getting husband to share feelings

[JelloShotGirl 0]

I know that everyone is different and I try to live by taking into consideration "the individual" more than the individual's culture, because you should not generalize. However I am having some difficulty with my husband who is from Philippines regarding not directly answering a question. Usually I let it go cuz its not a major issue but lately in regards to some issues IMPORTANT we need to discuss and info I need to know it is like pulling teeth to get a straight answer from him. Example: he is having back pain and he went to doctor and got the ex rays back. He is in a lot of pain.I asked him what doctor said and he is like almost skirting the issue .I dont want to be a nag. Also some other important issues came up and he wont answer me . maybe I am just an A**h**E. I just want to help him. But now I feel like, ok whatever I will just ignore him and not bring up the question or issue unless he brings it up. Just need ur advise on this.

I know that everyone is different and I try to live by taking into consideration "the individual" more than the individual's culture, because you should not generalize. However I am having some difficulty with my husband who is from Philippines regarding not directly answering a question. Usually I let it go cuz its not a major issue but lately in regards to some issues IMPORTANT we need to discuss and info I need to know it is like pulling teeth to get a straight answer from him. Example: he is having back pain and he went to doctor and got the ex rays back. He is in a lot of pain.I asked him what doctor said and he is like almost skirting the issue .I dont want to be a nag. Also some other important issues came up and he wont answer me . maybe I am just an A**h**E. I just want to help him. But now I feel like, ok whatever I will just ignore him and not bring up the question or issue unless he brings it up. Just need ur advise on this.

i want to put this in the Philippines forum, maybe I can get some feedbacks, thanks

[filirican 3]

sometimes guys are just like that, they don't want u to worry about them, my husband is like that but what i do is i make "lambing" ang ask him again then he would tell me everything i would ask..communication is really important in a relationship...there are people who are not comfortable about telling what they feel..

goodluck

[envy_me 18]

well, all i can advise is tell him whatever it is that you feel..

he gotta know how you feel abt stuff..

my SO gets pissed when i dnt answer him directly..

but i told him im just like that..

i mean if i can keep it to myself and solve things on my own..

then id rather not tell anyone..

but then i realized when you're living with someone esp with a different culture..

you gotta be open, vocal and honest abt things..

cos that's the only way to make things work..

otherwise you wont be able to understand each other..

and also, i think it helps to talk things out..

like the things that you like him to do and how you want him to do that.. and vice versa..

meet halfway.. that's the most important thing..

Edited September 5, 2008 by envy_me

[Otto 83]

Best advice - read this book... (it's available as an audio-book also) you may find it very helpful...

[richo 0]

Best advice - read this book... (it's available as an audio-book also) you may find it very helpful...

hahaha yes its helpful

[Sheriff Uling 3]

As a very emotional and expressive man, it's weird for me when I read that men have a problem expressing emotion. Although my wife is more emotional and I'm more expressive. Go figure...

Cheers!!!

Sheriff Uling

NOTE: Somehow you have to keep working on bridging that gap in communication where your partner feels safe to let go of their insecurities. It's easier said than done and takes a lot of work.

[MJ3lasvegas 0]

my husband is Fil-Am, born and raised in PI and just got naturalized in US when they migrated, so basically he is PURE filipino inside-out.

Filipino husbands are considered pillars of foundation of a family. they oftentimes hide their weaknesses so as not to worry people around him. in due time, he will tell you everything. sometimes they need space to think and ponder on what's happening before sharing it to us (wives). i know it sounds crazy but that's the truth. throw him some hints that you're worried and you need to talk when he's ready. respect his decision of remaining silent as of the moment, i know he'll appreciate it.

don't push him to tell you or nag just to let him talk. tell him how you feel and what you wanna happen..and read his actions, sometimes it speaks louder than words.

i know this is somehow difficult to understand but this is just part of the whole marriage adjustments.

i wish you well and i hope you two could talk things out soon..

TC!

[CaNdiD wiTcH 0]

Best advice - read this book... (it's available as an audio-book also) you may find it very helpful...

hahaha yes its helpful

I agree.. That book is great.. It would help you understand him better..

[Thai family 0]

Hmmm....This isn't just a Filipino male trait. I've been trying to get straight answers out of my husband for____

years, and have learned that they only come when he is good and ready to give them. Nothing catastrophic has happened yet. He takes the approach that most issues will work themselves out if some time is added to the mix. I tend to want an answer and agreement on a course of action NOW. I think he is a good boss in the workplace, but I'm sure this trait drives some of his employees crazy. It can be frustrating, but I've learned to enjoy/celebrate our differences. Communication is important, but it isn't to be used to make our spouses into our own likeness.

Thai Mom

[HoneySkin 0]

Effective Communication is one of the keys to bridging the gap to cultural differences. If one can communicate well he can also lead well. Communication is a hallmark of a great leader. My fiancee is an American and from a country that is accepting of all cultures, for this i am grateful. I am from the Philippines and Filipinos are mostly reserved and shy but are flexible. I know that in time your husband will be able to open up his feelings totally and completely. Perhaps, it will just take some time. Open communication will really help. One thing that helped me is this thought: "I am somewhat afraid to tell you what i am thinking because I am afraid that you might condemn my thought, that you might think it foolish, and i would feel rejected. But because i want to be close to you and i want our relationship to grow, i am going to talk about it in spite of my fear."

Discussion of feelings - the highs and the lows - is one of the satisfying aspects of marriage. It will lead to emotional intimacy for both of you especially your man.

Here's hoping that your man will be able to appreciate you and not make it hard for you to understand him. I hope that he is equipped with the communication skills required in order to share his thoughts and feelings effectively. One thing i noticed is that we still tend to communicate in "Filipino English" instead of the American English. I think there is difference to these two...you guys know what i mean...

[HoneySkin 0]

Effective Communication is one of the keys to bridging the gap to cultural differences. If one can communicate well he can also lead well. Communication is a hallmark of a great leader. My fiancee is an American and from a country that is accepting of all cultures, for this i am grateful. I am from the Philippines and Filipinos are mostly reserved and shy but are flexible. I know that in time your husband will be able to open up his feelings totally and completely. Perhaps, it will just take some time. Open communication will really help. One thing that helped me is this thought: "I am somewhat afraid to tell you what i am thinking because I am afraid that you might condemn my thought, that you might think it foolish, and i would feel rejected. But because i want to be close to you and i want our relationship to grow, i am going to talk about it in spite of my fear."

Discussion of feelings - the highs and the lows - is one of the satisfying aspects of marriage. It will lead to emotional intimacy for both of you especially your man.

Here's hoping that your man will be able to appreciate you and not make it hard for you to understand him. I hope that he is equipped with the communication skills required in order to share his thoughts and feelings effectively. One thing i noticed is that we still tend to communicate in "Filipino English" instead of the American English. I think there is difference with the two...you guys know what i mean...

[mhaze 0]

Effective Communication is one of the keys to bridging the gap to cultural differences. If one can communicate well he can also lead well. Communication is a hallmark of a great leader. My fiancee is an American and from a country that is accepting of all cultures, for this i am grateful. I am from the Philippines and Filipinos are mostly reserved and shy but are flexible. I know that in time your husband will be able to open up his feelings totally and completely. Perhaps, it will just take some time. Open communication will really help. One thing that helped me is this thought: "I am somewhat afraid to tell you what i am thinking because I am afraid that you might condemn my thought, that you might think it foolish, and i would feel rejected. But because i want to be close to you and i want our relationship to grow, i am going to talk about it in spite of my fear."

Discussion of feelings - the highs and the lows - is one of the satisfying aspects of marriage. It will lead to emotional intimacy for both of you especially your man.

Here's hoping that your man will be able to appreciate you and not make it hard for you to understand him. I hope that he is equipped with the communication skills required in order to share his thoughts and feelings effectively. One thing i noticed is that we still tend to communicate in "Filipino English" instead of the American English. I think there is difference to these two...you guys know what i mean...

this is a great advice

[macutelit 0]

Effective Communication is one of the keys to bridging the gap to cultural differences. If one can communicate well he can also lead well. Communication is a hallmark of a great leader. My fiancee is an American and from a country that is accepting of all cultures, for this i am grateful. I am from the Philippines and Filipinos are mostly reserved and shy but are flexible. I know that in time your husband will be able to open up his feelings totally and completely. Perhaps, it will just take some time. Open communication will really help. One thing that helped me is this thought: "I am somewhat afraid to tell you what i am thinking because I am afraid that you might condemn my thought, that you might think it foolish, and i would feel rejected. But because i want to be close to you and i want our relationship to grow, i am going to talk about it in spite of my fear."

Discussion of feelings - the highs and the lows - is one of the satisfying aspects of marriage. It will lead to emotional intimacy for both of you especially your man.

Here's hoping that your man will be able to appreciate you and not make it hard for you to understand him. I hope that he is equipped with the communication skills required in order to share his thoughts and feelings effectively. One thing i noticed is that we still tend to communicate in "Filipino English" instead of the American English. I think there is difference with the two...you guys know what i mean...

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

Effective Communication is one of the keys to bridging the gap to cultural differences. If one can communicate well he can also lead well. Communication is a hallmark of a great leader. My fiancee is an American and from a country that is accepting of all cultures, for this i am grateful. I am from the Philippines and Filipinos are mostly reserved and shy but are flexible. I know that in time your husband will be able to open up his feelings totally and completely. Perhaps, it will just take some time. Open communication will really help. One thing that helped me is this thought: "I am somewhat afraid to tell you what i am thinking because I am afraid that you might condemn my thought, that you might think it foolish, and i would feel rejected. But because i want to be close to you and i want our relationship to grow, i am going to talk about it in spite of my fear."

Discussion of feelings - the highs and the lows - is one of the satisfying aspects of marriage. It will lead to emotional intimacy for both of you especially your man.

Here's hoping that your man will be able to appreciate you and not make it hard for you to understand him. I hope that he is equipped with the communication skills required in order to share his thoughts and feelings effectively. One thing i noticed is that we still tend to communicate in "Filipino English" instead of the American English. I think there is difference with the two...you guys know what i mean...

I know exactly what you mean

Between her "Filo-English" and my "Ita-English" its a miracle we understand each other....

But it is a lot of fun.....