How do I convince my MENA man??

[nunyab 0]

Thank you everyone.... Sleep didn't happen for me but... I told him he has a week to think about everything. I do have friends married to Moroccans who would give their eye teeth to live where he is and tell their wives I should go there. He has even told me "in 2-3 yrs we can move back to Spain" I know he loves me but I also know how much he loves his family and to him staying there would be ideal. I have kids from a previous marriage one is just 2 I cannot leave him nor will I at this tendar age. I pray it doesn't come down to my husband or my kids... I am heart broken here.

[nunyab 0]

Sleep did not happen last night, i sent him a text stating "you have no idea what i've done for us and to hear you don't want to come to me as fast as possible breaks my heart. Sure we can wait and see or i can cancel it all and wait when you decide you want to be with yor wife.... Do you still want a wife? You better decide what's important to you soon."

that text was send to him last nigh out time at 9:37 his 6:30 (he had just woken up for work at that time) still no call, no text, no email....

Hard questions??? you bet. Its on!

Edited August 26, 2008 by Rajaa_Reda

[Tunisia216 2]

My heart is breaking for you Rajaa, I know how far you have come and how hard you have worked... All I can see is inshallah and so many prayers coming your way!

[Sandrila 1]

Listen

just because the petitions were approved quickly doesnt guarantee your interview will come so quickly

our CR1 was approved long before the K3...it took us 5 months from the time we were approved for K3 until the interview date

my feeling...he will be finished his things there before the interview date

in 3 months it will be december...i dont imagine an interview date coming before that

i am not sure about giving any advice, this is just my experience

my CR1 was approved quicker than could be expected but it still took 10 months from that approval until the interview date

are you saying he would have to leave spain to attend interview in Spain??? that is tricky but i would not forgo this residency....try to see if you could reschedule your interview date...if you call as soon as they give you a date, i am sure you can reschedule

good luck but then again, what do i know, this whole process is so different for everyone the times and approvals are not consistent enough to really make any assumptions or plans

i didnt know you were living alone here without hubby

Edited August 26, 2008 by sandrila

[doodlebugg 10]

How sad! How old are your other kids? Just my two cents but if the dad were amenable to the idea and the kids were not in school yet I think I'd take the leap and move to Spain. Truth is he won't be able to find a good job here probably for a year or two. Sure he'll find something between $7-$12/hour maybe but unless he has a degree that is also upheld here he's going to work from the bottom up. I agree with Ash in that maybe he just sees this as a better way to support you. Spain isn't too far away from the US and is close to Morocco so it's actually a pretty good middle ground.

That being said if you absolutely cannot move then my heart goes out to you.

[nunyab 0]

He always says I think too fast and respond the same. Which might be true I will wait a week it may be the longest week of my life.... Some have Pm'd me saying a back up plan is the way to go as their interveiws didn't go well. That is his main conern is the "what if's......." but the romantic side of me wants him to not be so safe which I guess is romantic in a way too.

[nunyab 0]

I know I would move to Spain, my grandmother is from the same city he is living, i adore his family and being close would be great. My thoughts are why are we not talking about that... I know he brought up 2-3yrs going there after we agreed to wait until my little one was older like 10 yrs so the time line is changing fast.

I love him and I know he loves me.... he accepted the job in Spain because he knows my dream was to be there one day. I would be there now if he could support us, he lived alone and i could bring my kids. lots of "ifs" I have to go to work now..

[Sandrila 1]

i want to tell you too

i often feel i need to consider what option we have IF he doesnt get his CR1 visa

and as you know he HAD the K3 in hand and same day got interview packer for CR1, we opt to wait for that

STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!

I have kids too, 3...and I think, well, if he cant come here, then what??

and i see his life there too, can we live and prosper in that condition?? can i live there without working and not living a life I am "somewhat" accustomed to? I mean i have no problems up and moving there but again

kids ...husband........

husband....kids....you cant choose and honestly, i can sleep and my husband isnt here with me

without my kids...i dont sleep

but i wish i wish i wish my husband could make a good living #1 so he could contribute and help support us and #2 so this whole process wouldnt be financially so hard to bear on me

good luck to you

[angie & abed 1]

Hi Rajaa,

Just as a little info on how you can both gets things you want....the interview in Casa and the residency (just in case). The 129F is good for 4 months, but can be extended. Once you receive the notice, it takes about a month to get to the embassy and them to contact you (in our case anyway), once that is done, you get everything together and then let them know you are ready, then the interview is scheduled. I know you want to be with him asap, we all want that for ourselves. But, if he lets them know it is taking a little longer to get the papers requested together, the consulate CAN extended the petition and he could have the interview in January. Just a thought, and of course this is only for the K-3, the CR1/IR1 only depends on when you can get the papers to NVC and they haven't even received your petition for that yet (they *STILL* haven't gotten ours from March 12, 2008...it was lost or they are holding it).

Just my thoughts on this, I wish you the best in whatever you both decide.

~Angie

[Henia 11]

I know I would move to Spain, my grandmother is from the same city he is living, i adore his family and being close would be great. My thoughts are why are we not talking about that... I know he brought up 2-3yrs going there after we agreed to wait until my little one was older like 10 yrs so the time line is changing fast.

I love him and I know he loves me.... he accepted the job in Spain because he knows my dream was to be there one day. I would be there now if he could support us, he lived alone and i could bring my kids. lots of "ifs" I have to go to work now..

If your heart lays in Spain ... and if you could take your children ... why the hell not find out a way to live there? Life in Europe is so much better on many levels then in the US (and NA). I know I am so much more happier living here ... then I would have ever been living in the US And about waiting for your child to be 10 years? I am not sure what your reasoning is ... buuut from my point of view the younger they are, the easier it is for them to adjust to a totally different enivorment. My duaghter is adjusting just fine ... but with her education, if I would have come here earlier by like maybe a year or two it would have made a big difference!

Well I pray that you find the solutions!

[Nita&Assaad 0]

My thoughts and Prayer are with you! Believe in your Hubby and your marriage! INSHALLAH it will work out!!!

I am with you Henia, Spain is a great place to live!!!

Nita

Edited August 26, 2008 by Nita&Assaad

[Nutty 2]

Don't be hasty in pushing your husband to forsake his Spanish residency.

REASON:

Let's say that your husband goes to the interview and is successful. He STILL HAS TO WAIT for Administrative Processing to be done AFTER the interview. This can take weeks, a few months or many months.

Then let's say after the Administrative Processing in completed and they call your husband back to the Embassy to pick up his visa, he has a six month window to from the date of issuance to fly to USA.

So the reality is it can still take a long time....Why tell him to not pursue the Spanish residency if January is the time frame for that. If he is legal in Spain, he can travel back and forth from Morocco, can't he?

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated... so i filed for a cr1 then a few weeks later threw in a I129 for safety's sake. Well we got approved Alhamdolilah (both apps same day ) my husband has since moved to Spain and is working on his residancy there while waiting (back up plan if they deny) he won't get his Spainish residancy card until Jan and can't leave Spain or he will not be able to recieve it.

I've called every day morning and night and they have not recieved our CR1 I go to my mailbox today and I have a notice from the NVC stating they've sent our approved K3 to the Casablanca consulate.

Great right???? My husband does not want to ruin his chance at a back up plan when we're not certain if he will be granted a visa to the u.s.???? We've got tons of documenting evidance of continued relationship.... I don't see any of that being an issue but I am not sure i can get him to budge on this. He thinks if denied we can live in Spain... but I am thinking if you end all be all is to be together than we've got to go for it... he is playing it safe and i understand but uuuuugggghhhhh what to do??

Rajaa

[polarbear 0]

I know I would move to Spain, my grandmother is from the same city he is living, i adore his family and being close would be great. My thoughts are why are we not talking about that... I know he brought up 2-3yrs going there after we agreed to wait until my little one was older like 10 yrs so the time line is changing fast.

I love him and I know he loves me.... he accepted the job in Spain because he knows my dream was to be there one day. I would be there now if he could support us, he lived alone and i could bring my kids. lots of "ifs" I have to go to work now..

If your heart lays in Spain ... and if you could take your children ... why the hell not find out a way to live there? Life in Europe is so much better on many levels then in the US (and NA). I know I am so much more happier living here ... then I would have ever been living in the US And about waiting for your child to be 10 years? I am not sure what your reasoning is ... buuut from my point of view the younger they are, the easier it is for them to adjust to a totally different enivorment. My duaghter is adjusting just fine ... but with her education, if I would have come here earlier by like maybe a year or two it would have made a big difference!

Well I pray that you find the solutions!

I know I don't have children, but if living back in France had been an option we would have gone for that.

My husband had a very good job there, was established, it's not easy for an American to find work there but it's doable and I could, the life and culture is so much better... but more than that, my husband had that support system from the thousands of other arabs living in the larger cities. He had a job with men that spoke arabic and he was the only one speaking any French (actually became the resident translator ). He does not have that here and it's painful to see, it's the reason I let him go back to Egypt after only 5 months here. It's so much harder for him here and it's had it's effect on him.

The only problem we had with the plan was that he left the country while waiting for his residency bc his dad had a heart attack and became paralized. He is no longer able to get a visa or pursue the residency he was gaurenteed after living there 10 yrs. He hasn't even been able to get a visitor's visa to visit his brother there or get rid of the appartment or close out his bank account or anything else. He even has a french sponsor and a job offer - that route is now closed for at least the forseable future because he chose to go home to the father he thought was dying........

Please think about it before you push him too hard, you may regret it later

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

It's a one time shot.. he was given this once in a life time chance for a moroccan man to get work and a residancy visa. I just talked to him on the phone and he wants to "think about it" and see if they find our CR1. He asked me if they can't find the CR1 can we "start all over in Spain?" I couldn't believe my ears... instead of crying i bit my lip and said Habibi most people would be thankfull it's going this fast but not you? Most people would want their wives as soon as they could but not you??? Help me understand? He said "but this way is better (going through Spain)"

I hate to say it but I said "Habibi i love you but i cannot talk to you anymore tonight good bye"... and hung up.

I dont' know what to think or do now

Rajaa

Is anyone asking themselves the question that I am asking myself? Why, when he is MARRIED to you is he pursuing spanish residency? Why isnt his first priority reuniting with you in the USA like anyone married to an AMERICAN would be. This is blanket wrong. If he loves you in my opinion. why would he even remotely be pursuing a schengen visa PERIOD. You are his wife. He is suppsed to want to reunite with you.. You have a right to feel hurt. All this suggesting you move to spain may not even be what he wants. You need to arrange a long detailed web converstation and talk this out. Tell him you are making preparations to move to spain. You will find out really fast where you stand..

I am sorry but this smells to high heaven

[Nasturtium 500]

It just depends on if it's mutually exclusive. Ammar and I thought about Amsterdam for a while because he had a visa to go there and I could basically stay with him. What held us back was that his father became ill enough and his mother as well... to basically need him 24/7. In our case it was a nice place to wait it out. I wish we could have done that still.

ETA by mutually exclusive I mean persuing a residency visa in a place Rajaa cannot live with the intent to remain there and not bring her. He may be planning for her to live there with him. One never knows because we never hear the whole of any story posted from all angles.

Edited August 26, 2008 by julianna