Do you have step-kids?

[La Belle 0]

Over two years ago, a few days before me and my husband got married, he admitted to me that he has two kids with the woman he used to live with for quiet sometime. He said he was so scared of losing me so he didn't tell me earlier in our relationship about it. To me it was fine, I wasn't part of his life then so there was nothing really I could do. He assured me his kids were nice and they lived with their mother so there wasn't going to be a problem. So I thought..

The very next day after I got here, my husband went out to pick up his kids so they could meet me. I was so excited to see them, only to find out when they got to the house that they were so dissapointed about the fact that their dad was married. His son stayed in the car and didn't even want to look at me, he kept saying he hated his dad and he wanted to go home. My step-daughter was just in the back-seat crying and asked for her mommy.

I felt so sad and so bad for the kids. I didn't know they weren't expecting me to be here, plus my husband never told them about me until that day. I was also mad at my husband and felt like he wasn't proud of me or something. He explained to me that the reason he kept it from his kids was because their mother was a trouble-maker and he didn't want her causing any problems that would hinder my Visa application. I wasn't convinced until we got served with papers saying she filed a case of domestic violence against my husband and temporary restraining order against me. I was so shocked and scared, and was asking myself what have I done?I haven't even talked to her kids nor touched them! We went to the court hearing and found out that the reason she was getting TRO against me and my husband was because she just doesn't know me and she was blabbering about verbal abuse from my husband when every single word that came out of her mouth was the F word. The judge finally denied the TRO and said she doesn't think there was any form of abuse done to her, furthermore, she stated that she thinks the kids' mother is still bitter and still has issues and there is nothing she can do with me being around when my husband's with the kids because we're already married.

After the kids' first visit, things turned out fine, my teenager step-son started talking to me and he was very respectful, my step daughter, I found out, was a sweet 4 yr old and loves to talk. I talked to them too, I told them that I wasn't taking the place of their mom and I can be their friend and that they didn't have to love me because resepect was enough for me. I was so surprised when they gave me a card for valentines day saying they love me and they're happy everytime they spend time with us.

The kids mother is a different story, she's still causing problems, telling everybody that for 10 years that my husband and her lived together he never married her or she's pregnant again and my husband was the father blah blah blah. It's been over a year now since she said it but she hasn't delivered the new baby yet. She even accused my husband of molesting his own daughter and slapping her. Horrible were the accusations and I could no longer take it so I challenged her to file a case, but she didn't. One time she just dissappeared and left her kids with friends and we ended up getting them. Having them at our house meant me babysitting them (I never minded it because they're well behaved)until she came back almost two weeks later saying she got married. I hated her for abandoning her kids like that for someone she just met. She's with a new guy now but she still calls my house 20 times a day bothering me. I wish I could get TRO against her but I'm not gonna step down to her level.

Does anyone here have the same problem?Because I ran out of things to say to her, she doesn't seem to understand the words"don't bother me"!

[Emancipation 2]

you've got quite the situation on your hands there girl..

I have 2 step kidos.. they both live with their mum in LA. We've had situations with their mum in the past.. when I met my husband they were basically at war, so I hear you on being taken by surprise by everything, it's quite a shocking revelation really how things can be between ex's when kids are involved. Then we gained a truce, (mostly by being consistent and non-confrontational) and now it's actually quite pleasant. Mind you, we don't live in the same state and hubby only gets to see his kids 4-6 times a year.. that's not like your situation.. but I do think she's the mother of his children, so I try to be as supportive to your hubby as you can be, try not to mouth off too much about her, and especially NEVER in front of the kiddos.. and just hold on. I'm sure some of the rocky road has to do with your hubby getting remarried and she's probably fighting for her "place" within the relationship.

I really don't have much contact with my hubby's ex.. she & he talk about everything, and I give him the time and space he needs to parent with his ex.. (again a different situation), and the few times she calls me she's very apologetic about it.. so I'm blessed in that regard.

[StillThePrettiest 3]

I have a step-son - he just turned seventeen

things between my husband and his ex are very civil, for the most part - there's no problem with access (though we'd like to see more of him) as he lives just a short distance away, and I get on really well with him... it helps that he's as old as he is

I really feel for you, OP, with such a complicated situation... no one gets to be an adult without SOME baggage, but when it's kids, and a difficult ex, that can be REALLY tough for a new person to deal with... I'm sure you will, though

[eau_xplain 2]

wow, I feel for the two kids. They need you more now that their mom has a new husband, especially the little girl.

[La Belle 0]

Well, I don't talk anything bad about their mom when the kids are around. Even when my step-son told me one time that he's fed up with his mom bad mouthing my husband and me, I told him it's his mother's opinion and he should still love and respect her.

Sometimes I feel sad for my step-daughter because she's so scared whenever we go to someone's house with them, she'd hold my hand and it's like a signal for me to pick her up and hug her coz she doesn't feel secure. They even told us that their mom's new boyfriend disciplines them and one time smacked my daughter-in-law for crying too much. The scary thing is we found out from court records that he has anger management issues. The mother is going through psychological counseling too. I would love to have the kids live with us but I know it won't be as peaceful as I'd wish it would be.

One last thing, the kids mother keeps on telling me that she's scared that we'll take the kids with us to my country and never return. I was like, what the heck was the purpose of me waiting for months and months to be here with my husband just to go back home?

Thanks guys for sharing your thoughts..

[La Belle 0]

you've got quite the situation on your hands there girl..

I have 2 step kidos.. they both live with their mum in LA. We've had situations with their mum in the past.. when I met my husband they were basically at war, so I hear you on being taken by surprise by everything, it's quite a shocking revelation really how things can be between ex's when kids are involved. Then we gained a truce, (mostly by being consistent and non-confrontational) and now it's actually quite pleasant. Mind you, we don't live in the same state and hubby only gets to see his kids 4-6 times a year.. that's not like your situation.. but I do think she's the mother of his children, so I try to be as supportive to your hubby as you can be, try not to mouth off too much about her, and especially NEVER in front of the kiddos.. and just hold on. I'm sure some of the rocky road has to do with your hubby getting remarried and she's probably fighting for her "place" within the relationship.

I really don't have much contact with my hubby's ex.. she & he talk about everything, and I give him the time and space he needs to parent with his ex.. (again a different situation), and the few times she calls me she's very apologetic about it.. so I'm blessed in that regard.

I wish it would turn out the same way for me, but as I'm seeing it, it's far from happening.

The real reason she was upset with me in the first place was her and my husband were living together for 10 years and she was expecting so much that they'd eventually get married but they didn't. I don't blame my husband though, because I heard her talk and I haven't heard her talk without yelling and cussing(like mf/f/sob...you name it). When my husband met me, he wanted to get married after 6 months of being together. She said it was a slap in the face. Sometimes I feel guilty even though they separated before I even met my husband, still I think to myself if he didn't meet me maybe he'd find a way to fix their relationship and be a happy family, but it's just a thought now.

[Emancipation 2]

I wish it would turn out the same way for me, but as I'm seeing it, it's far from happening.

The real reason she was upset with me in the first place was her and my husband were living together for 10 years and she was expecting so much that they'd eventually get married but they didn't. I don't blame my husband though, because I heard her talk and I haven't heard her talk without yelling and cussing(like mf/f/sob...you name it). When my husband met me, he wanted to get married after 6 months of being together. She said it was a slap in the face. Sometimes I feel guilty even though they separated before I even met my husband, still I think to myself if he didn't meet me maybe he'd find a way to fix their relationship and be a happy family, but it's just a thought now.

Maybe.. but probably not.. I know that since we've been married my hubby's ex has expressed remorse about ending their relationship.. but is it remorse because her plans didn't turn out (have another man take care of her in the way hubby couldn't) or is it true remorse.. i dunno.. we'll never know.. you can't look back.. only ahead my dear... your hubby couldn't fix things he had no control over, mainly the way this woman is choosing to respond to her situation..

[Giskat09 2]

Over two years ago, a few days before me and my husband got married, he admitted to me that he has two kids with the woman he used to live with for quiet sometime. He said he was so scared of losing me so he didn't tell me earlier in our relationship about it. To me it was fine, I wasn't part of his life then so there was nothing really I could do. He assured me his kids were nice and they lived with their mother so there wasn't going to be a problem. So I thought..

The very next day after I got here, my husband went out to pick up his kids so they could meet me. I was so excited to see them, only to find out when they got to the house that they were so dissapointed about the fact that their dad was married. His son stayed in the car and didn't even want to look at me, he kept saying he hated his dad and he wanted to go home. My step-daughter was just in the back-seat crying and asked for her mommy.

I felt so sad and so bad for the kids. I didn't know they weren't expecting me to be here, plus my husband never told them about me until that day. I was also mad at my husband and felt like he wasn't proud of me or something. He explained to me that the reason he kept it from his kids was because their mother was a trouble-maker and he didn't want her causing any problems that would hinder my Visa application. I wasn't convinced until we got served with papers saying she filed a case of domestic violence against my husband and temporary restraining order against me. I was so shocked and scared, and was asking myself what have I done?I haven't even talked to her kids nor touched them! We went to the court hearing and found out that the reason she was getting TRO against me and my husband was because she just doesn't know me and she was blabbering about verbal abuse from my husband when every single word that came out of her mouth was the F word. The judge finally denied the TRO and said she doesn't think there was any form of abuse done to her, furthermore, she stated that she thinks the kids' mother is still bitter and still has issues and there is nothing she can do with me being around when my husband's with the kids because we're already married.

After the kids' first visit, things turned out fine, my teenager step-son started talking to me and he was very respectful, my step daughter, I found out, was a sweet 4 yr old and loves to talk. I talked to them too, I told them that I wasn't taking the place of their mom and I can be their friend and that they didn't have to love me because resepect was enough for me. I was so surprised when they gave me a card for valentines day saying they love me and they're happy everytime they spend time with us.

The kids mother is a different story, she's still causing problems, telling everybody that for 10 years that my husband and her lived together he never married her or she's pregnant again and my husband was the father blah blah blah. It's been over a year now since she said it but she hasn't delivered the new baby yet. She even accused my husband of molesting his own daughter and slapping her. Horrible were the accusations and I could no longer take it so I challenged her to file a case, but she didn't. One time she just dissappeared and left her kids with friends and we ended up getting them. Having them at our house meant me babysitting them (I never minded it because they're well behaved)until she came back almost two weeks later saying she got married. I hated her for abandoning her kids like that for someone she just met. She's with a new guy now but she still calls my house 20 times a day bothering me. I wish I could get TRO against her but I'm not gonna step down to her level.

Does anyone here have the same problem?Because I ran out of things to say to her, she doesn't seem to understand the words"don't bother me"!

I got 2 stepkids.. Both of them are eldest. They are now living with the mothers.. they are 7 and 6 yrs old. The 7 year old (son) has already knowledge about me and he knows how to say my name lol. But the 6 years old (daughter), the mother of that kid is trying to hide the daughter from my husband and its been 5 years now. So, at this time my husband can only see is his son. I tried to be friendly to the mother of the 6 years old and good thanks she added me but still she is kinda scared that my husband might get their daughter which i know for sure, she would really go to the court just for this to be denied.. Honestly, its more better for me if the kids are away from me rather than the mothers are talking behind my back and making stories.. I married my husband bcoz of him and not bcoz his 2 kids... IF they will respect me, then i will show my care and respect to them but if they dont...

the door is open and they can get out of my house! lol.

you just have to be firm in this area coz the ex wife might do something which will hurt you or what... She it bitter and jealous in some ways.....

[*JG* 2]

This was not handled well from the start. Lack of communication ALL the way around. I think you and the hubby need to sit down, first with the ex, and hash out exactly what everyone is feeling and have some serious discussions. Then, I think the kids need to be brought in and faced with a united front when explaining things to them. Everyone seems scared and confused. There is no need for that.

[Giskat09 2]

you've got quite the situation on your hands there girl..

I have 2 step kidos.. they both live with their mum in LA. We've had situations with their mum in the past.. when I met my husband they were basically at war, so I hear you on being taken by surprise by everything, it's quite a shocking revelation really how things can be between ex's when kids are involved. Then we gained a truce, (mostly by being consistent and non-confrontational) and now it's actually quite pleasant. Mind you, we don't live in the same state and hubby only gets to see his kids 4-6 times a year.. that's not like your situation.. but I do think she's the mother of his children, so I try to be as supportive to your hubby as you can be, try not to mouth off too much about her, and especially NEVER in front of the kiddos.. and just hold on. I'm sure some of the rocky road has to do with your hubby getting remarried and she's probably fighting for her "place" within the relationship.

I really don't have much contact with my hubby's ex.. she & he talk about everything, and I give him the time and space he needs to parent with his ex.. (again a different situation), and the few times she calls me she's very apologetic about it.. so I'm blessed in that regard.

I wish it would turn out the same way for me, but as I'm seeing it, it's far from happening.

The real reason she was upset with me in the first place was her and my husband were living together for 10 years and she was expecting so much that they'd eventually get married but they didn't. I don't blame my husband though, because I heard her talk and I haven't heard her talk without yelling and cussing(like mf/f/sob...you name it). When my husband met me, he wanted to get married after 6 months of being together. She said it was a slap in the face. Sometimes I feel guilty even though they separated before I even met my husband, still I think to myself if he didn't meet me maybe he'd find a way to fix their relationship and be a happy family, but it's just a thought now.

haha the ex woman is bitter.. she is not th ex wife since they didnt got married... sorry for her.. but yeah i can relate to you about what if he didnt meet you.. maybe their relationship might work our or something like that but honestly, your husband CHOSE you... coz he found something from you that he cant see from his ex woman... I was telling my husband before, if your ex gf will ask you to come back to her.. i will accept it.. at least you have a daughter with her and everything has just worked out. But he was getting mad at me.. He was telling me, i am the one for him and he loves me so much. His ex gf is really different... She is not christian and she hates going to church.. Something like that...which i am a baptist.... So i can say that if a couple cannot work out their relationship, it means the other one is abnormal or lets say they are not really meant for each other.

[HappyDancer 7]

TRO - that is a tough call. Again the courts will listen to good, hard and undeniable facts and events before even deciding on anything. Thinkl first and don't let your emotions rule you when you make a decision re this as there is a risk you might end up hurting yourself, your husband and your kids in the end.

The ex - I believe in the saying that people who run their mouths will have a real good place for them when the time comes. Wait until she does something really stupid that leaves a mark and then make your move just to prove your point that she can't push you around. Do not go down to her level. Put everything on paper, do everything legal and on paper. Let the authorities teach her the lesson. That's not your cal... Remember - Time is your best weapon.

Chill out girl. Try to relax. A sob story usually doesn't last. Trust me- I have been there and I let it go. She ended up getting everything backfire against her. LOL