A quick update

[Ta Ta 1]

I do not perceive formed friendships as cliques but as a God send support system.

If someone does not post often and focuses their attention and rightly so on their new life with their SO , then they should not assume that

they are no longer wanted for their opinion, support and encouragement in any thread on this board.

Speaking of cliques is divisive and has a high school ring to it.

I believe everyone is welcome to interact with any thread and I hope their self esteem and confidence would be healthy enough to

recognize groups of friends as a blessing and not as something negative to complain about.

So what if some people here " click " and some don't...........such is life, we come in very diverse personalities and are in different stages of relationships and visa process.

Not everyone can be in sync with all people and there is nothing unusual about that either.

Just as IRL you form close friendships here and to gain friends all one has to do is show themselves friendly instead of feeling left out and blaming

certain groups of closer interaction with each other.

We are adults here and should have outgrown the " they don't want me to play " attitude and jump in with confidence and a good spirit.

If people want to share their personal trouble as an outlet because no one in their family understands them, why not ? If someone would not

even think of it then that is fine too. Different strokes for different folks. It is a personal choice and not a matter of right or wrong.

Some people only come out for drama threads and there they purge their judgment on the wounded soul.

They have an inbuilt radar to fly by, let the droppings fall where they may and disappear until the next thread. They don't offer advice or support at any other time and thrive only on drama. Then they complain about cliques.

I enjoy updates of reunited couples and rejoice with their progress and learn from situation in how they have overcome difficulties adjusting.

I love to see everyones pics and have cried over some of them because they looked so immensely happy and it is a goal I work towards, to be reunited with my own man. It says to me there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am honored to witness attaining their goal to be together and the

work and thought that has gone into their weddings, big or small. I also respect the privacy of those who do not wish to share photos or adjustment issues.

This is what VJ is all about

[ose_n_me 0]

I don't post much around here anymore because I don't have much time on my hands. BUT this particular post is upsetting to me and I feel the need to respond.

You speak of a fear to post because of "perceived cliques", I would definitely say that there are those who are "lurking" simply to pounce on someones misfortune and spread their own nasty message of doom. My advice to people is that you need to ignore that kind of #######. You simply need to use the ignore function and block users when you need to protect yourself. Lord knows I have had to do that to keep my sanity on this board.

You speak of a fear that USCIS checks these types of boards for information...do you really know that they don't? UMM I don't think so...not unless you work for USCIS in a particular department so if some people have the better safe than sorry attitude then hey that is ok.

It is your choice not to post your pics. But to say that noone else is interested simply is not true, plenty of people are interested. I for one have been rooting for the 2 of you all along, I just don't post much. Yes when peoples SO arrive they don't post much on VJ because they have a different focus. Yes friends are made on this site and from what you said such friendships are "perceived cliques"

Anyone should be able to post here with out the fear of ridicule, But unfortunately it does happen, there are those who take pleasure in other people pain. There are those who use others misfortune as a soap box for their own misguided misinterpreted messages. I am not attacking you so please do not think that. I have followed your story weather you have realized or not.

You spoke about "perceived cliques" but your comment about your "invitation only" forum really rubbed me the wrong way. If one of us was not in your "clique" then we are not invited.

Thankfully there has not been much drama around here lately because people have realize when not to "bite the baited hook" I hope that it stays that way so people who seek the much needed information about what pertains to their journey can continue.

Again I am NOT attacking you in any way but responding to your post with my own post and my own opinions.

Thanks for your views...I don't feel attacked at all. And thank you for caring about my journey. It means alot to know people care.

But I would like to clarify a few things. The Pms I received were from new members who only briefly stated to me their reasons for not posting to this thread. (in addition to asking me some questions about my process, and sharing some of their life etc.) I was only passing it on becuz it bothered me too. I have no idea of their personal journey or circumstances..only what they wrote me. As far as the clique thing...it was just mentioned she felt "too new to share with people who have been here for a long time and have built cliques already." Those were her exact words. (she said she had read thru some archives) I didnt take it to mean anything bad or negative. I think it was just her perception as a newbie and not having made any connections with people yet. (I am assuming)

Sorry if my mention of another forum was taken wrong...The only "clique" I am in is with those who have similar values, interests, experiences and lifestyles as mine. People I feel I have things in common with. Its called friends! I was just sharing for anyone who was interested.The reason the forum is not public, is solely to keep it a place where people feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. And not a place where just anyone can join to stir things up. There are thousands of forums that are private...it's not meant in any disrespectful way. Its just a place to make new friends and give and receive positive support from those in the same situation. (those whose initial VJ is over, and they are on to the next phase)

I guess I sorta de-railed my own thread... That's what I get I guess...

BTW...I agree that any public forum, or even internet site/blog etc...could be fair game to immigration or any govt agency. We could all have bugs and hackers on us at this very moment!!!! But I also believe that if you are living a righteous life with nothing to hide or be ashamed of...With faith, God will protect.

Take Care and Stay Blessed

[ebonyqueen 0]

Something else to add to the mix is that many of us have limited time on the internet due to work schedules, family life and other responsibilities. Not all of us can chat while at work or on a lunch break, or have the luxury of working from home. We cannot reply to everyone's thread all the time. It's sometimes a matter of timing. And I personally choose to respond with pm's more so than in the public thread. So just because it may appear someone is only posting periodically...no one really knows what bonds or friendships are developing privately, or how much they may or may not know about others personal VJ!

We all know there are some members we will never befriend. Thats our choice. But the newbies have to figure that out for themselves...and they will with time. Just like the rest of us did. In my case I spent alot of time on this site before I actually joined and started posting. I know people here who will probably never post. They are only here to read and gather the info they need, not to make friends or get into heated arguements. We all have our own agendas, and reasons behind them. Just like with life.

So to all the newbies...GET OVER IT! We all been there. Do whatever you want, and stand by it. If u prefer pms then go for it. Cuz no matter what you do, someone on here will not agree wit it! Do what suits urself and dont worry what others will think. Dont be afraid to come out with it! Most of us are good peeps! Just some are more vocal and opinionated than others and some have hidden agendas that border on dislike or ignorance for a race, class, culture, or lifestyle. Its the haterade crew! Ever present to jump out the first chance the get to make themselves look stupid! But bless their little hearts...they got the guts to keep it real (at least in there own minds...lol)

Just be yourself yall...and be proud.

Peace, Love and Happiness

[ose_n_me 0]

They say the first year is the hardest but I have to say that it lasts more than a year!!

My husband has been here for 18 months and it has not all been sunshine and roses. My best suggestion is to keep the communication O-P-E-N!!!!

Some days I did not know if we were going to make it...but we are still here and happy, and I thank my good friends on VJ that helped me through the rough spots.

I have been though the darkness and seen the light of progress!!! We have worked very hard on our relationship to make it strong.

I am proud of how far we have come...LORD knows I have had my share of trials and tribulations.

My best wishes and happy times for you both.

P

Thanks again for sharing, and showing you care. I can relate to communication stuff...Its huge! Its a true test of love and devotion. But the good and wonderful part is consistantly outweighing the other small stuff...so I feel we are moving along better than we could have imagined. Sometimes all we can do is laugh. Thank God we have the mind to see the humor in many of our misunderstanding. And are learning from each and every one. Continued luck and happiness to you and your hubby.

God Bless

[Perseverance 1]

I also wanted to say while there are those of us who have been on this board for years...we were all new at one time too.

I remember my first few threads on VJ I got pummeled and I thought to myself what am I doing here. Shoot I have been drug through the mud in the last year or so for making the mistake of posting about a personal problem. There are those on VJ who take pleasure in others misery and viciously attack people.

But I was persistent to find information and eventually made friends with people. Some of the best friends in my life I made here on VJ. I am glad I did not let the few bad (heck crazy ) apples drive me away.

There are people on the internet who behave badly who probably would not do so in a face to face scenario but the feel they have this "curtain" to hide behind. SO in the words of the Wiz....don't listen to that man behind the curtain!!

P

[lovin_my_boo 0]

Am glad to read about how much happiness and good fortune you have in life. Times during this period can bring much anxiety to someone who is coming to a new country. Sounds like all is going well for you and your husband. Best of luck for a long and happy life.

I am new member, and can understand about not wanting to say about personal life on a public place. I have noticed that some here are spiteful and suspicious about others new joining. and they have bad attitude towards others. but my position has always been to trust a person unles they give you cause not to. from my point of view in being new here and lhave read back on threads, i can agree with the new members who said there are groups of people who have been here for long time and they very active to threads in many forums here. some even speak as if they are the know all. but dont let them stop you from contributing or responding to issues that you feel important. it may enlighten some people if others speak up sometime. we all have something to say. as long as it is respectful and not hurtful in content.having been on this site for longer time does not make anyones words better than anothers. except if they have personal knowing of something they have experienced already and can speak about it.

notwithstanding, anything else is just an opinion and we all have them.

i looking forward to offering my personal insight, but will most likely not say about my personal life. we (nigerians) tend to be private in that manner but i am happily married to my wife for many years.

[LovinLiberia 0]

lovin_my_boo, which visa process are you going through?

[Ta Ta 1]

Am glad to read about how much happiness and good fortune you have in life. Times during this period can bring much anxiety to someone who is coming to a new country. Sounds like all is going well for you and your husband. Best of luck for a long and happy life.

I am new member, and can understand about not wanting to say about personal life on a public place. I have noticed that some here are spiteful and suspicious about others new joining. and they have bad attitude towards others. but my position has always been to trust a person unles they give you cause not to. from my point of view in being new here and lhave read back on threads, i can agree with the new members who said there are groups of people who have been here for long time and they very active to threads in many forums here. some even speak as if they are the know all. but dont let them stop you from contributing or responding to issues that you feel important. it may enlighten some people if others speak up sometime. we all have something to say. as long as it is respectful and not hurtful in content.having been on this site for longer time does not make anyones words better than anothers. except if they have personal knowing of something they have experienced already and can speak about it.

notwithstanding, anything else is just an opinion and we all have them.

i looking forward to offering my personal insight, but will most likely not say about my personal life. we (nigerians) tend to be private in that manner but i am happily married to my wife for many years.

I assume you are speaking of me when you say some are suspicious of bew members. This is the ONLY time I ever have been suspicious of a newbie and I gave you my reasons. I see you keep bringing it up everywhere you post and not letting it go.

And that just ADDS to the same suspicion.

I suggest you drop the issue for the good of the forum , get over it create a time line to show where you are in the process.

[Ta Ta 1]

My apologies Ose for being part of continuing this mess in your thread. This is a happy update and should remain that way. I am being baited and should know better.

Again, I am very sorry.

[Perseverance 1]

Am glad to read about how much happiness and good fortune you have in life. Times during this period can bring much anxiety to someone who is coming to a new country. Sounds like all is going well for you and your husband. Best of luck for a long and happy life.

I am new member, and can understand about not wanting to say about personal life on a public place. I have noticed that some here are spiteful and suspicious about others new joining. and they have bad attitude towards others. but my position has always been to trust a person unles they give you cause not to. from my point of view in being new here and lhave read back on threads, i can agree with the new members who said there are groups of people who have been here for long time and they very active to threads in many forums here. some even speak as if they are the know all. but dont let them stop you from contributing or responding to issues that you feel important. it may enlighten some people if others speak up sometime. we all have something to say. as long as it is respectful and not hurtful in content.having been on this site for longer time does not make anyones words better than anothers. except if they have personal knowing of something they have experienced already and can speak about it.

notwithstanding, anything else is just an opinion and we all have them.

i looking forward to offering my personal insight, but will most likely not say about my personal life. we (nigerians) tend to be private in that manner but i am happily married to my wife for many years.

Please take your conflict to a PM level and not spread it all over the forum.

Thanks

P

Edited September 7, 2008 by Perseverance

[lovin_my_boo 0]

i responded to this thread with relevance. I was speaking the person who started the thread and was adding my blessings. i was also giving my opinion on the isses she raised about the newbies not replying, since i myself could relate. idid not mention names because it seems common in all the forums. i was just making my observations, agreeing with the people who also said they felt this. why you must continue to stalk when i post, and assume its all about you is a problem you should be dealing with personally. i have every right to post in any thread i care to, and participate in the conversations in those threads. if you are so savy in analytical thinking,maybe you would think to just "ignore" threads like you are so fond of telling others to do. if you had just ignored the "idocare" thread, instaed of attacking me this whole thing would have not taken place. i have no issue here, i just wish to speak feely without being attacked. i will speak in any thread that i feel i can contribute to, and i will never disrespect nor deny anothers opinion. i suggest if you dont enjoy my writings then you can just ignore.

I have no conflict with anyone theres no need to send private message to anyone. you people are taking this so much too far. people need to just relax and act responsibly. no hard feeling here. and stop trying to tell other people what to do. just take care of your own business

my visa journey involves other family members. I will never give any details on this site, thats my choice

[Ta Ta 1]

i responded to this thread with relevance. I was speaking the person who started the thread and was adding my blessings. i was also giving my opinion on the isses she raised about the newbies not replying, since i myself could relate. idid not mention names because it seems common in all the forums. i was just making my observations, agreeing with the people who also said they felt this. why you must continue to stalk when i post, and assume its all about you is a problem you should be dealing with personally. i have every right to post in any thread i care to, and participate in the conversations in those threads. if you are so savy in analytical thinking,maybe you would think to just "ignore" threads like you are so fond of telling others to do. if you had just ignored the "idocare" thread, instaed of attacking me this whole thing would have not taken place. i have no issue here, i just wish to speak feely without being attacked. i will speak in any thread that i feel i can contribute to, and i will never disrespect nor deny anothers opinion. i suggest if you dont enjoy my writings then you can just ignore.

I have no conflict with anyone theres no need to send private message to anyone. you people are taking this so much too far. people need to just relax and act responsibly. no hard feeling here. and stop trying to tell other people what to do. just take care of your own business

my visa journey involves other family members. I will never give any details on this site, thats my choice

And a wonderful morning to you too I Do.

[Tamikuti7 0]

Congratulations! I hope your marriage stays happy and healthy.

[kk_mine 0]

Wow! Im SOOOOOO Happy for You! I just give a sigh as I want to get to that point!! It is very hard starting out and at times you can't see the end like where you guys are at. But I know in time, we will have our day soon enough.

I know you guys are so excited and I wish you both the best! The word together is so beautiful!

and not starting it up but i will agree with u lovin my boo...