Seeking Child Support Affecting Process?

[MichelleN 0]

Well possibly another silly question from me that I don't need to worry about. But I tend to make a mountain out of a molehill sometimes.

I just got a letter in the mail from the Department of Justice, Child Support Division. They want my fiance's info so they can get him for child support. And if I don't cooperate with them, my daughter and I will lose our state medical coverage. My question is... is this going to cause problems for processing the Visa? My gut says it won't be a big deal, but like I said, I tend to worry about silly things Thanks again guys.

[Otto 83]

I can't imagine it'd be an issue... why would you not cooperate by the way?

[MichelleN 0]

I can't imagine it'd be an issue... why would you not cooperate by the way?

Well one because I think it's a moot point since we're getting married. And two, he's gonna freak out when I tell him. :S He's not familiar with how the whole child support thing is done over here since it's basically non-existent in Japan. Well it exists but it's basically unenforced. When I talked to him about it once he got a little upset that the government would force a man to pay money to the mother of his child if they weren't married. Different cultures I guess. But anyway, I have to do this and I'm going to just explain to him they probably won't be able to actually do anything legally since he's not a citizen here.

[Ling Ling 22]

I can't imagine it'd be an issue... why would you not cooperate by the way?

Well one because I think it's a moot point since we're getting married. And two, he's gonna freak out when I tell him. :S He's not familiar with how the whole child support thing is done over here since it's basically non-existent in Japan. Well it exists but it's basically unenforced. When I talked to him about it once he got a little upset that the government would force a man to pay money to the mother of his child if they weren't married. Different cultures I guess. But anyway, I have to do this and I'm going to just explain to him they probably won't be able to actually do anything legally since he's not a citizen here.

It was VERY confusing when I first read it. Didn't know who the USC was, and didn't know child support was for your child.

Kinichi-san had better learn to deal with US Government BS. He may not like it, but that's the way it is.

If I were you, I would do everything you can to cooperate with the DOJ. Like you said, since he's going to marry you...it's a moot point.

American tourist are KNOWN for going to foreign countries and then complaining that it's not like the USA.

My response is a loud and resounding, "DUH".

That said, LOTS of men get upset when they hear the words "Child Support". They need to get over it.

Child Support laws are based on old English Poor Laws where there were so many ####### children running the streets.

It might not be a bad idea if he started showing responsibility by sending you and his child some money from time to time.

Plus, if they ever do bring a case against him, he'll have evidence that he's been supporting his child.

Good luck with everything.

[MichelleN 0]

It was VERY confusing when I first read it. Didn't know who the USC was, and didn't know child support was for your child.

Kinichi-san had better learn to deal with US Government BS. He may not like it, but that's the way it is.

If I were you, I would do everything you can to cooperate with the DOJ. Like you said, since he's going to marry you...it's a moot point.

American tourist are KNOWN for going to foreign countries and then complaining that it's not like the USA.

My response is a loud and resounding, "DUH".

That said, LOTS of men get upset when they hear the words "Child Support". They need to get over it.

Child Support laws are based on old English Poor Laws where there were so many ####### children running the streets.

It might not be a bad idea if he started showing responsibility by sending you and his child some money from time to time.

Plus, if they ever do bring a case against him, he'll have evidence that he's been supporting his child.

Good luck with everything.

Sorry if it was confusing. And yes, I am going to cooperate. His big fear is that they're going to do something legally and also because he researched American child support laws and found he could get sent to jail if he refused to pay should I decide to go after him (this was during a difficult time in our relationship). The fact that he's in Japan is basically a good thing for him since, (from what I've read) the Japanese government doesn't even support child support claims in its own country, let alone foreign countries. But yeah, I'm going to tell him it's not a problem since we're getting married. As for money....well he sends her diapers but I haven't had the nerve to flat out ask for cash since the one time I offhandedly mentioned it, he suggested I get a job. So touchy subject still for him.

[Ling Ling 22]

It was VERY confusing when I first read it. Didn't know who the USC was, and didn't know child support was for your child.

Kinichi-san had better learn to deal with US Government BS. He may not like it, but that's the way it is.

If I were you, I would do everything you can to cooperate with the DOJ. Like you said, since he's going to marry you...it's a moot point.

American tourist are KNOWN for going to foreign countries and then complaining that it's not like the USA.

My response is a loud and resounding, "DUH".

That said, LOTS of men get upset when they hear the words "Child Support". They need to get over it.

Child Support laws are based on old English Poor Laws where there were so many ####### children running the streets.

It might not be a bad idea if he started showing responsibility by sending you and his child some money from time to time.

Plus, if they ever do bring a case against him, he'll have evidence that he's been supporting his child.

Good luck with everything.

Sorry if it was confusing. And yes, I am going to cooperate. His big fear is that they're going to do something legally and also because he researched American child support laws and found he could get sent to jail if he refused to pay should I decide to go after him (this was during a difficult time in our relationship). The fact that he's in Japan is basically a good thing for him since, (from what I've read) the Japanese government doesn't even support child support claims in its own country, let alone foreign countries. But yeah, I'm going to tell him it's not a problem since we're getting married. As for money....well he sends her diapers but I haven't had the nerve to flat out ask for cash since the one time I offhandedly mentioned it, he suggested I get a job. So touchy subject still for him.

Sorry this is where the DADDY in me comes out....

Michelle, if you can't discuss things like your child's needs with the other parent, then you're probably still going through "difficult times" in your relationship.

Your child deserves 2 parents that can communicate with each other, and make good decisions for their health, and security.

Marriage is NOT something to walk into lightly. Just because you love someone, and just because you have a child together, and just because you have great times together, is NOT a reason to get married. Those are GREAT reasons to date each other exclusively, or even to live together.

Marriage means (or should mean) that both people have a desire so strong to live together, that almost nothing can get in their way.

Marriage (especially where a child is concerned) means that each person is willing to make sacrifices for the greater good of the family.

The divorce rate is VERY high in the US because most of us think that all marriages are like story books..."The prince and princess were married, and lived happily ever after". Well they left out the part about all the loud arguments they had, and about how the prince was late for important events, and how the princess couldn't manage the castle budget, and how they had to fight very hard to make things work and get to "happily ever after".

Too many people think that getting married will change their spouse, and it doesn't.

Too many people think that their spouse will stay the same after marriage, and they don't.

TOO many people think that getting married will FIX their relationships...and it doesn't.

Marriage is VERY unpredictable. The only predictable thing about it is that there WILL be difficulties. There will be ARGUMENTS. There will be a need for communication in order for you to be successful.

Are you two ready for marriage?

If the two of you can't provide for your child now, how will that change when you're married?

Marriage is difficult enough, as is having a child at a young age. The combination of the two, is REALLY difficult. Not impossible (many have done it) but very difficult.

You need to go into this with your eyes wide open...and if you can't have simple discussions with your fiance (the father of your child) then there is a cause for pause.

Best wishes to all 3 of you.