caught fiance going to having accounts with porno chats

[miss g 1]

Personally I think viewing porn is a matter between the couple. To some it is a way to spice up a life. To others it is totally forbidden. No one should decide this for others. I refuse to conduct my marriage in a way that others find acceptable or unacceptable. It is private. This poster and her husband have a right to decide between the two of them what is right and wrong for them. I don't recall her saying anything about having cyber sex with others while they were together, just that he views porn. Am I wrong?

I believe in the very first post on page one that the OP mentioned something about "cyberchattin".

Your comment about viewing porn is a matter between the couple, I think everyone on here concurred with that, however the OP didn't know about his inclination towards pornography, nor his emails to other women. So, if it's between the couple, and one person doesn't agree with the others viewing habits then I guess there has to either be some kind of disagreement, or perhaps the couple could benefit from counselling.

I would suggest that the poster asking for advice on this forum would suggest that she doesn't think it's "right". Hence, she was unsure whether to marry him.

No one here made any decisions for the OP. How could anyone? People were voicing their opinions, because that's what the OP was asking for.

I agree with you on some points, she didn't know about it. That is where I have the issue. No couple should hide anything from each other. Perhaps this was all previous to their relationship and he felt the need to hide it. Perhaps he is doing it now. The point is that she and him have decided to work it out. Perhaps he has promised not to view porn. Perhaps he will, but will be more honest with her. I don't view the porn as the issue "if" they are both in agreement. What I don't support is those that say that viewing porn is evil or bad. Or that those that do it are going to eventually cheat, this is where I had an issue with your statement. The fact is that it does not always lead to going further. Just as true is the man that cheats, even without the influence of porn. I believe it has more to do with who the man himself is, not what he views. To be honest with you, it isn't my cup of tea, but I do know of couples that enjoy bringing porn into their bedroom.

Any sort of cheating, be it in person or online, is wrong in my opinion. So yes, if there was "cyberchatting" that was sexual in nature I would be against it. There are those on VJ that don't believe that cyber sex is cheating, but it is my personal belief that it is. But if your spouse is doing it, and you know about, and are okay with it, then it isn't anyones business. What I do view as an issue is any dishonesty between them.

I hope the best for this couple. Whatever their agreement is I hope that he has learned a lesson from it.

What I had stated earlier about pornography was not my "opinion". I am educated and trained in this field, and spent over 25 years of my career in the sexual area of psychology and criminology. I have retired from this work now, and I'm now doing volunteer work in a completely different field. If people don't believe what I'm espousing, then they don't. If they care to look things up, they can google them. Of course everyone is different, and each couple's relationship is different. I put some things out there for people to stop and think for a second. I heard and still hear too much "boys will be boys" and "its a guy thing" all the time. It's nothing but an excuse as far as I'm concerned. This wasn't to suggest that EVERYONE WHO VIEWS PORN WILL ACT ON IT. I would ask that people stop excusing men's behaviour or say that viewing porn is "normal" "all guys do it", when this is not true, as not all men do it. Period.

Anyway, I've spent far too much time on this one thread, and won't be posting anymore on this particular one. There is lots of information out there concerning pornography and fantasy I just don't have the time or inclination to try and cite sources for people here, sorry.

there is an expert on everything in this world that will tell you that their way of thinking is right...I studied psychology too and the one thing I realiesd is that it is BULLSHIT (my opinion).. you cant say for certain why people do things that they do or that they are even going to act a certain way.. thats why you have HYPOTHESIS, theories etc..

If you had to do research in to it how many men and women do you think you would find that watch porn, that are not sexually deviant.. I know couples that watch porn together.... Maybe the statement that ALL MEN DO IT is incorrect, but lets just say that MOST DO.. and so what? i think that its more a sign of ones ethnocentricities than anything else because people have different ways of thinking and perceiving things, and i think sometimes people let their own moral values interfere in how they choose to intepret events.. and

I was curious about this so I posted a poll on VJ. For those interested you might want to check it out. It does seem to suggest that the majority of men do watch porn. Some regularly and some on occasion. It also seems to suggest that the majority don't believe it causes cheating, that it is more of a form of release. Of course this is just a small percentage of the population, but interesting nontheless.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=151559

well there you go! the only thing i think is sick is intolerant people, people who dont take the time to think hey.. everyone might not think the same way... whats with all the judgement on here??

I think some of you on here need to be a bit more tactful and graceful in the manner in which you say stuff.. its all well and good everyone has their own opinion but considering how hard it must be for everyone to be apart from their loves, is it really fair to make them feel bad about things like "not all men watch porn it leads to cheating its bad blablabla" be kind in your responses.

and back to the pornography stuff, personally i think if you make something more taboo, you make people want it more.. we have all sorts of Magazines in our supermarkets on display in the UK, you get a daily paper that has page 3 with topless modelling, noone even cares.. and why should anyone. If its not to your liking LOOK AWAY.. thats your choice.. let other people have theirs.. the more you make things wrong the more innocent people suffer.

[KarenCee 3]

Wow....the OP's thoughts and feelings have gotten lost here in all this. It seems to me that the OP has a problem with it or she wouldn't have posted here in the first place. Has anyone remembered that at all here?

Rather than continue with this discussion of what can or can't be a problem or any morality, why not support the OP? Just because YOU may or may NOT have a problem with it is immaterial. IMHO. Let's not forget the OP came here looking for support.

[Jasman0717 9]

No advice for you on the porno sites but could you

The stats help members

[morocco4ever 63]

Wow....the OP's thoughts and feelings have gotten lost here in all this. It seems to me that the OP has a problem with it or she wouldn't have posted here in the first place. Has anyone remembered that at all here?

Rather than continue with this discussion of what can or can't be a problem or any morality, why not support the OP? Just because YOU may or may NOT have a problem with it is immaterial. IMHO. Let's not forget the OP came here looking for support.

It was never my intention to take this off track, and I do apologize. I just don't want her to think the worst of her husband, especially since they decided to work it out.