Discoverying your daughter is bi-sexual/gay/?

[Fandango 1,440]

a fotball team can't turn your daughter gay. It's not like a sleeper cell or anything.

[ivona 0]

Let us not forget your daughter is 20, if I remember correctly, and frankly she`s still just a kid....

there is a good chance that she is:

A. experimenting as I was, thus making this a phase

B. testing you, to see how far will our love for her go- which to me implies an issue of very low self- worth which puts you, as a mom, in a position of working with your daughter to make her realize her true worth

C. this is for real, and she is gay- I am inclined to say this is the "right asnwer" as this isn`t a recent development..... she was expressing her sexual preference at a much younger age, when she was steered by others into a straight environment

Regarding C, middle school (ages 12-13) she had puppy-love boyfriends. At age 14-16 she had a steady boyfriend (including sex at age 14 I found out a year later but put her on BCPs, though they also used condoms on their own, thank goodness). At age 16 she had that brief (1-2 month) fling with a girl, though as I said before I don't know what all went on. Then from 17 to nearly 20 she dated a boy. All this time she would make comments about passing guys being cute or good-looking and all. That is why I'm not sure it isn't a phase. She broke up with her boyfriend to hang around these girls, and within a week one turned into her girlfriend. The thing is, get this, about 3-4 weeks before she started hanging out some with softball girls and eventually her group now, she told one of the softball players after she found out she was gay "don't turn my sister gay". She was dead serious because she told me at the time she told the player. The player got an attitude with her and she got an attitude back, like "I'm warning you". Then, that same day big sister told little sister "there is too much drama to get involved with a girl". Again, this was a few weeks before she herself started hanging out with girls again. So here is something else that confuses me.

Again, thanks for the comments. I can't believe the responses.

Probably not what you want to hear, but ALL that to me sounds like she is trying to find herself, and fighting herself along the way....

The comment about not turning her sister gay- it can easily be a defense mechanism, if she believes that this is something that can be turned on and off then there is chance for her yet to turn it off, and she can again be the cute "normal" girl everyone can deal with....

just trying to point out how her mind MIGHT work...

mind you, I COULD be completely off on this

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

a fotball team can't turn your daughter gay. It's not like a sleeper cell or anything.

yup.

[ivona 0]

MOM,

I wonder: is it possible the source of your feeling of shame is thinking, even unconsciously, that you as a parent did "something wrong" in raising your daughter which "made her be this way" ?

[jelti 0]

MOM,

I wonder: is it possible the source of your feeling of shame is thinking, even unconsciously, that you as a parent did "something wrong" in raising your daughter which "made her be this way" ?

Ivona,

I truly admire your intellect. You pick up on things that many of us seem to miss. I'm now also wondering this same question.

[MomNeedsAdvice 0]

MOM,

I wonder: is it possible the source of your feeling of shame is thinking, even unconsciously, that you as a parent did "something wrong" in raising your daughter which "made her be this way" ?

No, I don't think so. I know that parents can do their best and still children have their own personalities and their own wills and do what they want. And again, she had boyfriends and two of those relationships that lasted over 2 years.

a fotball team can't turn your daughter gay. It's not like a sleeper cell or anything.

You are right on this, BUT can they put questions (unconciously) in her head and make her want to experiment more than if she didn't hang around with them every day at practice/games? As I said, 9 out of 13 of the team have girlfriends, and since she looks up to the older girls (as all girls do), she accepts this maybe more than she would have if she wasn't on the team and heard about all the gay girls on the team. Does this make sense?

(gotta go to lunch now - be back in an hour or so)

[jelti 0]

You are right on this, BUT can they put questions (unconciously) in her head and make her want to experiment more than if she didn't hang around with them every day at practice/games? As I said, 9 out of 13 of the team have girlfriends, and since she looks up to the older girls (as all girls do), she accepts this maybe more than she would have if she wasn't on the team and heard about all the gay girls on the team. Does this make sense?

Mom,

Of course these other girls can influence her to sexually experiment with other girls, just as they could influence her to try smoking/drugs/alcohol/new hairstyles/new genres of books/other sports, etc. Friends have HUGE impacts on children. The best thing you can do, as a mother, is to always maintain open communication between you and your children. Talk to them. Tell them you love them no matter what, but voice your concerns if you have valid reasons to do so. Above all, you must allow your children to make their own decisions. If negative consequences arise because of these decisions, they will only serve to teach.

Edited May 24, 2006 by jelti

[girl28 0]

if my boy / daughter would be gay I WOULD SHOW THEM THE DAMN DOOR !!!

man created the man to be with a woman, not with another man ! no wonder kids today are just a bunch of drugged rebels who insult their parents and know nothing better but to be gay, in gangs, not do good in school and so on....BECAUSE PARENTS DIDNT RAISE THEM RIGHT and because they let them hang out with other idiots and let them be freeeeee...and do whatever and try whatever they want...thats just wrong and im glad my kid is not one of those.....

[jelti 0]

if my boy / daughter would be gay I WOULD SHOW THEM THE DAMN DOOR !!!

man created the man to be with a woman, not with another man ! no wonder kids today are just a bunch of drugged rebels who insult their parents and know nothing better but to be gay, in gangs, not do good in school and so on....BECAUSE PARENTS DIDNT RAISE THEM RIGHT and because they let them hang out with other idiots and let them be freeeeee...and do whatever and try whatever they want...thats just wrong and im glad my kid is not one of those.....

It's a shame that you posted this, because now the only hope for this thread is to be locked down.

ETA: I think we should all completely ignore the troll to not give him/her the satisfaction of starting a petty internet battle.

Edited May 24, 2006 by jelti

[pax 0]

if my boy / daughter would be gay I WOULD SHOW THEM THE DAMN DOOR !!!

man created the man to be with a woman, not with another man ! no wonder kids today are just a bunch of drugged rebels who insult their parents and know nothing better but to be gay, in gangs, not do good in school and so on....BECAUSE PARENTS DIDNT RAISE THEM RIGHT and because they let them hang out with other idiots and let them be freeeeee...and do whatever and try whatever they want...thats just wrong and im glad my kid is not one of those.....

Very helpful to the OP, thanks for coming by. Troll.

To the OP: Your daughter has never needed your love and support more than now. Approach the issue with that in mind, and your heart will tell you the right thing to do. Seriously.

[sarah and hicham 3]

if my boy / daughter would be gay I WOULD SHOW THEM THE DAMN DOOR !!!

man created the man to be with a woman, not with another man ! no wonder kids today are just a bunch of drugged rebels who insult their parents and know nothing better but to be gay, in gangs, not do good in school and so on....BECAUSE PARENTS DIDNT RAISE THEM RIGHT and because they let them hang out with other idiots and let them be freeeeee...and do whatever and try whatever they want...thats just wrong and im glad my kid is not one of those.....

I hope you're embarassed.

[Fandango 1,440]

You are right on this, BUT can they put questions (unconciously) in her head and make her want to experiment more than if she didn't hang around with them every day at practice/games? As I said, 9 out of 13 of the team have girlfriends, and since she looks up to the older girls (as all girls do), she accepts this maybe more than she would have if she wasn't on the team and heard about all the gay girls on the team. Does this make sense?

Mom,

Of course these other girls can influence her to sexually experiment with other girls, just as they could influence her to try smoking/drugs/alcohol/new hairstyles/new genres of books/other sports, etc. Friends have HUGE impacts on children. The best thing you can do, as a mother, is to always maintain open communication between you and your children. Talk to them. Tell them you love them no matter what, but voice your concerns if you have valid reasons to do so. Above all, you must allow your children to make their own decisions. If negative consequences arise because of these decisions, they will only serve to teach.

I don't care how much peer pressure I got in school, I'd never lick a minge.

This choice was your daughter's and no one else's.

[aussiewench 9]

if my boy / daughter would be gay I WOULD SHOW THEM THE DAMN DOOR !!!

man created the man to be with a woman, not with another man ! no wonder kids today are just a bunch of drugged rebels who insult their parents and know nothing better but to be gay, in gangs, not do good in school and so on....BECAUSE PARENTS DIDNT RAISE THEM RIGHT and because they let them hang out with other idiots and let them be freeeeee...and do whatever and try whatever they want...thats just wrong and im glad my kid is not one of those.....

hahahaha now thats a great parent //sarcasm// just show em them damn door

[ivona 0]

MOM,

I wonder: is it possible the source of your feeling of shame is thinking, even unconsciously, that you as a parent did "something wrong" in raising your daughter which "made her be this way" ?

No, I don't think so. I know that parents can do their best and still children have their own personalities and their own wills and do what they want. And again, she had boyfriends and two of those relationships that lasted over 2 years.

So, is the only source of your shame the "whispering parents" ? I really think it is more than that, you don`t strike me as a person that would put THAT much worth on the behaviour of others....shrug....

a fotball team can't turn your daughter gay. It's not like a sleeper cell or anything.

You are right on this, BUT can they put questions (unconciously) in her head and make her want to experiment more than if she didn't hang around with them every day at practice/games? As I said, 9 out of 13 of the team have girlfriends, and since she looks up to the older girls (as all girls do), she accepts this maybe more than she would have if she wasn't on the team and heard about all the gay girls on the team. Does this make sense?

(gotta go to lunch now - be back in an hour or so)

Peers can put ALL sorts of things in your head, the question is how do you respond to them and how do you act on them....and that is only for you to decide, no one can make you do what you do not wish to do- not talking here about extreme situations usually involving violence

Edited May 24, 2006 by ivona

[sowens 0]

if my boy / daughter would be gay I WOULD SHOW THEM THE DAMN DOOR !!!

man created the man to be with a woman, not with another man ! no wonder kids today are just a bunch of drugged rebels who insult their parents and know nothing better but to be gay, in gangs, not do good in school and so on....BECAUSE PARENTS DIDNT RAISE THEM RIGHT and because they let them hang out with other idiots and let them be freeeeee...and do whatever and try whatever they want...thats just wrong and im glad my kid is not one of those.....

Its no wonder you used an alias name MOM, as some people are just to narrow minded to be a part of a civilized society. I guess its true; why battle someone with ignorance when you can beat them down with intelligence.