Sub-Saharan cyber cafe # 2

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I'm at work. FINALLY! I had a HORRIBLE weekend. We had an ice storm. I had no electricity and no heat all weekend. Just miserable. Then I topped off the weekend with another knockdown drag out fight with Bassi. Any that have been here a while have advice for me and Bassi. This transition is KILLING me. Maybe killing us. I'm so tired of arguing! Why does he have to be so darn stubborn?! I never thought I'd be so happy to be at work. I'm gonna get some rest today.

[Zee Bee 61]

I'm at work. FINALLY! I had a HORRIBLE weekend. We had an ice storm. I had no electricity and no heat all weekend. Just miserable. Then I topped off the weekend with another knockdown drag out fight with Bassi. Any that have been here a while have advice for me and Bassi. This transition is KILLING me. Maybe killing us. I'm so tired of arguing! Why does he have to be so darn stubborn?! I never thought I'd be so happy to be at work. I'm gonna get some rest today.

Girl, send me a PM. We can talk

[Ta Ta 1]

home at last

I was wondering what happened to you. Welcome back and Happy Birthday Sylvia ! I guess the best present was being with your

man

I left before the birthday because I have to be back to the same old stuff tomorrow. But a month with him was very nice and educational. But it does read like a bad comedy. Setting Lagos No hotwater, no running water,typical power (4hours 2 out of 3 days) sleeping on foam on the floor

Day 1 I get to attend the birthparty of a friend's 1 year old. Have a great time and get pictures of a lot of kids.

Day 2 Get to see his bitter leaf tree. Slip on wash water and dislocate shoulder.

Day3-8 Can't lift arm, suffering from the heat, spending lots of time indoors and talking He fans me and wants to send me home thinking I am not going to make it.

Day 9 recover enough we take the car to the beach. After a good day the car dies on the way home, we get robbed. No one is hurt just ripped clothes , lost wallet and shoes.

Day 10 Mice ( which I hate ) break into my American food

Day 14 Something is prepared wrong and I get sick.

Day 15-20 I am unable to eat and keep food down and I lose enough weight that neighbors are talking.

Finially I am doing ok and we are enjoying things although all travel plans have been scrapped. I have stayed in Lagos the whole trip

Day 28 I get too hot , Joseph grabs the wrong glass of water to give me a drink and I don't catch it.

Day 29 We are at the market shopping when yesterdays error catches up with me. As he is taking me to the car our friend spots we are being followed by someone with ill intent. The man is chased off. I get home with stomach cramps and fever/chills.

Day 30 I am recovered enough to get to the plane and head home. ( But didn't enjoy that last night )

Day 31 I arrive home to find my heater is out.

The trip really did bring us closer together. Most nights Joseph spent fanning me trying to make me a little comfortable. I learned so much about his culture and how things work. They are still fighting over the fathers burial with a half sibling causing a lot of trouble. However I did recieve a gown in the family pattern as it had originally been scheduled for the time I was there. Even though it sounds pretty bad there were a lot of good times especially with the childern there. The school I visited last year held up the printing of their new calander to include a picture of me visiting this year. I got to watch a couple of the kids in the compound learn to play with bubble wands. So many precious things happen there that the minor issues aren't that bad at all.

Oh my gosh ! What a mess, but I am glad you had some good times in between the bad.

Hope you are feeling 100% well again.

[Ricca711 1]

I'm at work. FINALLY! I had a HORRIBLE weekend. We had an ice storm. I had no electricity and no heat all weekend. Just miserable. Then I topped off the weekend with another knockdown drag out fight with Bassi. Any that have been here a while have advice for me and Bassi. This transition is KILLING me. Maybe killing us. I'm so tired of arguing! Why does he have to be so darn stubborn?! I never thought I'd be so happy to be at work. I'm gonna get some rest today.

[Perseverance 1]

I'm at work. FINALLY! I had a HORRIBLE weekend. We had an ice storm. I had no electricity and no heat all weekend. Just miserable. Then I topped off the weekend with another knockdown drag out fight with Bassi. Any that have been here a while have advice for me and Bassi. This transition is KILLING me. Maybe killing us. I'm so tired of arguing! Why does he have to be so darn stubborn?! I never thought I'd be so happy to be at work. I'm gonna get some rest today.

Hey, our adjustment period was ROUGH!! PM me if you want to talk, maybe we can talk it over and work out a solution. I know how frustrating it is, now that I look back I see so much that we could have avoided.

I am here if you need me.

P

[ForeverAmen 0]

Sylvia,

Sorry you endured so much. However, I am glad you were able to spend time with your SO.

I'm at work. FINALLY! I had a HORRIBLE weekend. We had an ice storm. I had no electricity and no heat all weekend. Just miserable. Then I topped off the weekend with another knockdown drag out fight with Bassi. Any that have been here a while have advice for me and Bassi. This transition is KILLING me. Maybe killing us. I'm so tired of arguing! Why does he have to be so darn stubborn?! I never thought I'd be so happy to be at work. I'm gonna get some rest today.

[Simply_Uno 1]

Sorry you are going trough so much Bassi's Z. I hope all of the misunderstandings and misinterpretations are resolved.

You are in my prayers

Here have some tequila christmas cake

Tequila Christmas Cake

1 cup water

1 tsp. baking soda

1 cup sugar

1 tsp. salt

1 cup of brown sugar

Lemon juice

4 large eggs

Nuts

1 bottle tequila

2 cups dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality. (I already sampled it.....several times to check the quality)

Take a large bowl, check the tequila again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.

Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point its best to m ake sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup...just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.

Check the tequila.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.

Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.

CHERRY MISTMAS!

[taurean 0]

I mostly lurk on VJ nowadays, but I chose to comment today because of Zainab's recent post.

Zainab: This is for you and any others that are transitioning right now and experiencing growing pains. My hubby will have been here 2 years in January and I can say that I feel closer to him now than I did the day we got married. However....the adjustment period (for both of us) was rough....no brutal. Not because I didn't know him well (I did), but because with neither of us having lived with someone else and never being married before, it took time to adjust. We had to transition from being our single selves to our married selves and it wasn't easy. Seriously. We had disagreements about garden-variety stuff, but being "new" in all of this I felt like I was making a lot of mistakes and felt I might not be cut out for marriage. It seemed like we had an issue darn near everyday! However, I realized that as time went on, the disagreements became fewer, and we had shorter periods of not-speaking-to-one-another. I can't put my finger on what made things easier, but I think the main thing was being patient with him and with myself, and not blowing my top every time something wasn't to my liking. I think now, my husband also tries to understand more where I am coming from, and that I am transitioning as well. And he also realizes that I have a need to squash things right away instead of enduring prolonged silences. This has made those periods of not speaking to one another a lot shorter and has allowed us to come to resolutions sooner.

Unfortunately I don't have the antedote to making the transition easier, but just be patient with yourselves. The disagreements should lead to reconciliation in the end and a better understanding of one other. I feel if you didn't fight then something would be wrong. Maybe that's just my twisted way of thinking, but I am a big believer in change through struggle. Things WILL get better though, I promise!

Edited December 15, 2008 by taurean

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

I'm at work. FINALLY! I had a HORRIBLE weekend. We had an ice storm. I had no electricity and no heat all weekend. Just miserable. Then I topped off the weekend with another knockdown drag out fight with Bassi. Any that have been here a while have advice for me and Bassi. This transition is KILLING me. Maybe killing us. I'm so tired of arguing! Why does he have to be so darn stubborn?! I never thought I'd be so happy to be at work. I'm gonna get some rest today.

I am brand new to this journey and have only "lived" with SO on our 3 week honeymoon so maybe that will negate all I am going to say since I really don't have experience but here goes.

I am going through "The Love Dare" book from the movie Fireproof. Wouldn't you know when I sat down to catch up on my reading from the weekend at lunch today the three topics were, Love fights fair, Love takes delight, and Love is honoring. I thought of you when I started reading. The "dares" offered in each of the chapters were very good. Fighting with we and me boundaries, remembering why we delight our spouses and chosing to continue to delight regardless of their responses and being honoring and respectful to the love our life.

Anyways, I can go more into if you'd like. I'd definitely recommend the book and movie to everyone - regardless of whether or not the marriage is struggling. It's only been 2 weeks since I began the book and it has brought light to some things for me that I am working on personally and changes I am making in our relationship so I don't go down "Divorce Alley" again.

[LovinLiberia 0]

time to wake up subbies

this time it's painted on uniforms for uno

Umm, N to tha O, not quite the same effect , but I'm up...not staying up, but up as well.

Its cold as a witches ####### in a brass bra out herrre

Brrrr-rrrrrr

Uno only you would say something like that.

Boaz, sorry I didn't call you. I got my butt whooped by finals this weekend and I have one more big final tonight. Is it okay to call you tomorrow?

Sylvia, I'm so glad you are back around. Your posts were missed! Sorry to hear about all of the crazy mishaps, but I know seeing your man was worth it.

[ForeverAmen 0]

Boaz, sorry I didn't call you. I got my butt whooped by finals this weekend and I have one more big final tonight. Is it okay to call you tomorrow?

LL - Girl don't worry about that! It's all good ....

Boaz

Edited December 16, 2008 by Boaz

[Perseverance 1]

I mostly lurk on VJ nowadays, but I chose to comment today because of Zainab's recent post.

Zainab: This is for you and any others that are transitioning right now and experiencing growing pains. My hubby will have been here 2 years in January and I can say that I feel closer to him now than I did the day we got married. However....the adjustment period (for both of us) was rough....no brutal. Not because I didn't know him well (I did), but because with neither of us having lived with someone else and never being married before, it took time to adjust. We had to transition from being our single selves to our married selves and it wasn't easy. Seriously. We had disagreements about garden-variety stuff, but being "new" in all of this I felt like I was making a lot of mistakes and felt I might not be cut out for marriage. It seemed like we had an issue darn near everyday! However, I realized that as time went on, the disagreements became fewer, and we had shorter periods of not-speaking-to-one-another. I can't put my finger on what made things easier, but I think the main thing was being patient with him and with myself, and not blowing my top every time something wasn't to my liking. I think now, my husband also tries to understand more where I am coming from, and that I am transitioning as well. And he also realizes that I have a need to squash things right away instead of enduring prolonged silences. This has made those periods of not speaking to one another a lot shorter and has allowed us to come to resolutions sooner.

Unfortunately I don't have the antedote to making the transition easier, but just be patient with yourselves. The disagreements should lead to reconciliation in the end and a better understanding of one other. I feel if you didn't fight then something would be wrong. Maybe that's just my twisted way of thinking, but I am a big believer in change through struggle. Things WILL get better though, I promise!

I am so glad that shared with us. The transition is something that we dont talk about enough in this forum. It is very real and most of us are very effected by it. I remember when it was us, I felt so alone (because no one really talks about it) I was starting to think that I was the only one who had these types of problems, therefore there must be something wrong with my relationship.....glad to find out I was wrong and everyone has these types of problems in the beginning.

It does take work and patience. I found that if I did the work on myself and made changes in myself, I saw the changes in him. I had to learn to calm down and not fly off the handle. I had to learn a different style of communication.

It does get better, I was saying today how my I can recognise my husband once again as the man I fell in love with. He really was not himself while he was trying to figure things out here.

We all think getting them here is the hardest part....I do not think so, I think the adjustment is the hardest part...the adjustment makes the visa process look like a cake walk

You know what they say about hindsight

When I needed to talk things over, I learned it was best to talk to people who understand the culture and have some expeirence with this, friends and family just dont understand, they think whats not to love about America? He's here why cant he be happy...and other dribble...

I would say I noticed a big difference a little after he had been here a year, and leaps and bounds from then to now. Feb 16th will be our 2 year aniversary, we were married only a few weeks after he arrived here.

I really do think that this is a subject that should get more attention...seems like people generaly disapear after thier SO arrives...others are worried to talk about it like I was.

We need an adjustment support group

[Ban Hammer 13,548]

good morning all, something a little different to wake you up today. miss uno, here's some different uniforms

um yeah, that's really a band........

Edited December 16, 2008 by charles!

[Ricca711 1]

I mostly lurk on VJ nowadays, but I chose to comment today because of Zainab's recent post.

Zainab: This is for you and any others that are transitioning right now and experiencing growing pains. My hubby will have been here 2 years in January and I can say that I feel closer to him now than I did the day we got married. However....the adjustment period (for both of us) was rough....no brutal. Not because I didn't know him well (I did), but because with neither of us having lived with someone else and never being married before, it took time to adjust. We had to transition from being our single selves to our married selves and it wasn't easy. Seriously. We had disagreements about garden-variety stuff, but being "new" in all of this I felt like I was making a lot of mistakes and felt I might not be cut out for marriage. It seemed like we had an issue darn near everyday! However, I realized that as time went on, the disagreements became fewer, and we had shorter periods of not-speaking-to-one-another. I can't put my finger on what made things easier, but I think the main thing was being patient with him and with myself, and not blowing my top every time something wasn't to my liking. I think now, my husband also tries to understand more where I am coming from, and that I am transitioning as well. And he also realizes that I have a need to squash things right away instead of enduring prolonged silences. This has made those periods of not speaking to one another a lot shorter and has allowed us to come to resolutions sooner.

Unfortunately I don't have the antedote to making the transition easier, but just be patient with yourselves. The disagreements should lead to reconciliation in the end and a better understanding of one other. I feel if you didn't fight then something would be wrong. Maybe that's just my twisted way of thinking, but I am a big believer in change through struggle. Things WILL get better though, I promise!

quote]

I needed to read this...thank you for sharing.

Edited December 16, 2008 by Ricca711

[Ricca711 1]

Zainab,

How are you feeling today?