Women,does your spouse help you with finances for the visa process or are you doing it alone?

[pcana 1]

We just started the process, my honey is the US resident, he paid the initial $455 dollars, and any other money that will need to be paid on his end, but I will pay for my medical, fee at the consulate in Montreal and the expenses in geting to the consulate, airfare, hotel, cabs etc. To me its a 50/50 thing. He's paid for his trips to visit me, and I've paid for all my visits there. When we were at each others homes, we split expenses, groceries, gas, meals out. You sound like you are debating whether you want to be with this man and are looking for someone else to agree. Only you can know that. You should be honest and upfront with him, tell him what your thinking, and your concerns about money. I am concerned that he's telling you he'll send money and it never shows up. To me its a clear indication of what is to come for you. Take a deep breath and step back and really look at what your getting yourself into. I know my honey just bought a new house for us and with the expenses of a new home, I feel like I should be helping him. On the other hand, I too have a household to keep running till we can be together. But I am setting a little aside, now and again to help him. I wish you all the best and be sure to follow your head along with your heart. Take care.

[gogo 6]

Like a lot of people here, I can say that most of the burden will fall on the one person (most likely the US Citizen) for a year or two before things "even" out and you become a normal family.. are you willing to compromise for now? However, if he isn't even going to support a little amount based on his PROMISE.. then he pretty much broke the trust between you two.. If he didn't promise, then that is ok.. you weren't expecting a payment anyway.. You have to think of that action and be cautious.. what happens if he does that to his friends and gets in trouble? A big promise like that (especially with finances) is supposed to be honored , especially with husbands and wives, since you made the "marriage" pact to be together.. "through rich or poor".. haha.. "little" promises can be forgiven ("I promise to take out the trash".. haha.. heard of that one?)..

Edited September 10, 2008 by gogo

[Morning Sunshine 0]

the one who is better EQUIPPED to pay should pay.. doesn't matter if it is the USC or the beneficiary.. if he makes multi-millions, and you make $200 per week.. who is the one that should pay? It seems the guy isn't too compassionate of your feelings.. have you talked with him about it? tell him how you feel..

Ok, I will try to paint a portrait for you of our situation. The kids are small, and I take care of them so not able to work and attend school at same time. I am a college student and not employed, applied for some jobs and heard nothing back yet due to the schedule I have requested I assume. Also, he works all day and has a job...not sure the income he gets but more than me because he is is always actually working and I not. Anyway, my family is wealthy compared to his so he is always under the assumption that my family will pick up the expenses for us. I feel this is not fair and that he could have sent me $5 and I would have felt like he was contributing to the expenses. It is not about me being a "tight wad" or something so to speak as it is about me feeling we were in this together and fighting to be together as a couple. I told him a few months ago I needed $20 for books and he acted like it was no big deal or that he did not have it to spare. Maybe he did not but he could have told me "sweety I am so sorry but you knowe my situation" and of course I would have accepted that. But, he kept saying he would send $ knowing he could not and it hurts me because I rather know the truth then wait from May-September and no money has arrived. I am furious at him silently inside of myself, but I do not know if it is justice for me to be mad at him when he is not wealthy and I knew this when I married him. I love him so I always try to forgive him but what do you do if you feel someone is not caring about what you have sacrificed for them?

[pushbrk 13,116]

Sounds like common communication problems to me. If the two of you cannot communicate well enough to set proper expectations and then follow through, you'll need to improve your communication or simply start talking about specifics you've neglected to talk about until now.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

no i pay here he pays there

[gogo 6]

so he isn't keeping his promise to you.. also not considerate of your financial status/trouble now.. does he know your whole situation and do you know his? not to be bad here, but are you prepared to even have a marriage? It seems you are too "troubled" now with kids and school to start a family with him.. maybe after you finish school (at least), or find a job, (and will help out your financial problems as well).. Also, he should be more caring and helpful in at least sending you some money (like the $20) when you needed help.. what happens later on? he will not help out the family (when your kids get sick or want to go out and have fun?)..

Edited September 10, 2008 by gogo

[khaleda 0]

I pay here, and he pays there. When he comes here, i am planning to pay until he starts working. after that we will share.... He is planning to bring money from there to spend. He doesnt like the fact that I pay but I told him that I will not always work all my life and he will have to support me so now he doesnt feels somewhat ok about it..

Edited September 10, 2008 by khaleda

[Morning Sunshine 0]

I am married and ready to stay in the marriage of ccourse. I just think the communication is poor because he works all day and never has time for me. He calls me for 10-20 minutes each night. I feel neglected.

I am married and ready to stay in the marriage of ccourse. I just think the communication is poor because he works all day and never has time for me. He calls me for 10-20 minutes each night. I feel neglected.

Oh, and I am talking to him now and told him to read these possts and he seems angry!

[pcana 1]

I am married and ready to stay in the marriage of ccourse. I just think the communication is poor because he works all day and never has time for me. He calls me for 10-20 minutes each night. I feel neglected.

I am married and ready to stay in the marriage of ccourse. I just think the communication is poor because he works all day and never has time for me. He calls me for 10-20 minutes each night. I feel neglected.

Oh, and I am talking to him now and told him to read these possts and he seems angry!

I will be angry too if discover that my husband goes to public forum asking for opinions on something that only concerns me and him.

You seem to have too many doubts about your marriage,now it's a good opportunity for you and your husband to have a serious talk and settled things out.

Abby

[khaleda 0]

You shouldnt have done that...... I think u guys sud work things out on ur own.

Edited September 10, 2008 by khaleda

[pushbrk 13,116]

I am married and ready to stay in the marriage of ccourse. I just think the communication is poor because he works all day and never has time for me. He calls me for 10-20 minutes each night. I feel neglected.

I am married and ready to stay in the marriage of ccourse. I just think the communication is poor because he works all day and never has time for me. He calls me for 10-20 minutes each night. I feel neglected.

Oh, and I am talking to him now and told him to read these possts and he seems angry!

I will be angry too if discover that my husband goes to public forum asking for opinions on something that only concerns me and him.

You seem to have too many doubts about your marriage,now it's a good opportunity for you and your husband to have a serious talk and settled things out.

Abby

Wow. Good luck in your marriage. If I were him, I'd be livid. What a childish thing you've done.

[Morning Sunshine 0]

I am married and ready to stay in the marriage of ccourse. I just think the communication is poor because he works all day and never has time for me. He calls me for 10-20 minutes each night. I feel neglected.

I am married and ready to stay in the marriage of ccourse. I just think the communication is poor because he works all day and never has time for me. He calls me for 10-20 minutes each night. I feel neglected.

Oh, and I am talking to him now and told him to read these possts and he seems angry!

I will be angry too if discover that my husband goes to public forum asking for opinions on something that only concerns me and him.

You seem to have too many doubts about your marriage,now it's a good opportunity for you and your husband to have a serious talk and settled things out.

Abby

Wow. Good luck in your marriage. If I were him, I'd be livid. What a childish thing you've done.

It is not childish! Who else can I talk to going through simiar issues beside you all? I can not talk to my friends they are not going through this. They are all married to US citizens and/or have their spouses here. Also, it is not like you all know my identity or anything. I mean, you do not know me in real life so how can it hurt me. I needed advice so I asked for it. Is that so bad? I see other people telling more personal stuff than this on here.

M.

Edited September 10, 2008 by ~Dream Love~

[khaleda 0]

Yes, But u sudn't have told ur husband that u are discussing this in a public forum. How wud u feel if he had done that to you and told u to read it?!

Edited September 10, 2008 by khaleda

[Morning Sunshine 0]

Yes, But u sudn't have told ur husband that u are discussing this in a public forum. How wud u feel if he had done that to you and told u to read it?!

I wanted him to know how much he hurt me with this issue. I told him to just forget about the $ now. Everything has been mostly paid so just nevermind the $. He went offline, so I assume he is angry at me. We share an id here online so he was going to know about it eventually when he logged on next time.

Edited September 10, 2008 by ~Dream Love~

[pcana 1]

I am married and ready to stay in the marriage of ccourse. I just think the communication is poor because he works all day and never has time for me. He calls me for 10-20 minutes each night. I feel neglected.

I am married and ready to stay in the marriage of ccourse. I just think the communication is poor because he works all day and never has time for me. He calls me for 10-20 minutes each night. I feel neglected.

Oh, and I am talking to him now and told him to read these possts and he seems angry!

I will be angry too if discover that my husband goes to public forum asking for opinions on something that only concerns me and him.

You seem to have too many doubts about your marriage,now it's a good opportunity for you and your husband to have a serious talk and settled things out.

Abby

Wow. Good luck in your marriage. If I were him, I'd be livid. What a childish thing you've done.

It is not childish! Who else can I talk to going through simiar issues beside you all? I can not talk to my friends they are not going through this. They are all married to US citizens and/or have their spouses here. Also, it is not like you all know my identity or anything. I mean, you do not know me in real life so how can it hurt me. I needed advice so I asked for it. Is that so bad? I see other people telling more personal stuff than this on here.

M.

You're saying you have no one to talk to? what about your husband? a marriage it's between two... open communication is the key in a healthy marriage.

Abby