Love advice, LIVE on VJ!

[SpiritAlight 1]

I totally hear both/all of you.

And expression like money is evil are the ones I am cutting out of my consciousness.

In other words, by repeating such things, we perpetuate them.

Know what I mean, jelly bean?

So change how you feel, by changing how you think and speak of things.

I tell you:

THERE IS POWER IN LANGUAGE

Please believe me....

Edited September 6, 2008 by SpiritAlight

[Mephys 2]

We have fights, but its usually about stuff like the kids or the house cleaning, etc....We never fight about money.

See we both have a good amounts of debts, about the same, and he has a much higher pay rate than mine....but after child support for the 3 boys I would say we roughly bring home the same income.

Both goes in our joint account. Whatever we have is ours, and if I need stuff i go to the store for myself, same for him, no questions asked, we have a share fair, and of course whatever expense we have comes after all the monthly bills are paid, and credit cards we pay at least 2 times the minimum payment. And we have a little savings account aside, without have giganormous amounts of money in it, but with a little safety cushion in it.

So we don't try to put ALL of our money towards our debts because we don't want to work our arses off just for that, we like to enjoy our everyday life. If we feel like going out for dinner we do, with moderation, but we never say no because "omg maybe we should put that 40$ in the savings instead" ya know what I'm saying. Live healthy, don't go crazy over debts because then we will both be insane.But everything is getting there little by little, enough to see a difference.

The funny thing is we both like the same kinda stuff, and we are both kids when it comes to that So if we are both looking into something we will spend sometimes for something we really don't need, but we're so happy about it that , oh well, let's do it anyways, ain't gonna hurt anything!

I guess I am very lucky, we never fight over money, and actually the worst we have is him saying he wants something expensive after we jsut got something else, and rather than say no I usually say later Cause I can't say no to my baby! lol

Edited September 6, 2008 by Mephys

[KarenCee 3]

I totally hear both/all of you.

And expression like money is evil are the ones I am cutting out of my consciousness.

In other words, by repeating such things, we perpetuate them.

Know what I mean, jelly bean?

So change how you feel, by changing how you think and speak of things.

I tell you:

THERE IS POWER IN LANGUAGE

Please believe me....

*sigh*

Money...gawd how I hate that word sometimes.

As for my sweetness....he's never had to live paycheck to paycheck. Never had to struggle...it's always been just himself.

Me...I've always struggled. I had a good friend once tell me that I could make a penny squeal. Not because I wanted to....because I *had* to. Being a single mom of a child with special needs and an ex that had to be forced to pay child support...I'm used to simple living. I've not known any other way of life.

Now that my sweetness and I are together, he's living the life that I've lived...and I'm not sure he likes it. I never said I liked it either, never said I always wanted to live this way, but it is what it is for the moment. It ain't easy I tell ya. I also realise we have a lot more than a lot of people.

I believe in the power of language...words can be most powerful indeed. I'm finding this out. The subject of money is a constant part of our language...it's just one of those things we can't change though. It *has* to be talked about and considered almost daily. It's not always pleasant either. However, it IS one of those things that MUST be considered...the mortgage company neither cares nor wants to know anything other than making sure your payment clears the bank.

Oh boy, am I rambling on or what!

[antda 13]

Hi SpiritAlight,

I like that..."The VJ School for Love"... . Someone around here should keep track and/or take notes of all these "lessons" at "school"...

Lol about the certificates...As well maybe we can give too for everyone who "attends" the school by reading and posting in this thread...

***Gives out to all VJers in this thread...***

And yes, it's good to find true joy in the little things in life.

Ant (Still learning, still giving out ...)

As for your long list of what you learnt at this VJ School for Love, nicely done Ant...especially your sign off and emoticon with the light bulb!

Maybe we could invent awards or certificates for those of us that transcend the day-to-day slog and find true joy in the little things.

Yessss!

Edited September 7, 2008 by AntandD

[SpiritAlight 1]

(L) (L) (L) (L) (L) (L)

[SpiritAlight 1]

Okay.

So I am failing my own school for love.

Ha!

I do expend a lot of energy talking with a few friends, reading books, researching the universe for ideas and answers.

Yes, I know....the answer for one might not be the answer for another.

We all have different needs.

I have asked for signs.

Come on universe!!!

So my sweetie realized that my invitation to him to fully engage means now.

This was (also) my very first invitation to him when he came to meet me in Vancouver almost two years ago....it still stands.

The laxness and the mediocrity living of his way of being has been putting my fire out.

Ha!

Does that make any sense?

I am never certain that words will not fail me.

They do...often.

So what happened?

Here it is:

he made a list attempting to answer what he thinks he has been asked.

It may be a start.

We have a long way to go.

And what do I want?

I know what I do not want.

I don't want a life that looks good on paper.

I could not give a flying F about that....things most people need and seek, I do not.

What I want is deep, true, intimate connection.

Is that too much to ask?

Perhaps, I will go on (move forward) and just be me and let him (and the world) catch up.

After all, here I have been, doing things in a way I thought I should, and hence the problem.

Each time I get a tiny bit of momentum, I get stopped.

Like this tooth emergency for example.

I guess I am not supposed to be in full action mode at the moment.

Okay, I'm listening...what is it I'm supposed to be (not) doing??

Universe?

Are you there?

Hello??

One must keep a sense of humour about things..

[CDAgirlMI 51]

I do not expect my husband to hold deep conversations with me. Most men hide their feelings or don't express them very well. I let him express them in his own way, and never beg for more emotion than I get.

Do a lot of you find this to be true? Do women think men don't express themselves enough & take the "he's a guy" approach? Is this an excuse > "He's a guy"?? Is it in a woman's nature to be more expressive of her feelings as opposed to a man's? Or do guy's get away with it because we've labelled the "its a guy thing" for them?

I like to hear how he feels down inside. Sometimes I want to hear more. But I'm happy on the most part

[SpiritAlight 1]

I do not expect my husband to hold deep conversations with me. Most men hide their feelings or don't express them very well. I let him express them in his own way, and never beg for more emotion than I get.

Do a lot of you find this to be true? Do women think men don't express themselves enough & take the "he's a guy" approach? Is this an excuse > "He's a guy"?? Is it in a woman's nature to be more expressive of her feelings as opposed to a man's? Or do guy's get away with it because we've labelled the "its a guy thing" for them?

I like to hear how he feels down inside. Sometimes I want to hear more. But I'm happy on the most part

Yes, many people (both sexes) say this a lot.

Too often.

They have not had the experience of finding and spending time with conscious males.

They exist!

Truly!!

My best friend is a guy.

He is my confidante in a way I am not with even the closest of my women friends.

Unfortunately he is in Vancouver, too far away for close comfort.

Other friends I have made and introduced them to each other because they just fit...are all males that like to talk and can look at each other while doing so.

The even hug!

Now before you all go off with, "Oh those sensitive tree hugging yoga guys", oh I can hear you...hee hee...they are actually not.

They are trades men (builders, carpenters, mechanics, electricians, painters), writers, exercise coaches, life coaches, animators and film guys.

All sorts, all shapes, all ages, all sizes.

Please do not pre-judge.

Real men, with real heart-felt connections to all.

They exist and are there if you pay attention.'No, not the norm, but then again sensitive, spiritual people are not the norm.

What say you??

[Krikit 1,164]

There is a SUPER nice guy on VJ who seems to be like that. Unfortunately, his visa journey did not work out. So..... Cattatude..... I've given him your Mom's number.

[MrsCat 6]

There is a SUPER nice guy on VJ who seems to be like that. Unfortunately, his visa journey did not work out. So..... Cattatude..... I've given him your Mom's number.

- Sylvie and Catt thank you Krikit!

[brown_eyes 0]

Yay this thread has been revived!

Spirit -- you speak the truth. "Conscious" men do exist. I have known some in my day... heh, maybe they all live in Vancouver?

And can you tell me more about 'power in language?' What exactly do you mean?

[thetreble 19]

Yes, many people (both sexes) say this a lot.

Too often.

They have not had the experience of finding and spending time with conscious males.

They exist!

Truly!!

I think this is unfair to say that it is down to experience. How many men do we all TRULY know that express themselves in the same ways women do? We are scientifically different creatures. My husband is a GREAT man who listens to me and is extremely conscious. But he does not write me poetry, or sit with me for hours talking about our love. I wouldn't even want to do that!

The first man in my life was my father. I learned a great deal about men from him. I have two brothers who are also good men. They are both sensitive, but do not express themselves in the same way their girlfriends do.

I think it is truly impossible, genetically, to impose that both men and women will/can express themselves in the same way. I know a couple of guys who can, and they happen to be gay. I love them with all my heart. I'm just an honest believer in genetics playing a role here.

[trailmix 77]

[SpiritAlight 1]

I love the reality of this l'il comic Trailmix!

Thanks.

It happens all too often with people in all kinds of relationships (friends, lovers, with a parent, a sibling, etc.)

[SpiritAlight 1]

Yes, many people (both sexes) say this a lot.

Too often.

They have not had the experience of finding and spending time with conscious males.

They exist!

Truly!!

I think this is unfair to say that it is down to experience. How many men do we all TRULY know that express themselves in the same ways women do? We are scientifically different creatures. My husband is a GREAT man who listens to me and is extremely conscious. But he does not write me poetry, or sit with me for hours talking about our love. I wouldn't even want to do that!

The first man in my life was my father. I learned a great deal about men from him. I have two brothers who are also good men. They are both sensitive, but do not express themselves in the same way their girlfriends do.

I think it is truly impossible, genetically, to impose that both men and women will/can express themselves in the same way. I know a couple of guys who can, and they happen to be gay. I love them with all my heart. I'm just an honest believer in genetics playing a role here.

You are absolutely right about genetic and societal differences TheTreble.

I study this kind of stuff almost daily!

(I am fascinated by people and do my ongoing sociological research out in the world, AND I read and I read and I find cool stuff to watch about the brain (both sexes) and all that shtuff.

Not all sensitive men are gay.

I know men that can sit and talk of life, love the universe and everything for days straight...let alone hours.

Some gay men are not sensitive.

Having lived in and around them, I know.

So much stereotyping...and I am so sorry about this part of the message.

It's would be like saying all lesbian women are men bashes and THAT is so false too.

I know this to be a fact as well...there are lesbians that love men.

More stereotyping....

Ahem...hee, hee.

My point, yes, our brains and make-up are different.

Yes, most men are most attached to the outcome of some sports team they admire.

Yes, women can analyze way better...and we stick with it.

Generalizations.

Specifics are always different.

Yes Vancouver seems to have been filled with sensitive poetry-type men, musical men, artistic men...or maybe that was the antenna I had (and still have) up and so those are the kinds of people I would find and certainly spend hours talking with.

Yup, Brown Eyes, maybe they are all in Van! Hahaha.

Nah...they are here and there and every where.

Many men.

That term cracks me up and i love to use it.

Manly men have melted my socks off!

And still...

And that manly man is not my friend.

He is a lover (type) and that is all...in my experience.

A friend would be one that could be still in the emotional experience with me and feel it together.

And more...

Obviously.

It is okay not to have a male friend like this.

One only needs a few close friends anyway and women are GREAT!

I have been blessed with much love from all sources and on all levels.

I like life this way.

I need it.

Full.

Connection.

Contact...with words which entice emotion.

Mmmmmm....

And so I do not mean to sound argumentative and you put that on your list for me to change (bahahaha), I hope that I can put out there that not all men are the same...as we women are definitely not all the same.

There are varying degrees of femininity and masculinity.

I would say that when I was deep into my practise of martial arts, I was quite yang...very male energy.

Since I want to be more goddess less assertive warrior, I am choosing to be open and vulnerable and loving no matter what. (I like being the warrior too though....a peaceful warrior, like the dude in the book.)

:star:

Edited September 15, 2008 by SpiritAlight