So I think I've screwed up...

[ocelittle 0]

So I live in Las Vegas, and my fiance lives in Calgary. We have only been dating for about a year now, but I proposed to her almost two months ago.

Our plan was to get married in Calgary, and then have her move back to Vegas with me afterwards. We were both naive when thinking that was the entire process. After much prodding by my father, we finally called the US Consulate in Calgary and after paying a ridiculous per-minute charge of almost 2 dollars, we gleaned the information that if we get married in Canada, she won't be able to go to the USA for 6-12 months (obviously the time to apply and all that), and if she comes here to get married, she would be sent home to wait for the application times.

Now, that sounded a little sketchy, so I googled some information and found myself here. I was excited that I found an ACTIVE board online with up to date posts and regular visitors. I read a little bit more, about the K-1 Visa, but the whole thing is still confusing me.

We are getting married in 2 weeks (September 12th) and have basically planned everything already. Everything is paid for, everything is in order, except what happens afterward.

So I'm really thinking that we screwed up. For one, a shotgun wedding wasn't ideal, planning everything in 2 months, but we have been long distance for the entire time we've been together and we wanted to finally just be together.

I feel like I'm faced with three options.

1. Get married, apply, and wait patiently.

2. Move back to Canada (where I'm from), leaving a great job and a great place to live, and starting over (for the fourth time in the last 3 years)

3. Cancel the wedding.

Obviously, 3 isn't an option, but I included in anyway.

What should I do? Are those my only options? My fiance keeps calling me crying, and doesn't know what to do, thinks it's the end of the world. I don't know what to tell her anymore. How can this end well?

[Aubrey 10]

Well, I hate to say it that your options sound pretty on the money. Many of us here on VJ are suffering with the USCIS's slow processing of visas and separation from loved ones. Calls and visits help, and really there isn't much more that can be done to expedite a case except in unusual/extreme circumstances (military deployment, for ex). Since you already paid for the wedding, I'd personally recommend you go ahead and go through with it. Then you apply for a K3 visa and make the best of the waiting game with visits.

Best wishes and congratulations on your wedding. Hang in there!

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Option 1 -I think- is the best option. Good luck in your process.

[Otto 83]

I think you'll find that most (if not all) here on VJ will have a sympathetic ear for your situation - we're all in the same/similar boat (or have been).

Something we learned from this process is, time does pass - never fast enough of course - but it does pass. Personally we used this time to get things ready - preparing our homes/belongings, gathering needed documents, etc. With some visits in between - things worked out OK and we survived to look back and giggle about it.

Life/Love is a Journey after all...

[KimandRuss 0]

You seem to have a good grasp on the reality of the situation ...and your options. Only you can decide whats best for you.

If everything is all paid for and you can't postpone the wedding then it seems you really only have one choice.

We lived together for a couple of years and also assumed it was ok for us to simply be together but he was denied entry last year and we've been separated since. It has been difficult but we got through it...we're almost there. You'll find a lot of folks here in similar situations.

Whatever you choose...good luck to you both.

[ocelittle 0]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

How long are the visits that you're able to have? I've been building for this all year so I don't really need more time for belongings and whatnot. It would really be a slow, long wait, considering we've been waiting for this for the last 8 months.

This is a very bad day. I'm actually debating whether or not I should move back to Canada. This job isn't worth the stress that more long distance will put on us.

[Aubrey 10]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

How long are the visits that you're able to have? I've been building for this all year so I don't really need more time for belongings and whatnot. It would really be a slow, long wait, considering we've been waiting for this for the last 8 months.

This is a very bad day. I'm actually debating whether or not I should move back to Canada. This job isn't worth the stress that more long distance will put on us.

The VWP allows for up to 90 day visits. You'll need a significant break between visits of any length to avoid raising suspicions, and your SO will need lots of proof of ties to her home country for the best chance of being granted the I-94 instead of being denied entry. She has to be living more in her home country than here in the US.

I don't know your status, but I'm assuming your have dual citizenship? From what I understand, you have to be an American citizen to sponsor a K visa. Also, if you want to return to the US at some later time, you could go back to Canada and sponsor your spouse via DCF after establishing residency there for 6 months.

[ocelittle 0]

What does significant mean? If she were to visit for 90 days, would she have to return for 90+?

I'm an American Citizen born abroad. I have dual citizenship in Canada, though.

Thanks again for the reply.

[steve&mary 1]

Hello Ocelittle,

I bet a lot of us can relate to your situation. We had to endure long separations and not being able to even start the visa journey because I had previously had a J1 visa (which required a two-year home country residency).

Anyways, we decided that the US governement wasnt going to decide this for us and we decided to get married anyways, even if I was still under the 2-year requirement. I was fortunate enough to have a US visitor's visa, so I was able to visit my husband in the states (my longest visit was 5 months), and he visited me as often as he could (usually up to 10 days, every other month or so). Obviously this was a blow to our finances, but it was a top priority for us. I even visited him in the states while our K3 process was ongoing.

Good luck to you. I know this is a tough situation and a hard decision.

[Corinthians 7]

What does significant mean? If she were to visit for 90 days, would she have to return for 90+?

I'm an American Citizen born abroad. I have dual citizenship in Canada, though.

Thanks again for the reply.

By significant breaks I'd guess something that makes it look like she still has a life in Canada. It can't be a run across the border to BC and come back the next day kinda thing.

You gotta figure that she could come here and stay 'til almost Christmas, go home for a month or whatever to pack things or get papers together and then come back for another 90 days and once that was over, you'd probably be approved or close to it. Plus, you've gotta have some time off where you could go to Canada on vacation. If you have a good job and some stability in your life don't let US CIS pull the rug out from under you. You really won't be away from eachother as much as you think.

The bigger question is how is a Canadian gonna survive the Las Vegas heat?

[KimandRuss 0]

I'm pretty sure Canadian residents can stay in the US up to 6 months.

That being said, it still at the discretion of the POE officer to allow entry. One would think they would be sympathetic to your situation but we all know that's not always the case.

If the job is not that important you .... then I guess you have your answer.

[hopeful1 0]

So I live in Las Vegas, and my fiance lives in Calgary. We have only been dating for about a year now, but I proposed to her almost two months ago.

Our plan was to get married in Calgary, and then have her move back to Vegas with me afterwards. We were both naive when thinking that was the entire process. After much prodding by my father, we finally called the US Consulate in Calgary and after paying a ridiculous per-minute charge of almost 2 dollars, we gleaned the information that if we get married in Canada, she won't be able to go to the USA for 6-12 months (obviously the time to apply and all that), and if she comes here to get married, she would be sent home to wait for the application times.

Now, that sounded a little sketchy, so I googled some information and found myself here. I was excited that I found an ACTIVE board online with up to date posts and regular visitors. I read a little bit more, about the K-1 Visa, but the whole thing is still confusing me.

We are getting married in 2 weeks (September 12th) and have basically planned everything already. Everything is paid for, everything is in order, except what happens afterward.

So I'm really thinking that we screwed up. For one, a shotgun wedding wasn't ideal, planning everything in 2 months, but we have been long distance for the entire time we've been together and we wanted to finally just be together.

I feel like I'm faced with three options.

1. Get married, apply, and wait patiently.

2. Move back to Canada (where I'm from), leaving a great job and a great place to live, and starting over (for the fourth time in the last 3 years)

3. Cancel the wedding.

Obviously, 3 isn't an option, but I included in anyway.

What should I do? Are those my only options? My fiance keeps calling me crying, and doesn't know what to do, thinks it's the end of the world. I don't know what to tell her anymore. How can this end well?

I visited my then fiancée in Montreal for two years and then she had to move back to France. We married in the USA in 2006, and I didn't get her here until June 2008! The waiting after filing was 13 months for K-3 visa and I don't know of any quick way to make these things happen. There's no substitute for doing it the right way, so file, visit each other, and BE PATIENT

[ocelittle 0]

I have somehow managed this summer, it's been a grueling experience

Okay, so hypothetically, we get married today. How soon can she come with me to the States? We would have to apply right after we got married, so when can she come to the States with me?

I really appreciate the support here. I'm sitting at work devastated by my lack of knowledge on everything, having treated it with such a passive attitude. My parents keep telling me it's okay, we'll call a lawyer and it will all be straightened up, but they have no clue what they're talking about.

If it was just she could live here and not work, that would be fine, I could support her, but I don't think that's the case.

[KimandRuss 0]

A lawyer can not straighten things up for you any quicker. Most here would advise you to save your money.

No, she can't live here even if you support her.

If you want to keep the job then get all the paperwork ready, have a wonderful wedding , then file for your spousal visa as soon as you can. The immigration timelines link above will tell you approximately how long each takes and the GUIDES (look under guides if you are married) will tell you exactly what you need to file. The flow chart will break the process down for you. There are even example forms you can check your own by to make sure you get it right.

I know this is a bad day... many of us have been right where you are now. My heart goes out to you both.

some perspective.... you're still marrying the woman you love.

[ocelittle 0]

Sorry, does anyone know how soon she can visit? She already has a flight booked back with me a few days after the wedding.

Corinthians said:

"You gotta figure that she could come here and stay 'til almost Christmas, go home for a month or whatever to pack things or get papers together and then come back for another 90 days and once that was over,"

Could she really leave with my right after the wedding? The way he put it wasn't that bad at all.