Women,does your spouse help you with finances for the visa process or are you doing it alone?

[Morning Sunshine 0]

Hello! I am the female, US citizen and he is the Pakistani citizen awaiting an NOA2. Ok, my question is did any of your spouses help out with the financial side of the visa processing or did you have to do it alone? My spouse kept telling me he would send $ to help, but he never did. He has been saying he would send $120 (which I consider a modest amount but I thought it'd be nice for him to help me atleast to show he cared) but he has not sent me one penny. I feel hurt, but I know he does not have a lot of $ in American terms. But, he did tell me he'd do it but then never does so it makes me feel he is ungrateful because I have kids and he always says I never call him, etc. But, all my $ is invested in the lawyer and this immigration process. Also, in Islam the man is supposed to take care of the woman; not the other way around. My dad says he is not a "fit" husband and that when he gets here he will want me to take care of him and he feels I have married the wrong man. So, I need advice here especially from females....because I think men are the ones paying for their wives expenses here anyway. But, for the women are you paying for your man's expenses or is helping you out? Please reply ASAP!

Mahitab

Edited September 10, 2008 by ~Dream Love~

[gogo 6]

my wife is in China and she always offer to save money.. even though I send spending money over there for her every month (or a big amount, and let her slowly use it).. we discuss everything together.. she always tell me what she spent it on.. a fruit (5 RMB, $0.35.. that's nothing for me), a outing with her friend, going to the market with her mom.. but I always tell her that is not necessary.. haha I'm covering the cost of everything (5 trips so far + wedding + lawyer lawsuit.. $30k+) right now I told her to stay at home and study english.. she will get a good job later on and help out our family even more that way.. she just finished all 15 chapters from the STATE GOVERNMENT website.. I'm really proud of her accomplishment.. there's still much to learn, but she will do it.. I always tell her that she is doing a good job.. =) the money spent so far is worth every penny to me.. do you think that way too? if not, then he isn't the right one for you.. that is not true love and you won't have the support together to fight the USCIS..

Edited September 10, 2008 by gogo

[Donna A 4]

i paid for everything on this side like the i-129 and i-130 and he paid for everything there like the medical and visa and what ever else. he baught his own plane tickets here. then i supported for almost 2 years until he got a job. then he got me out of debt when he started working. it was pretty much a 50/50 thing.

[Morning Sunshine 0]

my wife is in China and she always offer to save money.. even though I send spending money over there for her every month (or a big amount, and let her slowly use it).. we discuss everything together.. she always tell me what she spent it on.. a fruit (5 RMB, $0.35.. that's nothing for me), a outing with her friend, going to the market with her mom.. but I always tell her that is not necessary.. haha

That is sweet of you to do that for her. I wonder though are women doing the same. I mean it is mostly that our spouses come from countries which make less $ than we do here in USA. But, I am a woman and he is still the man. I do not have a job right now anyway and I am a college student. The $ I spent on him was supposed to be going towards my school and I had saved it for that purpose. He wants me to come to Pakistan for our anniversary, but he is expecting me to pay the full amount of the ticket. Does this seem fair to anyone or is this how it goes for all of us? Is it common the women are marrying men from foreign countries and we are supporting them until they get here? Is that how it works? I just want to make sure I am not getting the short end of the deal here.

M.

[gogo 6]

is he doing anything now to help ease the trouble of his coming here? First up, he would have to learn English.. it's hard to just live on one paycheck.. that is why I'm taking the burden now and letting her study everyday.. I have a whole "school" plan for her now so it won't be as bad when she gets here .. she won't get nervous or scared.. like the above person said.. it is a 50/50 thing.. that is what marriage is about... support and compromise.. =)

Have you been with his family a lot? You can tell from family members and friends what his real "attitude" is towards you.. by spending more time with his family, you can tell a lot.. they can't hide it forever.. Also, you have to trust each other.. for instance, my wife could be going out with other guys right now as I write this.. but MOST LIKELY not.. I wouldn't do the same to her.. especially after our long journey together.. it hurts to be apart for so long and with nothing (not even an approval) to show for it..

Edited September 10, 2008 by gogo

[*JG* 2]

We were a K-1. I paid for everything in the US. He paid for everything he had to have in Jamaica. When he came and we AOS, I paid it all cause he couldn't work yet. We just filed LOC and it's definately intermingled finances now.

[Morning Sunshine 0]

We were a K-1. I paid for everything in the US. He paid for everything he had to have in Jamaica. When he came and we AOS, I paid it all cause he couldn't work yet. We just filed LOC and it's definately intermingled finances now.

Oh, ok. So, it is common. Almost everyone is paying the I-130/I-129 and then the spouse makes up for it later after he arrives. Ok, I get it. Well, I just feel my spouse does not appreciate it. I will make sure he pays everything on his side because I will not be able to compensate him for all of that I still owe a retainer fee to the lawyer.

M.

[gogo 6]

haha, that's what a real marriage is all about.. I'll take the burden for now (and probably for a year or two when she comes).. she still has to go to school, and of course, find a job.. then we can have kids and start a family together..

There is nothing to "make up".. if you love each other that much, it doesn't matter.. being husband and wife, you don't need to "make sure" they pay their part of the money..

Edited September 10, 2008 by gogo

[Cdnwmn 0]

My now husband (the USC) paid for everything. At the time I was a single working mom with two living at home, renting a townhouse and paying for a car. After taking care of rent, utilities, groceries, etc for the three of us back in Canada, there wasn't much to spare. Sure I would have loved to have contributed but our situation in Canada was such that I couldn't.

[2ond journey 0]

Well my husband is from Pakistan and I paid for the fees on my end. He paid for the medical exam. When he gets here I won't expect him to support me fully. I will work and so will he. We will pool our money together and live our lives as best as we can. I don't have any small children though, so I don't have to stay home

[Levi_Heather 0]

I'm the USC and he paid for everything. He has no kids and more income. I have kids and saved for when he'll be here unable to work for that bit.

[pcana 0]

Hello! I am the female, US citizen and he is the Pakistani citizen awaiting an NOA2. Ok, my question is did any of your spouses help out with the financial side of the visa processing or did you have to do it alone? My spouse kept telling me he would send $ to help, but he never did. He has been saying he would send $120 (which I consider a modest amount but I thought it'd be nice for him to help me atleast to show he cared) but he has not sent me one penny. I feel hurt, but I know he does not have a lot of $ in American terms. But, he did tell me he'd do it but then never does so it makes me feel he is ungrateful because I have kids and he always says I never call him, etc. But, all my $ is invested in the lawyer and this immigration process. Also, in Islam the man is supposed to take care of the woman; not the other way around. My dad says he is not a "fit" husband and that when he gets here he will want me to take care of him and he feels I have married the wrong man. So, I need advice here especially from females....because I think men are the ones paying for their wives expenses here anyway. But, for the women are you paying for your man's expenses or is helping you out? Please reply ASAP!

Mahitab

Hi:

I paid for everything,including airlines tickets.Since the very beginning I knew my husband wasn't financially able to do it, I have no regrets whatsoever. when he got here I also supported him for 6 months until he found work, now He's really good providing everything I need and also helping me pay off my debts if you don't think your husband will do the same for you when he gets here,then something it's not right.

Abby

[Morning Sunshine 0]

haha, that's what a real marriage is all about.. I'll take the burden for now (and probably for a year or two when she comes).. she still has to go to school, and of course, find a job.. then we can have kids and start a family together..

There is nothing to "make up".. if you love each other that much, it doesn't matter..

My husband is almost fluent in English already. But, he will go to school to get a degree here of course. I agree it is 50/50 but I do not feel like he appreciates what I do for him. He acts like I "had" to pay it out of my savings. That it was something I had no choice but to do for him. I did it because I wanted to have him here with me but I feel he is not caring. I could not even afford to buy things I needed at that time because the lawyer fee was so costly. My husband had promised to pay half but let me down and never wants to talk about it or bring it up. I feel like he does not understand that a college student has books to buy and other expenses. Also, I was depending on the $ from him to put back in my account for my children. It was a small amount to ask from him, yet he still let me down.

M.

Edited September 10, 2008 by ~Dream Love~

[gogo 6]

the one who is better EQUIPPED to pay should pay.. doesn't matter if it is the USC or the beneficiary.. if he makes multi-millions, and you make $200 per week.. who is the one that should pay? It seems the guy isn't too compassionate of your feelings.. have you talked with him about it? tell him how you feel.. You are husband and wife already, and you shouldn't hide things (or ever) right from the start.. that looks real bad for you.. of course, we always make "small" lies (like purchasing stuff we aren't supposed to).. haha.. even I done that.. but he isn't suppose to not care about the finances of a family, especially since he is the "man of the house"..

Edited September 10, 2008 by gogo

[Wis-Can 0]

We just started the process, my honey is the US resident, he paid the initial $455 dollars, and any other money that will need to be paid on his end, but I will pay for my medical, fee at the consulate in Montreal and the expenses in geting to the consulate, airfare, hotel, cabs etc. To me its a 50/50 thing. He's paid for his trips to visit me, and I've paid for all my visits there. When we were at each others homes, we split expenses, groceries, gas, meals out. You sound like you are debating whether you want to be with this man and are looking for someone else to agree. Only you can know that. You should be honest and upfront with him, tell him what your thinking, and your concerns about money. I am concerned that he's telling you he'll send money and it never shows up. To me its a clear indication of what is to come for you. Take a deep breath and step back and really look at what your getting yourself into. I know my honey just bought a new house for us and with the expenses of a new home, I feel like I should be helping him. On the other hand, I too have a household to keep running till we can be together. But I am setting a little aside, now and again to help him. I wish you all the best and be sure to follow your head along with your heart. Take care.