The in-laws

[iya 0]

I'm just wondering, how are you all getting along with the in-laws? There's this stereotypical in-law relationship where you just don't get along (we see it all on TV!).. is your relationship like that?

In my case, I thought we were all getting along fine.. until money matters came up.

Hubby and I are both in our mid-twenties, so when I got here, they were still a major part of the picture. We actually rented the basement from them and lived there for a year. Our phones were part of a family plan, but we paid them for part of the bill. We were an independent household, but we shared some things.

Now, we're in a different apartment, and we're breaking off from the plan because they (in-laws) were charging us way more than they charged strangers for rent (they rent out the upstairs too), and are making us pay for more than half the phone bill when they use 80-90% of the minutes. I won't mind paying for the fair share, but this is just too much. Lalo na, considering I grew up where you don't charge family rent and all that. I keep telling my husband we should just move back to manila where the house is in my name, and he won't have to work a day in his life, but syempre, it's no go..

Anyhow, because of the above-said situation, my relationship with my in-laws just took a nosedive. I know there's a culture difference, but there's also the fairness of it all. I might be being melodramatic, or overacting, but I guess that's the way I am. My husband understands my side of it though, so it hasn't affected our relationship at all. Maybe after some time has passed, we'll test the in-laws waters again..

What about your story? Are you faring better?

[Sheriff Uling 3]

On the flip-side, which is not what you are asking about, my Filipino in-laws are great, humble, and pleasant folks.

Cheers,

Sheriff Uling

[Gumbolette 58]

Hi Iya...

This kind of story is not unusual, most specially in US. Like us, Filipinos really value family so much, we are very tied with each other so when are living with our family, we dont need to worry about them, asking us for our share.

In my case, when my husband and I are just lovers,I really told myself that I need to be close with my mom-in-law since she is the only one I'm going to deal with. My husband is an only son and he just lives with his mom. Right after he introduced me to her for the first time,I was shaking to death how am I going to talk to her. etc. and that meeting started a very wonderful relationship with my mom in law. I haven't met her personally but I really extend effort to show to her that she is special to me. I sent her gifts which can only be found here in Phil.And we both said that we have same taste when it comes to choosing stuffs for the house and a lot more. After we got married, the more we do get a long well with each other. I call her most of the time through a free internet phone, when we talk it feels like we never run out of topics. I do believe that our relationship wouldn't change. Because if we dont get a long well with our in laws, it's going to be pain in the ###.

Iya, why dont you try humbling yourself and treat them exactly opposite of the way they are treating you.

Show to them that you care for them. If you know what your mom in law often do for fun, ask her nicely if you can join her. For your dad in law, give him gift if he is in collectibles.

It's so nice to be loved by in laws.

[~bLairwhich~ 0]

My mother-in-law and I talk on the phone like 1 hour straight. We have same interests and we really get along well.

She usually disapproves the past girlfriends and even the one that my husband got engaged into before. But he hee, I was approved right from the start.

[raquel_1208 1]

Original plan was to live with my in-laws, save and move to an apartment. I backed out 2 months before I moved to US knowing the waiting time it takes to get EAD and green card and I will be spending most of my time at home. I told my husband that I am not comfortable staying for a long time at his parents house even if we are going to pay a part of the household expenses. I might do silly or stupid things and they will end up not liking me at the end of day. That is the last thing that I wanted to happen because they will be the only closest family that I will have once I got here in the US. I would rather wait and stay in the Philippines for a while if we are not going to have our own place. He got us an apartment 15 minutes drive away from my in-laws and my relationship with them especially his mom is fantastic.

[filirican 3]

i don't really have any problems with my mother in law since i haven't met her in person.she lives in puerto rico and my husband wanted to call her and let her talk to me the problem is she really doesn't know how to talk english just spanish! hehehehehehehe! but i have a few spanish words so i may use it but she seemed to be nice we sent her pictures from the wedding..were planning to visit her one of these days..

goodluck!

[mrsartis 10]

hi iya,

sorry to hear about your inlaws sa tingin ko lang sila ang me kaso..

i would like to say im very happy with mine.. i live them until our wedding. My FIL which i was with the whole day becausde he al;ready retired, takes me to walk around the blovk with the dogs, and we chat almost about everything.. we do shopping every tuesday, cleaning the house every thurday ( i do the dusting) he do the vacuuming)

my MIL (mother in law) is like my mom, like now we are going down to the ocean ad skates together (she is 60 years old already) she loves pets like i do.. she paints and she paid for my wedding dress..

i hope nothing will change though..

[iya 0]

Nakakainggit naman! Things really were going well with the in-laws, until money matters entered the picture. I guess I was just really disappointed with the lack of support they gave, and the mapagsamantala aspect of the relationship. Even my husband's cousin was shocked at the way they were treating us.

Regarding the humbling myself part.. I actually did that, and I'm tired of it, to be honest. One of my biggest shortcomings, as some people see it, is that I have a great big giant ego It was difficult for me, but I did it. However, it seems to have backfired in that she thinks she can walk all over me now. I don't have any issues with the FIL. He's fine. Really, there's more to this than I can relay to y'all, but there're sensitive issues.. Let's just say I did what I could, but I'm fed up.

I'm just glad (and yes, inggit) that y'all have great in-laws!

I should've done what raquel did.. Akala ko kasi, transition would be easier when I have more family around me, even if they're in-laws.

[vichygurl 1]

I am proud to say that I am loved by her.... Haven't met my father in law coz he died a year ago but I bet he is a great person basing to what I heard from my husband. My mom-in-law is...great,fantastic,marvelous,wonderful,generous and i think if there are more greater adjectives i could use for her then thats it! She is awesome! I was with her last week for 2 weeks without my husband coz of some important matters and I came to know her very well. The best I could say so its just like I am home. And just yesterday,she gave me the check for the AOS:)

I think since both of us are mentors that makes the magic I can say!

Here's a picture of her with Remie! Lol

Vida Taylor

Edited August 31, 2008 by djazy66

[andrew&evelyn 6]

I'm just wondering, how are you all getting along with the in-laws? There's this stereotypical in-law relationship where you just don't get along (we see it all on TV!).. is your relationship like that?

In my case, I thought we were all getting along fine.. until money matters came up.

Hubby and I are both in our mid-twenties, so when I got here, they were still a major part of the picture. We actually rented the basement from them and lived there for a year. Our phones were part of a family plan, but we paid them for part of the bill. We were an independent household, but we shared some things.

Now, we're in a different apartment, and we're breaking off from the plan because they (in-laws) were charging us way more than they charged strangers for rent (they rent out the upstairs too), and are making us pay for more than half the phone bill when they use 80-90% of the minutes. I won't mind paying for the fair share, but this is just too much. Lalo na, considering I grew up where you don't charge family rent and all that. I keep telling my husband we should just move back to manila where the house is in my name, and he won't have to work a day in his life, but syempre, it's no go..

Anyhow, because of the above-said situation, my relationship with my in-laws just took a nosedive. I know there's a culture difference, but there's also the fairness of it all. I might be being melodramatic, or overacting, but I guess that's the way I am. My husband understands my side of it though, so it hasn't affected our relationship at all. Maybe after some time has passed, we'll test the in-laws waters again..

What about your story? Are you faring better?

Sorry about what happened to you and your in-laws. My hubby is the only child. My father in-law died like 11 years ago and my mother in-law live in Arizona while us live here in California. We visited mom like every 6 months or so if needed. I can't say anything against my mother in-law, she is amazing, loving, kind and very thoughtful. She always make sure we are financially ok. Everytime we go there to visit here she paid for the gas and she even give us extra money as our allowance, beside that she always make sure that her ref is full for us.

She even paid for our wedding ring. I'm so glad to have a mother in law like her.

Evelyn

[SeiChii 1]

Original plan was to live with my in-laws, save and move to an apartment. I backed out 2 months before I moved to US knowing the waiting time it takes to get EAD and green card and I will be spending most of my time at home. I told my husband that I am not comfortable staying for a long time at his parents house even if we are going to pay a part of the household expenses. I might do silly or stupid things and they will end up not liking me at the end of day. That is the last thing that I wanted to happen because they will be the only closest family that I will have once I got here in the US. I would rather wait and stay in the Philippines for a while if we are not going to have our own place. He got us an apartment 15 minutes drive away from my in-laws and my relationship with them especially his mom is fantastic.

I like your idea. thats the best thing u can do. my in laws are great. i been living with them fro 3 years now. i love with.

[jom 4]

Im sorry to hear about your situation but I believe in the saying that time heals all wounds. I am sure that eventually, you will reconcile with your inlaws. Just don't stop reaching out.

[mhaze 0]

although we are not yet married..but i am happy that while we are processing our visa i have already come to get to know my future mom. we would always find ways to chat whenever we were on..and i just love her..hope it will not change when i'l meet her in person.

[macutelit 0]

I LOVE MY IN LAW SPECIALLY MY BYENAN

I LOVE MY IN LAW SPECIALLY MY BYENAN

basta mahal ko in-laws ko kc sobrang bait sila at kapag may problema and inis ako sa asawa ko sa byenan ako nagsusumbong then kakausapin siya sila kakampi ko waaaaaaaa

[noel_jas 0]

I don't have problems with my future in laws also. In fact when his parents came here for a vacation (they are also Filipino) I stayed at their house even if my fiance is not around. For 3 years and 7 mos now I have a smooth relationship with them so far. The only thing I don't like about his mom is that she plays favorites sa mga anak nya and that is extended to the daughter in laws. Apparently my fiance is not her favorite but oh well....