Women,does your spouse help you with finances for the visa process or are you doing it alone?

[khaleda 0]

Yes, But u sudn't have told ur husband that u are discussing this in a public forum. How wud u feel if he had done that to you and told u to read it?!

I wanted him to know how much he hurt me with this issue. I told him to just forget about the $ now. Everything has been mostly paid so just nevermind the $. He went offline, so I assume he is angry at me. We share an id here online so he was going to know about it eventually when he logged on next time.

You cud've talked to him about it instead of showing him the forum... Yes its ok to discuss it in this forum but for him to find out how u feel like this.... in a public forum....

[wowswift 3]

Yes, But u sudn't have told ur husband that u are discussing this in a public forum. How wud u feel if he had done that to you and told u to read it?!

I wanted him to know how much he hurt me with this issue. I told him to just forget about the $ now. Everything has been mostly paid so just nevermind the $. He went offline, so I assume he is angry at me. We share an id here online so he was going to know about it eventually when he logged on next time.

If it rly bothered you that much, you should've talked to him first. As everyone said, communication is important and you have to be able to convey your opinions with him instead of him having to read a thread. But I guess that is something you guys can work on. It will make your marriage less dramatic if you have good communication lines in place where you can talk to each other openly.

[khaleda 0]

I am married and ready to stay in the marriage of ccourse. I just think the communication is poor because he works all day and never has time for me. He calls me for 10-20 minutes each night. I feel neglected.

I am married and ready to stay in the marriage of ccourse. I just think the communication is poor because he works all day and never has time for me. He calls me for 10-20 minutes each night. I feel neglected.

Oh, and I am talking to him now and told him to read these possts and he seems angry!

I will be angry too if discover that my husband goes to public forum asking for opinions on something that only concerns me and him.

You seem to have too many doubts about your marriage,now it's a good opportunity for you and your husband to have a serious talk and settled things out.

Abby

Wow. Good luck in your marriage. If I were him, I'd be livid. What a childish thing you've done.

It is not childish! Who else can I talk to going through simiar issues beside you all? I can not talk to my friends they are not going through this. They are all married to US citizens and/or have their spouses here. Also, it is not like you all know my identity or anything. I mean, you do not know me in real life so how can it hurt me. I needed advice so I asked for it. Is that so bad? I see other people telling more personal stuff than this on here.

M.

You're saying you have no one to talk to? what about your husband? a marriage it's between two... open communication is the key in a healthy marriage.

Abby

Exactly... You will be with him ur entire life, you sud b open n honest.

Edited September 10, 2008 by khaleda

[miss g 1]

im in the uk, i earn more and with the exchange rate its easier so i pay for most things, we split the filing fees and the lawyer fees and travel back and forth, sometimes i feel like i pay more but then i look at my engagement ring.. its easy to feel like the burden is only on you, but the process is difficult, and i honestly believe they dont make it easy because they want to weed out the fake marriages

[Gooden 0]

I paid for paid for 99% of the K1 process. He paid for some small things such as passport photos, police certificate, and certificate of non marriage. I've from time to time sent him $100 or so a when he really needed assistance with day to day stuff, but that's been far and few between, I have 3 kids to take care of. Right now he's trying to gather money to help me with a plan ticket back to Jamaica for a second interview with me the Beneficiary.

[Morning Sunshine 0]

I paid for paid for 99% of the K1 process. He paid for some small things such as passport photos, police certificate, and certificate of non marriage. I've from time to time sent him $100 or so a when he really needed assistance with day to day stuff, but that's been far and few between, I have 3 kids to take care of. Right now he's trying to gather money to help me with a plan ticket back to Jamaica for a second interview with me the Beneficiary.

I am going to say from marriage to now I have contributed, with help of my family to 80% of our togetherness. He did help on the plane ticket for me to go there which was hard for him to do but he did it and he also paid for our beautiful "fairy-tale like" nikkah, mehndi, and walima so I got to hand it to him on that. He bought all the wedding stuff and his family is sweet so I guess it is not so bad if you look at it that way. I can't imagine life without him now that he's there so I guess in the end he is worth it. I mean we just need to communicate better. But I know he loves me and I know I love him and we can get through this. I am not questioning our love for each other just appreciation I suppose.

Edited September 10, 2008 by ~Dream Love~

[SraCastillo 0]

you are just stressed out and who's not? but talk with your husband please never spend a day angry at him fix things the same day never let it go too long is not healthy.

I pay for everything because I know his economy its not the best so I'm the one that helps out with this process but he also has contributed along the way not much because he doesn't have the money but has done his part. also sometimes is not the money you need to see, is the commitment from his side, I have told my husband as long as you love me for real and you do not betrayed me I will be willing to do anything for you but if you fail I will KILL you! LOL well not really but I will leave him for sure.

[pushbrk 12,605]

Yes, But u sudn't have told ur husband that u are discussing this in a public forum. How wud u feel if he had done that to you and told u to read it?!

I wanted him to know how much he hurt me with this issue. I told him to just forget about the $ now. Everything has been mostly paid so just nevermind the $. He went offline, so I assume he is angry at me. We share an id here online so he was going to know about it eventually when he logged on next time.

You lashed out like a little child. You never want to discuss your private matters in a public forum then ask you husband to look at all the dirty laundry you just threw out in front of the whole world. Since you share an ID, you knew from the beginning he would see this.

Asking opinions isn't what was childish. Having your husband read the discussion was.

[miss g 1]

all i can say is that it doesnt matter who you are and where you come from or what you believe..no good will come from negative thoughts.. if you feel something you should say it in the nicest possible way. if you think or feel a bad thought its so easy to find something to affirm those thoughts.. focus on your relationship.. you are doing this process for a reason.. i cant imagine being with anyone else so to me this is the test, the stuff we have to go through to get what we dream about.

[Paul's Mrs. 0]

So...this has brought up a good question. We have applied for both a US spouse visa and an Aussie visa. because We have also applied for an Australian visa so that we can count our 2 year time at the same time because at some point we would like to live there as well. Especially if we ever have children. Is it legal to apply for both? I guess I always assumed that since they were different governments, it would be fine. Does anyone know?

I have agreed to pay for everything having to do with my Aussie visa and he has paid everything for his US visa. I would say that we split everything 50/50 but if he was from a country that was not as lucky to get the income as the both of us, I would most definately pay for him. I could never stand to be without him which is why we want to get both visas. We don't ever want to be apart again. Money or not, I would pay. We are both responsible for each other.

[rika60607 215]

I did not burden my USC husband with immigration costs.

Well, may be he spent some money on mailing documents to me, but that was it.

Stereotypes don't apply to everyone. It bothers me more that he promised you money and never gave it to you. Do you want this to happen again and again?

Rika

[franklie 0]

Hello! I am the female, US citizen and he is the Pakistani citizen awaiting an NOA2. Ok, my question is did any of your spouses help out with the financial side of the visa processing or did you have to do it alone? My spouse kept telling me he would send $ to help, but he never did. He has been saying he would send $120 (which I consider a modest amount but I thought it'd be nice for him to help me atleast to show he cared) but he has not sent me one penny. I feel hurt, but I know he does not have a lot of $ in American terms. But, he did tell me he'd do it but then never does so it makes me feel he is ungrateful because I have kids and he always says I never call him, etc. But, all my $ is invested in the lawyer and this immigration process. Also, in Islam the man is supposed to take care of the woman; not the other way around. My dad says he is not a "fit" husband and that when he gets here he will want me to take care of him and he feels I have married the wrong man. So, I need advice here especially from females....because I think men are the ones paying for their wives expenses here anyway. But, for the women are you paying for your man's expenses or is helping you out? Please reply ASAP!

Mahitab

But, I am a woman and he is still the man. I do not have a job right now anyway and I am a college student. The $ I spent on him was supposed to be going towards my school and I had saved it for that purpose. He wants me to come to Pakistan for our anniversary, but he is expecting me to pay the full amount of the ticket.

Dream Love,

From the 2 posts that you here may I suggest another alternative?

There are 2 key points in your posts:

1. You have small children (that may or may not be the children of your husband)

2. You are in college and are not working.

Focus on completing your education so that you might be able to get a decent job to benefit your children and yourself. Money that is taken away from your educational objectives will delay and possibly reduce your chances to get a decent job. Money that is taken away from the children to be used on something else ultimately ends up hurting the children such as living in a cr*ppy neighbourhood, going to cr*ppy schools etc.

It sounds like the marriage has some challenges; that there is the possibility of the marriage not lasting. By completing your education first, you will be in a better position to give a better life to your children, yourself and your husband.

[gogo 6]

haha, I already mentioned that to her, franklie.. but nice job nonetheless... more people telling her would be good...

and I have something else to say, Mrs. Dream.. you keep mentioning numbers.. "80% is what I pay since we started".. you keep tabs on everything? Marriage is not about keeping tabs (you owe me, I owe you), and not about 50/50 either.. if you are willing to be with that person, you would use 100% of your strength to love them.. all the time.. like my example, since we have been together, I used "99%" of the money.. so should I write a bill for her when she gets here and have her pay it all back?

If you truly love the person, money is no object.. you can make the money back (very easily too if you had a good paying job)..my example of $30k isn't that much either.. I can just get a good promotion and get it all back in less than 1 year... but you may not get the person back if they leave you..

is the money more important, or is the person more important?

You decide. I made MY DECISION. As you can see, I'll fight the government all the way for us to be together..

Edited September 10, 2008 by gogo

[msnoob 3]

I'm sure I'm not going to add anything you haven't already heard... but here goes...

I won't even discuss who paid what in my situation because it's our money used to bring us together. Doesn't matter where it came from because the goal is having us together. Having agreed upon that goal, we will work to make that goal a reality... together

You seem to ask a question for which you already have the answer. If it does not feel right, it usually isn't right. Intuition is a powerful thing.

I've been married, divorced and re-married. I must give this one bit of advice. If you see things as yours and mine... I did this and that for you... it will cause resentment and problems. Try to focus on "why" you feel this way. Because it is not "normal" or "healthy" to feel like you need to keep a list of what you have done for your husband. You should do it out of love which means there is no debt owed to you for doing so...

I wish you the best in your marriage... and I agree that communication with your spouse is important. Try not to let the frustrations of the process blind your judgement... Best of Luck!!

[gogo 6]

that was too deep, msnoob haha..

Edited September 10, 2008 by gogo