave, and while he said he was moving back to England as soon as possible and wasn't going to take this for a ride, I'm not sure how much I can believe him and would like to put things in motion so that he will have to leave as soon as possible.

Do any of you know what the procedures are? Any helpful links you think I should see? Like I said, I am very distraught and am in more than a little bit of shock, so I would appreciate any help anyone could give me in this difficult time. Thank you very much in advance.

--Laurie

[English Muffin 59]

Hi Laurie,

Sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Basically you don't need to do anything at all. Your husband can leave the US and abandon his residency or he can file to lift the conditions on his green Card alone after the divorce is final. You won't need to help him in any way. The bad news is that there is no way of 'pulling the sponsorship', that will stay in effect until one of the following occurs.

1. He leaves the US and abandons his residency.

2. He has 40 qualifying quarters of work.

3. He becomes a US Citizen.

4. One of you dies.

I'm going through something similiar myself, but I'm the immigrant and my husband is the USC. My thoughts are with you.

[TheZilla 0]

Hi Laurie,

Sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Basically you don't need to do anything at all. Your husband can leave the US and abandon his residency or he can file to lift the conditions on his green Card alone after the divorce is final. You won't need to help him in any way. The bad news is that there is no way of 'pulling the sponsorship', that will stay in effect until one of the following occurs.

1. He leaves the US and abandons his residency.

2. He has 40 qualifying quarters of work.

3. He becomes a US Citizen.

4. One of you dies.

I'm going through something similiar myself, but I'm the immigrant and my husband is the USC. My thoughts are with you.

Thank you for the response. I am not sure what he intends to do, I'm sort of up in the air. As far as I knew, things were alright between us, then he came out and told me he was unhappy and had fallen for another woman (whom he's known for three weeks) and that he was leaving. He took his stuff and moved into her mother's house (as far as I know, the girl in question is still living with her boyfriend but might be intending to break up with him).

I'm just absolutely shocked, there were problems he had with me that are very valid but were nothing I was unwilling to change or turn around, he just didn't tell me how bad he felt or give me the chance to make big changes unfortunately. He said he will move back to England, but he just started college classes (also three weeks ago) and while he said he was going back to England and would never disrespect me by using our marriage as a way to stay here, I am not sure if he will wind up changing his mind. I suppose there is not much I can do about it if he does.

I'm just trying to stay as positive as I can and cope, though it's very up and down.

[ginger1981 0]

I hope this goes as quick and clean as possible for you. You seem like you have handled this very well so far.

[BUHOK 0]

Hi there,

I haven't been back on this forum for awhile now, but I used to post here a lot and it was the first forum I thought of to pose my questions.

Here's the deal. I got married in June of 2007 after getting through the K-1 process. My husband got his green card and everything.

Now, he has left me for some other girl he met. This happened a few days ago and it came without much warning, so I'm still in shock and trying to get myself together enough to figure out what has to be done next. I haven't thoroughly searched the forums here yet as a result, the information I need might be there but I'm rather distraught, as you may understand.

Before he left, we briefly went over how to obtain a divorce and it looked like we'd file under 'irreconcilable differences' just to make it go faster. From what I could tell, I have to obtain a copy of the divorce papers and send them to the USCIS?

Also, how do I pull my sponsorship of him and what effects does it have? From what I could tell he has until his green card expires to leave, and while he said he was moving back to England as soon as possible and wasn't going to take this for a ride, I'm not sure how much I can believe him and would like to put things in motion so that he will have to leave as soon as possible.

Do any of you know what the procedures are? Any helpful links you think I should see? Like I said, I am very distraught and am in more than a little bit of shock, so I would appreciate any help anyone could give me in this difficult time. Thank you very much in advance.

--Laurie

Unfortunately there's not much you can do as of this time unless you can prove to USCIS that he didn't marry in good faith. Please click the link.

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/men...00045f3d6a1RCRD

[BUHOK 0]

Hi there,

I haven't been back on this forum for awhile now, but I used to post here a lot and it was the first forum I thought of to pose my questions.

Here's the deal. I got married in June of 2007 after getting through the K-1 process. My husband got his green card and everything.

Now, he has left me for some other girl he met. This happened a few days ago and it came without much warning, so I'm still in shock and trying to get myself together enough to figure out what has to be done next. I haven't thoroughly searched the forums here yet as a result, the information I need might be there but I'm rather distraught, as you may understand.

Before he left, we briefly went over how to obtain a divorce and it looked like we'd file under 'irreconcilable differences' just to make it go faster. From what I could tell, I have to obtain a copy of the divorce papers and send them to the USCIS?

Also, how do I pull my sponsorship of him and what effects does it have? From what I could tell he has until his green card expires to leave, and while he said he was moving back to England as soon as possible and wasn't going to take this for a ride, I'm not sure how much I can believe him and would like to put things in motion so that he will have to leave as soon as possible.

Do any of you know what the procedures are? Any helpful links you think I should see? Like I said, I am very distraught and am in more than a little bit of shock, so I would appreciate any help anyone could give me in this difficult time. Thank you very much in advance.

--Laurie

Unfortunately there's not much you can do as of this time unless you can prove to USCIS that he didn't marry in good faith. Please click the link.

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/men...00045f3d6a1RCRD

or this one:

http://apostille.us/news/green_card_holder...deported_.shtml

[VisaJourneyLady 33]

I would suggest that you post in the 'Effects of major changes' sub forum, as there are people there who are very familiar with this eventuality and can give some very sound advice. Just reading a few topics similar to yours over there might be very helpful.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Hi there,

I haven't been back on this forum for awhile now, but I used to post here a lot and it was the first forum I thought of to pose my questions.

Here's the deal. I got married in June of 2007 after getting through the K-1 process. My husband got his green card and everything.

Now, he has left me for some other girl he met. This happened a few days ago and it came without much warning, so I'm still in shock and trying to get myself together enough to figure out what has to be done next. I haven't thoroughly searched the forums here yet as a result, the information I need might be there but I'm rather distraught, as you may understand.

Before he left, we briefly went over how to obtain a divorce and it looked like we'd file under 'irreconcilable differences' just to make it go faster. From what I could tell, I have to obtain a copy of the divorce papers and send them to the USCIS?

Also, how do I pull my sponsorship of him and what effects does it have? From what I could tell he has until his green card expires to leave, and while he said he was moving back to England as soon as possible and wasn't going to take this for a ride, I'm not sure how much I can believe him and would like to put things in motion so that he will have to leave as soon as possible.

Do any of you know what the procedures are? Any helpful links you think I should see? Like I said, I am very distraught and am in more than a little bit of shock, so I would appreciate any help anyone could give me in this difficult time. Thank you very much in advance.

--Laurie

Laurie,

Sorry to hear that your marriage has taken a turn for the worst, but, what makes you believe that you have the right to prevent him from staying here, or to withdraw the obligation you made to the government when you began the process?

[TheZilla 0]

Hi there,

I haven't been back on this forum for awhile now, but I used to post here a lot and it was the first forum I thought of to pose my questions.

Here's the deal. I got married in June of 2007 after getting through the K-1 process. My husband got his green card and everything.

Now, he has left me for some other girl he met. This happened a few days ago and it came without much warning, so I'm still in shock and trying to get myself together enough to figure out what has to be done next. I haven't thoroughly searched the forums here yet as a result, the information I need might be there but I'm rather distraught, as you may understand.

Before he left, we briefly went over how to obtain a divorce and it looked like we'd file under 'irreconcilable differences' just to make it go faster. From what I could tell, I have to obtain a copy of the divorce papers and send them to the USCIS?

Also, how do I pull my sponsorship of him and what effects does it have? From what I could tell he has until his green card expires to leave, and while he said he was moving back to England as soon as possible and wasn't going to take this for a ride, I'm not sure how much I can believe him and would like to put things in motion so that he will have to leave as soon as possible.

Do any of you know what the procedures are? Any helpful links you think I should see? Like I said, I am very distraught and am in more than a little bit of shock, so I would appreciate any help anyone could give me in this difficult time. Thank you very much in advance.

--Laurie

Laurie,

Sorry to hear that your marriage has taken a turn for the worst, but, what makes you believe that you have the right to prevent him from staying here, or to withdraw the obligation you made to the government when you began the process?

This just happened two days ago without warning, and did you ever notice that crippling pain and rejection can make you think about all sorts of spiteful things? You want the truth? I'm sitting here right now trying to figure out just how the hell I'm going to get my life back together and trying to cope with this loss and get my head around it, I feel he betrayed me and everything we worked for.

You know what though? At the end of the day, I couldn't actually do anything untrue. I could not lie and say this marriage wasn't entered into in good faith, because it was. I couldn't even accuse him of infidelity because I believe he did not touch the girl physically before he left. I hate thinking that he got into the country because of me and what we wanted to build, and that now he might stay here and go build that future with someone else instead.

Will I actually do anything to try and f**k him over? Actually, no, because in the moments I'm not crying and feeling so unbelievably hurt and angry, I realize that doing something like that is beneath my dignity and I couldn't live with myself if I stooped that low. Do I want to? Is there a part of me that really wants to do things to make him hurt? Sure. Will I actually? No. I can't.

Wish I could in some ways, but my conscience is too strong. It was a rash thought in response to rejection (a day after said rejection took place). He threw away four years of a relationship for three weeks with some girl, and maybe there are people out there who can handle that kind of rejection without impulsive ideas to get back at someone, but I guess I'm not one of them.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I understand the reason for all of the impulses is born out of the rejection. That being said, many, too many marriages end this way. Unfortunately, as you have admitted, this is a case of a bonafide marriage ending in divorce. Two people heading on one path and then one changing the course midway. A path that could have been less painful for the other had he the respect to articulate his true feelings when he first learned they had changed. The feelings of anger and resentment will pass.

Hi there,

I haven't been back on this forum for awhile now, but I used to post here a lot and it was the first forum I thought of to pose my questions.

Here's the deal. I got married in June of 2007 after getting through the K-1 process. My husband got his green card and everything.

Now, he has left me for some other girl he met. This happened a few days ago and it came without much warning, so I'm still in shock and trying to get myself together enough to figure out what has to be done next. I haven't thoroughly searched the forums here yet as a result, the information I need might be there but I'm rather distraught, as you may understand.

Before he left, we briefly went over how to obtain a divorce and it looked like we'd file under 'irreconcilable differences' just to make it go faster. From what I could tell, I have to obtain a copy of the divorce papers and send them to the USCIS?

Also, how do I pull my sponsorship of him and what effects does it have? From what I could tell he has until his green card expires to leave, and while he said he was moving back to England as soon as possible and wasn't going to take this for a ride, I'm not sure how much I can believe him and would like to put things in motion so that he will have to leave as soon as possible.

Do any of you know what the procedures are? Any helpful links you think I should see? Like I said, I am very distraught and am in more than a little bit of shock, so I would appreciate any help anyone could give me in this difficult time. Thank you very much in advance.

--Laurie

Laurie,

Sorry to hear that your marriage has taken a turn for the worst, but, what makes you believe that you have the right to prevent him from staying here, or to withdraw the obligation you made to the government when you began the process?

This just happened two days ago without warning, and did you ever notice that crippling pain and rejection can make you think about all sorts of spiteful things? You want the truth? I'm sitting here right now trying to figure out just how the hell I'm going to get my life back together and trying to cope with this loss and get my head around it, I feel he betrayed me and everything we worked for.

You know what though? At the end of the day, I couldn't actually do anything untrue. I could not lie and say this marriage wasn't entered into in good faith, because it was. I couldn't even accuse him of infidelity because I believe he did not touch the girl physically before he left. I hate thinking that he got into the country because of me and what we wanted to build, and that now he might stay here and go build that future with someone else instead.

Will I actually do anything to try and f**k him over? Actually, no, because in the moments I'm not crying and feeling so unbelievably hurt and angry, I realize that doing something like that is beneath my dignity and I couldn't live with myself if I stooped that low. Do I want to? Is there a part of me that really wants to do things to make him hurt? Sure. Will I actually? No. I can't.

Wish I could in some ways, but my conscience is too strong. It was a rash thought in response to rejection (a day after said rejection took place). He threw away four years of a relationship for three weeks with some girl, and maybe there are people out there who can handle that kind of rejection without impulsive ideas to get back at someone, but I guess I'm not one of them.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Zilla -- first off, my deepest condolences. I know all too well how you feel -- it's like your heart's been torn out and sliced open with a penknife, your world seems so broken that it can't ever be put back together in a way that's recognizable. We're here for you sweetie when it comes to moral support; your more practical issues, as others have said, can be brought over to the Major Changes sub-forum.

I've been wondering where you've been for quite some time. I'm so sorry it has to be this that has brought you back to us.

[Mags 112]

I'm really sorry about this, Laurie.

To save you reposting this, I'm going to move this to the Effects forum.

[idocare 3]

You have invested alot of years in this person. If I were you I would write a detailed letter to

your local USCIS Office and also your local state representatives. (Govenor, and Mayors)

office.

Too many Americans have/are taken for a short term marriage ride and receive heartaches

while the Aliens receive permanent residence. If your like me and feel that your Alien spouse

has taken you for a ride I'd alert the proper authorities.

" Why sit we here til we die "

[morocco4ever 63]

I am sorry for what you are going through. Just remember, once a cheater always a cheater. These two cheaters deserve each other. And you my dear will find that you are better off without him in your life.

[rebeccajo 14]

You have invested alot of years in this person. If I were you I would write a detailed letter to

your local USCIS Office and also your local state representatives. (Govenor, and Mayors)

office.

Too many Americans have/are taken for a short term marriage ride and receive heartaches

while the Aliens receive permanent residence. If your like me and feel that your Alien spouse

has taken you for a ride I'd alert the proper authorities.

" Why sit we here til we die "

Why should she write to her representative? She states she knows the relationship was bonafide.

There are appropriate times to seek the ear of an elected representative. I don't believe this is one of them.

To the OP -

Personally, I wouldn't rush filing for a divorce. I'd let him do the filing. He wants to end the relationship - let him be the one to do the dirty work. This sounds like a very rash and impulsive thing on his part. Whether or not he ends up wishing to reverse his decision is hard to say. Whether or not you would forgive him is up to you.

Edited September 22, 2008 by rebeccajo