Giving Up???

[belize 0]

I have been apart from my husband for 6 months because I had to finish my last 5 months of school in the US to get my B.A. I filed our I-130 beginning of April and just filed my I-129--however, i can't take this ####### anymore...I will be back with him in Belize June 21st-July 25th which is the longest I can stay b/c I need to get a full-time job for the affadavit of support....

I am torn because I wanted him to see a bit of my culture and so we could save money in the US (double the dollars in Belize) and then move back to Belize...but now I feel like saying #### it all and just staying in Belize--i'm just a bit afraid of living hand-to-mouth like we would be doing in Belize because as it stands we both have no money right now...

I just feel discouraged, mainly because there is no time certainty, no ending in sight and that is killing us...we feel like we are putting ourselves through un-necessary torture in some ways...

My question is....say I just stay down in Belize for longer than planned...how long can we let our K-3 and I-130 sit without taking the next steps? We may still want to continue with it in a year but we just want to be together now...HELP!

[aussiewench 9]

Don't give up if this is what you both really want. We all know this is tough being apart from our loved ones. You are able to see him, that is some consolation. Many of us dont have that chance. I havent seen my husband in 15 months. I know that wont mean anything to you as your pain is your pain. I do understand though. This process calls for nerves of steel at times but somehow we make it through. You do what you feel you have to do. Just give it a little more time. I-129F spousal at NBC do get approved relatively quickly in comparison to what your I-130 will at CSC.

*Big Hugs*

[Jersey Girl 2]

I just feel discouraged, mainly because there is no time certainty, no ending in sight

Take a deep breath and know that you're not alone. People here can testify to the fact that there is an end in sight. Love is forever, but the waiting isn't. Personally, I'd rather live in the U.S. and visit Belize than the other way around. Deep down, you probably would too.

You're already invested in the process and have submited the I-130 and I-129F. So relax, because the next stage is Package 3, coming to Belize. You may even be there when it arrives. You're lucky because you can spend a month with your husband in a beautiful part of the world. Others here are too far apart. When you come back for a full-time job, you can also get a co-sponsor if you think it will strengthen your case.

Meanwhile, treat yourself to a beer and a bubble bath. Toast yourself for having finished your B.A., which is your ticket to ride in the U.S. job market, but probably worthless in Belize. Then, get busy, because you have less than a month to get ready for your trip!

[Ladylethal 12]

I agree with Aussie here, you at least get to see him, and seeing him will give you strenght to continue the process, it´s worth it, in the end, even if you have to wait.

[belize 0]

It's true that we are lucky we get to see each other...as far as the comment " Personally, I'd rather live in the U.S. and visit Belize than the other way around. Deep down, you probably would too." I would disagree...my husband and I love belize particularly because we both love organic farming and have land there (whereas buying land in the US is a joke...unless you're rich) and we have so much family there.

For us, the reasons for living in the US a couple years are simple: 1) we can save up money 2) steven can see where I come from and spend more time with my family 3) i won't get malaria or some tropical disease during pregnancy

other than that, the fast-pace stressed out US is not ideal for us...this is why I'm confused...both countries have their perks and their disadvantages...

[simple_male 1]

Please take a deep breath and please don't abandon the process, as you invested time for it. Many people are unable to visit their spouses because of distance and other factors, but at least, you are able to see your husband while the process is pending.

Edited May 24, 2006 by simple_male

[Jersey Girl 2]

other than that, the fast-pace stressed out US is not ideal for us...this is why I'm confused...both countries have their perks and their disadvantages...

You have two questions going on. First, should you continue to pursue the K3 Visa? And second, should you live in the U.S. or Belize?

Why not keep all your options open? Why not finish the K3 process so you can live in the U.S.? (There are plenty of low stress places to raise a family.)

If you abandon the K3 now, and go to Belize to live, then change your mind later (because of tropical disease or wanting a better education for your kids), then you'll have to start the Visa process all over again before you can both go to the States.

The good news is that you don't have to decide today. The K3 is already in play. When you get to Belize, you'll think it's heaven on earth. But before you get totally seduced, ask the "what if's." And remember you'll be answering from a family persepective.

What if I want to work and use my brain? What if my husband can't get decent work to support us? What if I need special medical attention? What if there's no fresh milk? What if I get homesick? And so on.

[Shanny 0]

jerseygirl, i have the same noa1 date as you.

think we will be in canada for awhile?

to belize, don't give up.

waiting sucks, i bloody hate it.

it is so hard being away from my husband.

but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

stay strong.

[Jersey Girl 2]

Shanny, do your timeline. It helps calculate the statistics so people here have a better idea of what to expect.

If I'm in Toronto or Montreal the same time as you, I'll buy you a Blue, or a donut at Tims, or even a quarter chicken at Swiss Chalet, whatever you like, eh? But I'm not getting my knickers in a twist about when the interview will happen. That's out of my control. All I can do is be well prepared. Then, spend my energy on things that will make our life together a good thing.

Yes, waiting sucks, if you look at it as waiting. For me, it's part of a process I signed up for, knowing beforehand it would take some time but be worth it in the end. Instead of whining and wringing my hands because my husband isn't here, I do constructive things, such as drinking more beer, letting the dishes pile even higher in the sink, wearing the same socks two days in a row, eating Rice Krispie squares for dinner, over tweezing my eyebrows. I'm okay. Really.

[Shanny 0]

Shanny, do your timeline. It helps calculate the statistics so people here have a better idea of what to expect.

If I'm in Toronto or Montreal the same time as you, I'll buy you a Blue, or a donut at Tims, or even a quarter chicken at Swiss Chalet, whatever you like, eh? But I'm not getting my knickers in a twist about when the interview will happen. That's out of my control. All I can do is be well prepared. Then, spend my energy on things that will make our life together a good thing.

Yes, waiting sucks, if you look at it as waiting. For me, it's part of a process I signed up for, knowing beforehand it would take some time but be worth it in the end. Instead of whining and wringing my hands because my husband isn't here, I do constructive things, such as drinking more beer, letting the dishes pile even higher in the sink, wearing the same socks two days in a row, eating Rice Krispie squares for dinner, over tweezing my eyebrows. I'm okay. Really.

this post made me chuckle.

and i really needed that...so thanks.

i am gonna do my timeline right now.

oh, and i meant to say that i had the same i-129f noa1 date as you.

hopefully we both get approved soon.

take care.

[hahuhobrad 0]

I left Korea last year in August. My wife is Thai so we got to see each other every 4 to 6 weeks. Once I moved back to the USA; We didn't see each other for 10 months. I'll see her in July for her Graduation. You see, she was in school when I met her...and I have my job and personal goals. I could never have asked her to give up Nursing school. She asked me to change my life, but understands that I have to do what is BEST FOR BOTH OF US...and our future family.

It is really hard. When my wife calls me crying it makes me feel so sad. But, I know that is just because she loves me. She was a very happy person when I met her...and she is still very happy, just misses me so much, like I miss her.

It takes a certain 'stregth of character' to do what we are doing. Most couples are at least from the same culture. We are all so different... Our relationships are so complex. We know this going in, and now doing what has to be done, is just life. Great stories to tell our children.

I don't want to be judgemental of you. I do think you need to realize that you have it better than alot of people. I would give so much to have the opportunity to spend as much time with my wife, and you're going to spend with your husband. That time will come for us, and it will be sweet.

Take care of business now. Their is going to be challanges no matter if you do it now or later. I know it hurts your heart so much...and there is so much love in that. Once you have finished this process, it will be over and you will never have to deal with it again. Or you can put it off and just have to deal with it another time... that won't be any better.

Just finish it now. Keep telling everyone here about how you feel, and how the process is going. We will all give a big cheer when you reach the end.

-b

[Shanny 0]

^ that post was very sweet.

it made me feel a lot better about things.

i like how you stay so positive throughout all of this.

i am so bummed all the time and like your wife, i call my husband crying too.

some days are good, some days are bad.

we just all gotta stay strong.

and one day in the near future this will all be over.

my god, i cannot wait for that day.

the day i get my interview letter will be the happiest day of my life.

[belize 0]

I left Korea last year in August. My wife is Thai so we got to see each other every 4 to 6 weeks. Once I moved back to the USA; We didn't see each other for 10 months. I'll see her in July for her Graduation. You see, she was in school when I met her...and I have my job and personal goals. I could never have asked her to give up Nursing school. She asked me to change my life, but understands that I have to do what is BEST FOR BOTH OF US...and our future family.

It is really hard. When my wife calls me crying it makes me feel so sad. But, I know that is just because she loves me. She was a very happy person when I met her...and she is still very happy, just misses me so much, like I miss her.

It takes a certain 'stregth of character' to do what we are doing. Most couples are at least from the same culture. We are all so different... Our relationships are so complex. We know this going in, and now doing what has to be done, is just life. Great stories to tell our children.

I don't want to be judgemental of you. I do think you need to realize that you have it better than alot of people. I would give so much to have the opportunity to spend as much time with my wife, and you're going to spend with your husband. That time will come for us, and it will be sweet.

Take care of business now. Their is going to be challanges no matter if you do it now or later. I know it hurts your heart so much...and there is so much love in that. Once you have finished this process, it will be over and you will never have to deal with it again. Or you can put it off and just have to deal with it another time... that won't be any better.

Just finish it now. Keep telling everyone here about how you feel, and how the process is going. We will all give a big cheer when you reach the end.

-b

Thanks for the good advice and support...I was definitely having a "moment"--i melt down too the second my honey starts crying...not physically being next to them to soothe one another is probably one of the hardest things I will jump up and down for you too when your petitions are approved

[rushter 0]

Yikes!!! Giving up MY ###! You've only been apart for 6 months?

Belize you have no idea how much I can empathize with you.

If I were just free and on the loose I'd say RUN DAMMIT RUN... To him that is, if you had a way (either of you) to make a go of it together and have SOMETHING that works to support you both.

Listen girl, let me tell you one thing... I was apart from my wife/fiancee for more than TWO FREAKIN YEARS.

It is NOT EASY.

I had the job. I had the income... (she did too have a decent job and all but I helped it a lot)... and maybe you need to get something in perspective here, and that's that YOU are the breadwinner at the moment and YOU need to keep stepping up to the plate. You can't just say 'ahh the hell with it I'm tired, lonely, and fed up with waiting for this #######', because he's depending on you, and you should be depending on him. He's still your partner by choice.

Belize as a country is one of the last places on the face of the earth to find ANY kind of economy of scale that would allow a man to make a living by any standard. It just doesn't exist there.

I'm going off your topic title of "> Giving Up???, Feeling discouraged..."

Don't.

You should be enthusiastic that you've come this far.

If indeed this man is what you want, love and need in your life then you are doing the right thing.

Love sucks sometimes, just like the ####### one has to endure with uscis.

just wait until he's here. Then you'll have a whole nother set of issues to deal with.

You've only just begun dear; crying on the phone... wow, well that's as normal as changing the oil in the car.

Don't get discouraged. This is the way it really is.

B)

Edited May 24, 2006 by rushter

[rushter 0]

That post was intended as a support mechanism.. hell to this day I don't know how I went for so long... I just did. And I'm happy that everything ended up as it did.

The fact that you guys are so emotional over being apart for six months is quite a romantic thing and it's awesome. Did I say that?... I tell you six months to me seems like a normal thing, but the last time I left my wife's home town I was one ANGRY man. I was ready to BURN my airline ticket. I never wanted to come back here to the usa.

I was in love with everything. The country, the city.. my new family. That's all I needed.

I'd go back in a minute and never look back.

Love is cool too!