Women,does your spouse help you with finances for the visa process or are you doing it alone?

[gogo 6]

haha, we are taking this off-topic.. I hope Dreamlover doesn't mind.. also a good place to try is http://www.esl-lab.com/ (she went through all of these already).. any other free websites that you can recommend?

I checked out your website, oh =( it costs money.. haha, I'm trying to find free ones on the internet.. just like the esl-lab and the US HISTORY (government website).. Thanks for your help =) do you know of any more free websites?

Edited September 11, 2008 by gogo

[Donato 0]

my comment is usless...

just for fun...

but... 5rmb is not $0.35 cents!! its $0.73121 (according to google).

thats about whati pay for an apple in the US.

damn inflation...

[gogo 6]

ok, haha.. my mistake.. but I was referring to the low price there and how she tells me everything she buys (small or big).. so we have communication even though we are apart.. you can't buy fruit for 5RMB anymore.. a lot of the fruits are well over that price there.. durian costs about 5RMB per "jin" (total about 40 RMB average size).. 40 / 6.8 = $5.88 haha.. still cheaper than here.. ($2.99 fresh per pound).. that wound be over $25 here..

Edited September 11, 2008 by gogo

[Todd-Leah 0]

haha, we are taking this off-topic.. I hope Dreamlover doesn't mind.. also a good place to try is http://www.esl-lab.com/ (she went through all of these already).. any other free websites that you can recommend?

I checked out your website, oh =( it costs money.. haha, I'm trying to find free ones on the internet.. just like the esl-lab and the US HISTORY (government website).. Thanks for your help =) do you know of any more free websites?

Come on, Gogo, it's only $95 for the SWR core kit (that's all you need for a couple of years!), you may even get it cheaper used i.e. Ebay or the yahoo user group.

You may think the program is for children and it's a phonics program only, no, it isn't. It's not "just "a phonics program for children, it's a complete language art program that can be helpful for adult ESL learners.

I sent you a PM. :-)

Sorry for , this is my last reply on this, I promise.

Leah

[Imua 0]

I have paid for everything - he is a student and there are practically no jobs there. Nepal is the world's poorest country outside of Sub-Saharan Africa. If I was looking for Mr. Provider I guess I would have looked in a different country LOL...

My mom married my stepdad when she was a struggling single mom and he took care of her for a few years, paid her nursing school tuition, etc. Later when he was dying of emphysema(he was sick for 13 years) there was a point when he couldn't even walk out to the driveway with an oxygen tank - my mom paid all of the bills.

For now I carry him, there may come a time when he carries me. We are a team.

Edited September 11, 2008 by Pattu Rani

[BarbSami 32]

my hubby has paid for everything in the process. he wouldnt accept any money from me.

Barb

[gogo 6]

ok, thanks Todd-Leah.. I'll check it out some more.. but does it have any advanced stuff like the website of the US HISTORY I gave you? Also, it's not just words, she's been studying based on a schedule I made (vocabulary, reading, writing, speaking and a few others - stories of different level such as fables, short stories, essays)..

[Imua 0]

You, Mahitab, The Pakistani Original poster, I think you're messed up in the head... he's is Pakistani in Pakistan which a damn poor country, living a low quality of life. 1 USD =75.80 PKR so $355 (form I-130 fees) is like a fortune for him... you've married him and you know his financial condition.. so you can't complain now, the thing is that Pakistani women want to marry men who are financially set, so they don't have to work and make money 'cause their men are going to take care of their needs... Obviously it's hard to find a man who lives in Pakistan which fulfills this requirement, so you should've looked for a husband within the US! but here we go again, many Pakistani girls prefer a non-Americanized PAKISTANI guy, so they go and marry in Pakistan!!!

my point is it's not a shame to support your husband, someday he'll work and provide for you and the family, if you love him as you really say so support him unconditionally, stop listening to your dad or your mom or whoever is telling you he's not a FIT husband just because he's not rich....

Maybe it's because I live in super-expensive NYC, but I think it's really unreasonable(and unrealistic) to expect an immigrant (unless he's got an advanced degree where he can make $$$ as soon as he arrives) to be Mr. Provider - 70% of American moms work outside the home, a stat I just read in Harper's. I am assuming most are married to American men who don't have to play catch-up the way most immigrant men do, especially if they come from third-world countries, don't have degrees and their English needs work.

[Nita&Assaad 0]

We intermingled finances so it's who ever has money

Hang in there... Good Luck!!

Nita

[Garu 0]

I have paid for everything - he is a student and there are practically no jobs there. Nepal is the world's poorest country outside of Sub-Saharan Africa. If I was looking for Mr. Provider I guess I would have looked in a different country LOL...

My mom married my stepdad when she was a struggling single mom and he took care of her for a few years, paid her nursing school tuition, etc. Later when he was dying of emphysema(he was sick for 13 years) there was a point when he couldn't even walk out to the driveway with an oxygen tank - my mom paid all of the bills.

For now I carry him, there may come a time when he carries me. We are a team.

Excellent and beautiful answer Pattu Rani. I think this is what it is all about. You demonstrate the correct feelings we should have as a couple. Thank you for sharing your parents experience as well.

Edited September 11, 2008 by Garu

[Sandrila 1]

I am glad this subject was brought up.

I too am feeling the financial strain of this immigration process here AND there, lawyer fees, not to mention any expenses (which are many) accured from basic communication (from phone calls to phone cards, traveling to and from (4x now), spending money when there etc.) my hubby doesnt have a pot to piss in. I knew it then I know it now.

It is a tough call. Alot of times I feel completely over whelmed. I am here alone with 3 children I am supporting plus I dont make much too begin with. I have gone to great lengths and sacrifices just to have a relationship with my husband and get him here so we can have a life together. It is hard and tiresome but I do it with the faith that I have the best in my life, I do it because if I dont, I cant be with him, I do it because when you love someone it shouldnt be about money.

I agree about the man's responsibility too and I feel that once he is given the CHANCE to prosper and support HE WILL.

I also feel that it was meant to be because I still dont know how I was able to do what I have done so far without the help of GOD...where all that money came from I dont know.

I wish I could do more. I wish I was making good money and got paid vacations for 4 weeks a year like alot of people I see on VJ...but I think ultimately what I am doing is for my own happiness and well being as well as his and I care more about him. If he is suffering over there, how can I sleep at night. I love this man and will do what it takes to have him with me.

People may judge and have their opinions but we have had needed help at one time or another in our lives, I have had more than my share. One good turn deserves another.

It is a tremendous burden to bear and sometimes I wonder...will he get his visa???

I am praying everyday.

I have yet to receive one materialistic item or financial support from him, after 3 years, but I know that when he comes he will take very good care of me and our children.

I thank god for him and i try hard not to measure love in dollars or material gestures.

it isnt easy coming from an american culture but after some years of soul searching I have changed my thinking quite a bit.

Good luck to you!

[Sandrila 1]

I am glad this subject was brought up.

I too am feeling the financial strain of this. immigration fees here AND there, lawyer fees, medical exams, translations anything you can think of..., not to mention any expenses (which are many) accured from basic communication (from phone calls to phone cards, traveling to and from (4x now), spending money when there etc.) my hubby doesnt have a pot to piss in. I knew it then I know it now.

It is a tough call. Alot of times I feel completely over whelmed. I am here alone with 3 children I am supporting plus I dont make much too begin with. I have gone to great lengths and sacrifices just to have a relationship with my husband and get him here so we can have a life together. It is hard and tiresome but I do it with the faith that I have the best man in my life, I do it because if I dont, I cant be with him, I do it because when you love someone it shouldnt be about money.

I agree about the man's responsibility too and I feel that once he is given the CHANCE to prosper and support HE WILL.

I also feel that it was meant to be because I still dont know how I was able to do what I have done so far without the help of GOD...where all that money came from I dont know.

I wish I could do more. I wish I was making good money and got paid vacations for 4 weeks a year like alot of people I see on VJ...but I think ultimately what I am doing is for my own happiness and well being as well as his and I care more about him. If he is suffering over there, how can I sleep at night. I love this man and will do what it takes to have him with me.

People may judge and have their opinions but we have had needed help at one time or another in our lives, I have had more than my share. One good turn deserves another.

It is a tremendous burden to bear and sometimes I wonder...will he get his visa???

I am praying everyday.

I have yet to receive one materialistic item or financial support from him, after 3 years, but I know that when he comes he will take very good care of me and our children.

I thank god for him and i try hard not to measure love in dollars or material gestures.

it isnt easy coming from an american culture but after some years of soul searching I have changed my thinking quite a bit.

Good luck to you!

Edited September 11, 2008 by sandrila

[Sandrila 1]

I am glad this subject was brought up.

I too am feeling the financial strain of this immigration process here AND there, lawyer fees, not to mention any expenses (which are many) accured from basic communication (from phone calls to phone cards, traveling to and from (4x now), spending money when there etc.) my hubby doesnt have a pot to piss in. I knew it then I know it now.

It is a tough call. Alot of times I feel completely over whelmed. I am here alone with 3 children I am supporting plus I dont make much too begin with. I have gone to great lengths and sacrifices just to have a relationship with my husband and get him here so we can have a life together. It is hard and tiresome but I do it with the faith that I have the best in my life, I do it because if I dont, I cant be with him, I do it because when you love someone it shouldnt be about money.

I agree about the man's responsibility too and I feel that once he is given the CHANCE to prosper and support HE WILL.

I also feel that it was meant to be because I still dont know how I was able to do what I have done so far without the help of GOD...where all that money came from I dont know.

I wish I could do more. I wish I was making good money and got paid vacations for 4 weeks a year like alot of people I see on VJ...but I think ultimately what I am doing is for my own happiness and well being as well as his and I care more about him. If he is suffering over there, how can I sleep at night. I love this man and will do what it takes to have him with me.

People may judge and have their opinions but we have had needed help at one time or another in our lives, I have had more than my share. One good turn deserves another.

It is a tremendous burden to bear and sometimes I wonder...will he get his visa???

I am praying everyday.

I have yet to receive one materialistic item or financial support from him, after 3 years, but I know that when he comes he will take very good care of me and our children.

I thank god for him and i try hard not to measure love in dollars or material gestures.

it isnt easy coming from an american culture but after some years of soul searching I have changed my thinking quite a bit.

Good luck to you!

[pushbrk 12,605]

I have paid for everything - he is a student and there are practically no jobs there. Nepal is the world's poorest country outside of Sub-Saharan Africa. If I was looking for Mr. Provider I guess I would have looked in a different country LOL...

My mom married my stepdad when she was a struggling single mom and he took care of her for a few years, paid her nursing school tuition, etc. Later when he was dying of emphysema(he was sick for 13 years) there was a point when he couldn't even walk out to the driveway with an oxygen tank - my mom paid all of the bills.

For now I carry him, there may come a time when he carries me. We are a team.

Excellent and beautiful answer Pattu Rani. I think this is what it is all about. You demonstrate the correct feelings we should have as a couple. Thank you for sharing your parents experience as well.

While this is a wonderful example of a loving couple and my wife and I strive for this ideal ourselves, I would caution against asserting this is "the correct feelings" as couples vary. Certainly there are bona fide marriages with all sorts of financial arrangements and "feelings" scenarios.

I do think that what you will find universal is that a person with any pride would be deeply hurt to see their loved one discussing such matters in a public forum instead of with them personally.

Through the visa process, not only did I pay all immigration and travel related expenses because I was the one in a position to do so, but I also contributed to my wife's monthly budget for the 7 of the 9 months the process took. Because of a job change, my wife's father had been partially supporting her. He felt that now that she was married, that should no longer be his responsibility, so I made up the difference because it was needed.

A year after my wife arrived, she went to work. Since this was a few months after I went into business for myself, her income was essential for our family's well being. Since we've moved and business is doing well, she isn't working now and won't for at least several months because it won't be practical again until maybe next summer. After that, her income will flow through our joint account as part of our family budget, primarily adding to the amount going to savings but it will be used as needed. We make our financial plans together. With the language barrier, it has been a struggle to do so but we're up for the struggle.

If at any point during the struggle, I discovered my wife was seeking the opinion of people in this forum I frequent, I assure you, I would have been "livid" and that significant damage would have been done to the trust we share as many and wife. As a mature woman with wisdom and good judgment, such a thing would not have occurred.

[Brian&Mel 0]

My husband paid for everything.

When I used to work back home, I am very independent financially and I have never asked money from him. Since I quit my job to join him here for few months, he had support me financially. Things will change when I get my green card and able to look for a job. I will then contribute my pay check to the household. He has told me I don't have to do that but I want to do that because it's the right thing to do.

It's all about what works for the relationship.