Hard to see my husband in a "fish out of water" situation

[polarbear 0]

That's good news

I remember my husband being soooo PO'ed he couldn't find a job within the first two weeks - I'm talking the first day he had his SS card On top of that he didn't speak a word of English He found one in a month, but man it was the only thing he could think about besides the driving thing. They both happened at the same time, but 1 month for a job and driver's liscense and 3 months for the GC - he couldn't believe it was taking so long

Now I'm having the opposite problem. He wouldn't go back to his old job when he came back and is working on the buisness. The only problem with that is that it could take 2-3 months for us to make any profit. I'm really worried bc my CC are maxed out from this summer and I don't make enough to cover rent and bills for two people, let alone the gas and phone cards..... he tells me to just take the money from the buisness and he will pay it back eventually, but it just doesn't work like that and I'm having a hard time convincing him I need help with the money thing

[Leyla 0]

That's good news

I remember my husband being soooo PO'ed he couldn't find a job within the first two weeks - I'm talking the first day he had his SS card On top of that he didn't speak a word of English He found one in a month, but man it was the only thing he could think about besides the driving thing. They both happened at the same time, but 1 month for a job and driver's liscense and 3 months for the GC - he couldn't believe it was taking so long

Now I'm having the opposite problem. He wouldn't go back to his old job when he came back and is working on the buisness. The only problem with that is that it could take 2-3 months for us to make any profit. I'm really worried bc my CC are maxed out from this summer and I don't make enough to cover rent and bills for two people, let alone the gas and phone cards..... he tells me to just take the money from the buisness and he will pay it back eventually, but it just doesn't work like that and I'm having a hard time convincing him I need help with the money thing

Money thing. .....yeah the money thing is what will be killing me coming up here soon. Inshaallah we will be ok though. Inshaallah

[caybee 21]

OMG!!!!

I am reading this on the sly at work. But I feel compelled to say to you and Tarik, "Be easy on yourselves!!!!! It's only 2 1/2 weeks since Tarik arrived. I admire Tarik's desire to find a job so quickly, but don't take it to heart if nothing happened in two weeks. Gosh, it took me one month at least to find work and I am American by birth."

PS...I do have to laugh when you describe how the relatives just randomly hop in their car and drive up without making arrangements first. I've been in the same situation as you on this. And just recently my husband told me to be "more Iranian" when dealing with his relatives.

Two and a half weeks to find a job is phenomenal. My husband spent the better part of a year and a half either unemployed, working only a handful of hours a week, or working 50+ hours a week for folks who not only didn't pay overtime but who often didn't pay on time (if at all). Sometimes, the kitchen and grounds keeping jobs are all a new immigrant can find, even with a good education, and unfortunately, such employers are aware of this and often take advantage of it. The best result my husband has had was through a job fair. He's in a manufacturing job now, with insurance , his first "real" job since he's been here. Application at the fair to job offer took eight months -- the offer came after we had given up on that company. Patience is absolutely essential in this part of the adjustment. There is so much the immigrant has no control over, and sitting at home is terribly demoralizing. My husband is able to look back now and see how much the struggle has helped make him stronger in the long run, but he had plenty of bad days. We expected him to land a decent job within three or four months. If there's one thing I would advise couples about, it's that long wait for the first acceptable job. If the immigrant gets one within a month, rejoice! But if not, eat your lentils and hang tough just like you did before the visa and know, frankly, that being broke and discouraged is normal and probably temporary.

[Nothing1234 2]

Congrats on him finding a job

But as everyone has stated...you guys really need to be easy on yourselves. Its only 2.5 weeks and he hasn't even had time to adjust to US living yet. There are so many other things to experience right and worry about before dealing with a new job.

I wonder if you spoke to him about why your SIL is so on fire about him working right now? So much so that the area he would work in wasn't a concern to her. What's the fire? That would concern me greatly.

P.S.---stop crying guys! enjoy your beautiful time together.

[Staashi 371]

My only concern is that he's working "under the table" right now, correct? You all need to be very, very careful with this as you wouldn't want anyone to find out what is going on and report him. You might say, "well, who would do that?". You'd be surprised but people around you might be jealous of your happiness or your husband, so just be safe and be sure that he's secure where he's working. You never know when or where USCIS will do raids and he could get caught up in one. I say this as it recently happened here in little old Tallahassee, where they arrested 25 people for working illegally. Remember, Tarik is in this country legally, but he's not eligible yet to work legally.

[Nothing1234 2]

My only concern is that he's working "under the table" right now, correct? You all need to be very, very careful with this as you wouldn't want anyone to find out what is going on and report him. You might say, "well, who would do that?". You'd be surprised but people around you might be jealous of your happiness or your husband, so just be safe and be sure that he's secure where he's working. You never know when or where USCIS will do raids and he could get caught up in one. I say this as it recently happened here in little old Tallahassee, where they arrested 25 people for working illegally. Remember, Tarik is in this country legally, but he's not eligible yet to work legally.

I agree here. Be very careful. In our state (city especially) our Sheriff is famous for rounding up illegal workers. They have actual swat teams going around the valley just to pick people up. Its caused quite a stir here in Phoenix. Although our sheriff is always on the news. He's a bit crazy.

[beejay 123]

Thanks for your post. The time before your SO can get a job can be incredibly stressful. Sounds like the two of you worked through it together just fine.

congratulations and good luck.

[Tunisia216 2]

Yeh I didn't want to say that but Staashi and Nawal bring up a good point I'm not sure if you some how got a temp EAD or something and I know how tight money can be... But until then it's better safe than sorry... Said Egyptian friends I talked about in another post had the exact same problem with restaurants they own in Delaware... INS came in with Sheriff and local police departments and there were 3 illegals there, one with 'fake papers' and the other 2 with none, and only one of the 3 was Hispanic, the others were Egyptian and Syrian and one in a similar situation ; here legally but did not have permission to work (B 1 visa) and it was bad news ... I just hope that you guys are super careful and that your EAD/AOS comes very quickly inshallah!

[Staashi 371]

Yeh I didn't want to say that but Staashi and Nawal bring up a good point I'm not sure if you some how got a temp EAD or something and I know how tight money can be... But until then it's better safe than sorry... Said Egyptian friends I talked about in another post had the exact same problem with restaurants they own in Delaware... INS came in with Sheriff and local police departments and there were 3 illegals there, one with 'fake papers' and the other 2 with none, and only one of the 3 was Hispanic, the others were Egyptian and Syrian and one in a similar situation ; here legally but did not have permission to work (B 1 visa) and it was bad news ... I just hope that you guys are super careful and that your EAD/AOS comes very quickly inshallah!

Yes, Ashley - hehehe, I went there. But, that's just me. I don't want to ever offend anyone, but I suggest people try to remain within the law so as not to ruin everything one has worked so hard for.

One other thing, Babeyeshell, just remember, on these boards, we're supposed to try to never recommend that anyone do anything illegal with regards to immigration. We've all had to play by the rules - which suck. I know first hand at how bad any husband will want to hurt himself over the issues we face here. (Didn't mean to go all pseudo-mod on anyone - just wanted to point out the facts.)

Good luck, honey!

[Y's_habibitk 2]

whew! What an exhausting time for you guys!

It's so awesome that you had the faith not to take that scummy job, and it paid off!

Congrats for holding it together ( well minus all the crying ) j/k

Good luck in the future!

Lisa

[nunyab 0]

Subhanallah.... 2 1/2 weeks!!! that's great. He's used to working and the cultural thing of the "man of the house" is something he is having to deal with i a sure.

SIL?? yeah, Reda is the oldest and won't accept anything like that but if it were an aunt? perhaps different. I feel for you and understand what you ment by more "moroccan" I went out and bought serving trays and things like that so he feels more at home.

We respect and admire martha stewart type people when our own inlaws i think are better at throwing a meal together. Why not respect it???

Just be slow you two and enjoy your time when you can.

May Allah bless you both

Rajaa

[maggieNomar 0]

Good luck to you. You will get into a groove in time.

[Leyla 0]

As far as the illeagal thing is concerned... no worries. Nothing is illeagal here. It's just frustrating! Too much drama (for no reason). It seems like whenever Tarik and I are together we're fine. As soon as anyone else interferes..... it's all down hill from there.

Thank you for all of your comments. Inshaallah we will be ok. We just need to breathe.

[Staashi 371]

As far as the illeagal thing is concerned... no worries. Nothing is illeagal here. It's just frustrating! Too much drama (for no reason). It seems like whenever Tarik and I are together we're fine. As soon as anyone else interferes..... it's all down hill from there.

Thank you for all of your comments. Inshaallah we will be ok. We just need to breathe.

So he does have a temporary EAD?

[Tunisia216 2]

I thought he came in through ATL? I didn't think you could get the temp EAD stamp there?

As far as the illeagal thing is concerned... no worries. Nothing is illeagal here. It's just frustrating! Too much drama (for no reason). It seems like whenever Tarik and I are together we're fine. As soon as anyone else interferes..... it's all down hill from there.

Thank you for all of your comments. Inshaallah we will be ok. We just need to breathe.

So he does have a temporary EAD?