How do I convince my MENA man??

[Nothing1234 2]

I agree with Ash on this...wait and see before jumping to conclusions. The US is not the be all end all...for sure! There is life and happiness outside our coasts! Stay calm and be supportive..see what happens Rajaa. I am praying for the best for all of you (hubby, kids and u)!!

I am just playing devils advocate here, but instead of going for the worst case scenario and jumping off that end.. It could be something as simple as he's working in Spain now and making good money and feels that he could support Rajaa much better and make a better life for them there and that he has fears about what he could do here.. Maybe he feels he wouldn't find work here or work that is this good and he's probably watching the news and seeing all the problems with the economy..... I know that you were all trying to help and you did bring up valid points but it just seems harsh.... I just want you to know I"m thinking about you and praying for you Rajaa and I hope that you two could work it out in the way that is best for you both. Do you think maybe he's trying to just pressure you to live with him in Spain? I would assume that before anything else. I know you said before Spain was your back up plan if he couldn't get the visa - Well maybe the man just wants both - his wife and Spain and isn't interested in coming to the US... I dunno just thinking out loud.. Again I'm praying and hoping it's going to be ok!

[Staashi 371]

It's a one time shot.. he was given this once in a life time chance for a moroccan man to get work and a residancy visa. I just talked to him on the phone and he wants to "think about it" and see if they find our CR1. He asked me if they can't find the CR1 can we "start all over in Spain?" I couldn't believe my ears... instead of crying i bit my lip and said Habibi most people would be thankfull it's going this fast but not you? Most people would want their wives as soon as they could but not you??? Help me understand? He said "but this way is better (going through Spain)"

I hate to say it but I said "Habibi i love you but i cannot talk to you anymore tonight good bye"... and hung up.

I dont' know what to think or do now

Rajaa

Is anyone asking themselves the question that I am asking myself? Why, when he is MARRIED to you is he pursuing spanish residency? Why isnt his first priority reuniting with you in the USA like anyone married to an AMERICAN would be. This is blanket wrong. If he loves you in my opinion. why would he even remotely be pursuing a schengen visa PERIOD. You are his wife. He is suppsed to want to reunite with you.. You have a right to feel hurt. All this suggesting you move to spain may not even be what he wants. You need to arrange a long detailed web converstation and talk this out. Tell him you are making preparations to move to spain. You will find out really fast where you stand..

I am sorry but this smells to high heaven

Rajaa, I've hesitated posting on this topic today, but I do agree with Wahri on this one. To pursue this option, when right now it isn't really necessary, is a little confusing and troublesome. Something just doesn't seem kosher here. You all seem to have so many positive aspects to your relationship, but this aspect is a little offputting.

My husband, as an Argentine descendant of Italian heritage, is eligible for Italian citizenship. We've talked about him pursuing it when he can. It would give him an EU passport, where he would be entitled to work and live anywhere in Europe. This is a purely financial decision...which is what I think I'm seeing from Reda as well. Working and supporting yourself and loved ones is the primoridial goal for any man. Although, when I hear that his enthusiasm to be reunited with you is being offset by the desire to stay in Spain I'm kind of gritting my teeth.

I'm not trying to throw logs on the fire...I adore you as you have to be one of the sweetest, most kind-hearted people on these boards. But, I do also want you to be careful, as you have to look out for yourself before anyone else.

I'm very sad for you're going through. May God guide you both in working this out.

[Staashi 371]

ETA by mutually exclusive I mean persuing a residency visa in a place Rajaa cannot live with the intent to remain there and not bring her. He may be planning for her to live there with him. One never knows because we never hear the whole of any story posted from all angles.

Rajaa, one other thing, since your grandmother is a Spanish citizen, you should be allowed to pursue Spanish citizenship as well. It is called Jus Sanguinis: (from Wikipedia - I learned all about this stuff when my husband was naturalizing. )

Jus sanguinis (Latin for "right of blood") is a social policy by which nationality or citizenship is not determined by place of birth, rather by having an ancestor who is a national or citizen of the state. It contrasts with jus soli (Latin for "right of soil").

At the end of the 19th century, the French-German debate on nationality saw Ernest Renan oppose the German conception of an "objective nationality", based on blood, race or even, as in Fichte's case, language. Renan's republican conception explains France's early adoption of jus soli. Many nations have a mixture of jus sanguinis and jus soli, including the United States, Canada, Israel, Germany (as of recently), Greece, Ireland and others.

Apart from France, jus sanguinis still is the preferred means of passing on citizenship in many continental European countries, with benefits of maintaining culture and national identity as well as ethnic homogeneity. This has been criticised by some on the grounds that, if the only means, it can lead to generations of people living their whole lives in the state without being citizens of it - according to Agamben, thus likening their status to an ** Sacer, deprived of any civil rights.[citation needed]

Unlike France, some European states (in their modern forms) are post-empire creations within the past century. States arising out of the Austro-Hungarian and Ottoman Empires had huge numbers of ethnic populations outside of new boundaries and several had long standing diasporas inamicable to 20th century European nationalism and state creation. In many cases jus sanguinis rights were mandated by international treaty -- with definitions often imposed by the international community. In other cases minorities were subject to legal and extra-legal persecution and their only sage option was immigration to their ancestral home country. States offering Jus sanguinis rights to those persons and their descendants would include Greece, Turkey and Bulgaria all of whom are obligated by international treaty to extend those rights.

Here is the info on Spain's Jus Sanguinis:

Spain: Regardless of place of birth, or how far removed one is from an ancestor born in Spain, those born to an original Spaniard (whether or not your parent still retains Spanish citizenship, or is still living) are entitled to original Spanish nationality. (Original Spaniards are those who were born Spanish.) The grandchildren of those who emigrated due to political or economical reasons are also entitled to original Spanish nationality. Citizenship on preferential terms may be obtained after one years' residence for grandchildren of original Spanish citizens, as well as any person who can claim Sephardic Jewish ancestry. For citizens of Andorra, Portugal, Latin America, the Philippines, or Equatorial Guinea, the required residency period is two years, versus ten for all other foreigners.

[Nothing1234 2]

Staashi awesome information!!

ETA by mutually exclusive I mean persuing a residency visa in a place Rajaa cannot live with the intent to remain there and not bring her. He may be planning for her to live there with him. One never knows because we never hear the whole of any story posted from all angles.

Rajaa, one other thing, since your grandmother is a Spanish citizen, you should be allowed to pursue Spanish citizenship as well. It is called Jus Sanguinis: (from Wikipedia - I learned all about this stuff when my husband was naturalizing. )

Jus sanguinis (Latin for "right of blood") is a social policy by which nationality or citizenship is not determined by place of birth, rather by having an ancestor who is a national or citizen of the state. It contrasts with jus soli (Latin for "right of soil").

At the end of the 19th century, the French-German debate on nationality saw Ernest Renan oppose the German conception of an "objective nationality", based on blood, race or even, as in Fichte's case, language. Renan's republican conception explains France's early adoption of jus soli. Many nations have a mixture of jus sanguinis and jus soli, including the United States, Canada, Israel, Germany (as of recently), Greece, Ireland and others.

Apart from France, jus sanguinis still is the preferred means of passing on citizenship in many continental European countries, with benefits of maintaining culture and national identity as well as ethnic homogeneity. This has been criticised by some on the grounds that, if the only means, it can lead to generations of people living their whole lives in the state without being citizens of it - according to Agamben, thus likening their status to an ** Sacer, deprived of any civil rights.[citation needed]

Unlike France, some European states (in their modern forms) are post-empire creations within the past century. States arising out of the Austro-Hungarian and Ottoman Empires had huge numbers of ethnic populations outside of new boundaries and several had long standing diasporas inamicable to 20th century European nationalism and state creation. In many cases jus sanguinis rights were mandated by international treaty -- with definitions often imposed by the international community. In other cases minorities were subject to legal and extra-legal persecution and their only sage option was immigration to their ancestral home country. States offering Jus sanguinis rights to those persons and their descendants would include Greece, Turkey and Bulgaria all of whom are obligated by international treaty to extend those rights.

Here is the info on Spain's Jus Sanguinis:

Spain: Regardless of place of birth, or how far removed one is from an ancestor born in Spain, those born to an original Spaniard (whether or not your parent still retains Spanish citizenship, or is still living) are entitled to original Spanish nationality. (Original Spaniards are those who were born Spanish.) The grandchildren of those who emigrated due to political or economical reasons are also entitled to original Spanish nationality. Citizenship on preferential terms may be obtained after one years' residence for grandchildren of original Spanish citizens, as well as any person who can claim Sephardic Jewish ancestry. For citizens of Andorra, Portugal, Latin America, the Philippines, or Equatorial Guinea, the required residency period is two years, versus ten for all other foreigners.

[Staashi 371]

Staashi awesome information!!

Thank you, Dahlin' - I aim to please and really above all else to help a friend in need.

[Nita&Assaad 0]

Very good research!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nita

ETA by mutually exclusive I mean persuing a residency visa in a place Rajaa cannot live with the intent to remain there and not bring her. He may be planning for her to live there with him. One never knows because we never hear the whole of any story posted from all angles.

Rajaa, one other thing, since your grandmother is a Spanish citizen, you should be allowed to pursue Spanish citizenship as well. It is called Jus Sanguinis: (from Wikipedia - I learned all about this stuff when my husband was naturalizing. )

Jus sanguinis (Latin for "right of blood") is a social policy by which nationality or citizenship is not determined by place of birth, rather by having an ancestor who is a national or citizen of the state. It contrasts with jus soli (Latin for "right of soil").

At the end of the 19th century, the French-German debate on nationality saw Ernest Renan oppose the German conception of an "objective nationality", based on blood, race or even, as in Fichte's case, language. Renan's republican conception explains France's early adoption of jus soli. Many nations have a mixture of jus sanguinis and jus soli, including the United States, Canada, Israel, Germany (as of recently), Greece, Ireland and others.

Apart from France, jus sanguinis still is the preferred means of passing on citizenship in many continental European countries, with benefits of maintaining culture and national identity as well as ethnic homogeneity. This has been criticised by some on the grounds that, if the only means, it can lead to generations of people living their whole lives in the state without being citizens of it - according to Agamben, thus likening their status to an ** Sacer, deprived of any civil rights.[citation needed]

Unlike France, some European states (in their modern forms) are post-empire creations within the past century. States arising out of the Austro-Hungarian and Ottoman Empires had huge numbers of ethnic populations outside of new boundaries and several had long standing diasporas inamicable to 20th century European nationalism and state creation. In many cases jus sanguinis rights were mandated by international treaty -- with definitions often imposed by the international community. In other cases minorities were subject to legal and extra-legal persecution and their only sage option was immigration to their ancestral home country. States offering Jus sanguinis rights to those persons and their descendants would include Greece, Turkey and Bulgaria all of whom are obligated by international treaty to extend those rights.

Here is the info on Spain's Jus Sanguinis:

Spain: Regardless of place of birth, or how far removed one is from an ancestor born in Spain, those born to an original Spaniard (whether or not your parent still retains Spanish citizenship, or is still living) are entitled to original Spanish nationality. (Original Spaniards are those who were born Spanish.) The grandchildren of those who emigrated due to political or economical reasons are also entitled to original Spanish nationality. Citizenship on preferential terms may be obtained after one years' residence for grandchildren of original Spanish citizens, as well as any person who can claim Sephardic Jewish ancestry. For citizens of Andorra, Portugal, Latin America, the Philippines, or Equatorial Guinea, the required residency period is two years, versus ten for all other foreigners.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

OMG i just saw email on my case come over but ill finish posting first ha

my first thought was when the petition FIRST started he knew how it goes, you live here and u hae kids....hard to keep one as priority and others in the works

ok now off to read my email (keep fingers crossed)

[lion_lioness 0]

I could be wrong, but why don't you just contact NVC and send in a request to change the consulate for the interview. Back when, my husband was debating going to Turkey (where his mom lives) because we thought Amman would take just way too long. I contacted USCIS/NVC to inquire and the request seemed pretty straight forward. It might hold up your case another few weeks but that's better than missing the interview all together. That is the best compromise IMHO.

On another note, did he ever tell you he was pursuing spanish residency? Where did it come from or was he there already for a period of time? I wouldn't panick and do something rash, like end my relationship over it, but I would definitely ask questions.

In the meantime, look into the transfer maybe?

[Tunisia216 2]

I suppose this is just rather hard for me to take... I do understand what everyone is saying and the gentle warnings being given and I really hope that they are not necessary... But I mean.. I'm not seeing it that way.. This is her husband.... It's a little hard for me to stomach the talking and saying okay nevermind or throwing it away - I know that no one went to that extreme, but still... They are married so it's more than just a short term boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship. I don't know what kind of work he is doing there of if he has a job nice enough that he could even afford to fly Rajaa back and forth often.. Really there's not enough information to guess that... But I also feel like there is not enough information to assume he's putting a back seat to his wife or his desire to be with her either... I hope I don't get kicked for this.. but I think it's a good situation for benefit of the doubt and looking long term instead of short term.... of course a husband and wife have their top priority as to live and be together, but it the same time love is not enough - Long term you have to consider financial stability and things like that ... Perhaps, again devil's advocate, her hubby is concerned about setting that up and creating an environment for his wife and family... Still praying for you girl and wishing and hoping for the best. I really do agree with the other poster's suggestions about calling and just having the interview pushed back a few weeks.... It might buy you guys the time that you need to work out all the details!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I suppose this is just rather hard for me to take... I do understand what everyone is saying and the gentle warnings being given and I really hope that they are not necessary... But I mean.. I'm not seeing it that way.. This is her husband.... It's a little hard for me to stomach the talking and saying okay nevermind or throwing it away - I know that no one went to that extreme, but still... They are married so it's more than just a short term boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship. I don't know what kind of work he is doing there of if he has a job nice enough that he could even afford to fly Rajaa back and forth often.. Really there's not enough information to guess that... But I also feel like there is not enough information to assume he's putting a back seat to his wife or his desire to be with her either... I hope I don't get kicked for this.. but I think it's a good situation for benefit of the doubt and looking long term instead of short term.... of course a husband and wife have their top priority as to live and be together, but it the same time love is not enough - Long term you have to consider financial stability and things like that ... Perhaps, again devil's advocate, her hubby is concerned about setting that up and creating an environment for his wife and family... Still praying for you girl and wishing and hoping for the best. I really do agree with the other poster's suggestions about calling and just having the interview pushed back a few weeks.... It might buy you guys the time that you need to work out all the details!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I could be wrong, but why don't you just contact NVC and send in a request to change the consulate for the interview. Back when, my husband was debating going to Turkey (where his mom lives) because we thought Amman would take just way too long. I contacted USCIS/NVC to inquire and the request seemed pretty straight forward. It might hold up your case another few weeks but that's better than missing the interview all together. That is the best compromise IMHO.

On another note, did he ever tell you he was pursuing spanish residency? Where did it come from or was he there already for a period of time? I wouldn't panick and do something rash, like end my relationship over it, but I would definitely ask questions.

In the meantime, look into the transfer maybe?

what concerns me is no one is asking about the duplicity of him looking for a different residency at the same time he was married to her. This wouldnt concern any of u that towards the end of your process your husband up and moved somewhere else to another country then didnt seem at all concerned with going to his us interview.. and wanted residency elsewhere? And just suggest to her to move to SPAIN? I dont see him offering.. as far as I am concerned she has absolutely every right to feel alarmed./ Its odd what he is doing and frankly if this happened to another woman on the board that just got her approvals.. I think every one would be up in arms

[nunyab 0]

ok, i talked to him for an hour (JJ can testify from my story i wasn't very nice and used a couple of bad words). Here it goes.

He wanted to the Spanish residancy because @ 2 yrs ago his family paid for this opportunity to live and work in Spain (when we were just email buddies) we since had gotten married and he thought it was no other concern then he got a call from his would be boss and said "come to work" just 3 weeks after I left. My husband not knowing what to do spoke to his boss about his situation. The boss sold him on the "if it doesnt work" and "you can send for her in a few months you'll be able stand on your own" sounding good and with the family having paid already he went. He asked when we sent the papers how long it would take....unbeknownst to me it is much faster than anticipated.

my conversation today went like this..... if you had to chose your wife or Spain which one..."are you crazy Rajaa???? my wife of course"

my reply than you have a chance it maybe the only one if they don't find our CR1 to come here will you lose that chance to be with me so you can be a Spanish residant? he asked "what are the pecentages of me being able to be with you forever?" I said close to 99% and if not we will fight it through appeals.

He explained here all his family did to get him this opportunity*****************************************

His reply... if this is my chance Allah has given me this test. (pause) When my interview is I will go. this was just a summary of our conversation it was an hour long one which included me telling him i posted this on VJ and him being displeased with my sharing our personal issues with people i've never met.

He wondered at my inability to trust his feelings for me when I am nervous, if he only knew what we went though like another poster said.... it's not easy I am excited to read that Spain will still be a viable option for me and him when the time is right .

in essence he will go back to morocco.. i can try to make it later and yes after jan he can go back and forth. I tried calling the NVC and by the time i had notice the K3 was there it had already been sent off to the consulate so we cannot change it. We could if it was the CR1. I don't question his love for me I did wonder was it more important for him to make his family proud in Spain for them "helping" or be with his wife in the U.S. is what i think it boiled down to.

Thank you all for your support and all the PMs.. this place (VJ) has come to mean so much to me.

Shookran.. may Allah bless you all insha'allah

~Rajaa~

[Staashi 371]

ok, i talked to him for an hour (JJ can testify from my story i wasn't very nice and used a couple of bad words). Here it goes.

He wanted to the Spanish residancy because @ 2 yrs ago his family paid for this opportunity to live and work in Spain (when we were just email buddies) we since had gotten married and he thought it was no other concern then he got a call from his would be boss and said "come to work" just 3 weeks after I left. My husband not knowing what to do spoke to his boss about his situation. The boss sold him on the "if it doesnt work" and "you can send for her in a few months you'll be able stand on your own" sounding good and with the family having paid already he went. He asked when we sent the papers how long it would take....unbeknownst to me it is much faster than anticipated.

my conversation today went like this..... if you had to chose your wife or Spain which one..."are you crazy Rajaa???? my wife of course"

my reply than you have a chance it maybe the only one if they don't find our CR1 to come here will you lose that chance to be with me so you can be a Spanish residant? he asked "what are the pecentages of me being able to be with you forever?" I said close to 99% and if not we will fight it through appeals.

He explained here all his family did to get him this opportunity*****************************************

His reply... if this is my chance Allah has given me this test. (pause) When my interview is I will go. this was just a summary of our conversation it was an hour long one which included me telling him i posted this on VJ and him being displeased with my sharing our personal issues with people i've never met.

He wondered at my inability to trust his feelings for me when I am nervous, if he only knew what we went though like another poster said.... it's not easy I am excited to read that Spain will still be a viable option for me and him when the time is right .

in essence he will go back to morocco.. i can try to make it later and yes after jan he can go back and forth. I tried calling the NVC and by the time i had notice the K3 was there it had already been sent off to the consulate so we cannot change it. We could if it was the CR1. I don't question his love for me I did wonder was it more important for him to make his family proud in Spain for them "helping" or be with his wife in the U.S. is what i think it boiled down to.

Thank you all for your support and all the PMs.. this place (VJ) has come to mean so much to me.

Shookran.. may Allah bless you all insha'allah

~Rajaa~

((((((((((((((((((Rajaa))))))))))))))))) I'm glad that you guys are working things out. I hope that there will be "peace in your valley" very soon. God bless you both.

[HLM 1]

HUG alhamdulillah

[nunyab 0]

apparently i was the one needed working things out. lol he was cool and calm and fine. I think he just doesn't understand the hoops we have to go through.