How do you enjoy your hubby while you're stressing about everything else you're doing?

[Leyla 0]

I guess the title says it all. I know I should be happy right now. Inside my heart I am happy but I am stressing about everything else (uncontrollably). I feel like I need to have all the answers because my husband doesn't know anything about this country. *SIGH*

I just wish I didn't have to think about anything except my beautiful husband.

[Tunisia216 2]

Everything comes in time.. And you can't do it all at the same time.. You have to take baby steps, one thing at a time, and stop to smell the roses along the way (or in this case enjoy your husband being with you ) And you have to be sure you don't let other people put pressure on you to do certain things.. This is your life and Tarik's life and you both know what's best for you!! No one else!!! Just breathe!

Edited August 27, 2008 by Ash * Habibati

[*JG* 2]

I agree. Break it all down to the little things and it won't seem so overwhelming.

[Leyla 0]

Everything comes in time.. And you can't do it all at the same time.. You have to take baby steps, one thing at a time, and stop to smell the roses along the way (or in this case enjoy your husband being with you ) And you have to be sure you don't let other people put pressure on you to do certain things.. This is your life and Tarek's life and you both know what's best for you!! No one else!!! Just breathe!

I agree that I need to breathe, and hopefully things will calm down. It's all still coming off of the SIL visiting last week. It stressed me out! She is so intent on helping her brother, yet a few months ago (knowing her brother would eventually be here with me) she moved from Ohio to Texas (for a friend that ended up being a $@%*) then instead of moving BACK to Ohio, she moved to ..... Louisianna(?) I have NO idea what is there for here in Louisianna except Hurricanes and most definately NOT her brother. It hurts me to see Tarik some days because he says to me: "If my sister really cared for me she would not have moved to Louisianna for a friend. I am her family." Now she is trying to give us advice and check on us from far away. I just wish she would leave us alone for a little while. We need a break. We need time to ourselves you know?

Whew... I'm sorry. I needed to vent a little.

[Tunisia216 2]

We all need to vent and we all do get overwhelmed... I don't understand the moving situation either.. But I do understand that coming in unannounced like that is a really hard thing and if it continues and it's creating stress for both you and Tarik, at some point he is going to have to speak to his sister about it. This is your husband and he came here to be with you, it's just an added bonus that his sister is also here as well. But the focus is on you and him and at some point she's going to have to come to understand this and step back - and allow you guys to live your life and work through your problems and all the things that you need to do!

I agree that I need to breathe, and hopefully things will calm down. It's all still coming off of the SIL visiting last week. It stressed me out! She is so intent on helping her brother, yet a few months ago (knowing her brother would eventually be here with me) she moved from Ohio to Texas (for a friend that ended up being a $@%*) then instead of moving BACK to Ohio, she moved to ..... Louisianna(?) I have NO idea what is there for here in Louisianna except Hurricanes and most definately NOT her brother. It hurts me to see Tarik some days because he says to me: "If my sister really cared for me she would not have moved to Louisianna for a friend. I am her family." Now she is trying to give us advice and check on us from far away. I just wish she would leave us alone for a little while. We need a break. We need time to ourselves you know?

Whew... I'm sorry. I needed to vent a little.

[raymaga 25]

Just try to relax a little. We all stressed the same as you are doing, and we all got through it just fine.

Like others have stated, don't try to solve the whole process in one day. Take the tasks at hand one at a time and the days will pass quickly.

Good luck.

[Henia 11]

How do you enjoy your hubby while you're stressing about everything else you're doing?

You learn to let go ... realise something called the God is leading you ... the path you are on is where you should be ... and everything that comes with hardship is worth it in the end! Good luck and do some mediation!

[Tunisia216 2]

I shouldn't be multi-tasking and reading so quickly at work.. I thought that said... medication.. I was going to ask if I can have some too Henia?

How do you enjoy your hubby while you're stressing about everything else you're doing?

You learn to let go ... realise something called the God is leading you ... the path you are on is where you should be ... and everything that comes with hardship is worth it in the end! Good luck and do some mediation!

[caybee 21]

One very simple thing has helped us on those days when things are overwhelming, and that is to plan a time to get away together, even for a picnic for a couple of hours, anything away from other people, the house (which can feel like prison to a grounded new immigrant) and the stressors of day-to-day life. Once, we put a couple of folding chairs at the edge of the lake, and just held hands and put our feet in the water for an hour or so. We didn't even talk that much -- well, until hubby told me that no it WASN'T a turtle's head, yes it WAS a snake, and I better get myself up out of that lake this second before he dragged me out... Um, but aside from that, just being outside and quiet together for a while makes all the difference in the world for us. And it doesn't cost anything.

I really feel for you because I know how the life and mind clutter can really stress a person out. I hope that the two of you find a peaceful space together, away from well-meaning family and everything else, so you can work on that bond between you that will help you through.

I shouldn't be multi-tasking and reading so quickly at work.. I thought that said... medication.. I was going to ask if I can have some too Henia?

How do you enjoy your hubby while you're stressing about everything else you're doing?

You learn to let go ... realise something called the God is leading you ... the path you are on is where you should be ... and everything that comes with hardship is worth it in the end! Good luck and do some mediation!

Medication, meditation, mediation...it's all good...

[Muh and me 18]

One very simple thing has helped us on those days when things are overwhelming, and that is to plan a time to get away together, even for a picnic for a couple of hours, anything away from other people, the house (which can feel like prison to a grounded new immigrant) and the stressors of day-to-day life. Once, we put a couple of folding chairs at the edge of the lake, and just held hands and put our feet in the water for an hour or so. We didn't even talk that much -- well, until hubby told me that no it WASN'T a turtle's head, yes it WAS a snake, and I better get myself up out of that lake this second before he dragged me out... Um, but aside from that, just being outside and quiet together for a while makes all the difference in the world for us. And it doesn't cost anything.

I really feel for you because I know how the life and mind clutter can really stress a person out. I hope that the two of you find a peaceful space together, away from well-meaning family and everything else, so you can work on that bond between you that will help you through.

I shouldn't be multi-tasking and reading so quickly at work.. I thought that said... medication.. I was going to ask if I can have some too Henia?

How do you enjoy your hubby while you're stressing about everything else you're doing?

You learn to let go ... realise something called the God is leading you ... the path you are on is where you should be ... and everything that comes with hardship is worth it in the end! Good luck and do some mediation!

Medication, meditation, mediation...it's all good...

[doodlebugg 10]

It's very hard to distinguish the line between being a supportive wife and being totally codependent. What I mean by that is that when he's having a rough time about his family, it's good for you to listen to him and comfort him, but you also have to let a lot of the emotion go, since it's not yours, you know? I don't know if that makes any sense or not.

My husband is a little down in the dumps the past few days and I think it's because he misses his sisters since Ramadan is coming up. He says he'd rather be here with me but I know he's hurting. Now.....I can totally dive deep into him and feel his pain 24/7 and cry with him and become sooo distraught that I won't take care of the house, me or the kiddos *or* I can understand where he's coming from, let the sadness inside me go 'cause it's not mine, it's his, and just try to make his life as comfy as possible while he goes through this.

He has a God and it's not you, i think is what I'm trying to say. If you let yourself get deeply emotional about his stuff you'll be dragged down with it and will be unable to focus at the task at hand, whether it be cooking dinner, etc.

[Sandrila 1]

i cant imagine anything more stressful than the time spent waiting for our SO to be approved and get into our arms

you are blessed that god has let you live in front of one another

[Tunisia216 2]

I know what it's like to miss your husband/SO, but the things that babyeshell is talking about are also in some ways just as stressful, if not more so about certain things (Did that make any sense? I'm losing it lol )

The waiting is sooo hard and of course you do feel blessed when you get them here.. But it's not a bed or roses and there are lots of obstacles to overcome! But I just feel the best way is like we said before, baby steps and one thing at a time.... And remembering, noting on what Sandrila said, there was a time not that long ago when all you could think about was how you missed him and getting him here, so don't let life fly by and forget to cherish every moment that you have together!

i cant imagine anything more stressful than the time spent waiting for our SO to be approved and get into our arms

you are blessed that god has let you live in front of one another

[Leyla 0]

I know what it's like to miss your husband/SO, but the things that babyeshell is talking about are also in some ways just as stressful, if not more so about certain things (Did that make any sense? I'm losing it lol )

The waiting is sooo hard and of course you do feel blessed when you get them here.. But it's not a bed or roses and there are lots of obstacles to overcome! But I just feel the best way is like we said before, baby steps and one thing at a time.... And remembering, noting on what Sandrila said, there was a time not that long ago when all you could think about was how you missed him and getting him here, so don't let life fly by and forget to cherish every moment that you have together!

i cant imagine anything more stressful than the time spent waiting for our SO to be approved and get into our arms

you are blessed that god has let you live in front of one another

I guess I can explain what is going on in my head... briefly:

So I became a Muslim in April of 2007 just so you know.....

Am I doing the right thing?

Did I get into all of this too fast? (ie: the religion, marriage etc)

How am I going to support us?

Can he REALLY help support me?

How can I make him happy?

Why am I making myself miserable?

Why can't I just be happy?

Why am I crying about everything?

Am I pregnant? Cause if so... OMG.

What do I do if I am pregnant?

Will I ever be the same with my family again?

Am I losing myself?

Do I even know myself?

Who am I?

Can I still go to school, work and drop him off/ pick him up from work?

Will I be able to finish school?

Why can't I just breathe?

Why can't I accept everything and just focus and be happy?

Am I happy?

Now I know people go through situations much worse than mine. For ME, this is not fun. It's beyond frustrating. I have cried almost everyday since Tarik got to this country. I think it's because of all the $&%@ we have to go through before we can just relax. It seems like everything is moving so fast! Not just the job search... but everything! Right now I feel like if I put on the breaks I'm going to get into a bad roll over accident or something you know?

Wow. I don't know.

Btw... how long after your last intercourse before you know if you're pregnant or not?

[caybee 21]

It's very hard to distinguish the line between being a supportive wife and being totally codependent. What I mean by that is that when he's having a rough time about his family, it's good for you to listen to him and comfort him, but you also have to let a lot of the emotion go, since it's not yours, you know? I don't know if that makes any sense or not.

My husband is a little down in the dumps the past few days and I think it's because he misses his sisters since Ramadan is coming up. He says he'd rather be here with me but I know he's hurting. Now.....I can totally dive deep into him and feel his pain 24/7 and cry with him and become sooo distraught that I won't take care of the house, me or the kiddos *or* I can understand where he's coming from, let the sadness inside me go 'cause it's not mine, it's his, and just try to make his life as comfy as possible while he goes through this.

He has a God and it's not you, i think is what I'm trying to say. If you let yourself get deeply emotional about his stuff you'll be dragged down with it and will be unable to focus at the task at hand, whether it be cooking dinner, etc.

Great points. I can't find an illustration I like. It's two drawings of a stick figure standing down in a pit. In one frame, a second person is reaching down into the pit to help the first one climb out. In the other, the second person is so empathetic that they have climbed down into the pit with the first person, so they both end up stuck. Sometimes people don't feel like they're helping unless they're sharing the emotions of the hurting person, but doing so can make them less effective helpers.