Giving Up???

[Jersey Girl 2]

Perseverance brings good fortune. (message in Chinese fortune cookie)

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

What are you giving up on? Your hopes and dreams? Why? So you feel heartache, pain and loneliness? We all do and have gone through that, and likely more than once in our lifetimes. My husband and I went a year without seeing one another, due to the financial strain this journey has caused with our hold ups. An interview is finally just around the corner for us. Everything we planned and hoped for is finally coming to an end. Has it been easy? Hell no! You stay focused, keep your self busy, make even more plans for the future, set countdowns so that you always have something to look forward to. There have been bad days, but never a time I wanted to give up, and never a time I let our plans slip away. If you had ask me two years ago if I could withstand this journey, knowing how long it would take us, I would have told you NO WAY! I did I have and I will make it through the rest of this and at this point looking inside myself I am a much stronger woman, mother and wife for it all. At the end of the day this relationship, was built on the greatest love I have ever known, courage, strength, devotion, compromises, and responsibilities to and for one another. So you see if you have all of this and hopefully more, you can make it through a few more short months, after all what is a few months compared to a lifetime of sharing a life that you CHOSE for yourselves? I truly wish for you a deep strength so that the both of you can finally be together where you need and want to be. Keep your chin up, you have plenty of honest support here to get you through the worst of days!

[Isabel 0]

hey there,

I know what your feeling as well as many others here. I havent seen my husband in 3 weeks now.....I was lucky that I got to see him in the US for 3 months on A visawaiver. And still we are suffering from being apart. Be apart from the one we love is a hard challenge, but just give up since you already started and all that??? Comeone. Thoughts occur sometimes....but it is important to stay strong no matter how hard it is. Since we are in that forum and see so many different cases it helps alot too. When I hear people have been apart for more than 2 years it makes me feel totally stupid. I have been so lucky to see him in the meantime and Im so sad sometimes. But anyway I think if you really wanna be with your guy and love him dont give up...go ahead. It will be over. It is not a neverending journey:).

We have to wait for me to fly back to the US as well, even if the petition gets approved in the meantime. We cant afford the plane ticket. All these visa expenses are incredible.

But still we are good in time.....and no matter how hard it is sweety keep your head up! Go forward dont look back.

GL Isabel

[terri o'neale 0]

Belize,

Only you and your husband can decide what is right for your family. I respect and admire those on here that have waited and been separated for prolonged periods of time. But for some of us, it is better to be together wherever than to wait out a long and excruiating process to be in America.

If you do make that choice, check out the embassy info section to see what the rules are for Direct Consular Filing. Perhaps after you have been together in Belize for a while you will qualify to file the I-130 and complete the CR1/IR1 process while remaining in Belize. The DCF is a much faster and less painful process than the K3.

But that is something you want to consider before you withdraw your I-130 and K3 petitions. But if you do decide this is the right thing for your family, you should actually officially withdraw your petitions, you don't want any misunderstanding that might slow any future filing.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

Belize,

But for some of us, it is better to be together wherever than to wait out a long and excruiating process to be in America.

Just guessing here, but I think nearly everyone on this forum would sound off to say, it would be better to be together. This is after all everyones goal, to be with their SO. No ones journey is more excruciating than anyone elses. We all have our own suffering in many ways, and tolerate those things differently than everyone else. My thought on this post as well as your personal thread on moving to London......Why give up on one thing to only start another, which will lead to yet another and another. This is almost like taking the scenic route, it is a lovely drive but you lose precious time and energy, end up back tracking and eventually you lose your way.

[idocare 3]

I would think that you'd be giving up way too soon. You may want to brain-storm with your husband and then make a decision together.

[malydon 0]

I am confused. Can't she live in Belize with her husband and still file for a "Direct Consular Filing"?

[aussiewench 9]

I am confused. Can't she live in Belize with her husband and still file for a "Direct Consular Filing"?

Yes she could.....would need to find what the residency requirements are before being able to file.

[djcess 0]

You're lucky that you can visit each other. My fiance and I had been apart since february 19, 2005.. about a year and 3 months now. So why didn't he visit me or vice versa? because I need to have a visa to go to states.. and as for him, he's an american citizen by birth so it's his first time to be in the US and needs to get a job and stay with it so we can qualify for the AOS. I guess we'd rather sacrifice now and invest in our relationship first because we know this distance is just temporary and the rewards are great. If your love is strong enough to face any challenges, then take the risk girl, the fruits are always in the risks you take! Goodluck on whatever choice you make!

[meauxna 15]

--i'm just a bit afraid of living hand-to-mouth like we would be doing in Belize because as it stands we both have no money right now...

And you should be afraid. No matter how cheap it seems out in the Cayo, it's not free to live there (or even all that cheap).

Like they say, the best way to make a small fortune in BZ is to start out with a large fortune.

[belize 0]

Yes, we should have done Direct Consular filing!!! Particularly since in Belize there is virtually no wait for an interview date since the country is so small....But I already applied for K-3 And also, to fill out the affadavit of support, I have to have a US job and income and pay stubs anyway, right? so technically I still couldn't have lived with him even if I filed directly.....

[Jersey Girl 2]

You can second guess yourself at this point, or stick with the plan already in motion. It's not clear whether DCF in Belize would be quicker than the K3. Maybe someone here knows. It's also not clear how you'd make a living in Belize if you moved and waited to set up residency in order to apply for DCF. Keep in mind you'd still have to file a tax return in the U.S. for 2006, not only because U.S. citizens living abroad must do this, but because you could need that return later as part of the visa process or adjustment of status.

In any case, if you're going to be the sponsor, it would be good to have an income, and I'd focus on making that part of the puzzle happen. On the other hand, it may be possible to get someone else (in the States) to be the sponsor and bear full financial responsibility. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the petitioner (you) does not necessarily have to be the sponsor. Or, you could get a job now and also get a co-sponsor as insurance.

There are so many scenarios that it's best to pick one, stay with your strategy, and sleep better at night because you'll know what to expect. Sometimes the best strategy is to do nothing. Allow events to unfold and get the K3 while you work in the States. It won't take forever. This is just one opinion from the haste-makes-waste camp and I'm sure there are others.

[Ravichan 0]

I don't know if it helps you feel better, but in Japan you can get a green card in a month by DCF (if you were a Japanese citizen). I don't know about Belize. I guess the speed of the process depend on countries, but it is possible that he can get a green card quick like Japan. Ask your hubby if he can find any information about it (I found it out on the international marriage forum in Japanese). If it takes only a few months, it is worth to do DCF. You are going to the country anyway Either you two are going to live in the U.S. or not, I think it is better for you to finish the process. Isn't it tough if he gets troubles entering the U.S. when you have to go back to the U.S. for some reasons??

I am sad everyday, but I cannot do anything. I always cry to my hubby "when can I go back?" He always cheers me up "soon you will!" I just try to think positive, where to go when I go back there, what to buy when we get a house, wanna lose more weight and be attractive by the time when I see him again, and such. Waiting and thinking positive are all we can do now... Now we are having rough time, but happiness is waiting for us. Good luck

Edited May 27, 2006 by Ravichan

[Austin_Volgograd 0]

I havent seen my husband in 15 months.

Wow! Nerves of steel, indeed!

My wife is extremely upset that we haven't seen each other for 10 weeks. I think she really has no patience at all for this process, and it's killing us. I'm at wits end to help calm her. She's of the impression that our "situation is not normal" and wants me to visit her every 2 or 3 months until her visa is approved. Unfortunately, she has a couple of friends who have American husbands who don't have the restrictions and responsibilities I have, and can visit more often. I just can't afford traveling so much.

Sorry for my "venting" here. I just don't know what else I can do to help my wife understand this is a long and trying process, and to rest assured we will be together again (relatively) soon.

[Jersey Girl 2]

Austin: What's worse than all the waiting ? All the explaining to relatives about how this convoluted process works! I'd rather give a lesson on the internal combustion engine. It's understandable if the unitiated don't understand the process, but it's inexcusable if a spouse doesn't.

If your spouse is uninformed, she can't act with you as a united front to work through the process and support you and the marriage. It's up to you to feed her information about what to expect. This can be hard if she's not a big reader or Web surfer. Nevertheles, you have to educate her by phone or snail mail or any means you can to get her into the same boat, rowing with you in the same direction.

Some people don't do enough homework to know what to expect, and quickly start whining that things are taking too long or the government is making a mess of their particular case. Truth is, there are plenty of couples in the same situation and it's all unfolding pretty normally.

If you estimate this is going to be a 6-month process, start there, telling her this will take half a year. Keep telling her until she "gets it," and understands you'll see her in six months. Meanwhile, get her involved filing out sample forms or connecting with others in her country going for a visa. Enlist her aid to "push your file forward" on a daily basis, getting documents and translations, or simply going to work every day and writing you letters.

Personally, I'd rather be in an adult-adult relationship with my spouse during this journey than in an adult-child relationship. Set it up that way and require more.