Sub-Saharan cyber cafe # 2

[ForeverAmen 0]

I mostly lurk on VJ nowadays, but I chose to comment today because of Zainab's recent post.

Zainab: This is for you and any others that are transitioning right now and experiencing growing pains. My hubby will have been here 2 years in January and I can say that I feel closer to him now than I did the day we got married. However....the adjustment period (for both of us) was rough....no brutal. Not because I didn't know him well (I did), but because with neither of us having lived with someone else and never being married before, it took time to adjust. We had to transition from being our single selves to our married selves and it wasn't easy. Seriously. We had disagreements about garden-variety stuff, but being "new" in all of this I felt like I was making a lot of mistakes and felt I might not be cut out for marriage. It seemed like we had an issue darn near everyday! However, I realized that as time went on, the disagreements became fewer, and we had shorter periods of not-speaking-to-one-another. I can't put my finger on what made things easier, but I think the main thing was being patient with him and with myself, and not blowing my top every time something wasn't to my liking. I think now, my husband also tries to understand more where I am coming from, and that I am transitioning as well. And he also realizes that I have a need to squash things right away instead of enduring prolonged silences. This has made those periods of not speaking to one another a lot shorter and has allowed us to come to resolutions sooner.

Unfortunately I don't have the antedote to making the transition easier, but just be patient with yourselves. The disagreements should lead to reconciliation in the end and a better understanding of one other. I feel if you didn't fight then something would be wrong. Maybe that's just my twisted way of thinking, but I am a big believer in change through struggle. Things WILL get better though, I promise!

I can't believe I over looked this comment. Taurean, your message is well stated and on point!

[ForeverAmen 0]

I would like to suggest the following book: "The Heart of The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. For those of you familiar with the book, the Heart Of is simply a mini version of the actual book. Even if you are not serious about reading, this book can be completed in less than an hour.

Just to give you a summary, the back of the book states the following:

He send you flowers when what you really want is time to talk.

She gives you a hug when what you really need is a home-cooked meal.

The problem isn't your love - it's your love language!

My husband and I now make this book a must have wedding present for our recently married family and friends. I hope someone finds this useful.

Boaz

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

I would like to suggest the following book: "The Heart of The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. For those of you familiar with the book, the Heart Of is simply a mini version of the actual book. Even if you are not serious about reading, this book can be completed in less than an hour.

Just to give you a summary, the back of the book states the following:

He send you flowers when what you really want is time to talk.

She gives you a hug when what you really need is a home-cooked meal.

The problem isn't your love - it's your love language!

My husband and I now make this book a must have wedding present for our recently married family and friends. I hope someone finds this useful.

Boaz

A great book Boaz, welll the full version is so the short one must be also.

[Zee Bee 61]

Good morning everyone

[Simply_Uno 1]

good morning all, something a little different to wake you up today. miss uno, here's some different uniforms

um yeah, that's really a band........

Charles!

I like men in U.S. military uniforms and some of the canadian mounties thats about it.

The rest of it is a bit offfffffff kilter .

I mean "PREDATOR meets KISS" ewwww

but it's nice to know I'm being thought of

good morning subberzzzzz

[Zee Bee 61]

We need an adjustment support group

Love this idea

[Nagishkaw 510]

Good morning! It's colder than a witches t** here. Surgery went ok yesterday, but I still have that stent in. :(

[ForeverAmen 0]

Good morning! It's colder than a witches t** here. Surgery went ok yesterday, but I still have that stent in.

Hope you feel better soon. Stay warm.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I mostly lurk on VJ nowadays, but I chose to comment today because of Zainab's recent post.

Zainab: This is for you and any others that are transitioning right now and experiencing growing pains. My hubby will have been here 2 years in January and I can say that I feel closer to him now than I did the day we got married. However....the adjustment period (for both of us) was rough....no brutal. Not because I didn't know him well (I did), but because with neither of us having lived with someone else and never being married before, it took time to adjust. We had to transition from being our single selves to our married selves and it wasn't easy. Seriously. We had disagreements about garden-variety stuff, but being "new" in all of this I felt like I was making a lot of mistakes and felt I might not be cut out for marriage. It seemed like we had an issue darn near everyday! However, I realized that as time went on, the disagreements became fewer, and we had shorter periods of not-speaking-to-one-another. I can't put my finger on what made things easier, but I think the main thing was being patient with him and with myself, and not blowing my top every time something wasn't to my liking. I think now, my husband also tries to understand more where I am coming from, and that I am transitioning as well. And he also realizes that I have a need to squash things right away instead of enduring prolonged silences. This has made those periods of not speaking to one another a lot shorter and has allowed us to come to resolutions sooner.

Unfortunately I don't have the antedote to making the transition easier, but just be patient with yourselves. The disagreements should lead to reconciliation in the end and a better understanding of one other. I feel if you didn't fight then something would be wrong. Maybe that's just my twisted way of thinking, but I am a big believer in change through struggle. Things WILL get better though, I promise!

Thank you so much for your input. I'm very happy that I turned to by VJ sisters because I felt totally abnormal in this and it's so nice to see that this is actually the next step. Maybe it should be put in the guides up above. It's not an easy transition at all, but it is a transition. I'm not giving up. I love my husband very much and it's very clear he also loves me. As someone said to me, if there wasn't pain then there probably isn't love. There is both here. But I know we'll make it through. There will probably just be a few more tears. (and I'll try not to break any of the "good" china)

Z

[Ta Ta 1]

Good morning! It's colder than a witches t** here. Surgery went ok yesterday, but I still have that stent in.

Take good care of yourself..........and no snow shoveling !!!!!!!

[Ta Ta 1]

Taurean, sorry I didn't get to call you as promised. I have been so busy with paperwork. We talk later

Anyway good to see you around again. Say hi to Mussa for me......"fifty" and Papi......if I go to Dakar instead of Frt. I may see them again

[Ta Ta 1]

Frozen car doors

[Nagishkaw 510]

We are supposed to get snow tonite and tomorrow.....I HATE frozen car doors !!!!!!!!!!

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Zainab,

How are you feeling today?

I'm so much better today. My VJ sisters definitely had my back and I told my hubby so as well. He gave me a look, but he knows the VJ subettes will come looking for him if he don't do right by me. I like Heather's idea of an adjustment support group. I agree that people don't talk much about it here on VJ and I know it's so they don't get flamed that their marraige was a scam or their hubby is using them. I've learned to ignore people on VJ so I put myself out there for the support that I needed. So, the haters can form their own support group, haters aren't anonymous. Hee Hee. Okay, I'm punch drunk. But Bassi and I spoke last night which helped us on the path to healing. I'll try that Chapman book Boaz. I have Now You're Speaking my Language by him that I may have to pull out and dust off too. Maybe we can read it together.

Z

[Ricca711 1]

Zainab,

How are you feeling today?

I'm so much better today. My VJ sisters definitely had my back and I told my hubby so as well. He gave me a look, but he knows the VJ subettes will come looking for him if he don't do right by me. I like Heather's idea of an adjustment support group. I agree that people don't talk much about it here on VJ and I know it's so they don't get flamed that their marraige was a scam or their hubby is using them. I've learned to ignore people on VJ so I put myself out there for the support that I needed. So, the haters can form their own support group, haters aren't anonymous. Hee Hee. Okay, I'm punch drunk. But Bassi and I spoke last night which helped us on the path to healing. I'll try that Chapman book Boaz. I have Now You're Speaking my Language by him that I may have to pull out and dust off too. Maybe we can read it together.

Z

Glad to hear you are feeling better. Tell you hubby the VJ sisters RIDE or DIE! LOL! The idea of a support group sounds wonderful. How do we get it started? There are some positive vibes going on in this forum and I appreciate all of the posts.