Went to a wedding with no vows!

[Jenn! 918]

Is there like some social movement that says it is old fashioned to have vows that I haven't heard of?

Yes, I think that's just it. Many people are choosing alternative ceremonies.

We got married at the courthouse, and said all of our "for better or for worses".

[ace13 0]

I will tell you a bit more about this ceremony I went to. I think of it like a smorgasborg wedding. They are both agnostic, but they had the wedding under a crusifix in a chapel and then stomped a glass (jewish tradition) at the end. They read poems about how they are two seperate trees that are strong on their own and how important it is to be your own person but then light the unity candle. They said a Cherokee blessing, but are not Indian. They had wedding gowns and tuxes, but the ceremony was very informal and they laughed the whole time. It was like they wanted a little of everyone's culture, but were nothing themselves.

[ivona 0]

I will tell you a bit more about this ceremony I went to. I think of it like a smorgasborg wedding. They are both agnostic, but they had the wedding under a crusifix in a chapel and then stomped a glass (jewish tradition) at the end. They read poems about how they are two seperate trees that are strong on their own and how important it is to be your own person but then light the unity candle. They said a Cherokee blessing, but are not Indian. They had wedding gowns and tuxes, but the ceremony was very informal and they laughed the whole time. It was like they wanted a little of everyone's culture, but were nothing themselves.

perhaps it was strange to you, but it was THEIR wedding, THEIR day... and that is how THEY chose to celebrate it

I see nothing wrong with that...

Just be happy for them, after all you are taking the right to obviously create and design your own wedding day... why not allow your cousin and every other person in the world decide for themselves what they want their wedding to look like.....

I repeat again, there is a lot of cultural influence in deciding how your wedding day will look like...

thankfully, these days we also have the chance to make our weddings as individual as possible...

after all, the way we perceive our love and our relationships is very individual and unique. I find it only natural for the expression of that love to be equally individual and unique....

[ace13 0]

I will tell you a bit more about this ceremony I went to. I think of it like a smorgasborg wedding. They are both agnostic, but they had the wedding under a crusifix in a chapel and then stomped a glass (jewish tradition) at the end. They read poems about how they are two seperate trees that are strong on their own and how important it is to be your own person but then light the unity candle. They said a Cherokee blessing, but are not Indian. They had wedding gowns and tuxes, but the ceremony was very informal and they laughed the whole time. It was like they wanted a little of everyone's culture, but were nothing themselves.

perhaps it was strange to you, but it was THEIR wedding, THEIR day... and that is how THEY chose to celebrate it

I see nothing wrong with that...

Just be happy for them, after all you are taking the right to obviously create and design your own wedding day... why not allow your cousin and every other person in the world decide for themselves what they want their wedding to look like.....

I repeat again, there is a lot of cultural influence in deciding how your wedding day will look like...

thankfully, these days we also have the chance to make our weddings as individual as possible...

after all, the way we perceive our love and our relationships is very individual and unique. I find it only natural for the expression of that love to be equally individual and unique....

I think it's fine. Of corse they are adults and can do what they want and I told them how lovely everything was. I think it is only a reflection that they don't know who they are.

[ivona 0]

I think it's fine. Of corse they are adults and can do what they want and I told them how lovely everything was. I think it is only a reflection that they don't know who they are.

I wouldn`t be so quick to judge

[jelti 0]

I think it is only a reflection that they don't know who they are.

Or maybe who they are does not matter to them as much as who they will become.

[Fandango 1,440]

Or maybe they just wanted what they had

[Sister Fracas 5]

I think it is only a reflection that they don't know who they are.

And maybe each of those things mean something specifically special to them. Had they gone the traditional route, with the vows everyone can pretty much recite themselves, maybe it just wouldn't have been quite as special. And I think laughing during the ceremony is refreshing. I've seen it at Jewish weddings where things are much more casual. It seems like their personalities came right out in the ceremony. And as far as you not thinking some things should just be "understood", how does anyone know what they talked about in private and promised to each other. That's more important than shouting it out to the world.

It has greater meaning when someone has to say it out loud in front of God and the world to hear.

For YOU....not for everyone else. And I think it's rather rude to say that someone's promises have greater meaning when proclaimed in front of God. The promises my husband and I made to each other mean more to me than anything in this world....and they weren't said in any "house of God". That said though, isn't the argument about saying it in front of God kinda moot for a Christian when God is suppose to be everywhere?

[Fandango 1,440]

I'ver got to say it now....David's killing my bug comment? There's a story behind it.

He was meeting my parents for the first time. We were headed out for dinner. A HUUUUUUGE assed moth flew in the house...I was trying to get it. I was so used to either being on my own or being with an inept man in the past before David that I refused to step aside to let David catch the moth. And I am terrified of bugs.

I kept yelling at David to get my dad and he's like 'I'm not getting your dad, move aside!' but I wouldn't move aside, and I wound up freaking out and accidentally killing this poor thing & smooshing it all over a silk lampshade. I was actually so freaked out that I was almost crying. He was like 'why didn't you let me do it?' and then we realized that I had conditioned myself to have no faith in someone else, cos I had to do it myself.

So that saying means to us that I learned to actually trust him to always be there for me, that I am not alone in life & that I can always depend on him. Many times he'd say 'let me kill your moths, Lisa' to remind me that I didn't have to carry the world on my shoulders alone anymore. It's something amazingly special to us.

'Killing my moths' may mean FA to someone else *and I'm sure they'd snicker at it too* cos they dont know the meaning behind it, but it means the world to us...so perhaps don't be so quick to juge some unorthodox behavior with another couple. They do what means something to them...cos isn't that what a wedding is all about in the first place?

Edited May 24, 2006 by LisaD

[Sister Fracas 5]

cool, Lisa...

[sweetee 0]

I went to my cousin's wedding this weekend and there were no vows! They had a poem about how important love it and they said the ring was never ending, but at no time did they pledge their devotion to each other or say forever or I promise. Nothing. I thought it was a bit weird. Anyone been to a wedding like this?

I felt really bad for them--their unity candle went out when they went to light it.

well me and my hubby got married 2X. the first one was performed by a J.O.P. where we did say vows and all that stuff. the second one was formal with a minister where we said our own vows. nothing from paper, just from our hearts. actually our guests loved it, cos many were in tears; including myself and my daughters. i preferred that ceremony best b/c it was more intimate and it included the union of our families. we even did vows to the children, and lit the unity candle. people have gotten away from the "norm"(traditional) ceremony and have incorporated their own ideas into it. i don't think it really matters just as long as both persons involved are comfortable and satisfied with what they have chosen as far as their wedding ceremony goes and as long as it's all about them!!!

Sweetee